EED-TAPE 



AND 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS 

AS SEEN FROM THE RANKS 

DURING A 

Campaign tit tlje 2lrnt£ 0f i\)t potomac. 



BY 

A CITIZEN-SOLDIER. 



KAo^Vo-rd^ • \Ao 



■ We must be brief when Traitors brave the Field." 



• •. 



MS 



NEW YORK: 

Carleton^ Publisher •, 4.13 Broadway. 



M DCCC LXIV. 



C-.Vhft . v 




Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1864, by 

GEO. W. OAELETON, 

In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Southern 

District of New York. 



S. CRAIGHEAD. 
Printer, Slereolyper, mid Electrotype? 

Carton Builtiinfl, 

81, 83, and 35 Centrt Slrttt. 



PREFACE. 



" Greek-fire has shivered the statue of John C. Calhoun in the 
streets of the City of Charleston," — so the papers say. "Whether true 
or not, the Greek-fire of the righteous indignatiou of a loyal people is 
fast shattering the offspring of his infamous teachings, — the armed 
treason of the South, and its more cowardly ally the insidious treach- 
ery that lurks under doubtful cover in the loyal States. In thunder 
tones do the masses declare, that now and for ever, they repudiate the 
Treason and despise the Traitor. Nobly are the hands of our Honest 
President sustained in prosecuting this most righteous war. 

In a day like this, the least that can be expected of any citizen is — 
duty. We are all co-partners in our beneficent government. We 
should be co-laborers for her defence. Jealous of the interests of her 
brave soldiery ; for they are our own. Proud of their noble deeds ; 
they constitute our National Heritage. 

If these campaign sketches, gathered in actual service during 
1862-3, and grouped during the spare hours of convalescence from a 
camp fever, correct one of the least of the abuses in our military 
machinery — if they lighten the toil of the humblest of our soldiers, 
or nerve anew the resolves of loyalty tempted to despair, the writer 
will have no reason to complain of labor lost. Great latitude of 
excuse for the existence of abuses must be allowed, when we con- 
sider the suddenness with which our volunteers sprang into ranks at 
the outset of the Rebellion. Now that the warfare is a system, there 
is less reason for their continuance. Reformers must, however, 



IV PEEFACE. 

remember, that to keep our citizen-soldiery effective, they must not 
make too much of the citizen and too little of the soldier. Abuses 
must be corrected under the laws ; but to be corrected at all they 
must first be exposed. 

Drunkenness, half-heartedness, and senseless routine, have done 
much to cripple the patriotic efforts of our people. The patriotism 
of the man who at this day doubts the policy of their open reproof 
can well be questioned. "West Point has, in too many instances, 
nursed imbecility and treason ; but in our honest contempt for 
the small men of whom, in common with other institutions, she 
has had her share, — we must not ignore those bright pages of 
our history adorned with the skill and heroism of her nobler sons. 
McClellanisni did not follow its chief from Warrenton ; or Burnside's 
earnestness, Hooker's dash, and Meade's soldierly stand at Gettj's- 
bunr, backed as they were by the heroic fighting of the Army of the 
Potomac, would have had, as they deserved, more decisive results. 

The Young Men of the Land would the writer address in the follow- 
ing pages — " because they are strong," and in their strength is the 
nation's hope. In certain prospect of victory over the greatest enemy 
we have yet had as a nation — the present infamous rebellion — we can 
well await patiently the correction of minor evils. 

" Meanwhile we'll sacrifice to liberty, 
Kemeuiber, my friends ! the laws, the rights, 
The generous plan of power delivered down 
From age to age by your renowned forefathers, 
(So dearly bought, the price of so much blood ;) 
Oh, let it never perish in your hands ! 
But piously transmit it to your children. 
Do thou, great liberty ! inspire our souls, 
And make our lives in thy possession happy. 
Or our deaths glorious in thy just defence." 

February, 1864. 



TABLE OF CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

PAQB 

The Advent of our General of Division — Camp near Frederick 
City, Maryland — The Old Revolutionary Barracks at Frederick 
— An Irish Corporal's Recollections of the First Regiment of 
Volunteers from Pennsylvania — Punishment in the Old First, . 9 

CHAPTER II. 

The Treason at Harper's Ferry — Rebel Occupation of Frederics 
— Patriotism of the Ladies of Frederick — A Rebel Guard non- 
plussed by a Lady — The Approach to Antietam — Our Brigadier 
cuts Red-Tape — The Blunder of the day after Antietam 
— The Little Irish Corporal's idea of Strategy, 15 

CHAPTER III. 
The March to the River — Our Citizen Soldiery — Popularity of 
Commanders, how Lost and how Won — The Rebel Dead — How 
the Rebels repay Courtesy, 27 

CHAPTER IV. 

A Regimental Baker — Hot Pies — Position of the Baker in line of 
Battle — Troubles of the Baker — A Western Virginia Captain 
on a Whiskey Scent — The Baker's Story — How to obtain Poli- 
tical Influence — Dancing Attendance at Washington — What 
Simon says — Confiscation of Whiskey, 33 

CHAPTER V. 

The Sceue at the Surgeon's Quarters — Our Little Dutch Doctor — 
Incidents of his Practice — His Messmate the Chaplain — The 
Western Virginia. Captain's account of a Western Virginia 
Chaplain — His Solitary Oath — How he Preached, how he 
Prayed, and how he Bush-whacked — His Revenge of Snowden's 
Death— -How the little Dutch Doctor applied the Captain's 
Story, 47 



VI , CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER VI. 

PAGE 

A Day at Division Head-Quarters — The Judge Advocate — The 
tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee of Red-Tape as understood by 
Pigeon-hole Generals — Red Tape Reveries — French Authori- 
ties on Pigeonhole Investigations — An Obstreperous Court and 
Pigeon-hole Strictures — Disgusting Head-Quarter Profanity, ... 59 

CHAPTER VII. 

A Picket-Station on the Upper Potomac — Fitz John's Rail Order 
— Rails for Corps Head-Quarters versus Rails for Hospitals — 
The Western Virginia Captain — Old Rosy, and How to Silence 
Secesh Women — The Old Woman's Fixin's — The Captain's 
Orderly, 70 

CHAPTER VIII. 

The Reconnoissance — Shepherdstown — Punch and Patriotism — 
Private Tom on West Point and Southern Sympathy — The 
Little Irish Corporal on John Mitchell— -A Skirmish — Hurried 
Dismounting of the Dutch Doctor and Chaplain — Battle of 
Falling Waters not intended — Story of the Little Irish Corporal 
— Patterson's Folly, or Treason, 83 

CHAPTER IX. 

Reconnoissance concluded — What we Saw and What we didn't 
See, and what the Good Public Read — Pigeon-hole Generalship 
and the Press — The Preacher Lieutenant and how he Recruited 
— Comparative Merits of Black Union Men and White Rebels 
— A Ground Blast, and its effect upon a Pigeon-hole General — 
Staff Officers Striking a Snag in the Western,Virginia Captain 
— Why the People have a right to expect Active Army Move- 
ments — Red Tape and the Sick List — Pigeon-holing at Division 
Headquarters, 100 

CHAPTER X. 

Departure from Sharpsburg Camp — The Old Woman of Sandy 
Hook — Harper's Ferry — South sewing Dragon's Teeth by 
shedding Old John's Blood — The Dutch Doctor and the Boar — 
Beauties of Tobacco — Camp Life on the Character — Patrick, 
Brother to the Little Corporal — General Patterson no Irishman 
— Guarding a Potato Patch in Dixie — The Preacher Lieutenant 
on Emancipation — Inspection and the Exhorting Colonel — The 
Scotch Tailor on Military Matters, 11G 



CONTENTS. Vll 

CHAPTER XI. 

PAGK 

Snicker's Gap — Private Harry on the " Ana*conda" — Not inclined 
to turn Boot-Black — " Oh ! why did } r ou go for a Soldier ? ' — 
The ex-News Boy — Pigeon-Hole Generalship on the March — 
The Valley of the Shenandoah— A Flesh Carnival— The Dutch 
Doctor on a Horse-dicker — An Old Rebel, and how he parted 
with his Apple-Brandy — Toasting the " Union" — Spruce Re- 
treats 137 

CHAPTER XII. 

The March to Warren ton — Secesh Sympathy and Quarter-Master's 
Receipts — Middle-Borough — The Venerable Uncle Ned and his 
Story of the Captain of the Tigers — The Adjutant on Strategy 
— Red Tapism and Mac-Napoleonism — Movement Stopped — 
Division Head-Quarters out of Whiskey — Stragglers and 
Marauders — A Summary Proceeding — Persimmons and Picket- 
Duty — A Rebellious Pig — McClellanism, 160 

CHAPTER XIII. 

Camp near Warrenton — Stability of the Republic — Measures, not 
Men, regarded by the Public — Removal of McClellan — Divi- 
sion Head-Quarters a House of Mourning — A Pigeon-Hole 
General and his West Point Patent-Leather Cartridge-Box — 
Head-Quarter Murmurings and Mutterings — Departure of Little 
Mac and the Prince — Cheering by Word of Command — The 
Southern Saratoga — Rebel Regret at McClellan's Departure,. . 178 

CHAPTER XIV. 

A Skulker and the Dutch Doctor — A Review of the Corps by Old 
Joe — A Change of Base; what it means to the t^oldier, and 
what to the Public — Our Quarter-Master and General Hooker 
— The Movement by the Left Flank — A Division General and 
Dog driving — The Desolation of 'Virginia — A Rebel Land- 
Owner and the Quarter- Master — "No Hoss, Sir!" — The Poeti- 
cal Lieutenant unappreciated — Mutton or Dog? — Desk Drudg- 
ery and Senseless Routine, 193 

CHAPTER XV. 

Red-Tape and the Soldier's Widow — Pigeon-holing at Head- 
Quarters and Weeping at the Family Fireside — A Pigeon-hole 
General Outwitted — Fishing for a Discharge — The Little Irish 
Corporal on Topographical Engineers — Guard Duty over a 
Whiskey Barrel, 210 



VU1 CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER XVI. 

PA OB 

The Battle of Fredericksburg — Screwing Courage up to the Stick- 
ing Point — Consolations of a Flask — Pigeon-hole Nervousness 
— Abandonment of Knapsacks — Incidents before, during, and 
after the Fight, 225 

CHAPTER XVII. 

The Sorrows of the Sutler — The Sutler's Tent — Generals manu- 
factured by the Dailies — Fighting and Writing — A Glandered 
Horse — Courts-martial — Mania of a Pigeon-hole General on 
the Subject — Colonel and Lieutenant Colonel in Strait-Jackets, 247 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

Dress Coat3 versus Blouses — Military Law — Bill the Cook — 
Courts-Martial — Important Decision in Military Law — A Man 
with Two Blouses on, can be compelled to put a Dress Coat on 
top — A Colored French Cook and a Beefy browed Judge- Ad- 
vocate — The Mud March— No Pigeon-holing on a Whiskey 
Scent — Old Joe in Command — Dissolution of Partnership 
between the Dutch Doctor and the Chaplain, 264 

CHAPTER XIX. 
The Presentation Mania — The Western Virginia Captain in the 
War Department — Politeness and Mr. Secretary Stanton — Cap- 
ture of the Dutch Doctor — A Genuine Newspaper Sell, 283 

CHAPTER XX. 

The Army again on the Move — Pack Mules and Wagon Trains — 
A Negro Prophetess — The Wilderness — Hooped Skirts and 
Black Jack — The Five Days' Fight at Chancellorsville — Terri- 
ble Death of an Aged Slave — A Pigeon-hole General's " Power 
in Reserve," 295 

CHAPTER XXL 
The Pigeon-Hole General and his Adjutant, under Charges 
— The Exhorting Colonel's Adieu to the Sunday Fight at 
Chancellorsville ; Reasons thereof — Speech of the Dutch Doc- 
tor in Reply to a Peace-Offering from the Chaplain — The Irish 
Corporal stumping for Freedom — Black Charlie's Compliments 
to his Master — Western Virginia at the Head of a Black Regi- 
ment, 313 



(f^^ 



red-tape 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 



CHAPTER I. 



The Advent of our General of Division — Camp near Frederick 
City, Maryland — The Old Revolutionary Barracks at Frederick 
— An Irish CorporaVs Recollections of the First Regiment of 
Volunteers from Pennsylvania — Punishment in the Old First. 

• • /^~\UR new Division-General, boys!" exclaimed 
\J a sergeant of the 210th Pennsylvania Vol- 
unteers, whose attention and head were turned at the 
clatter of horses' hoots to the rear. " I heard an 
officer say that he would be along to-day, and I re- 
cognise his description." 

The men, although weary and route- worn, straight- 
ened up, dressed their ranks, and as the General and 
Staff rode past, some enthusiastic soldier proposed 
cheers for our new Commander. They started with 
a will, but the General's doubtful look, as interpreted 
by the men, gave little or no encouragement, and the 
effort ended in a few ragged discordant yells. 

u He is a strange-looking old covey any how," 
said one of the boys in an undertone. " Did you 



10 EED-TAPE AND 

notice that red muffler about his neck, and how 
pinched up and crooked his hat is, and that odd-look- 
ing moustache, and how savagely he cocks his eyes 
through his spectacles?" 

" They say," replied the sergeant, " that we are 
the first troops that he has commanded. He was a 
staff officer * before ' in the Topographical Corps. 
Didn't you notice the T.C. on his coat buttons ?" 

" And is he going to practise upon us?" blurts out 
a bustling red-faced little Irish corporal. " Be 
Jabers, that accounts for the crooked cow road we 
have marched through the last day — miles out of the 
way, and niver a chance for coffee." 

; ' You are too fast, Terence," said the sergeant ; " if 
he belongs to the Topographical Corps, he ought at 
least to know the roads." 

" And didn't you say not two hours ago that we 
were entirely out of the way, and that we had been 
wandering as crooked as the creek that flows back of 
the old town we are from, and nearly runs through 
itself in a dozen places?" 

The sergeant admitted that he had said so, but stated 
that perhaps the General was not to blame, and added 
somewhat jocosely : " At any rate the winding of the 
creek makes those beautiful walks we have so much 
enjoyed in summer evenings." 

" Beautiful winding walks ! is it, sergeant ! Shure 
and whin you have your forty pound wait upon your 
back, forty rounds of lead and powdher in your car- 
tridge-box, and twenty more in your pocket, three days' 
rations in }^our haversack, a musket on your shoulder, 
and army brogans on your throtters, you- are just 
about the first man that I know of to take straight 
cuts." ***** 

It was a close warm day near the middle of Sep- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 11 

tember. The roads were dusty and the troops ex- 
hausted. Two days previously the brigade to which 
they belonged had left the pleasantest of camps, called 
11 Camp Whipple" in honor of their former and favor- 
ite Division Commander. Situated in an orchard on 
the level brow of a hill that overlooked Washington, 
the imposing Capitol, the broad expanse of the Poto- 
mac dotted with frequent craft, the many national 
buildings, and scenery of historic interest, the men 
left it with regret, but carried with them recollections 
that often in times of future depression revived their 
patriotic ardor. 

Over dusty roads, through the muddy aqueduct 
of the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal, hurried on over 
the roughly paved streets of Georgetown, and through 
the suburbs of Washington, they finally halted for the 
night, and, as it chanced through lack of orders, for 
the succeeding day also, near Meridian Hill. Un- 
der orders to join the Fifth Army Corps commanded 
by Major-General Fitz John Porter, to which the 
Division had been previously assigned, the march was 
resumed on the succeeding day, which happened to 
be Sunday, and in the afternoon of which our chapter 
opens. 

A march of another day brought the Brigade to a 
recent Kebel camp ground. Traces of their occu- 
pancy were found not only in their depredations in 
the neighborhood destructive of railroad bridges, but 
also in letters and wall-paper envelopes adorned with 
the lantern-jawed phiz of Jefferson Davis. The latter 
were sought after with avidity as soon as ranks were 
broken and tents pitched ; the more eagerly perhaps 
for the reason that during the greater part of their 
previous month of service they had been frequently 
within sound of rebel cannon, although but once 



12 BED-TAPE AND 

under their fire. During the previous day, in fact, 
they had marched to the music of the artillery of 
South Mountain. 

That night awakened lively recollections in the 
mind of Terence McCarty, our lively little Irish cor- 
poral. His duty for the time as corporal of a relief 
gave him ample opportunity to indulge them. He 
had belonged to the old First Pennsylvania Kegiment 
of three months men, that a little over a year before, 
when Maryland was halting between loyalty and dis- 
loyalty, had spent its hapj)iest week of service in the 
yard of the revolutionary barracks in the city of Frede- 
rick. Terence was but two short miles from the spot. 
Brimfull of the memories, he turned to a comrade, 
who had also belonged to the First, and who with 
others chanced to stand near. 

" I say, Jack ! Do you recollect the ould First and 
Frederick, and do you know that we are but two 
miles and short ones at that from the blissed ould 
white-washed barracks, full of all kind of quare guns 
and canteens looking like barrels cut down ; and the 
Parade Ground where our ould Colonel used to come 
his 'Briskly, men ! Briskly,' when he'd put us through 
the manual, and where so many ladies would come to 
see our i volutions, and where they set the big table for 
us on the Fourth, and where — 

" Hold on, corporal ! you can't give that week's his- 
tory to-night." 

"I was only going to obsarve, Jack, that I feel 
like a badly used man." 

" How so, Terence ?" 

" "Why you see nearly ivery officer, commissioned 
and non-commissioned, of the ould First has been 
promoted. The Colonel was too ould for service, or 
my head on it, he would have had a star. Just look 



PIGEON-HOLE GENEK*ALS. 13 

at the captains by way of sample — Company A, a 
Lieutenant-Colonel, expecting and desarving an eagle 
ivery day ; Company B, a Lieutenant-Colonel ; Com- 
pany C, our own Lieutenant-Colonel ; Company D, a 
Brigadier for soldierly looks, daring, and dash ; Com- 
pany E, a Captain in an aisy berth in the regular ser- 
vice ; Company F, a Colonel ; Company G, a Major ; 
Company H, a Lieutenant-Colonel ; Company 1, 1 have 
lost sight of, and the lion-hearted captain of Com- 
pany K, doing a lion's share of work at the head of a 
regiment in Tennessee. Now, Jack, the under officers 
and many privates run pretty much the same way, 
but not quite as high. Bad luck to me, I was fifth 
corporal thin and am eighth now — promoted crab- 
fashion. Fortune's wheel gives me many a turn, 
Jack! but always stops with me on the lower 
side." 

" I saw you on the upper side once," retorted Jack 
roguishly. 

" And whin ? may I ask." 

" When, do you say ? why, when you took about 
half a canteen too much, and that same old colonel 
had you tied on the upper side of a barrel on the 
green in front of the barracks." 

" Bad luck to an ill-natured memory, Jack, for stir- 
ring that up," replied the corporal, breaking in upon 
the laughter that followed, " but I now recollect, it 
was the day before you slipped the guard whin the 
colonel gave you a barrel uniform with your head 
through the end, and kept me for two mortal long 
hours in the hot sun, a tickling of you under the nose 
with a straw, and daubing molasses on your chaps 
to plaze the flies, to the great admiration of a big 
crowd of ladies and gentlemen." 

Jack subsided, and the hearty laughter at the cor- 



14 



KED-TAPE AND 



poral's ready retort was broken a few minutes later 
by a loud call for the corporal of the guard, which 
hurried Terence away, dispersed the crowd, and might 
as well end this chapter. 




PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 15 



CHAPTER II. 

The Treason at Harper's Ferry — Rebel Occupation of Frederick — 
Patriotism of the Ladies of Frederick — A Rebel Guard non- 
plussed by a Lady — The Approach to Antietam — Our Brigadier 
cuts Red Tape — The Blunder of the day after Antietam — The 
little Irish Corporals idea of Strategy. 

THE Brigade did not rest long in its new camp. 
The day and a half, however, passed there had 
many incidents to be remembered by. Fish were 
caught in abundance from the beautiful Monocacy. 
But the most impressive scene was the long proces- 
sion of disarmed, dejected men, who had been basely 
surrendered at Harper's Ferry, and were now on their 
way homeward, on parole. Many and deep were the 
curses they uttered against their late commanders. 
"Boys, wive been sold! Lookout," cried a comely 
bright-eyed young officer of eighteen or thereabouts. 
"That we have," added a ehaplain, who literally bore 
the cross upon his shoulders in a pair of elegant straps. 
When will earnest men cease to be foiled in this war 
by treacherous commanders? was an inquiry that 
pressed itself anxiously home. 

But the thunders of Antietam were reverberating 
through that mountainous region, distinctly heard in 
all their many echoes, and of course the all-absorbing 
topic. At 3 p.m. orders came to move a short distance 



16 RED-TAPE AXD 

beyond Frederick. The division was rapidly formed, 
and the men marched joyously along through the 
streets of Frederick, already crowded with our own 
and Rebel wounded, to the sound of lively martial 
music ; but none more joyously than the members of 
the old First, whose recollections were brisk of good 
living as they recognised in many a lady a former 
benefactress. Bradley T. Johnson's race, that com- 
menced with his infamously prepared and lying hand- 
bills, was soon run in Frederick. No one of the 
border cities has been more undoubtedly or devotedly 
patriotic. Its prominent ministers at an early day 
took bold positions. The ladies were not behind, and 
many a sick and wounded soldier will bless them to 
his latest hour. The world has heard of the well 
deserved fame of Florence Nightingale. History 
will hold up to a nation's gratitude thousands of such 
ministering angels, who, moving in humbler circles, 
perhaps, are none the less entitled to a nation's praise. 
" Great will be their reward." 

To show the spirit that emboldened the ladies of 
Frederick, a notable instance is related as having 
occurred during the Rebel .occupation of the city 
under General Stuart. Many Union ladies had left the 
place. Not so, however, with Mrs. D., the lively, witty, 
and accomplished wife of a prominent Lutheran min- 
ister. The Union sick and wounded that remained 
demanded attention, and for their sake, as well as 
from her own high spirit, she resolved to stay. Miss 
Annie C, the beautiful and talented daughter of Ex- 
U. S. Senator C, an intimate friend of Mrs. D., 
through like devotion, also remained. Rebel officers, 
gorgeous in grey and gilt lace, many of them old 
residents of the place, strutted about the streets. The 
ragged privates begged from door to door. Mrs. D., 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 17 

and her friend had been separated several days — a 
long period considering their close intimacy and their 
present surroundings. Mrs. D. resolved to visit her, 
and wiih her to resolve was to execute. Threading 
her way through the crowded streets, heeding not the 
jeers or insults of the rebel soldiery, she soon came 
in front of the Cooper Mansion, to find a rebel flag 
floating from an upper window, and a well dressed 
soldierly looking greyback, with bayonet fixed, 
pacing his beat in front. Nothing daunted, Mrs. D. 
approached. M Halt," was the short sharp hail of 
the sentinel, as he brought his bayonet to the charge. 
"Who is quartered here?"' asked Mrs. D., gradually 
nearing the sentry. " Maj.-Gen.-Stuart," was the brief 
reply, U I want to visit a lady acquaintance in the 
house." " Mv orders are strict, madam, that no one can 
cross my beat without a pass." u Pass or no pass, I 
must and will go into that house" and quick as thought 
this frail lady dashed aside the bayonet, sprang across 
the beat, and entered the hall, while the sentry con- 
fused, uncertain whether he should follow or not, 
stood a minute or two before resuming his step. 
From an upper window Gren. Stuart laughed heartily 
at the scene, and was loud in praise of her tact and pluck. 

But all this time our division has been moving 
through the streets of Frederick, in fact has reached 
what was to have been its camping ground for the 
night. The reader will excuse me ; older heads and 
more exact pens have frequently, when ladies inter- 
vened, made much longer digressions. 

The halt was but for a moment. An aide-de-camp, 
weary-looking, on a horse covered with foam, dashed 
up to the division commander, bearing an order from 
the commander-in-chief that the division must join 
its corps at Antietam without delay. The fight might 



18 RED-TAPE AND 

be renewed in the morning, and if so, fresh troops 
were needed. The order was communicated through 
the brigade commanders to commanders of regiments, 
while the subordinate field officers went from com- 
pany to company encouraging the men, telling them 
that a glorious victory had been gained, that the 
rebels were hemmed in by the river on three sides, 
and our army in front; that there was but one 
ford, and that a poor one, and that the rebels must 
either take to the river indiscriminately, be cut to 
pieces, or surrender. In short, that we had them. 

These statements were received with the most 
enthusiastic applause. As the Division proceeded on its 
inarch, they were confirmed by reports of spectators 
and wounded men in ambulances. What was the most 
significant fact to the men who had seen the thousands 
of stragglers and skulkers from the second battle of 
Bull Run, was the entire absence of straggling or de- 
moralization of any kind. Our troops must have 
been victorious, was the ready and natural suggestion. 
The thought nerved them, and pushing up their 
knapsacks, and hitching up their pantaloons, they 
trudged with a will up the mountain slope. 

That mountain slope!— it would well repay a visit 
from one of our large cities, to descend that mountain 
a bright summer afternoon. A sudden turn in the road 
brings to view the sun-gilded spires of the city of 
Frederick, rising as if by enchantment from one of 
the loveliest of valleys. Manv of the descriptions of 
foreign scenery pale before the realities of this view. 
When will our Hawthornes and our Taylors be just 
to the land of their birth? 

Scenery on that misty night could not delay the 
troops. The mountain-top was gained. About half 
way down the northern slope of the mountain the 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 19 

• 

Division halted to obtain the benefits of a spring 
fifty yards from the road. A steep path led to it, and 
one by one the men filed down to fill their canteens. 
The delay was terribly tedious, and entirely unneces- 
sary, as five minutes' inquiry among the men, many 
of whom were familiar with the road, would have 
informed the Commanding General of abundance of 
excellent water, a short mile beyond, and close by the 
wayside. Pride, which prevails to an unwarranted 
extent among too many regular officers, is frequently 
the cause of much vexation. Inquiry and exer 
tion to lighten the labors of our brave volunteers 
would, with every earnest officer, be unceasing. A 
short distance further a halt was ordered for coffee, 
that " sublime beverage of Mocha," indispensable in 
camp or in the field. Strange to say, our brigadier, 
who habitually confined himself closely to cold water, 
was one of the most particular of officers in ordering 
halts for coffee. 

South Mountain was crossed, but in the dusky 
light little could be seen of the devastation caused by 
the late battle. " Yonder," said a wounded man who 
chanced to be passing, "our gallant General lost his 
life." The brave, accomplished Reno ! How dearly 
our national integrity is maintained ! Brave spirit, 
in your life you thought it well worth the cost ; your 
death can never be considered a vain sacrifice ! 

Boonsboro' was entered about daybreak. The road 
to Sharpsburg was here taken, and at 7£ A.M., hav- 
ing marched during that night twenty-eight miles, the 
Division stood at arms near the battle-ground along 
a road crowded with ammunition trains. Inquiry 
was made as to the ammunition, and the number of 
rounds for each man ordered to be increased immedi- 
ately from forty to sixty.- 



2[) EED-TAPE AXD 

M Pioneer ! hand me that axe," said our brigadier, 
dismounting. " Sergeant," addressing the sergeant of 
the ammunition guard, " hand out those boxes." " The 
Division General has given strict orders, if you please, 
General, that the boxes must pass regularly through 
the hands of the ordnance officer," said the sergeant, 
saluting. " I am acting ordnance officer ; hand out 
the boxes !" was the command, that from its tone and 
manner brooked no delay. A box was at his feet. 
In an instant a clever blow from the muscular arm 
of the hero of Winchester laid it open. Another 
and another, until the orderly sergeant had given the 
required number of rounds to every man in the bri- 
gade. " Attention ! Column ! Shoulder Arms ! Right 
Face ! Right Shoulder Shift Arms !" and at a quick 
step the brigade moved towards the field. 

After passing long trains of ambulances and ammu- 
nition wagons, the boys were saluted as they passed 
through the little town of Keetysville by exhortations 
from the wounded, who crowded every house, and 
forgot their wounds in their enthusiasm. " Fellows, 
you've got 'em ! Give 'em h — 1 !" yelled an artillery 
sergeant, for whom a flesh wound in the arm was being 
dressed at the window by a kind-hearted looking 
country woman. " Give it to 'em !" " They're fast !" 
" This good lady knows every foot of the ground, 
and says so." The good lady smiled assent, and was 
saluted with cheer upon cheer. Dead horses, a few 
unburied men, marks of shot in the buildings, now 
told of immediate proximity to the field. A short 
distance farther, and the Division was drawn up in 
line of battle, behind one of the singular ridges that 
mark this memorable ground. Fragments of shells, 
haversacks, knapsacks, and the like, told how hotly 
the ground had been contested on the previous day. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 21 

The order to load was quickly obeyed, and the troops, 
with the remainder of the Fifth Corps in their imme- 
diate neighborhood, stood to arms. 

A large number of officers lined the crest of the 
ridge, and thither, with leave, the Colonel and Lieut. - 
Colonel of the 210th repaired. "The scene that met 
their view was grand beyond description. Another 
somewhat higher and more uniform ridge, running 
almost parallel to the ridge or rather connected series 
of ridges on one of which the officers stood, was the 
strong position held by the rebels on the previous 
day. Between the ridges flowed the sluggish Antie- 
tam, dammed up for milling purposes. Beyond, on 
the crest of the hill, gradually giving way, were the 
rebel skirmishers; our own were as gradually creep: 
ing up the slope. The skirmishers were well deploy- 
ed upon both sides ; and the parallel flashes and con- 
tinuous rattle of their rifles gave an interest to the 
scene, ineffaceable in the minds of spectators. 

"Do you hear that shell, you can see the smoke 
just this side, of Sharpsburg on our left," said the 
Colonel, addressing his companion. " There it bursts," 
and a puff of white smoke expanded itself in the air 
fifty yards above one of our batteries posted on a ridge 
on the left. Two pieces gave quick reply. " Officers, 
to your posts," shouted an aide-de-camp, and forthwith, 
the officers galloped to their respective commands. 

"Boys, the ball is about to open, put your best 
foot foremost," said the Colonel to his regiment. The 
men, excited, supposing themselves about to pass their 
first ordeal of battle, straightened up, held their pieces 
with tightened grips, and nervously awaited the 
"forward." Beyond the sharp crack of the rifles, 
however, no further sound was heard. Hour after hour 
passed. At length an aide from the staff of the Divi- 



22 RED-TAPE AND 

sion General cantered to where the Brigadier, con- 
versing with several of his field officers, stood, and 
informed him that it was the pleasure of the Division 
General that the men should be made comfortable, as 
no immediate attack was apprehended. " No immediate 
attack apprehended !" echoed the Colonel. " Of course 
not. Why don't we attack them?" 

The aide flushed, said somewhat excitedly : " That 
was the order I received, sir." 

"Boys, cook your coffee," said our Brigadier, some- 
what mechanically — a brown study pictured in his 
face. 

The field officers scattered to relieve their hunger, 
or rather their anxiety as to the programme of the 

day. 

" Charlie," said the Lieut.-Col., addressing a good- 
humored looking Contraband, "get our coffee ready." 

The Colonel, with the other field and staff officers, 
seated themselves upon knapsacks unslung for their 
accommodation, silently, each apparently waiting 
upon the other to open the conversation. In the 
meantime several company officers who had heard of 
the order gathered about them. 

"I don't understand this move at all," at length 
said the Colonel nervously. "Here we are, with a 
reserve of thirty thousand men who have not been in 
the fight at all, with ammunition untouched, perfectly 
fresh and eager for the move. The troops, that were 
engaged yesterday have for the most part had a good 
night's rest and are ready and anxious for a brush 
today. The rebels, hemmed in on three sides by the 
river — with a miserable ford, and that only in one 
place, as every body knows, and as there is no earthly 
excuse for our generals not knowing, as this ground 
was canvassed often enough in the three months' 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 25 

service. Why don't we advance?" continued the 
Colonel, rising. " Their sharpshooters are near the 
woods now, and when they reach it, they'll run like 
Devils. Why don't we advance ? We can drive them 
into the river, if they like that better than being 
shelled ; or they can surrender, which they would 
prefer to either. And as to force, I'll bet we have 
one third more." 

The Colonel, an impressive, fine-looking man, six 
feet clear in his socks, of thirty-eight or thereabouts, 
delivered the above with more than his usual earnest- 
ness. 

The Adjutant, of old Berks by birth, rather short 
in stature, thick-set, with a mathematically developed 
head, was the first to rejoin. 

" It can't be for want of ammunition, Colonel I This 
corps has plenty. An officer in a corps engaged yes- 
terday told me that they had enough, and you all 
saw the hundreds of loaded ammunition wagons that 
we passed in the road close at hand — and besides, 
what excuse can there be? The Rebs I understand 
did not get much available ammunition at the ferry. 
They are far from their base of supplies, while we are 
scant fifteen miles from one railroad, and twenty- 
eight from another, and good roads to both." 

" Be easy," said the Major, a fine specimen of man- 
hood, six feet two and a half clear of his boots, an 
Irishman by birth, the brogue, however, if he ever 
had any, lost by an early residence in this country. 
" Be easy. Little Mac is a safe commander. We 
tried him, Colonel, in the Peninsula, and I'll wager my 
pay and allowances, and God knows I need them, 
that he'll have his army safe." 

" Yes, and the Rebel army too," snappishly inter- 
rupted the Colonel. 



24 KED-TAPE AND 

"I have always thought," said the Lieut.-Col., 
" that the test of a great commander was his ability 
to follow up and take advantage of a victory. One 
thousand men from the ranks would bear that test 
triumphantly to-day. It is a wonder that our Union 
men stiffened in yesterday's fight, whose blue jackets 
we can see from yonder summit in the rear of our 
sharpshooters, do not rise from the dead, and curse 
the halting imbecility that is making their heroic 
struggles, and glorious deaths, seemingly vain sacri- 
fices." 

" Too hard, Colonel, too hard," says the Major. 

" Too hard ! when results are developing before 
our eyes, so that every servant, even, in the regiment 
can read them. Mark my word for it, Major; Lee 
commenced crossing last evening, and by the time 
we creep to the river at five hundred yards a day, if 
at all, indeed, he will have his army over, horse, foot, 
and dragoons, and leave us the muskets on the field, 
the dead to bury, farm-houses full of Rebel wounded 
to take care of, and the battle-ground to encamp 
upon — a victory barely worth the cost. Why not 
advance, as the Col. says. The worst they can do 
in any event is to put us upon the defensive, and 
they can't drive us from this ground.' , 

u If old Rosecranz was only here," sang out a 
Captain, who had been itching for his say, and who 
had seen service in Western Virginia, " he wouldn't 
let them pull their pantaloons and shirts off and swim 
across, or wade it as if they were going out a bobbing 
for eels. When I was in Western Virginia " 

" If fighting old Joe Hooker could only take his 
saddle to-day," chimed in an enthusiastic company 
officer, completely cutting off the Captain, " he d go 
in on his own hook." 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 25 

"And it would be," sang out a beardless and 
thoughtless Lieutenant — 

" Old Joe, kicking up ahind and afore .■*, 

And the Butternuts a caving in, around old joe." 

The apt old song might have given the Lieutenant 
a little credit at any other time, but the matter in 
hand was too provokingly serious. Coffee and 
crackers were announced, the field officers commenced 
their meal in silence, and the company officers 
returned to their respective quarters. 

The troops rested on their arms all that afternoon, 
at times lounging close to the stacks. Upon the face 
of every reflecting officer and private, deep mortifica- 
tion was depicted. It did not compare, however, 
with the chagrin manifested by the Yolunteer Regi- 
ments who had been engaged in the fight, and whose , 
thinned ranks and comrades lost made them closely 
calculate consequences. Not last among the reflect- 
ing class was our little Irish corporal. 

" Gineral," said he, advancing cap in hand, to our 
always accessible Brigadier, as he sat leisurely upon 
his bay—" Gineral ! will you permit a corporal, and 
an Irishman at that, to spake a word to ye ?" 

"Certainly, corporal!" the fine open countenance 
of the General relaxing into a smile. 

11 Gineral ! didn't we beat the Rebs yesterday ? 

" So they say, corporal." 

"Don't the river surround them, and can they 
cross at more than one place, and that a bad one, as 
an ould woman whose pig I saved to-day tould me ? 

" The river is on their three sides, and they have 
only one ford, and that a bad one, corporal." 

" Thin why the Divil don't we charge?" 

2 



26 RED-TAPE AND 

" Corporal !" said the General, laughing, " I am not 
in command of the army, and can't say." 

" Bad luck to our stars that ye aren't, Gineral ! 
there would be somebody hurt to-day thin, and it 
would be the bluidy Butthernuts, I'm thinking." 
v ie corporal gave this ready compliment as only an 
Irishman can, and withdrew. 

At dusk orders were received for the men to sleep 
by their arms. But there was no sleep to many an 
eye until a late hour that night. Never while life 
lasts will survivors forget the exciting conversations 
of that day and night. " Tired nature," however, 
claimed her dues, and one by one, officers and 
privates at late hours betook themselves to their 
blankets. The stars, undisturbed by struggles on this 
little planet, were gazed at by many a wakeful eye. 
Those same stars will look down as placidly upon 
the future faithful historian, whose duty it will be to 
place first in the list of cold, costly military mistakes, 
the blunder of the day after the battle of Antietam. 




PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 



27 



:' I 



CHAPTER III. 

Tlie March to the River— Our Citizen Soldiery— Popularity of 
Commanders how Lost and how Won— The Rebel Dead— How 
the Rebels repay Courtesy. 

AN early call to arms was sounded upon the suc- 
ceeding morning, and the Division rapidly form- 
ed. The batteries that had been posted at command- 
ing points upon the series of ridges during the pre- 
vious day and night were withdrawn, and the whole 
Corps moved along a narrow road, that wound beau- 
tifully among the ridges. m \ 

The Volunteer Regiments were unusually quiet ; 
the thoughts of the night previous evidently lingered 
with them. The American Volunteer is no mere 
machine. Rigorous discipline will give him soldierly 
characteristics— teach him that unity of action with 
his comrades and implicit obedience of orders are 
essential to success. But his independence of thought 
remains; he never forgets that he is a citizen soldier; 
he reads and reflects for himself. Few observant offi- 
cers of volunteers but have noticed that affairs ot 
national polity, movements of military commanders, 
are not unfreq'uently discussed by men m blouses 
about camp tires and picket stations, with as much 
practical ability and certainly quite as courteously, as 
in halls where legislators canvass them at a nation s 



28 RED-TAPE AND 

cost. It has been justly remarked that in no army in 
the world is the average standard of intelligence so 
high, as in the American volunteer force. The same 
observation might be extended to earnestness of pur- 
pose and honesty of intention. The doctrine has long 
since been exploded that scoundrels make the best 
soldiers. Men of no character under discipline will 
fight, but they fight mechanically. The determination 
so necessary to success is wanting. European serfs 
trained with the precision of puppets, and like puppets 
unthinking, are wanting in the dash that characterizes 
our volunteers. That creature of impulse the French- 
man, under all that is left of the first Napoleon, the 
shadow of a mighty name, will charge with desperation, 
but fails in the cool and quiet courage so essential in 
seeming forlorn resistance. In what other nation can 
you combine the elements of the American volunteer? 
It may be said that the British Volunteer Rifle Corps 
would prove a force of similar character. In many 
respects undoubtedly they would ; as yet there is no 
basis of comparison. Their soldierly attainments have 
not been tested by the realities of war. 

There was ample food for reflection. On the neigh- 
boring hills heavy details of soldiers were gathering 
the rebel dead in piles preparatory to committing them 
to the trenches, at which details equally heavy, vigor- 
ously plied the pick and spade. Our own dead, with 
few exceptions, had already been buried ; and the long 
rows of graves marked by head and foot boards, 
placed by the kind hands of comrades, attested but 
too sadly how heavily we had peopled the ridges. 

While the troops were en route, the Commander-in- 
Chief in his hack and four, followed by a staff impos- 
ing in numbers, passed. The Regulars cheered voci- 
ferously. The applause from the Volunteers was 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 29 

brief, faint, and a most uncertain sound, and yet many 
of these same Volunteer Eegiments were rapturous in 
applause, previous to and during the battle. Attach- 
ment to Commanders so customary among old troops 
— so desirable in strengthening the morale of the 
army — cannot blind the intelligent soldier to a grave 
mistake — a mistake that makes individual effort con- 
temptible. True, a great European Commander has 
said that soldiers will become attached to any Gene- 
ral ; a remark true of the times perhaps — true of the 
troops of that day, — but far from being true of volun- 
teers, who are in the field from what they consider 
the necessity of the country, and whose souls are 
bent upon a speedy, honorable, and victorious termi- 
nation of the war. 

A glance at the manner in which our Volunteer 
Regiments are most frequently formed, will, perhaps, 
best illustrate this. A town meeting is called, speech- 
es made appealing to the patriotic, to respond to 
the necessities of the country ; lists opened and the 
names of mechanics, young attorneys, clerks, mer- 
chants, farmers' sons, dry-goods-men and their clerks, 
and others of different pursuits, follow each other in 
strange succession, but with like earnestness of pur- 
pose. An intelligent soldiery gathered in this way, 
will not let attachments to men blind them as to the 
effects of measures. 

About 10 A. M., our brigade was drawn up in line 
of battle on a ridge overlooking the well riddled little 
town of Sharpsburg. Arms were stacked, and privilege 
given many officers and men to examine the adjacent 
ground. A cornfield upon our right, along which 
upon the north side ran a narrow farm road, that long 
use had sunk to a level of two and in most places 
three feet, below the surface of the fields, had been 



30 KED-TAPE AND 

contested with unusual fierceness. Blue and grey lay 
literally with arms entwined as they fell in hand to 
hand contest. The fence rails had been piled upon 
the north side of the road, and in the rifle pit formed 
to their hand with this additional bulwark, they 
poured the most galling of fires with comparative im- 
punity upon our troops advancing to the charge. A 
Union battery, however, came to the rescue, and an 
enfilading fire of but a few moments made havoc un- 
paralleled. Along the whole line of rebel occupation, 
their bodies could have been walked upon, so closely 
did they lie. Pale-faced, finely featured boys of six- 
teen, their delicate hands showing no signs of toil, 
hurried by a misguided enthusiasm from fond friends 
and luxurious family firesides, contrasted strangely 
with the long black hair, lank looks of the Louisiana 
Tiger, or the rough, bloated, and bearded face of the 
Backwoodsman of Texas. A Brigadier, who looked 
like an honest, substantial planter, lay half over the 
rails, upon which he had doubtless stood encouraging 
his men, while lying half upon his body were two beard- 
less boys, members of his staff, and not unlikely of his 
family. Perhaps all the male members of that family 
had been hurried at once from life by that single shell. 
The sight was sickening. Who, if privileged, would be 
willing to fix a limit to God's retributive justice upon 
the heads of the infamous, and in many instances 
cowardly originators of this Kebellion ! 

Cavalry scouting parties brought back the word 
that the country to the river was clear of the rebels, 
and in accordance with what seemed to be the pre: 
vailing policy of the master-mind of the campaign, 
immediate orders to move were then issued. The 
troops marched through that village of hospitals, — 
Sharpsburg — and halted within a mile and a half of 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 31 

% 

the river, in the rear of a brick dwelling, which was 
then taken and subsequently used as the Head-Quar- 
ters of Major-General Fitz John Porter. A line of 
battle was again formed, arms stacked, and an order 
issued that the ground would be occupied during the 
night. 

In the morning the march was again resumed by 
a road which wound around the horseshoe-shaped 
bend in the river. When approaching the river, 
firing was heard, apparently as if from the other side, 
and a short distance further details were observed 
carrying wounded men and ranging them comforta- 
bly around the many hay and straw stacks of the 
neighborhood. Inquiry revealed that a reconnoi- 
tring party, misled by the apparent quiet of the other 
side, had crossed, fallen into an ambuscade, and under 
the most galling of fires, artillery and musketry, kept 
up most unmercifully by the advancing rebels, who 
thus ungraciously repaid the courtesy shown them the 
day after Antietam — had been compelled to recross 
that most difficult ford. Our loss was frightful — one 
new and most promising regiment was almost entirely 
destroyed. 

The men thought of the dead earnestness of the 
rebels, and as they moved forward around the wind- 
ing Potomac — deep, full of shelving, sunken rocks, 
from the dam a short distance above the ford, that 
formerly fed the mill owned by a once favorably 
known Congressman, A. R. Boteler, to where it was 
touched by our line — they reviewed with redoubled 
force, the helplessness of the rebels a few days pre- 
viously, and to say the least, the carelessness of the 
leader of the Union army. 

The regimental camp was selected in a fine little 
valley that narrowed into a gap between the bluffs, 



32 RED-TAPE AND 

bordering -upon the canal, sheltered by wood, and hav- 
ing every convenience of water. The rebels had used it 
but a few days previously, and the necessity was im- 
mediate for heavy details for police duty. And here 
we passed quite unexpectedly six weeks of days more 
pleasant to the men than profitable to the country, 
and of which something may be said in our two suc- 
ceeding chapters. 




PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 33 



CHAPTER IV. 

A Regimental Baker — Hot Pies — Position of the Baker in line of 
Battle-— Troubles of the Baker — A Western Virginia Captain 
on a Whiskey Scent — The Baker s Story — How to obtain Poli- 
tical Influence — Dancing Attendance at Washington — What 
Simon says — Confiscation of Whiskey. 

ESIDES the indispensables of quartermaster and 
sutler the 210th had what might be considered 
a luxury in the shape of a baker, who had volunteered 
to accompany the regiment, and furnish hot cakes, 
bread, and pies. Tom Hudson was an original in his 
way, rather short of stature, far plumper and more 
savory-looking than one of his pies, with a pleasing 
countenance and twinkling black eye, that meant 
humor or roguishness as circumstances might demand, 
and a never-ending supply of what is always popular, 
dry humor. He was just the man to manage the thou- 
sand caprices of appetite of a thousand different men. 
While in camps accessible to the cities of Washing- 
ton and Alexandria, matters moved smoothly enough. 
His zinc-plated bakery was always kept fired up, and 
a constant supply of hot pies dealt out to the long 
strings of men, who would stand for hours anxiously 
awaiting their turn. A movement of the baker's 
interpreted differently by himself and the men, at one 
time created considerable talk and no little feeling. 

2* 



34 RED-TAPE AND 

On several occasions the trays were lifted out of the 
oven, and the pies dashed upon the outspread expect- 
ant hands, with such force as to break the too often 
half-baked undercrust. In consequence the juices 
would ooze out, trickle scalding hot between the fin- 
gers, and compel the helpless man to drop the pie. 
One unfortunate fellow lost four pies in succession. ' As 
they cost fifteen cents apiece, the pocket was too 
much interested to let the matter escape notice. A 
non-commissioned officer, who had lost a pie, savagely 
returned to the stand, and demanded another pie or 
his money. The baker was much too shrewd for that. 
The precedent, if set, would well nigh exhaust his 
stock of pies, and impoverish his cash drawer. 

" I say," said the officer, turning to the men, " it is a 
trick. He wants to sell as many pies as he can. He 
knows well enough that when one falls in this mud 
fifteen cents are gone slap." 

" Now, boys," said the baker blandly, " you know 
me better than that. I'd scorn to do an act of that 
kind for fifteen cents. You know how it is — what a 
rush there always is here. You want the pies as soon 
as baked, and baking makes them hot. Now I want 
to accommodate you all as soon as possible, and of 
course I serve them out as soon as baked. You had 
better all get tin-plates or boards." 

11 That won't go down, old fellow," retorted the 
officer. " You know that there is hardly a tin-plate in 
camp, and boards are not to be had." 

A wink from the baker took the officer to the pri- 
vate passage in the rear of his tent. What happened 
there is known but to the two, but ever after the offi- 
cer held his peace. Not so with the men. However, 
as the pies were not dealt out as hot in future, the mat- 
ter gradually passed from their minds. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 35 

To make himself popular with the men, Tom re- 
sorted to a variety of expedients, one of which was 
to assure them that in case of an enterprise that pro- 
mised danger, he would be with them. He was taken 
up quite unexpectedly. An ammunition train on the 
morning of the second battle of Bull Run, bound to 
the field, required a convoy. The regiment was de- 
tailed. Tom's assertions had come to the ears of 
the regimental officers, and without being consulted, 
he was provided with a horse, and told to keep near 
the Adjutant. There was a drizzling rain all day 
long, but through it came continually the booming of 
heavy ordnance. 

" Colonel ! how far do you suppose that firing is ?" 
11 And are they Rebel cannon ? were frequent in- 
quiries nfade by Tom during the day. About noon 
he asserted that he could positively ride no further. 
But ride he must and ride he did. The Regiment 
halted near Centreville, having passed Porter's Corps 
on the way and convoyed the Train to the required 
point. After a short halt the homeward route was 
taken and Tom placed in the rear. By some accident, 
frequent when trains take up the road, he became 
separated from the Regiment and lost among the teams. 
The Regiment moved on, and as it was now growing 
dark, turned into a wood about half a mile distant, for 
the night. Tom had just learned his route, when 
u ping !" came a shell from a Rebel battery on a hill 
to the left, exploded among some team horses, and 
created awful confusion. He suddenly forgot his 
soreness, and putting spurs to his horse at a John 
Gilpin speed, rode by, through and over, as he after- 
wards said, the teams. The shells flew rapidly. Tom 
dodged as if every one was scorching his hair, at the 
same time giving a vigorous kick to the rear with 



36 BED-TAPE AND 

both heels. At his speed he was soon by the teams ; 
in fact did not stop until he was ten Virginia miles 
from that scene of terror. But we will meet him again 
in the morning. 

The Kegiment was soon shelled out of the wood, 
and compelled to continue its march. Three miles 
further they encamped in a meadow, passed a wet 
night without shelter, and early next morning were 
again upon the road. Thousands of stragglers lined 
the way, living upon rations plundered from broken- 
down baggage wagons — lounging lazily around fires 
that were kept in good glow by rails from the fences 
near which they were built. The preceding day these 
stragglers and skulkers were met in squads at every 
step of the road. At a point sufficiently rernote from 
danger, their camps commenced. In one of these 
camps, situated in a fence corner, the baker was espied, 
stretched at full length and fast asleep, upon two rails 
placed at a gentle slope at right angles to the fence. 
Surrounding him were filthy, mean-looking represen- 
tatives of half-a-dozen various regiments — the Zouave 
more gay than gallant in flaming red breeches — 
blouses, dress coats, and even a pair of shoulder straps, 
assisted to complete the crowd. Near by was tied his 
jaded horse. 

The baker was awakened. To his surprise, as he 
said, he saw the regiment, as he had supposed them to 
be much nearer home than himself. One of his 
graceless comrades, however, bluntly contradicted 
this, and accused- him of being mortally frightened 
when he halted the night before, as although they 
assured him that he was full ten miles from danger, 
he insisted that these rifled guns had terribly long 
range. * The baker remonstrated, and quietly resumed 
his place by the Adjutant and Colonel. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 3Y 

" I have been thinking, Colonel," said he, in the 
course of a half hour, riding alongside of the Colonel, 
and speaking in an undertone, " that I ran a great 
risk unnecessarily." 

" Why ? " asked the Colonel. 

M You see my exhortations are worth far more to 
the men than my example. When they crowd my 
quarters, as they do every morning, I never fail 
to deal out patriotic precepts with my pies." 

"Bnt particularly the pies," retorted the Colonel. 

"That is another branch of my case," slily con- 
tinued the baker. " Suppose, if such a calamity can bo 
dwelt upon, that I had been killed, and there was only 
one mule between me and death, who would have 
run my bakery ? who," elevating his voice, " would 
have furnished hot rolls for the officers, and warm 
bread cakes and pies for the men ? Eiding along last 
night, these matters were all duly reflected upon, and 
I wound up, by deciding that the regiment could not 
afford to lose me." 

u But you managed to lose the regiment," replied 
the Colonel. 

" Pure accident that, I assure you, upon honor. 
Now in line of battle I have taken pains to ascertain 
my true position, but this confounded marching by 
the flank puts me out of sorts. In line of battle the 
quartermaster says he is four miles in the rear — the 
sutler says that he is four miles behind the quartermas- 
ter, and as it would look singular upon paper to short- 
en the distance for the baker, besides-other good rea- 
sons, I suppose I am four miles behind the sutler." 

" Completely out of range for all purposes," ob- 
served the Adjutant, who had slily listened with 
interest. 

" There is a good reason for that position, it is well 



88 BED-TAPE AND 

chosen, and shows foresight," continued the baker, 
dropping his rein, and enforcing his remarks by apt 
gestures. " Suppose we are in line of battle, and the 
Rebels in line facing us at easy rifle range. Their 
prisoners say that they have lived for a month past 
on roasted corn and green apples. Now what will 
equal the daring of a hungry man ! These Rebel 
Commanders are shrewd in keeping their men hun- 
gry ; our men have heart for the fight, it is true, but 
the rebels have a stomach for it — they hunger for a 
chance at the spoils. The quartermaster then with 
his crackers, as they must not be needlessly inflamed, 
must be kept out of sight — the sutler, too, with his 
stores, must be kept shady — but above all the baker. 
Suppose the baker to be nearer," said he, with increased 
earnestness, " and a breeze should spring up towards 
their lines bearing with it the smell of warm bread, 
the rebels would rise instanter on tiptoe, snuff a 
minute — concentrate on the bakery, and no two ranks 
or columns doubled on the centre, could keep the 
hungry devils back. Our line pierced, we might lose 
the day — lose the day, sir." 

" And the baker," said the Major, joining in the 
laugh caused by his argument. 

Shortly after that march, matters went indifferently 
with the baker. Camp was changed frequently, and 
over the rough roads he kept up with difficulty. 

A week after the battle of Antietam, after satisfy- 
ing himself fully of the departure of the Rebels, he 
arrived in camp. He had picked up by the way an 
ill-favored assistant, whose tent stood on the hill side 
some little distance from the right flank of the regi- 
ment. 

Two nights after his arrival there was a commotion 
in camp. A tonguey corporal, slightly under regula- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 39 

tion size, in an exuberance of spirits, had mounted a 
cracker-box almost immediately in front of the sut- 
ler's tent, and commenced a lively harangue. He 
told how he had left a profitable grocery business to 
serve his country — his pecuniary sacrifices — but above 
all, the family he had left behind. 

M And you've blissed them by taking your charac- 
ther with you," chimed in the little Irish corporal. 

u Where did you steal your whiskey ?" demanded 
a second. 

The confusion increased, the crowd was dispersed 
by the guard, all at the expense of the sutler's credit, 
as it was rumored that he had furnished the stimu- 
lant. 

The sutler indignantly demanded an investigation, 
and three officers, presumed to possess a scent for 
whiskey above their fellows, were detailed for the 
duty. One of these was our friend the Virginia cap- 
tain. 

Under penalty of losing his stripes, the corporal 
confessed that he had obtained the liquor at the 
baker's. Thither the following evening the detail 
repaired. The assistant denied all knowledge of the 
liquor. He was confronted with the corporal, and 
admitted the charge, and that but three bottles 
remained. 

» By ," said our Western Virginia captain, 

hands in pocket, " I smell ten more. There are just 
thirteen bottles or I'll lose my straps." 

The confidence of the captain impressed the detail, 
and they went to work with a will — emptying bar- 
rels of crackers, probing with a bayonet sacks of 
flour, &c. A short search, to the pretended amaze- 
ment of the assistant, proved the correctness of the 
captain's scent. The baker was sent for, and with 



40 RED-TAPE AND 

indignant manner and hands lifted in holy horror, he 
poured volley after volley of invective at the con- 
founded assistant. 

" But, gentlemen," said the baker, dropping his 
tone, "I've known worse things than this to happen. 
I've known even bakers to get tight." 

" And your bacon would have stood a better 
chance of being saved if you had got tight, instead of 
putting a non-commissioned officer in that condition," 
said one of the detail. " The Colonel, I am afraid, 
Tom, will clear you out." 

" Well," sighed the baker, after a pause of a 
moment, " talk about Job and all the other unfortu- 
nates since his day, why not one of them had my 
variety of suffering. Did jou. ever hear any of my 
misfortunes ?" 

" We see one." 

" My life has been a series of mishaps. I prosper 
occasional^ in small things, but totals knock me. 
God help me if I hadn't a sure port in a storm — a 
self-supporting wife. For instance — but I can't com- 
mence that story without relieving my thirst." A 
bottle was opened, drinks had all around, and the 
baker continued — 

" You see, gentlemen, when Simon was in political 
power, I waggled successfully and extensively among 
the coal mines in Central Pennsylvania. In those local- 
ities voters are kept underground until election day, 
and they then appear above often in such unexpected 
force as to knock the speculations of unsophisticated 
politicians. But Simon was not one of that stripe. 
He knew his men — the real men of influence ; not 
men that have big reputations created by active but 
less widely known under-workers, but the under- 
worked themselves. Simon dealt with these, and he 



PIGE0X-H0LE GENERALS. 41 

rarely mistook his men. Now I was well known in 
those parts — kept on the right side of the boys, and 
the boys tried to keep on the right side of me, and 
Simon knew it. No red tape fettered Simon, as the 
boys say it tied our generals the other side of Sharps- 
burg in order to let the Rebs have time to cross. If 
the measures that his shrewd foresight saw were ne- 
cessary for the suppression of this Rebellion, at its 
outbreak, had been adopted, we would be encamped 
somewhat lower down in Dixie than the Upper Poto- 
mac — if indeed there would be any necessity for our 
being in service at all. 

" He was not a man of old tracks, like a ground mole ; 
indeed like some military commanders who seem 
lost outside of them ; but of ready resources and 
direct routes, gathering influence now by one means 
and then by another, and perhaps both novel. Now 
Simon set me at work in this wise. 

" ' Tom,' one morning, says an old and respected 
citizen of our place, who knew my father and my 
fathers father, and me as an unlucky dog from my 
cradle, ; Tom, did ever any idea of getting a perma- 
nent and profitable position — say, as you are an excel- 
lent penman — as clerk in one of the departments at 
Harrisburg or Washington, enter your head ?' 

" At this I straightened up, drew up my shirt collar, 
pulled down my vest, and said with a sort of hopeful 
inquiry, ' Why should there ?' 

" ' Tom, you are wasting your most available talent. 
Do you know that you have influence — and political 
influence at that V 

"Another hitch at my shirt collar and pull at my 
vest, as visions of the Brick Capitol at Harrisburg 
and the White one at Washington danced before my 
eyes. 



42 EED-TAPE AND 

" ' Did you ever reflect, Tom, upon the source of 
political power?' continued the old gentleman, and 
without waiting for an answer, fortunately, as I was 
fast becoming dumbfoundered, ' the people, Tom, the 
people ; not you and I, so much as that miner,' said 
he, pointing to a rough ugly-looking fellow that I had 
kicked out of my wife's bar-room — or, rather, got my 
ostler to do it — two nights before, ' That man, Tom, 
is a representative of thousands ; we may represent 
but ourselves. Now these people are controlled. 
They neither think nor act for themselves, as a general 
rule; somebody does that for them. Now,' as he spoke, 
trying to take me by a pulled-out button-hole, ' you 
might as well be that somebody as any man I know.' 

" 'Why, Lord bless you, Mr. Simpson, I can't do my 
own thinking, and as to acting, my wife says I am 
acting the fool all day long.' 

" ■ Tom, you don't comprehend me, you know our 
county sends three members to the State Legislature, 
and that they elect a United States Senator.' 

" ' Yes.' 

" ' Well, now, our county can send Simon C 

to the United States Senate.' 

" ' But our county oughtn't to do it,' — my whig pre- 
judices that I had imbibed with my mother's milk 
coming up strong. 

" ' Tut, tut, Tom, didn't I stand shoulder to shoulder 
with your father in the old Clay Legion ? Whiggery 
has had its day, and Henry Clay would stand with us 
now.' 

" ' But with Simon's V 

" l Yes, Simon's principles have undergone a whole- 
some change.' 

" I couldn't see it, but didn't like to contradict the 
old man, and he continued. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 43 

" { Now, Thomas, be a man ; you "have influence. I 
know you have it.' Here I straightened up again. 
( Just look at the miners who frequent your hotel, 
each of them has influence, and don't you think that 
you could control their votes ? Should you succeed, 
Simon's Scotch blood will never let him forget a friend.' 

" ' Or forgive an enemy,' I added. 

" ' Tom, don't let your foolish prejudices stand in 
the way of your success. Your lather would advise 
as I do.' 

" < Mr. S., I'll try.' 

" ' That v s the word, Tom,' said the old man, patting 
me on the shoulder. 'It runs our steam-engines, 
builds our factories, in short, has made our country 
what it is.' 

u I took Mr. S.'s hand, thanked him for his sugges- 
tions, with an effort swallowed my prejudices 
against the old Chieftain, and resolved to work as 
became my new idea of my position. 

"By the way, the recollection of that effort to swal- 
low makes my throat dry, and it's a long time between 
drinks." 

Another round at the bottle, and Tom resumed. 

" ' Well, work I did, like a beaver ; there wasn't a 
miner in my neighborhood that I didn't treat, and a 
miner's baby that I didn't kiss, and often their wives, 
as some unprincipled scoundrel one day told Mrs. 
Hudson, to the great injury of my ears and shins 
for almost a week, and the upshot of the business 
was, that my township turned a political somerset.. 
Friends of Simon's, in disguise, went to Harrisburg, 
were successful, and I was not among the last to con- 
gratulate him. 

" ' Mr. Hudson,' said the Prince of politicians, ' how 
can I repay you for your services ?' 



44 RED-TAPE AND 

"Like a fool, as my wife always told me I was, I 
made no suggestion, bat-let the remark pass with the 
tameness of a sheep — merely muttering that it was a 
pleasure to serve him. Simon went to Washington 
— made no striking hits on the floor, but was great on 
committees. 

" Another idea entered my noddle, this clip without 
the aid of Mr. S. My penmanship came into play. 
Days and nights of most laborious work produced a 
full length portrait of Simon, that at the distance of 
ten feet could not be distinguished from a fine en- 
graving. I seized my opportunity, found Simon in 
cozy quarters opposite Willard's, and presented it in 
person. He was delighted — his daughter was de- 
lighted — a full-faced heavily bearded Congressman 
present was delighted, and after repeated assuran- 
ces of ' thine to serve,' on the part of the Senator,' I 
crossed to my hotel— not Willard's — hadn't as yet 
sufficient elevation of person and depth of purse for 
that, — but an humbler one in a back street. Next 
day I saw my handiwork in the Rotunda — the admi- 
ration of all but a black long-haired puppy, an M. C. 
and F. F. V., as I afterwards learned, who said to 
a lady at his elbow who had admired it, "Practice 
makes some of the poor clerks at the North tolerably 
good pensmen." I could have kicked him, but thought 
it might interfere with the little matter in hand. 

" ' Tom,' said the senatorial star of my hopes one 
day, when my purse had become as lean as a June 
shad, ' Tom, there is a place of $800 a year, I have 
in view. A Senator is interfering, but I think it can 
be managed. You must have patience, these things 
take time. I will write to you as early as any definite 
result is attained.' 

" Relying on Simon's management, which in his own 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 45 

case had never failed, next morning saw me in the 
cars with light heart and lighter purse, bound for 
home and Mrs. II., who I am always proud to think 
regretted my absence more than my presence, al- 
though she would not admit it. 

" Days passed ; months passed ; my wife reproached 
me with lost time — my picture was gone; I had not 
heard from Simon ; I ventured to write ; next mail 
brought a letter rich in indefinite promises. 

" Years passed, and Simon was Secretary of War at 
a time when the office had influence, position, and pa- 
tronage, unequalled in its previous history. 'Now is 
your time, Tom,' something within whispered — not 
conscience — for that did not seem to favor my con- 
nection with Simon. 

" I wrote again. Quartermasters, Clerks by the 
thousands, Paymasters — I was always remarkably 
ready in disposing of funds — and Heaven only 
knows what not were wanted in alarming num- 
bers. Active service was proposed by Simon ; 
but you know, gentlemen, I am constitutionally dis- 
qualified for that. And after tediously waiting 
months longer, I succeeded without Simon's aid in 
obtaining niy present honorable but unfortunate 
position. 

" And that reminds me of the whiskey, another 
round, men." It was taken ; Tom's idea was to 
drink the detail into forgetfulness of their errand. 
But he missed his men. Ele might as well have 
tried to lessen a sponge by soaking it. The Virginia 
Captain announced that the Colonel had ordered them 
to confiscate the whiskey for the use of the Hospital, 
and to the Surgeon's quarters the detail must next 
proceed. The Captain gathered up the bottles. The 
detail bowed themselves out of the tent, and poor 



46 RED-TAPE AND 

Tom thought his misfortunes crow 1 ed, as he saw 
them leave labouring under a load of liquor inside 
and out. At the Surgeon's tent we will again see 
them. 



^v 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 47 



u 



CHAPTER V. 

The Scene at the Surgeon'' s Quarters — Our Little Dutch Doctor 
— Incidents of his Practice — His Messmate the Chaplain — 
The Western Virginia Captain's account of a Western Vir- 
ginia Chaplain — His Solitary oath — How he preached, how 
he prayed, and how he Bush-whacked — His revenge of Snow- 
dens death — How the little Dutch Doctor applied the Captain's 
Story. 

TAPS had already been sounded before the detail 
arrived at the Surgeon's tent. The only Surgeon 
present had retired to his blankets. Aroused by the 
blustering, he soon lit a candle, and sticking the camp 
candlestick into the ground, invited them in. 

And here we must introduce the Assistant-Surgeon, 
or rather the little Dutch Doctor as he was familiarly 
called by the men. Considering his character and early 
connexion with the regiment, we are at fault in not 
giving him an earlier place in these pages. 

The Doctor was about five feet two in height, hard- 
ly less in circumference about the waist, of an active 
habit of body and turn of mind, eyes that winked 
rapidly when he was excited, and a movable scalp 
which threw his forehead into multiform wrinkles as 
cogitations beneath it might demand. A Tyrolese by 
birth, he was fond of his Father-land, its mountain 
songs, and the customs of its people. Topics kindred 



48 BED-TAPE AND 

to these were an unfailing fund of conversation with 
him. Thoroughly educated, his conversation in badly 
broken English, for he made little progress in ac- 
quiring the language, at once amused and instructed. 
Among his fellow surgeons and officers of his ac- 
quaintance, he ranked high as a skilful surgeon on 
account of superior attainments, acquired partly 
through the German Universities and partly in the 
Austrian service, during the campaign of Magenta, 
Solferino, and the siege of Mantua. With a Ger- 
man's fondness for music, he beguiled the tedium of 
many a long winter evening. With his German 
education he had imbibed radicalism to its full extent. 
Thoroughly conversant with the Sacred Scriptures 
he was a doubter, if not a positive unbeliever, from the 
Pentateuch to Revelation. In addition to this, his 
flings at the Chaplain, his messmate, made him un- 
popular with the religiously inclined of the regiment. 
He had besides, the stolidity of the German, and their 
cool calculating practicalism. This did not always 
please the men. They thought him unfeeling. 

" What for you shrug your shoulders ?' said he on 
one occasion to a man from whose shoulders he was 
removing a large fly blister. 

" It hurts.-' 

" Bah, wait till I cuts your leg off — and you know 
what hurts." 

" Here, you sick man, here goot place," said he, 
addressing a man just taken to the hospital with fever, 
in charge of an orderly sergeant, at surgeon's call, 
" goot place, nice, warm, dead man shust left." Re- 
marks such as these did not, of course, tend to increase 
the comfort of the men ; they soon circulated among 
the regiment, were discussed in quarters, and as may 
be supposed greatly exaggerated, and all at the Doc- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 49 

tor's cost. But the Doctor pursued the even tenor -of 
his way, entirely unmindful of them. 

About the time of which we write, a clever, honest 
man died of a disease always sudden in its termination, 
rheumatic attack upon the heart. The Doctor had 
informed him fully of his disease, and that but little 
could be done for it. The poor man, however, was 
punctual in attendance at Surgeon's Call, and insisted 
upon some kind of medicine. Bread pills were fur- 
nished. One morning, after great complaint of pain 
about the heart, and a few spasms, he died. His com- 
rades, shocked, thought his death the effect of improper 
medicine. The Doctor's pride was touched. He in- 
sisted upon calling in other surgeons; the pills found 
in his pocket were analyzed, and discovered to be 
only bread. The corpse was opened, and the cause of 
death fully revealed. As the Doctor walked away in 
stately triumph, some of the men who had been bois- 
terous against him, approached by way of excusing 
their conduct, and said that now they were perfectly 
satisfied. "What you know !" was his gruff reply, 
"you not know a man's heart from a pig's." 

Many like incidents might be told — but we must 
not leave these Captains standing too long at the door 
of the tent ; with the production of the light in they 
came, with the remark that they had brought hospital 
supplies. In the meantime several officers, field and 
company, attracted by the noise and whiskey, came 
in from regimental headquarters. 

" Must see if goot," and the Doctor applied the 
bottle to his lips ; it was not a favorite drink of his, 
and tasted badly in lieu of Ehine wine or lager. 

" May be goot whiskey." 

"Let practical whiskey drinkers have a chance," 
said two or three at once, and the bottle went its round. 

3 



50 RED-TAPE AND 

The test was not considered satisfactory until 
another and another had been emptied. 

The increasing confusion aroused the Chaplain, 
who hitherto had been snugly ensconced beneath his 
blankets in the corner opposite the Doctor. 

" Here, Chaplain, your opinion, and don't let us hear 
anything about putting the bottle to your neighbor's 
lips," said a rough voice in the crowd. The Chaplain 
politely declined, with the- remark that they appeared 
too anxious to put the bottle to their own lips to 
require any assistance from their neighbors. 

" Chaplain not spiritually minded," muttered the 
Doctor, " so far but three preaches, and every preach 
cost government much as sixty tollar." The calcu- 
lation at the Chaplain's expense, amused the crowd, 
and annoyed the Chaplain, who resumed his blankets. 

" When I was in Western Yirginny, under Eose- 
crans," — 

" The old start and good for a yarn," said an officer. 

" Good for facts," replied the Chief of the Detail. 

"Never mind, Captain, we'll take it as fact," said 
the Adjutant. 

" We had a chaplain that was a chaplain in every 
sense of the word." 

" Did he drink and swear ? " inquired a member of 
the Detail. 

" On long marches and in fights he had a canteen 
filled with what he called chaplain's cordial, about 
one part whiskey and three water. I tasted it, but 
with little comfort. One day, a member of Kosy's 
staff seeing him pulling at it, asked for it, and after a 
strong pull, told the chaplain that he was weak in 
spiritual things. ' Blessed are the poor in spirit,' 
was the quick answer of the chaplain. As to swear- 
ing, he was never known to swear but once. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENEKALS. 51 

"I heard an officer tell the Adjutant a day or two 
ago, that what was considered the prettiest sentence in 
the English language, had been written by a smutty 
preacher. I don't recollect the words as he repeated 
it, but it was about an old officer, who nursed a young 
one, and some one told him the young one would die. 
The old officer excited, said, • By Gr-d, he sha'nt die.' 
It goes on to say then that an Angel flew up to 
heaven, to enter it in the great Book of Accounts, 
and that the Angel who made the charge cried over 
it and blotted it out. That is the substance anyhow. 
Well, sir, if the Third Virginny's Chaplain's oath 
was ever recorded it is in the same fix." 

" Well, tell us about it, how it happened," exclaim- 
ed several. 

" Why you see, Rosy sent over one day for a Major 
who had lately come into the Division, and told him that 
300 rebels were about six miles to our left, in the bushes 
along a creek, and that he should take 300 men, and 
kill, capture, or drive them off. The Major was about 
to make a statement. ' That's all, Major,' with a wave 
of his hand for him to leave, ' I expect a good account.' 

" That was Rosy's style : he told an officer what he 
wanted, and he supposed the officer had gumption 
enough to do if, without bothering him, as some of our 
red-tape or pigeon-hole Grenerals, as the bo}^s call them, 
do with long written statements that a memory like a 
tarred stick couldn't remember — telling where these 
ten men must be posted, those twenty-five, and another 
thirty, etc. I wonder what such office Generals think 
— that the Rebels will be fools enough to attack us 
when we want them to, or take ground that we would 
like to have them make a stand on." 

" Captain, we talk enough ourselves about that ; on 
with the story." 



52 RED-TAPE MD 

" Well, four companies, seventy-five strong each, 
were detailed to go with him, and mine among the 
number, from our regiment. The chaplain got wind of 
it, and go he would. By the time the detail was 
ready, he had his bullets run, his powder-horn and 
fixin's on, and long Tom, as he called his Kentucky 
rifle, slung across his shoulder." 

" His canteen?" inquired an officer disposed to be a 
little troublesome. 

" Don't recollect about that," said the Captain, some- 
what curtly. 

" On the march he mixed with the men, talked 
with them about all kinds of useful matters, and gave 
them a world of information. 

" We had got about a mile from where we supposed 
the Rebels were ; my company, in advance as skir- 
mishers, had just cleared a wood, and were*ten yards 
in the open, when the Butternuts opened fire from a 
wood ahead at long rifle range. One man was slight- 
ly wounded. We placed him against a tree with his 
back to the Rebels, and under cover of the woods 
were deciding upon a plan of attack, when up gallops 
our fat Major with just breath enough to say, 'My 
God, what's to be done ?' 

"I'll never forget the chaplain's look at that. He 
had unslung long Tom ; holding it up in his right hand, 
he fairly yelled out, ' Fight, by Gr — d ! Boj^s, follow me.' 
And we did follow him. Skirting around through 
underbrush to our left, concealed from the Rebs, we 
came to an open again of about thirty yards. The 
Rebs had retired about eighty yards in the wood to 
where it was thicker. 

" Out sprang the Chaplain, making a worm fence, 
Indian fashion, for a big chestnut. We followed in 
same style. My orderly was behind another chestnut 



PIGEON-HOLE GENEEALS. 53 

about ten feet to the Chaplain's left, and slightly to 
his rear. There was for a spell considerable random 
tiring, but no one hurt, and the Rebs again retired a 
little. We soon saw what the Chaplain was after. 
About eighty-five yards in his front was another big 
chestnut, and behind it a Rebel officer. They blazed 
away at each other in fine style — both good shots, as 
you could tell by the bark being chipped, now just 
where the Chaplain's head was, and now just where 
the officer's was. The officer was left-handed. The 
Chaplain could fire right or left equally well. By ft 
kind of instinct for fair play and no gouging that 
even the Rebs feel at times, the rest on both sides 
looked at that fight, and wouldn't mix. Mv orderly 
had several chances to bringr the Rebel. Tneir- rifles 
cracked in quick succession for quite a spell. The 
Chaplain, at last, not wanting an all-day affair of it, 
carefully again drew a bead on a level with the chip 
marks on the left of the Rebel tree. He had barely 
time to turn his head without deranging the aim, 
when a ball passed through the rim of his hat. As 
he turned his head, he gave a wink to the orderly, who 
was quick as lightning in taking a hint. A pause for 
nearly a minute. By and by the Rebel pokes his 
head out to see what was the matter. Seeing the gun 
only, and thinking the Chaplain would give him a 
chance when he'd take aim, he did not pull it in as* 
quick as usual. My orderly winked, — a sharp crack, 
and the Rebel officer threw up his hands, dropped his 
rifle, and fell backward, with well nigh an ounce 
ball right over his left eye, through and through his 
head. Our men cheered for the Chaplain. The Rebs 
fired in reply, and rushed to secure the body. That cost 
them three more men, but they got their bodies, and 
fast as legs could carry them, cut to their fort about 



54 RED-TAPE AND 

three miles to their rear. We of course couldn't 
attack the fort, and returned to camp. The boys 
were loud in praise of the Chaplain. Their chin music, 
as they called camp rumors, had it that the officer 
killed was a Rebel chaplain. Old Rosy, when he 
heard of it, laughed, and swore like a trooper. I 
hear he has got over swearing now — but it couldn't 
have been until after he left Western Virginny. I 
heard our Chaplain say that he heard a brother chap- 
lain say, and he believed him to be a Christian, — that 
fce believed that the Apostle Paul himself would learn 
to swear inside of six months, if he entered the ser- 
vice in Western Yirginny. Washington prayed at 
Trenton, and swore at Monmouth, and I don't believe 
that the*War Department requires Chaplains to be 
better Christians than Washington. Our old Chaplain 
used to say that there were many things worse 
than swearing, and that he didn't believe that men 
often swore away their chances of heaven." 

" Comforting gospel for you, captain," said that trou- 
blesome officer. 

" He was a bully chaplain," continued the captain, 
"becoming more animated, probably because the regi- 
mental chaplain, turtle-like, had again protruded his 
head from between the blankets. " He had no long 
tailed words or doctrines that nobody understood, 
that tire soldiers, because they don't understand them, 
and make them think that the chaplain is talking 
only to a few officers. That's what so often keeps 
men away from religious services. Our chaplain 
used to say that you could tell who Paul was talking 
to by his style of talk. I can't say how tlaat is from 
my own reading ; but I always heard that Paul was 
a sensible man, and if so he certainly would suit him- 
self to the understanding of his crowd." 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 55 

" Our old chaplain talked right at you. No mis- 
take he meant you — downright, plaiu, practical, and 
earnest. He'd tell his crowd of backwoodsmen, 
flatboatmen and deck hands — the hardest customers 
that the gospel was ever preached to, — ' That the war 
carried on by the Government was the most righteous 
of wars ; they were doing God's service by righting 
in it. On the part of the rebels it was the most un- 
natural and wicked of wars. ^ They called it a second 
Revolutionary War, the scoundrels ! when my father 
and your father, Tom Hulzman,' said he, addressing 
one of his hearers, ' fought in the Revolution, they 
fought against a tyrannical monarchy that was founded 
upon a landed aristocracy — that is, rich big feeling 
people, that owned very big farms. The Govern- 
ment stands in this war, if any thing, better than our 
fathers stood. We fight against what is far worse 
than a landed aristocracy, meaner in the sight of God 
and more hated by honest men, this accursed slave 
aristocracy, that will, if they whip us — (Can't do that, 
yell the crowd.) No, they can't. If they should, we 
would be no better than the poor whites that are per- 
mitted to live a dog's life on some worn-out corner of 
a nigger-owner's plantation. Would you have your 
children, Joe Dixon, insulted, made do the bidding of 
some long-haired lank mulatto nabob ? (Never, says 
Joe.) Then, boys, look to your arms, fire low, and don't 
hang on the aim. We must fight this good fight out, 
and thank God we can do it. If we die, blessed will be 
our memory in the hearts of our children. If we live 
and go to our firesides battle-scarred, our boys can say, 
" See how dad fought, and every scar in front," and we'll 
be honored by a grateful people.' And he'd tell of the 
sufferings of their parents, wives, and children, if we 
didn't succeed, till the water courses on the dirty faces 
of his crowd would be as plain as his preaching. 



56 RED-TAPE AND 

" And pray ! he'd pray with hands and eyes both 
open, in such a way that every one believed it would 
have immediate attention ; that God would damn the 
Rebellion ; and may be next day he'd have Long Tom 
doing its full share in hurrying the rebels themselves 
to damnation. 

" And kind hearted ! why old Tim Larkins, who had 
a wound on the shin that wouldn't heal, told me with 
tears in his eyes that he • had been mother, wife, and 
child to him. He went about doing good. 

" And now I recollect," and the Captain's e} r e 
glistened as he spoke, " how he acted when young 
Snowden was wounded. Snowden was a slender, pale- 
faced stripling of sixteen, beloved by every body that 
knew him, and if ever a perfect Christian . walked this 
earth, he was one, even if he was in service in Western 
Yirginny. The chaplain was fond of company, and, as 
was his duty, mixed with the men. Snowden was reserv- 
ed, much by himself, and had little or no chance to learn 
bad habits ; that is the only way I can account for his 
goodness. I often heard the chaplain tell the boys to 
imitate Snowden, and not himself; 'you'll find a pure 
mouth there, boys, because the heart is pure ; you'll 
see no letters of introduction to the devil,' as the 
chaplain called cards, 'in his knapsack.' By the way, 
he was so hard on cards, that even the boatmen, who 
knew them better than their A B C's, were ashamed 
to play them. He would say, i Snowden is brave as 
man can be ; he has a right to be, he is prepared for 
every fate. A christian, boys, makes all the better 
soldier for his being a Christian,' and he would tell us 
of Washington, Col. Gardner, that preacher that 
suffered, fought and died near Elizabeth, in the Jersej^s, 
and others. 

" In bravery, none excelled Snowden. We were 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 57 

lying down once, but about sixty yards from a wood 
chuck full of rebels, when word was sent that our 
troops on the left must be signalled, to charge in a 
certain way. Several understood the signs, but -Snow- 
den first rose, mounted a stump, and did not get off 
although receiving flesh wounds in half-a-dozen dif- 
ferent places, and his clothing cut to ribands, until he 
saw the troops moving as directed, flow we gritted 
our teeth as we heard the bullets whiz by that brave 
boy. I have the feeling yet. We thought his goodness 
saved him. His was goodness ! Not that kind that will 
stare a preacher full in the face from a cushioned pew 
on Sunday, and gouge you over the counter on Mon- 
day, but the genuine article. His t?me was yet to 
come. 

" One day we had driven the rebels through a 
rough country some miles, skirmishing with their rear- 
guard ; the Chaplain and Snowden with my company 
foremost. We neared a small but deep creek the 
rebels had crossed, and trying to get across, we were 
scattered along the bank. I heard a shot, and as I 
turned I saw poor Snowden fall, first on his knee and 
then on his elbow. I called the Chaplain. They 
were messmates — he loved Snowden as his own child, 
and always called him ' my boy.' He rushed to him, 
c My boy, who fired that shot ?' The lad turned to a 
clump of bushes about 80 yards distant on the other 
side of the creek. Long Tom was in hand, but the 
rebel was first, and a ball cut the Chaplain's coat col- 
lar. The flash revealed him ; in an instant long Tom 
was in range, and another instant saw a Butternut 
belly face the sun. Dropping his piece, falling upon 
his knee, he raised Snowden gently up with his left 
hand. 'I am dying,' whispered the boy, 'tell my 
mother I'll meet her in heaven.' The Chaplain raised 

3* 



58 BED-TAPE AND 

his right hand, his eyes swimming in tears, and in 
tones that I'll never forget, and that make me a better 
man every time I think of them, he said, ' God, the 
pure in heart is before thee, redeem thy promise, and 
reveal thyself.' A slight gurgle, and with a pleasant 
smile playing upon his countenance, the soul of 
John Snowden, if there be justice in heaven, went 
straight up to the God who gave it." Tears had come 
to the Captain's eyes, and were glistening in the eyes 
of most of the crowd. 

The Dutch doctor alone was unmoved. Stoically he 
remarked, " Yery goot story, Captain, goot story, do 
our Chaplain much goot." 

The crowd left quietly — all but the Captain, who, 
never forgetting business in the hurry of the moment, 
drew a receipt for the transfer of thirteen bottles of 
whiskey to the hospital department, which the doctor 
sigued without reading. 




PIGE OX-HOLE GENERALS. 59 



CHAPTER VI. 

A Day at Division Head- Quarters — The Judge Advocate — 
The tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee of Red- Tape as understood 
by Pigeon-hole Generals — Bed-tape Reveries — French Author- 
ities on Pigeon-hole Investigations — An Obstreperous Court and 
Pigeon-hole Strictures — Disgusting Head- Quarter Profanity. 

• • npHE General commanding Division desires to 

JL see Lieutenant Colonel , 210th Regi- 

ment, P. V., Judge Advocate, immediately," were 
words that met the eye of the latter officer, as he 
unfolded a note handed him by an orderly. It was 
about nine in the forenoon of a fine day in Octo- 
ber. Buckling on his sword, and ordering his 
horse, he rode at a lively canter to the General's 
Head-Quarters. 

" Colonel," said the General, pulling vigorously 
at the same time at the left side of his moustache, as 
if anxious that his teeth should take hold of it, "I 
have sent for you in regard to this Record. Do you 

know, sir, that this Record has given me a d d 

sight of trouble ; wiry, sir, I consulted authorities the 
greater part of last night, French and American." 

" In regard to what point, General?" 

11 In regard to what point ? In regard to all the 
points, sir. There, sir, is the copy made of that or- 
der detailing the Court. It reads, ' Detailed for the 
Court,' whereas it should be ' Detail for the Court.' 



60 BED-TAPE AND 

My mind is not made up fully as to whether the vari- 
ance vitiates the Record or not. The authorities ap- 
pear to be silent upon that point. To say the least, it 
is d d awkward." 

" General, the copy is a faithful one of the order 
issued from your Head-Quarters." 

" From my Head-Quarters, sir ? By G — d, Colo- 
nel, that can't be. If I have been particular, and 
have prided myself upon any one thing, it has been 
upon having papers drawn strictly according to the 
Regulations. And I have tried to impress it upon 
my clerks. That infernal blunder made at my Head- 
Quarters ! I'll soon see how that is." And the 
General, Record in hand, took long strides, for a lit- 
tle man, towards the Adjutant's tent. 

" Captain," said he, addressing an officer who was 
best known in the Division as a relative of a leading 
commander, and whose only claim to merit — in fact, 
it had to counterbalance many habits positively bad — 
consisted of his reposing under the shadow of a 
mighty name, " where is the original order detailing 
this Court?" " Here, General," said a clerk, producing 
the paper. The General's eye rested for a moment 
upon it, then throwing it upon the table, he burst 
out passionately : " Captain, this is too G — - — 
bad after all my care and trouble in giving you full 
instructions. Is it possible that the simplest order 
can't be made out without my supervision, as if, by 
G — d, it was my business to stand over your desks 
all day long, see every paper folded, endorsement 
made, and the right pigeon-hole selected? This 
won't do. I give full instructions, and expect them 
carried out. By G — d," continued the General, strid- 
ing vehemently across to his marquee, " they must 
be carried out." 



PIGEOX-IIOLE GENERALS. 61 

11 Colonel, I see that you are not accountable for this. 

If the d d fool had only made it ' Detail of the 

Court,' it might have passed unnoticed." 

" General," suggested the Colonel, " would not that 
have been improper ? Would it not have im- 
plied an already existing organization of the court ? 
whereas the phrase in the order is intended merely to 
indicate who shall compose the court." 

"It would have looked better, sir," said the Gene- 
ral, somewhat sharply. "Colonel, you are not to 
blame for this; you can return to quarters, sir." 

The Colonel bowed himself out, remounted his 
black horse, and while riding at a slow walk, could 
not but wonder if the Government would not have 
been the gainer if it had made it the business of the 
General to fold and endorse papers, and dust pigeon- 
holes. It was generally understood that this occupa- 
tion had been, previous to his being placed in com- 
mand of the Division, the sum-total of the General's 
military experience. And how high above him did 
this red-tapism extend? The General had been on 
McClellan's staff, and through his influence, doubtless, 
acquired his present position. Were its trifling de- 
tails detaining the grand army of the Potomac from 
an onward movement in this most favorable weather, 
to the great detriment of national finances, the en- 
couragement of the Rebellion, and the depression of 
patriots everywhere? Must the earnestness of the 
patriotic, self-sacrificing thousands in the field, be 
fettered by these cobwebs, constructed by men in- 
terested in pay and position ? If so, then in its widest 
sense, is the utterance of an intelligent Sergeant, made 
a few days previous, true, that red-tape was a greater 
curse to the country than the rebellion. The loyal 
earnest masses would soon, if unfettered, have found 



62 RED-TAPE AND 

leaders equally loyal and earnest — Joshuas born in 
the crisis of a righteous cause, whose unceasing blows 
would not have allowed the rebels breathing spells. 
It is not too late ; but how much time, blood, to say 
nothing of money, have been expended in ascer- 
taining that a great Union military leader thought 
the war in its best phase a mere contest for bounda- 
ries. 

The black halted at the tent door, was turned over 
to his attendant, and the Lieut. -Colonel joined his tent 
companion the Colonel. 

His stay was brief. In the course of a few minutes 
an orderly in great haste handed him the following 
note: 

" The General commanding Division desires to see 
Lieut.-Colonel without delay." 

The saddle, not yet off the black, was readjusted, 
and again the Judge- Advocate cantered over the 
gentle bluffs to Division Head-Quarters. 

"Colonel," said the General, hardly waiting for 
his entrance, " these mistakes multiply so, as I proceed 
in my duty as Reviewing Officer, that I am utterly 
confounded as to what course to pursue." 

" Will you please point them out, General V 

" Point out the Devil ! — will you point to something 
that is strictly in accordance with the regulations ? 
Here you have 'Private John W. Holman, Co. I, 212th 
Regt. P. V.,' and then not two lines below, it is, John 
"W. Holman, Private, Co. I, 212th Reg. P. V.' Now, by 
G — Colonel, one is certainly wrong, and that blunder 
did not come from Division Head-Quarters." 

" Will the General please indicate which is cor- 
rect?" 

"Indicate! that's the d — 1 of it, that is the per- 
plexing question ; my French authorities are silent on 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 63 

the subject, and yet, sir, you must see that one must 
be wrong." 

" That does not follow, General ; it would be con- 
sidered a mere clerical error. Records that I have 
Seen have titles preceding and following both." 

" There is no such thing in military law as a mere 
clerical error. Every thing is squared here by the 
regulations and military law. The General or Colonel 
who is unfortunate in consequence of strictly following 
these, will not, by military men, regular officers at 
least, be held accountable. Do not understand me as. 
combating your knowledge of the law, Colonel ; you 
may have excused, in your practice, bad records 
successfully on the ground of ' clerical errors,' but it 
will not do in the army. 'J'here's where volunteer 
officers make their mistakes'; they don't think and 
act concertedly as regulars do. Individual judgment 
steps in too often, and officers' judgments play the 
D — 1 in the army. Now, in France, their rules in 
regard to this, are' unusually strict." 

u They order this matter better in France then," 
observed the Colonel, mechanically making use of 
the hackneyed opening sentence of " The Sentimental 
Journey." "And they manage them better, Sir; — 
Another thing, Colonel," quickly added the General, 
" t's must be crossed and i's carefully dotted. There 
are several omissions of this kind that might have 
sent the Record back. By the way, whose hand- 
writing is this copy in?" said the General, looking 
earnestly at the Colonel. " A clerk's, sir." " A clerk ! 
Another d — d pretty piece of business," continued 
the General, rising. u Colonel, that record is not worth 

a G not a G , Sir ! Who ever heard of a clerk 

being employed ? no clerk has a right to know any 
thing of the proceedings." 



64 KED-TAPE AND 

"I have been informed, General, and "have ob- 
served from published reports of proceedings of 
courts-martial, that clerks are in general use." 

" Can't be ! Colonel, can't be ! By G — d, there is 
another perplexing matter for my already over-taxed 
time, and yet the senseless people expect Generals to 
move large armies, and plan big battles, when their 
hands are full of these d — d business details that 
cannot be neglected or delayed." 

The General resumed his seat, ran his fingers 
through his hair with frightful rapidity, as if gather- 
ing disconcerted and scattered ideas, for a moment or 
two, and then looking up dismissed the Colonel. 

The black was again in requisition ; and again the 
Colonel's thoughts, with increased feelings of disgust, 
were directed to what 'he could not but think the 
trifling details that, as the General admitted, delay the 
movements of great armies, and the striking of heavy 
blows. T's must be crossed when we ought to be cross- 
ing the Potomac ; i's dotted when we ought to be 
dotting Virginia fields with our tents. And war so 
proverbially, so historically uncertain, has its rules, 
which, if adhered to, will save commanders from cen- 
sure — judgment not allowed to interfere. It would 
appear so from many movements in the history of 
the Army of the Potomac. What would that despiser 
of senseless details, defier of rules laid down by in- 
ferior men, and cutter of red tape, as well as master- 
genius in the art of war, the Great, the First Napo- 
leon, have said to all this. Shades of Washington, 
Marion, Morgan, all the Revolutionary worthies, 
Jackson, all our Volunteer Officers, of whose military 
records we are justly proud — 

" Of the mighty can it be 
That this is all remains of thee!" 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 65 

Generals leading armies such as the world never 
before saw, fettering movements on the field by the 
movements of trifling office details at the desk, 
which viewed in the best light are the most con- 
temptible of excuses for delay. 

This time the old black was not unsaddled ; — a for- 
tunate thought, as another request for the immediate 
presence of the Judge Advocate compelled him to 
take his dinner of boiled beans hasty and hot. 

Whatever the reader may think of the General's 
condition of mind during the preceding interviews, it 
was to reach its fever heat in this. The Colonel saw, 
as he entered the marquee, that his forced calmness 
of demeanor portended a storm. Whether the Colo- 
nel thought that a half-emptied good-sized tumbler 
of what looked like clear brandy which stood on the 
table before him, had anything to do ,with it, the 
reader must judge for himself. 

" Colonel, I had made up my mind to forward that 
Record with the mistakes I have already indicated to 
you, but after all I am pained to state that the total 
disregard of duty by the Court, and perhaps by 
yourself, in trifling— yes, by G— d — " here the Ge- 
neral could keep in no longer, and rising with hand 
clinching the Record firmly, continued, — "trifling 
with a soldier's duty, the regulations, and the safety 
of the army will no£ allow it. Colonel, you are a 
lawyer, and is it possible that you can't see what that 

d d Court has done ?" 

11 1 would be happy to be informed in what respect 
they have erred, General." 

"Happy to be informed! how they have erred! 
By G— d, Colonel, you take this outrageous matter 
cool. That Record," said the General, holding it up, 
and waving it about his head,— the red tape with 



66 RED-TAPE AND 

which the Judge Advocate had adorned it plentifully, 
if for no other purpose than to cover a multitude of 
mistakes, all the while streaming in the air, — "that 
Record is a disgrace to the Division. What does that 
Record show?" At this he threw it violently into a 
corner of the tent. " It shows, by G — d, that here was 
an enlisted soldier in the United States Army, found 
sleeping on his post in the dead hour of night, in the 
presence of the enemy, and yet — " said the General, 
lifting both hands clenched, " a pack of d — d volunteer- 
officers detailed as a court let him off. Yes, I'll be 

G ," and his arms came down slapping against his 

hips, " let him off, with what? why a reprimand at dress 
parade, that isn't worth a d — n as a punishment. 
Here was a chance to benefit the Division ; yes, sir, a 
military execution would do this Division good. It 
needs it ; we'll have a d — d sight now to be court-mar- 
tialed. What will General McClellan say with that 
record before him ? Think of that, Colonel.' 

" I would be much more interested in what Judge 
Advocate Holt would say, General, on account of his 
vastly superior ability in that department ; and as to 
the death penalty, General, I conscientiously think 
it would be little short of, if not quite, murder." The 
General had resumed his seat, but now arose as if 
about to interrupt ; — but the Colonel continued : — 

" General, that boy is but seventeen, with a look 
that indicates unmistakably that he is half an idiot. 
He has an incurable disease that tends to increase his 
imbecility. His memory, if he ever had any, is com- 
pletely gone. The Articles of War, or instructions 
of officers as to picket duty, would not be remembered 
by him a minute after utterance, and not understood 
when uttered. I have thought since that I should 
have entered a plea of insanity for him. He had not 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 67 

previously been upon duty for a month, and was that 
day placed on by mistake. The Court, if it had had 
the power, would have punished the officer that re- 
cruited him severely. He ought to be discharged; and 
the Court was informed that his application for dis- 
charge, based upon an all-sufficient surgeon's certifi- 
cate, was forwarded to your head-quarters a month 
ago, and has not since been heard from. Besides, this 
was not a picket station, but a mere inside regimental 
camp guard." 

The Colonel spoke rapidly, but with coolness ; — all 
the while the General's eyes, fairly glowing, were 
gazing down intently upon him. 

" Colonel, if your manner was not respectful, I 
would think that you intended insulting me by your 

d d provoking coolness. Conscience!" said the 

General, sneeringly, "conscience or no conscience, that 
man must be duly sentenced. By G — d, I order it. 
You must reconvene the Court without delay. It is 
well seen it is not a detail of Regulars. Conscience 

wouldn't trouble them when a d d miscreant was 

upon trial. A boy of seventeen ! Seventeen or thirty- 
seven ! By G — d ! he is a soldier in the Army of the 
United States, and must be tried and punished as a 
soldier. An idiot ! What need you care about the 
brains of a soldier ? If he has the army cap on his 
head, that's all you need require. - Plea of insanity, 
indeed ! We want no lawyer's tricks here. And as to 
that discharge, if it is detained at my head-quarters, it 
is because it was not properly folded or endorsed — 
may be will not fit neatly in the pigeon-hole. Colo- 
nel," continued the General, moderating his tone 
somewhat, " I must animadvert — by G— d, I must 
animadvert severely upon that Record." 

" General," quietly interrupted the Colonel, "you 



68 RED-TAPE AND 

will publish your animadversion, I trust, so that it can 
be read at dress parades, and the Division have the 
benefit of it." 

" There, Colonel," said the General, twitching his 
moustache violently, " there it is again. You appear 
perfectly courteous— but that remark is cool contempt. 
I want you to understand," his tones louder, and gesti- 
culations violent, " that you must take my strictures, 
tell the court that they must impose the sentence I 

direct, and leave conscience to me, and no d d 

plea of insanity about it." 

u General," observed the Colonel, rising, "I am the 
counsel of the prisoner as well as of the United States. 
I cannot and will not injure my own conscience, 
wrong the prisoner, or humiliate the Government by 
insisting upon a death penalty." 

" Read my strictures to the court, and do your duty, 
sir, or I'll court-martial the whole d d establish- 
ment. Go and re-assemble your court forthwith." 

As he said this he handed a couple of closely writ- 
ten sheets of large sized letter-paper, tied with the 
inevitable red-tape, to the Colonel. The Colonel bow- 
ed himself out, and the chair in front of the pigeon- 
holes of the camp desk was again occupied by a 
living embodiment of red-tape. 

The court was forthwith notified. It immediately 
met. The strictures were read, and in case of many 
sentences, especially towards the close, from necessity 
re-read by the Judge Advocate. After considerable 
laughter over the document, and some little indigna- 
tion at the unwarranted dictation of " their command- 
ing General," of which title the General had taken 
especial pains to remind them at least every third 
sentence, the court decided not to change the sentence, 
and directed the Judge Advocate to embody their 



\ 

PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 69 

reasons for the character of the sentence in his report. 
The reasons, much the same as those stated to the 
General by the Judge Advocate, were reduced to 
writing, and duly forwarded, with the record signed 
and attested, to their "commanding General." - That 
record, like some other court-martial records of the 
Division, has not since been heard of as far as the 
Judge Advocate or any member of the court is in- 
formed. The poor boy a few days afterwards entered 
a hospital, not again to rejoin his regiment. His ap- 
plication for discharge has not been heard of. With 
no prospect of being fit for active service — dying by 
inches in fact, — he is compelled at Government ex- 
pense to follow the regiment in an ambulance from 
camp to camp, and on all its tedious marches. 

The profanity in the foregoing chapter has doubt- 
less disgusted the reader quite as much as its utterance 
did the Judge Advocate. And yet hundreds of the 
Division who have heard the General on hundreds 
of other occasions, the writer feels confident will cer- 
tify that it is rather a mild mood of the General's that 
has been described. The habit is disgusting at all 
times. Many able Generals are addicted to the habit ; 
but they are able in spite of it. That their influence 
would be increased without it, cannot be denied. It 
has been well said to be " neither brave, polite, nor 
wise." But now when the hopes of the nation centre 
in the righteousness of their cause, and thousands of 
prayers continually ascend for its furtherance from 
Christians in and out of uniform, how utterly contemp- 
tible ! how outrageously wicked ! for an officer of 
elevated position, to profane the Name under which 
those prayers are uttered, and upon which the nation 
relies as its " bulwark," " its tower of strength," a very 
"present help in this its time of trouble." 



70 RED-TAPE AND 



^ 



CHAPTER VII. 

A Picket- Station on the Upper Potomac — Fitz John's Bail Or- 
der — Pails for Corps Head- Quarters versus Pails for Hospi- 
tals — The Western Virginia Captain — Old Posy, and How 
to Silence Secesh Women — The Old Woman's Fixiris — The 
Captain's Orderly. 

•ICKET duty, while in this camp, was light. 
Even the little tediousness connected with it 
was relieved by the beautifully romantic character 
of the scenery. Confined entirely to the river front, 
the companies detailed were posted upon the three 
bluffs that extended the length of that front, and on 
the tow-path of the canal below. 

The duty, we have said, was light. It could hardly 
be considered necessary, in fact, were it not to disci- 
pline the troops. The bluffs were almost perpendi- 
cular, varying between seventy-five and one hundred 
feet in height. Immediately at their base was the 
Chesapeake and Ohio canal, averaging six feet in 
depth. A narrow towing-path separated it from the 
Potomac, which, in a broad, placid, but deep stream, 
broken occasionally by the sharp points of shelving 
rocks, mostly sunken, that ran in ridges parallel with 
the river course, flowed languid ly ; the water being 
dammed below as before mentioned. 

On one of the most inclement nights of the season, 



PIGE0X-II0LE GEXERALS. 71 

the Company commanded by our Western Virginia 
captain had been assigned the towing-path as its sta- 
tion. No enemy was in front, nor likely to be, from 
the manner in which that bank of the river was com- 
manded by our batteries. In consequence, a few 
fires, screened by the bushes along the river bank, 
were allowed. Around these, the reserve "and offi- 
cers not on duty gathered. 

In a group standing around a smoky fire that 
struggled for existence with the steadily falling rain, 
stood our captain. His unusual silence attracted the x 
attention of the crowd, and its cause was inquired 
into. 

u Boys, I'm disgusted ; for the first time in my life 
since I have been in service; teetotally disgusted 
with the way things are carried on. I'm no green- 
horn at this business either," continued the captain, 
assuming, as he spoke, the position of a soldier, and 
although somewhat ungainly when off duty, no man 
in the corps could take that position more correctly, 
or appear to better advantage. " I served five years 
as an enlisted man in an artillery regiment in the 
United States army, and left home in the night when 
I wasn't over sixteen, to do it ; part of that time was 
in the Mexican war. Yes, sir, I saw nearly the 
whole of that. Since then, I've been in service near- 
ly ever since this Eebellion broke out, and the hard- 
est kind of service, and under nearly all kinds of 
officers, and by all that's holy, I never saw anything 
so mean nor was as much disgusted as I was to-day. 
Boys ! when shoulder-straps with stars on begin to 
think that we are not human beings, of flesh and 
blood, liable to get sick, and when sick, needing at- 
tention like themselves, it's high time those straps 
change shoulders. These damp days we, and espe- 



72 RED-TAPE AND 

ciallj our sick, ought to be made comfortable. One 
great and good soldier that I've often heard tell of, 
wounded, of high rank, and who lived a long time ago, 
acfbss the ocean, refused, although dying for want of 
drink, to touch water, until a wounded private near 
him first had drunk. That's the spirit. A man 
that'll do that, is right, one hundred chances to one in 
other respects. We have had such Generals, we have 
them now, and some may be in this corps, but it 
don't look like it." 

" Well, Captain, what did you see ?" 

" Well, I had sent my Sergeant to get a few rails 
to keep a poor boy comfortable who had a high fe- 
ver, and who could not get into the hospital for want 
of room. The wood that was cut from the hill was 
green, and the poor fellow had been nearly smoked 
to death. The Sergeant went with a couple of men, 
and was coming back, the men having two rails 
apiece, when just as they got the other side of the 
Toll-gate on the hill, the Provost-Guard stopped 
them, told them there was an order against their us- 
ing rails, and they must drop them. It did no good 
to say that they were for a sick man, that was no go. 
They thought they had to do it, and did it. They 
hadn't come fifty yards toward camp, before one of 
those big six-mule corps- teams that have been haul- 
ing rails for the last four days, came along, and the 
rails were pitched into the wagon. When I heard 
of it I was wrothy. I cut a bee-line for the Adjutant 
and got the Order, and there it was in black and 
white, that no more fences — rebel fences — should be 
destroyed, and no more rails used. Now, I knew 
well that these corps-teams had hauled and hauled 
until the whole establishment, from General Porter 
down to his Darkies, were in rails up to their eyes, 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. V3 

and then, when they had their own fill, this order 
comes, and we, poor devils, might whistle. Here 
were our hospitals like smoke-houses, not fit for hu- 
man beings, and especially the sick. It was a little 

too d d mean. I couldn't stand it. The more I 

thought of it the madder I got, and I got fighting- 
mad, when I thought how often that same General 
in his kid gloves, fancy rig, and cloak thrown back 
from his shoulders to show all the buttons and stars, 
had passed me without noticing my salute. He never 
got a second chance, and never will. I started off, 
took three more men than the Sergeant had ; went to 
the first fence I could find,. and that was about two 
miles — for the corps- teams had made clean work — ■ 
loaded my men and myself, and started back. The 
Provost-Guard was at the old place ; I was bound to 
pass them squarely. 

" ' Captain,' said the Sergeant, l we have orders to 
stop all parties carrying rails.' 

11 ' By whose orders ?' 

" f General Porter's.' 

11 ' 1 am one of General Porter's men. I have author- 
ity for this, sir,' said I, looking him full in the eye. 

" ' Boys, move on !' and on we did move. When 
the Lieut, saw us filing left over the hill towards 
camp, he sent a squad after us. But it was too late. 
The Devil himself couldn't have had the rails in sight 
of my company quarters, and I told him so. 

" f I'll report you to the Division General, and have 
you court-martialled, sir.' 

u i Yevj well,' although I knew the General had a 
mania for courts-martial. 'I have been court-mar- 
tialled four times, and cleared every clip.' 

" ' Now let that court-martial come ; somebody's 
meanness will see the light,' thought I. 

4 



f 4 ItED-TAfcfi AND 

" Old Rosy, boys, was the mam I said I was dis- 
gusted, but we mustn't get discouraged. We have 
some earnest men — yes, I believe, plenty of them ; but 
they're not given a fair show. It'll all come right, 
though, I believe. Men with hearts in them ; and 
Rosy, let me tell you, is no runt in that litter. 

" ' Captain,' said he to me one day when I had gone 
to his head-quarters according to orders, ' I have 
sonething that must be done without delay, and from 
what I've seen of you, you are just the man for the 
work. I passed our hospital a few minutes ago, and 
I thought it was about to blaze ; the smoke came out 
of the windows, chimney, doors, and every little crack 
so damnably. I turned around and went in, and 
found that the smoke had filled it, and that the poor 
fellows were suffering terribly. Now, Captain, they 
have no dry wood, and they must have some forth 
with, and I'll tell you where to get it. 

11 ' The other day I rode by a nest of she*rebels, and 
found that they had cord upon cord of the best hick- 
ory piled up in the yard, as if cut by their husbands, 
before leaving, for use this winter. They have made 
provision enough for our hospital too. Now take 
three army wagons, as many men as you need, and 
go about three miles out the Little Gap Road till you 
come to a new weather-boarded house at the Forks. 
Make quick work, Captain.' 

" I did make quick work in getting there, for that 
was about ten, and about half-past eleven the govern- 
ment wagons were in the yard of the house and my 
company in front. 

" ' We have no chickens,' squalled an old woman 
from a second-story window, ' nor pigs,- nor anything 
— all gone. We are lone women.' 

" ' Only in the day-time, I reckon,' said my orderly; 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 75 

the same fellow that winked at the chaplain. He was 
one of the roughest fellows that ever kept his breath 
over night. Long, lank, ill-favored, a white scrawny- 
beard, stained from the corners of his mouth with 
tobacco juice ; but for all, I'd pick him out of a 
thousand for an orderly. He was always there, and 
his rifle — he always carried his own — a small bore, 
heavy barrel, rough-looking piece, never missed. 

" As the old woman was talking from the window, 
a troop of women, from eighteen to forty years old — 
but I am a better judge of horses' ages than women's; 
they slip us up on that pint too often — came 
rushing out of the door. They made all kinds of in- 
quiries, but I set my men quietly to work loading the 
wood. 

" ' Now, Captain, you shan't take that wood,' said 
a well-developed little, rather pretty, black-haired 
woman, but with those peculiar black eyes, full of the 
devil, that you only see among the Rebels, and that 
the Almighty seems to have set in like lanterns in 
lighthouses to show that their bearers are not to be 
trusted. * You shan't take that wood !' raising her 
voice to a scream. The men worked on quietly, and 
I overlooked the work. 

" ' You dirty, greasy-looking Yankee,' said another, 
' born in some northern poor-house.' 

" ' And both parents died in jail, Til bet.' 

" ' If our Jim was only here, he'd handle the cow- 
ardly set in less time than one of them could pick up 
that limb.' 

" ' You chicken thief, you come by it honestly. 
Your father was a thief before you, and your 
mother — ' 

" This last roused me. I could hear nothing bad 
of her from man or woman. 



76 EED-TAPE AND 

" c You she-devil,- said I, turning to her, * not one 
word more.' She turned toward the house. 

" Bi!t they annoj'ed the men, and I concluded to 
keep them still. 

" ' Sergeant,' said I, addressing the orderly, and near- 
ing the house, the women close at my heels. ' Ser- 
geant, as our regiment will camp near here to-mor- 
row, we might as well look out for a company hospi- 
tal. How big is that house ?- 

" 'Large enough, Captain; thirty by fifty at least.' 

" ' How many rooms?' 

" ' About three, I reckon, on first floor, and I guess 
the upper story is all in one, from its looks through 
the window. Plenty of room. Bully place, and 
what is more, plenty of ladies to nurse the poor boys. 

" The noses of the women not naturally cocked, 
became upturned at this last remark of the sergeant's. 
But they had become silent, and looked anxious. 

" ' Sergeant, here's paper and pencil, just note down 
the names of the sick, and the rooms we'll put them 
in, so as to avoid confusion.' 

11 The sergeant ran the sharp end of the pencil half 
an inch in his mouth, and on the palm of his horny 
hand commenced the list, talking all the while aloud 
— slowly, just as if writing — 'Let me see. My mem'y 
tisn't more than an inch long, and there's a blasted lot 
(of 'em. 

] " 'Jim Smith, Bob Riley, Larry Clark, got small- 
pox ; Larry all broke out big as old quarters, put 'em 
in back roorn^ clown stairs.' The women got pale, 
but small-pox had been common in those parts. 
' George Johnson, Bill Davis, got the mumps.' ' The 
mumps, Sally, the mumps, them's what killed George, 
and they're so catchin' — whispered one of the women 
— and continued the sergeant, ' Bill Thatcher, George 



PIGEON-HOLE GENEEALS. Y7 

Clifton the chicken-pox.' ' O Lord, the chicken-pox,' 
said another woman, ' it killed my two cousins before 
they were in the army a week.' — ' Pat them four,' 
said the sergeant, 'in the middle room down stairs. 
Save the kitchen for cookin', and up stairs put Jim 
Williams, Spooky Johnson, Tom Hardy, Dick Cra- 
mer, and the little cook boy; all got the measles.' 
' The measles !' screamed out half-a-dozen together. 
' Good-Lord, we'll be killed in a week.' ' They say,' 
said another black eye, ' that that crack Mississippi 
Brigade took the measles at Harper's Ferry, and died 
like flies. They had to gather them from the 
bushes, and all over. Brother Tom told me. He said 
our boys were worked nearly to death digging graves.' 

" ' That was a good thing,' observed the sergeant. 

c You beast !' said the little old woman advancing 
towards him, and shaking her fist in his face. 

" ' And what will become of us women ?' screamed 
she. 

" ' A pretty question for an old lady ; we calculate 
that you ladies will wait on the sick,' drily remarked 
the sergeant. 

" At this the women, thinking their case hopeless, 
with downcast looks quietly filed into the house. 

" The boys by this time had about done loading the 
teams. All the while I had watched the manners of 
the women closely and the house, and I came to the 
conclusion that it would pay to make a visit inside. 

" A guard was placed on the outside, and telling 
the"sergeant and two men to follow, I entered. It was 
all quiet below, but we found when we had reached the 
top of the steps, and stood in the middle of the big 
room up stairs, the women in great confusion, some 
in a corner of the room, and a few sitting on the beds. 
Among the latter, sitting as we boys used to say on 



18 RED-TAPE AND 



her hunkers, with hands clasped about her knees, was 
the old woman. Besides the beds the only furniture 
in the room was a large, roughly made, double-doored 
wardrobe that stood in one corner. 

" We hadn't time to look around before the old wo- 
man screeched out — 

" ' You won't disturb my private fixin's, will you ?' 

11 ! I rather think not,' slowly said the sergeant, 
giving her at the same time a comical look. 

"Notwithstanding repeated and tearful assurances 
that there was nothing there, that the men had taken 
off all the arms, hadn't left lead enough to mend a 
hole in the bottom of the coffee-pot, etc., etc., we be- 
gan to search the beds, commencing at one corner. 
There were two beds between us and the old woman's, 
and although we shook ticks and bolsters, and made 
otherwise close examination, we discovered nothing 
beyond the population usually found in such localities 
in Western Virginia. 

" The old woman was fidgety. Her face, that at 
two reflections would have changed muscatel into crab 
apple vinegar, was more than usually wrinkled. ' O 
Lord, nothing here,' groaned she, as she sat with her 
back to the head-board. She did not budge an inch 
as we commenced at her bed. 

" The sergeant had gone to the head-board, I to the 
foot. I saw a twinkle in his eye as he turned over 
the rough comfort, his hand reached down — he drew 
it up gradually, and the old woman slid as gradually 
from the lock to the muzzle of a long Kentucky rifle. 
1 O Lord,' groaned she, as she keeled over on her right 
side at the foot of the bed. 

" A glow of admiration overspread the Sergeant's 
face as he looked at that rifle. 

/* Well, I swow, old woman, is this what you call a 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 79 

private fixin' ? ' said the Sergeant. 'A queer bed-fel- 
low you've got ; and just look, Captain, ' said he, trying 
the ramrod, ' loaded, eapped, and halt* cocked.' 

u The heavy manner in which the old lady fell over 
satisfied me that we hadn't all the armory, and I di- 
rected her to leave the bed and stand on the floor. 

" ' Can't, can I, Ann ?' addressing one of the women. 

" No, marm can't, she is helpless.' 

" ' Got the rheumatics, had 'em a year and better,' 
groaned the old woman. 

M ' Hadn't 'em when you shook your fist under my 
nose in the yard,' said the Sergeant. ' Get off the bed ; ' 
catching the old woman by the arm, he helped her 
off. . She straightened up with difficulty, holding her 
clothes at the hips with both hands. ' Hold up your 
hands,' said the Sergeant. He was about to assist her, 
when not relishing that, she lifted them up ; as she did 
so, there was a heavy rattling sound on the floor. 
The old woman jumped about a foot from the floor 
clear out of a well filled pillow cushion, dancing and 
yelling like an Indian. Some hardware must have 
struck her toe and made her forget her rheumatism. 

" That bag had two Colt's navy size, two pistols Eng- 
lish make, with all the trappings for both kinds, and 
two dozen boxes of best make English water proof 
caps* 

" ' Old woman,' said the Sergeant with a chuckle, 
1 your private fixin's as you call 'em, are worth hunting 
for.' 

" But the old woman had reached the side of a bed, 
and was too much engaged in holding her toe, to 
notice the remark. 

" The other beds were searched, but with no success. 
[ had noticed while the old woman was hopping 
about a short fat woman getting behind some taller 



80 EED-TAPE AND 

ones in the corner and arranging her clothing. The 
old woman's contrivance made me think the corner 
worth looking at. 

" The women sulkily and slowly gave way, and 
another pillow-case was found on the floor, from 
which a brace of pistols, one pair of long cowhide 
riding boots, three heavy-bladed bowie knives, and 
some smaller matters, were obtained. 

" The wardrobe was the only remaining thing, and 
on it as a centre the women had doubled their columns. 

" ' Oh, Captain, don't,' said several at once beseech- 
ingly, ' we're all single women, and that has our 
frocks and fixin's in it,' as I touched the wardrobe. 

" ' As far as I've seed there is not much difference 
between married women's fixin's and single ones,' 
coolly said the Sergeant. 

" ' There is not one of us married, Captain.' 

" ' Sorry for that,' said the Sergeant, leisurely eye- 
ing tile women. 'If you'd take advice from a 
Yankee, some of you had better hurry up.' 
^ " The women were indignant, but smothered it, 
having ascertained that a passionate policy would not 
avail. 

" By this time one of the men had succeeded with 
his bayonet in forcing a door. The Sergeant had 
laid his hand on the door, when a pretty face, lit up 
with those same devilish black eyes, was looking into 
his half winningly, and a pair of small hands were 
clasping his arm. The Sergeant's head gradually fell 
as it to hear what she had to say, when magnetism, a 
desire to try experiments, or call it what you will, as 
'love,' although said to 'rule the camp,' has little 
really to do with the monotony of actual camp scenes, 
or the horrors of the field itself, — at any rate the Ser- 
geant's head dropped suddenly, — a loud smack, fol- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 81 

lowed instantly by the dull sound of a blow, — and 
the Sergeant gently rubbed an already blackening eye, 
while the woman was engaged in drawing her sleeve 
across her mouth. Like enough some tobacco juice 
went with the sleeve, for the corners of the Sergeant's 
mouth were regular sluices for that article. 

" The Sergeant's eye did not prevent him from open- 
ing the door, however. 

11 ' Well, I declare, brother Jim's forgot his clothes 
and sword,' said one of the women, manifesting much 
surprise. 

a c Do you call that brother Jim's clothes?' said the 
Sergeant, grasping a petticoat, above which appeared 
the guard of a cavalry sabre, and holding both up to 
view. ' I tell you it's no use goin' on,' said th Ser- 
geant, somewhat more earnestly, his eye may be 
smarting a little, ' we're bound to go through it if it 
takes the hair off.' The women squatted about on 
the beds, down-hearted enough. 

" And through it we went, getting five more sabres 
and belts, and two Sharp's rifles complete in that 
side, and a cavalry saddle, holsters with army pistols, 
bridles, and a rifled musket, in the other side ; all 
bran new. There was nothing in the lower story or 
cellar. 

" When I showed Rosy our plunder — and it 
hadn't to be taken to his tent either — when he heard 
of it, he came out as anxious and pleased as any of 
the boys, — he was a General interested in our luck 
more than his own pay, — he clapped me on the shoul- 
der right before my men, and all the officers and 
men looking on, and said : ' Captain, you're a regular 
trump. Three cheers, boys, for the Captain and com- 
pany.' And as he started them himself, the boys did 
give 'em, too. ' Captain, you'll not be forgotten — be 

4* 



82 



RED-TAPE AND 



easy on that point.' And I was easy, until a fit 
of sickness that I got put my fortune for the time 
out of Rosy's hands. The men never forgot that 
trip. The Sergeant often said though, it was the only 
trip he wasn't altogether pleased with, because, I sup- 
pose, his black eye was a standing joke." 

Just then, a sentinel's hail and the reply, " Grand 
Rounds," "Field Officer of the day," hurried the Cap- 
tain off, and the crowd to their posts. 




<>ck. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 83 



CHAPTER VIII. 

The Reconnoissance — Shepherdstown — Punch and Patriotism — 
Private Tom on West Point and Southern Sympathy — Hie 
Little Irish Corporal on John Mitchel — A Skirmish — Hurried 
Dismounting of the Dutch Doctor and Chaplain — Battle of 
Falling Waters not intended — Story of the Little Irish Cor- 
poral—Patterson's Folly, or Treason. 

AN old German writer has said that " six months 
are sufficient to accustom an individual to 
any change in life." As he might fairly be supposed 
to have penned this for German readers and with the 
fixed habits and feelings of a German, if true at all, 
it ought to hold good the world over. As we are 
more particularly interested in camps at present, we 
venture the assertion that six weeks will make a sol- 
dier weary of any camp. With our Sharpsburg 
camp, however, perhaps this feeling was assisted by 
the consciousness so frequently manifested in the con- 
versation of the men that the army should be on the 
move. 

Hundreds of relatives and friends had taken ad- 
vantage of the proximity of the camp to a railroad 
station to pay us a visit, and with them of course 
came eatables — not in the army rations — and delica- 
cies of all kinds prepared by thoughtful heads and 
willing hands at home. Not unfrequently the mar- 



84 RED-TAPE AND 

quees of the officers were occupied by their families, 
who, in their enjoyment of the novelties of camp life, 
the drills, and dress parades of the regiment, trea- 
sured up for home consumption, brilliant recollec- 
tions of the sunny side of war. All this, to say no- 
thing of the scenery, the shade of the wood, that 
from the peculiar position of the camp, so gratefully 
from early noon extended itself, until at the hour for 
dress parade the regiment could come to the usual 
"parade rest " entirely in the shade. But the roads 
were good, the weather favorable, the troops effec- 
tive, and the inactivity was a " ghost that would not 
down" in the sight of men daily making sacrifices 
for the speedy suppression of the Eebellion. The 
matter was constantly recurring for discussion in the 
shelter tent as well as in the marquees, in all its va- 
rious forms. A great nation playing at war when its 
capital was threatened, and its existence endangered. 
A struggle in which inert power was upon one side, 
and all the earnestness of deadly hatred and blind 
fanaticism upon the other. An enemy vulnerable in 
many ways, and no matter how many loyal lives were 
lost, money expended by the protraction of the war, 
but to be assailed in one. But why multiply ? Ten 
thousand reasons might be assigned why a military 
leader, without an aggressive policy of warfare, un- 
willing to employ fully the resources committed to 
him, should not succeed in the suppression of a Ee- 
bellion. The nation suffered much in the treason 
that used its high position to cloak the early rebel 
movement to arms, and delayed our own preparations ; 
but more in the incapacity or half-heartedness that 
made miserable use of the rich materials so sponta- 
neously furnished. 

In the improvement of the Regiment the delay at 



PIGEON-HOLE GENEKALS. 85 

the Sharpsburg camp was not lost. The limited 
ground was well used, and Company and Battalion 
drills steadily persevered in, brought the Kegiment to 
a proficiency rarely noticed in regiments much longer 
in the field. 

" Three days' cooked rations, sixty rounds of am- 
munition, and under arms at four in the morning. 
How do you like the smack of that, Tom ? " 

11 It smacks of war," says Tom, " and it's high time." 
The first speaker had doffed the gown of the student 
in his senior year, greatly against the wishes of parents 
and friends, to don the livery of Uncle Sam. One 
would scarcely have recognised in the rough sun- 
burned countenance, surmounted by a closely fitting 
cap, once blue but now almost red, and not from the 
blood of any battle-field — in the course slovenly worn 
blue blouse pantaloons, unevenly suspended, and 
wide unblacked army shoes, the well dressed, grace- 
ful, accomplished student that commended himself to 
almost universal admiration among the young ladies 
of his acquaintance. The second speaker, thinking 
that a more opportune war had never occurred to de- 
mand the silence of the law amid resounding arms, had 
left his desk in an attorney's office, shelved his Black- 
stone, and with a courage that never flinched in the 
field of strife or in toilsome marches where it can per- 
haps be subjected to a severer test, had thoroughly 
shown that the resolution with which he committed 
himself to the war was one upon whijch no backward 
step would be taken. They were old friends, and fast 
messmates. Their little dog-tent, as the shelter 
tents were called, had heard from each many an 
earnest wish that their letters might smell of pow- 
der. 

The feeling then with which George uttered this 



86 KED-TAPE AND 

piece of news, and the joy of Tom as he heard it, can 
be appreciated. 

" What authority have you, George ?" 

" Old Pigeon-hole's. I heard him, while on duty 
about his Headquarters to-day, tell a Colonel, that the 
move had been ordered ; that the War Department 
had been getting uncommonly anxious, and that it 
interfered with certain examinations he was making 
into very important papers." 

M I'll warrant it. 1 would like to see any move in a 
forward direction that would not interfere with some 
arrangement of his. His moves are on paper, and a 
paper General is just about as valuable to the coun- 
try as a paper blockade." 

" Is the movement general ?" 

" I think it is." 

" Of course then it interferes. George, did you ever 
hear any patriotism about those Headquarters ? You 
have been a great deal about them." 

"No, but I have seen a good deal of punch in tha,t 
neighborhood." 

" I'll warrant it — more punch than patriotism. A 
great state of affairs this. There are too many of 
these half-hearted Headquarters in the army. They 
ought to be cleaned out, and I believe that before 
this campaign is through it will be done. If it is not 
done, the country is lost." 

" Country lost ! why of course ; that is almost ad- 
mitted about that establishment. They say we may 
be able to pen them up, and as they don't say any 
more they must think that is about all. I heard a 
young officer — a Regular — who seems to be intimate 
up there say : that there was no use of talking — that 
men that fought the way the Southerners — he didn't 
use the word Rebels — did, could not be conquered, 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 87 

— that they were too much for our men, &c., &c. I 
could have kicked the shoulder-strapped coward or 
traitor, may be both, but if I had, old Pigeon-hole 
would have had a military execution for the benefit 
of the Volunteers in short order. And then he strutted, 
talking treason and squirting tobacco juice — and all 
the while our Government supporting the scoundrel. 
West Point was on his outside, but his conversation 
and vacant look told me plainly enough that outside 
of a Government position the squirt had not brains 
enough to gain a day's subsistence. But he's one of 
Pigey's I my Regulars,' and to us Volunteers he can 
put himself on his dignity with a ' Procul, Procul, 
este ProfanV " 

" George, don't stir me up on that subject any more. 
I get half mad when I think that Uncle Sam's worst 
enemies are those of his own household. We had 
better anticipate the Captain's order about this in our 
preparations, and not be up half the night." 

" Even so, Tom." 

George was correct ; as to a move at least, for early 
dawn saw the Division and a detachment from another 
Division, en route to the river. There was the usual 
quiet in the camps along which they passed, showing 
that George was mistaken as to the move being gene- 
ral. The troops marching through a winding and 
wooded defile, passed the deservedly well known 
Brigade of General Meagher. " Here's Ould Ireland 
Boys," said the little Irish Corporal, pointing, as his 
face glowed with pride, to the flag adorned with " The 
Harp of Ould Ireland, and the Shamrock so green," 
the emblems of the Emerald Isle. 

u Their General is an Irishman thrue to the sod," 
H none of your rinegade spalpeens like John Mitchel — 
fighting for slave-holders in Ameriky, and against the 



88 EED-TAPE AND 

Lords and Dukes in Odd Ireland, and the slave- 
holders as Father Mahan tould me the worst of the 
two, more aristocratic, big-feeling, and tyrannical than 
the English nobility. He said, too, that the blackguard 
could never visit the ould sod again unless he landed 
in the night-time, and hid himself by day in a bog up 
to his eyes, and even then the Father said he believed 
the blissed mimory of St. Patrick, 

' Who drove the Frogs into the Bogs, 
And banished all the Varmint,' 

-would clean him out after the rist of the varmin." 

" Three cheers for the Irish Brigade " greeted the 
Corporal's remarks. 

The troops crossed with difficulty and delay at the 
only ford — and wondered with reason at the activity 
of the Rebels in having transported across not only 
their army and baggage, but hundreds if not thou- 
sands of their dead and wounded. The road winding 
around the high rocks on the Virginia side, must have 
been in more peaceful times a favorite drive for the 
gentry of the neighborhood. Shepherdstown itself 
adorns a most commanding position. On the occasion 
of this Union visit its inhabitants appeared intensely 
Secesh. Not so in the early history of the rebellion ; 
when Patterson's column " dragged its slow length 
along" through the valley of the Shenandoah. Scout- 
ing parties then saw Union flags from many a window. 
True, they streamed from dwellings owned by the 
merchants, mechanics, and laborers, the real muscle 
of the country ; but this was true of most of the towns 
of the Border States, and more early energetic action 
in affording these classes protection would have 
secured us the aid of their strong hands. As it was, 
these resources were in great measure frittered away 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 89 

— gradually drawn by what appeared an irresistible 
influence into the vort;ex of the Rebellion — or scatter- 
ed wanderingly through the Loyal States, and worn 
down and exhausted <in the support of dependent and 
outcast families. 

Sharpsburg was greatly altered. The yellow Rebel 
Flag designated almost every other building as a 
Hospital. Their surgeons in grey pompously pa- 
raded the streets. As the troops marched through, they 
were subjected to almost every description of insult. 
One interesting group of Rebel petticoated humanity 
standing in front of premises that would not have pass- 
ed inspection by one of our Pennsylvania Dutch 
housewives, held their noses by way of showing con- 
tempt. 

11 Guess you have to do that, about them diggins. 
When did you scrub last ?" said a bright-eyed officer's 
servant, whom a few years' service as a news-boy had 
taught considerable shrewdness. 

To annoy others "My Maryland" "and John 
Brown " were sung by the men. Around a toll-house 
at the west end of town, occupied by an old lady whose 
husband had been expelled with a large number of 
other patriotic residents, had congregated some wives 
of exiled loyal husbands, who were not afraid to avow 
their attachment for the old Union, by words of en- 
couragement and waving of handkerchiefs. They 
were backed by a reserve force of negroes of both 
sexes, whose generous exhibition of polished ivories, 
to say the least, did not represent any great displea- 
sure at the appearance of the troops. 

"There are the Reserves," said one of the boys, 
pointing to where the negroes stood. 

" Yes, and if they were called in the issue of this 
Rebellion would be speedy and favorable," said a 



90 EED-TAPE AND 

Captain in musical tones, " and I can't think but that 
this costly child's play will drive the nation into their 
use much sooner than many expect. Let them un- 
derstand that they are the real»beneficiaries of this 
war, and they will not stay their hands. And why 
shouldn't we use them ? ' They are one of the means 
that God and nature have placed in our hands,' and 
old Virginia can't object to that doctrine." 

" But, Captain," said his First Lieutenant, " would 
you fight alongside of a darkie?" 

" Would you drive a darkie away if he came to 
assist you in a struggle for life ?" 

"Yes, but we have men enough without their aid." 

" You forget, Lieutenant, that, as matters now are, 
we have them fighting against us." 

"How so?" 

" They raise the crops that feed the Rebel army. 
They are just as much, perhaps not as directly, but 
just as really fighting against us as the founders 
who cast their cannon. And as to fighting alongside 
of them, they may have quite as many prejudices 
against righting alongside of us. There is no ne- 
cessity of interfering with either. Organize colored 
regiments ; appoint colored line officers if efficient, 
and white field and staff officers, until they attain 
sufficient proficiency for command. As to their fight- 
ing qualities, military records attest them abundantly. 
The shrewd ' nephew of his uncle ' has used them for 
years." 

The earnest argument of the Captain made a deep 
impression upon the men. The desperation of our 
case, depressed finances, heavy hospital lists, and many 
other causes, independently of abstract justice, are fast 
removing that question beyond the pale of prejudice. 

A halt was ordered, and the men rested on the 



PIGEON-HOLE GENEEALS. 91 

sward that bordered the hard pike, and in the im- 
mediate neighborhood of the village cemetery. It was 
literally crowded with graves, many of them fresh. 
Large additions ha'd been made from surrounding 
fields, and they too were closely taken up by ridges 
covering the dead of Antietam. 

The surrounding country had suffered little from 
the ravages of war. Visited occasionally by scouting 
parties — principally cavalr}^ — of both sides, there had 
been none of the occupation by large bodies of troops, 
which levels fences, destroys crops, and speedily gives 
the most fertile of countries the seeming barrenness of 
the desert. The valley had a reputation that ran back 
to an ante-Revolutionary date for magnificence of 
scenery and fertility of soil. Washington, with all the 
enthusiasm of ardent youth, paid it glowing encomiums 
in his field-notes of the Fairfax surveys. In later 
times, when the destinies of our struggling colonies 
rested upon hi3 ample shoulders, the leaders 6f the 
faction opposed to him — for great and good as he was, 
he had jealous, bitter, and malignant enemies — settled 
a few miles beyond Shepherdstown, at what has since 
been known as Leetown. The farms, with few ex- 
ceptions, had nothing of the slovenly air, dilapidated, 
worn-out appearance, that characterized other parts 
of Virginia. Upon inquiry we found that the large 
landowners were in the habit of procuring tenants 
from the lower counties of Pennsylvania, and that the 
thrift and close cultivation were really imported. In 
the course of time these tenants, with their customary 
acquisitiveness, became landowners themselves, and 

their farms were readilv distinguishable bv the farm 

*■' *' 

buildings, and particularly by the large substantial 
red bank barns. 

The troops moved on to a wood, skirting either side 



92 . RED-TAPE AND 

of the road, and were thrown into line of battle. The 
country was gently rolling, and the woods in front 
that crowned the summit of the low ridges were shell- 
ed before advancing. Occasionally Rebel horsemen 
could be seen rapidly riding from one wood to 
another, making observations from some commanding 
point. 

In line of battle by Brigade, flanked by skirmish- 
ers, the advance was made. To the troops this, al- 
though toilsome, was unusually exciting. Through 
woods, fields of corn whose tall tops concealed even 
the mounted officers, and made the men, like quails in 
standing grain, be guided by the direction of the sound 
of the command, rather than by the touch of elbows 
to the centre, — over the frequent croppings out of 
ledges of rock, through the little streams of this plenti- 
fully watered country, the movement slowly progress- 
ed. They had not advanced far when a shell scream- 
ed over their heads, uncomfortably close to the Sur- 
geon and Chaplain, some fifty yards in the rear, and 
mangled awfully a straggler at least half a mile further 
back. As maybe supposed, his fate was a standing 
warning against straggling for the balance of the 
campaign. 

Notwithstanding further compliments from the 
rebels, who appeared to have our range, a roar of 
laughter greeted the dexterity with which the Chap- 
lain and Surgeon ducked and dismounted at the 
sound of the first- shell. Of about a size, and both 
small men, they fairly rolled from their horses. The 
boys had it that, the little Dutch Doctor grabbed at 
his horse's ear, or rather where it ought to have been ; 
as the horse was formerly in the Rebel service, and 
was picked up by the Doctor after the battle of 
Antietam, minus an ear, lost perhaps through a cut 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 93 

from an awkward sabre, and missing it fell upon his 
hands and knees in front of the horse's feet. 

As the shells grew more frequent and direct in 
range, the men were ordered to halt and lie down. 
The field officers dismounted, and were joined by the 
Chaplain and Doctor leading their horses. 

" Colonel, I no ride that horse," said the Doctor, 
sputtering and brushing the dust off his clothes. 

" Why not, Doctor ?" 

11 Too high — very big — " touching the top of the 
shoulder of the bony beast, and almost on tip-toe to 
do it, "had much fall, ground struck me hard," con- 
tinued he, his eyes snapping all the while. 

" Well, Doctor," remarked one of the other field 
officers, u we have told you all along that if you ever 
got in range with that horse, your life would hardly 
be worth talking about." 

" They not know him," anxiously said the Doc- 
tor. 

" Of course they know him. He has the best and 
plainest ear-mark in the world." 

11 Pretty close shoot that, anyhow." 

The result of this conversation was, that in the fur- 
ther movement the Doctor led his horse during the 
day. 

The firing ceased with no damage, save the bruises 
of the Doctor, and those received by our tonguey lit- 
tle Corporal, who asserted that the windage of a shell 
knocked him off a fence. As he fell into a stone 
heap, it is more than probable that he had some good 
reason for the movement — besides, why cannot Cor- 
porals suffer from wounds of that kind, frequently so 
fashionable among officers of higher grade ? 

The onward movement was resumed. In the 
course of half an hour the cannonading again opened, 



94 RED-TAPE AND 

interspersed with occasional volleys of musketry. 
The rattling of musketry became incessant. Advanc- 
ing under cover of rocky bluffs, the shells passed 
harmlessly over the Brigade. We soon ascertained 
that the Rebels had made a stand at a point where 
our advance, from the character of the country, neces- 
sarily narrowed into the compass of a strip of mea- 
dow-land. Here a brigade of Rebel infantry were 
drawn up in line of battle. Their batteries posted on 
a neighboring height, were guided by signals, the 
country not admitting of extended observation. The 
contest was brief. The gleam of the bayonets as they 
fell for the charge, broke the Rebel line, and they 
retired in considerable confusion to the wood in their 
rear. Our batteries soon shelled them from those 
quarters, and the advance continued — the skirmish- 
ers of both sides keeping up a rattling fire. Some 
Rebel earth-works were passed, and late in the after- 
noon the track of the Baltimore and Ohio railroad 
was crossed. The Rebels, before leaving, had done 
their utmost to complete the destruction of that much 
abused road. At intervals of every one hundred 
yards, piles of ties surmounted by rails were upon 
fire. These were thrown down by our men. About 
half a mile beyond the road, in a finely sodded val- 
ley, the troops were halted for the night, pickets 
posted, and the men prepared their meals closely in 
the rear of their stacks. The night was a pleasant 
one. An open air encampment upon such a night is 
one of the finest phases of a soldier's life. Meals over, 
the events of the day were discussed, or such matters 
as proved of interest to the different groups. 

One group we must not pass unnoticed. The 
majority lounged lazily upon the grass, some squatted 
upon their knapsacks, while a large stone was given 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 95 

by common consent to a tall, fine-looking Lieutenant, 
the principal officer present. 

" Corporal," said he, addressing the little Irish Cor- 

Eoral, •' do you know how near we are to Martins- 
urg?" 

" Faith I don't, Lieutenant." 

" I do not know the exact distance myself, but we 
are not over three or four miles from the road that 
we took when we guarded the ammunition train 
from Martinsburg to Charlestown." 

u Oh, it's the ould First ye are spaking about, is it ? 
Ov coorse I ricollect Martinsburg, and the markit- 
house where I guarded the fifty nagurs that Gineral 
Patterson had ordered to be arrested for having 
stripes on their pantaloons, Uncle Sam's buttons on 
their caps, and belts with these big brass U. S. plates 
on. Oh, but it was a swate crowd. The poor divils 
were crowded like cattle on cars, and it was one of 
the hot smothering nights. I couldn't help thinkin', 
that by and by, if our armies didn't move faster, the 
nagurs would have little trouble gettin' into uniforms. 
They have a nat'ral concate about such things. One 
poor fellow rolled the whites of his eyes awfully, and 
almost cried when I ordered him out of his red 
breeches." 

" The day has not come yet, and need not," rejoined 
the Lieutenant, " if our generals do their duty. Don't 
you recollect how we were hurried from Frederick, 
and after marching seven miles out of the way, made 
good time for all to Williamsport — how bayonets ap- 
peared to glisten upon every road leading into the 
town; and then our crossing the river, the band all 
the while playing 'The Star-spangled Banner,' and 
the march we made to Martinsburg, passing over the 
ground where the battle of Falling Waters had but a 



96 RED-TAPE AND 

few days before been fought ? If that battle bad been 
followed up as it should have been, Johnson would 
never have reached Bull Kun." 

" Be jabers ! do you know, Lieutenant, that that 
fight was all a mistake upon our part? Shure, our 
ginerals niver intended it." 

A laugh, with the inquiry " how he knew that?" 
followed. 

" Didn't I hear a Big Gineral, that I was acting as 
orderly for while in Martinsburg — for they made or- 
derlies of corporals thim days — tell a richly-dressed 
old lady, ' That it was our policy to teach our mis- 
guided Southern brethren, by an imposing show of 
strength, how hopeless it would be to fight against 
the Government.' The lady said, - That would save 
much bloodshed, would become a Christian nation, 
and would return them as friends to their old way of 
thinking. ' Yes, madam !' said the Gineral, ' there is 
no bitter feeling in our breasts,' clasping his breast. 
1 The masses south will soon see their country sur- 
rounded by volunteers in great numbers, and that the 
war, if protracted, must involve them all in ruin. 
When the war is over, madam, fanatics on both sides 
can be hung.' 

11 ' That was a dreadful affair at Falling Waters, 
General,' said the lady, with a strange twinkle in her 
eyes. 

" ' Yes, madam,' replied the General, coloring up 
to his ears, ' a blunder of some of our volunteer offi- 
cers. Ordinary military prudence made us send for- 
ward some force to reconnoitre before crossing the 
main army. These troops were to fall back if the 
enemy appeared in force. Not understanding their or- 
ders, or carried away by the excitement of the moment, 
they engaged the enemy with the unfortunate results 
to which you allude.' 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 97 

u Av it would have been proper for a corporal, I 
would have asked the Gineral what Johnny Eeb 
would do while we were taching him all that. Thim's 
the Gineral's exact words, for I paid particular atten- 
tion. I put them thegither with what I had heard 
from a Wisconsin boy, and I got the whole history of 
that fight." 

''Let's have it," shouted the crowd, now consider- 
ably increased, " at once !" 

" Well, you see, they were sent forward to recon- 
noitre, as the Gineral said, and there was a Wisconsin 
regiment of bear hunters and the like, and a Penn- 
sylvania regiment of deer hunters and Susquehannah. 
raftsmen pretty well forward. These Wisconsin chaps, 
in dead earnest, brought their rifles along all the way 
from Wisconsin, and, like the Susquehannah fellows, 
they couldn't kape hands off the trigger if there was 
any game about. 

" Well, they got to Falling Waters without stirring 
up anything ; you recollect, Lieutenant, where that 
rebel officer's house was burned down, and then the 
battery that was along with them, seeing some suspi- 
cious-looking Grey Backs dodging in and out of a 
wood, let them have a few round of shells just to 
see whether they Were in force or not, according to 
orders. The Rebs made tracks for a low piece of 
ground behind a ridge, and then formed line of battle. 
Our men, with a yell, went forward, and when they 
saw the Rebs in line, these two Colonels, thinking they 
had been sent out to fight, and that their men didn't 
carry guns for nothing, ordered them to fire ; and then 
they ordered them to load again, in order to relave 
their hips as much as possible from the load of ammu- 
nition ; and then they fired again ; and then, gittin' 
excited^ and thinkin' this work too slow, and that it 

5 



98 KED-TAPE AND 

wouldn't do to take such bright bayonets home, they 
ordered a charge, and cheering, yelling, and howling, 
our boys went at the Eebs. The Rebs didn't stand to 
meet them, but fell back behind a barn. The batteries 
burned that, — and then they tried to form line again, 
but no use. As soon as our fellows gave the yell; they 
were off like all possessed. They had prepared to run 
by tearing the fences down ; and then it was trying 
to form line, and breaking as soon as our fellows 
howled a little, all the way for five long miles to Mar- 
tinsburg ; and the last our boys saw of the Rebs was 
their straight coat-tails at the south end of the town. 
And that was the whole battle of Falling Waters ; 
and may be Ould Patterson wouldn't have got to 
Martinsburg if them Colonels had reported the Rebs 
in force, and not got excited. 

" But how did you hear all this ? You forget that 
part of it." 

" And couldn't you let that go ? I thought I could 
concale that. 

" Well, you know, Lieutenant, our ould Colonel 
boarded at the Brick Hotel, along the Railroad, 
above where the long strings of locomotives were 
burned, as the Gineral says, by our ' misguided south- 
ern friends ;' and I was about there considerably on 
duty. One afternoon, a jolly -looking little chap, one 
of the Wisconsin boys, and one after my own heart 
— and he proved it, too, by trating me to several 
drinks — came along with a Rebel Artillery officer's 
coat under his arm. And we looked at the coat, and 
talked and drank, and drank and talked, until the 
Wisconsin chappy put it on, just to show me how the 
Rebel officer looked in it. It was a fine grey, trim* 
med with gold lace and scarlet, and the Wisconsin 
ehappy looked gay in it, barring the sleeves were 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 99 

several inches too long, and the waist buttons came 
down nearly a foot too far, and it was too big round 
the waist. And he showed me after every drink what 
he did and what the Officer did, — and, to tell the 
plain truth, we got a drop too much, — and the Wis- 
consin chappy got turning back-hand springs against 
the side of the hotel, and I tried to do the same, to the 
great sport of the crowd. But it didn't last long. A 
corporal's guard took — or rather carried — us to the 
guard-house, and towards morning, when we sobered 
up, he tould me the whole story." 
" Pretty well put together, Terry." 
" And the blissed truth, ivery word of it." 
The night was wearing away — work before them in 
the morning — and the group dispersed for thei* blan- 
kets, from which we will riot disturb them until the 
succeeding chapter. 




100 KED-TAPE AND 



CHAPTER IX. 

Reconnaissance concluded. What we Saw and What we didn't 
See, and what the Good Public Read — Pigeon-hole Generalship 
and the Press — The Preacher Lieutenant and how he Recruited 

— Comparative Merits of Black Union Men and White Rebels — 
A Ground Blast, and its effect upon a Pigeon-hole General — 
Staff Officers Striking a Snag in the Western Virginia Captain 

— Why the People have a right to expect active Army Move- 
ments — Red Tape and the Sick List — Pigeon-holing at Division 
Headquarters. 

IN the misty morning arms were taken and the 
forward resumed. Occasional Rebel corpses passed 
showed the work of our sharp-shooters. In a short 
time the ground again prevented the movement in 
line of battle, and the troops marched bj the flank 
over a road well wooded on each side, until they 
reached what proved to be the farthest point made by 
t the reconnoissance — a large open plateau, bounded 
on the north and west by a wooded ridge to which it 
gradually rose, and which was said to border the 
Oppequam On the south, at an average distance of 
five hundred yards from the road, was a strip of tim- 
ber land. Slightly west by south, but upon the north 
side of the road, was a rise of ground, in the rear of 
which, but upon the south side of the road, were 
a farmer's house and out-buildings. The troops pur- 
sued their march until the head of the column ar- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. f 101 

rived opposite the house. Suspicious-looking horse- 
men were discovered on the edge of the woods that 
crowned the ridge. The order was given that the 
troops should leave the road and take cover on its 
south side, a position not commanded by the ridge. 
The order was not executed before a Rebel officer, on 
a white-tailed dun horse, the tail particularly conspic- 
uous against the dark background of the wood, was 
observed signalling to the extreme right of what was 
now supposed to be the Rebel line. Almost instantly 
some half a dozen pieces of artillery were placed in 
position, at various points on the brow of the circular 
ridge, completely commanding, in fact flanking our 
position. Our troops, however, were not disturbed, 
although every instant .expecting a salute from the 
batteries, as the range was easy and direct. While 
the troops were being placed in position behind the 
house the batteries were posted on the rise. A few 
hours passed in this position. The Rebel batteries in 
plain view, horsemen continually emerging and disap- 
pearing in the wood. Was it the force that we had 
driven before us? or were the Rebels in force upon 
that ridge, making the Oppequan their line of defence ? 
Better ground upon which to be attacked could not 
be chosen. The long distance to be traversed under 
fire of any number of converging batteries, would 
have slaughtered men by the thousands. But again, 
if the Rebels were in force, why did they not attack 
us ? Outflanking us was easy. With a superior force 
our retreat could easily be intercepted, and if we 
escaped at all, it would be with heavy loss. Their 
batteries threatened, but no firing. All was quiet, 
save the noise made by the men in stripping an 
orchard in their immediate front, and the commands 
of their officers in ordering them back to the ranks. 



102 KED-TAPE AND 

The quiet was provoking, and all manner of dis- 
cussion as to the Rebel force, movements, etc., was 
indulged in. Many contended that they were but 
threatening — others, that they were in force, that was 
their line of defence, and the plateau in front their 
battle-ground. This decision the General in com- 
mand seems to have arrived at, as the flaming tele- 
grams in the Dailies, in the course of a day or two, 
announced that the Rebels were discovered in great 
force, strongly posted in a most defensible position. 
After the lapse of an hour or two, the order for the 
homeward march was given, and strange to say, that 
although marching by the flank the last man had dis- 
appeared from their view, behind the cover of the 
wood, before the} 7 opened fire. They then com- 
menced shelling the woods vigorously, and continued 
firing at a respectful distance, doing no damage, until 
night set in. In the course of the afternoon it com- 
menced raining, and continued steadily throughout 
the night. The troops encamped for the night in 
Egyptian darkness, and what was worse, in a meadow 
fairly deluged with water. 

"Well, what does all this mean?" inquired one of 
a crowd, huddled together, hooded by blanket and 
oil-cloth, protecting themselves as best they could 
from the falling rain, for sleep was out of question to 
all but the fortunate few who can slumber in puddles. 

" What does it all mean, Charlie ? Why it means 
a blind upon Uncle Abraham and his good people. 
That's what it means." 

" Well, Lieutenant, I am surprised that a man of 
your usual reserve and correct conversation, should 
talk in that style about our commander." 

" Sergeant, it is high time that not only individu- 
als, whether reserved or not, but the people at large 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 103 

should denounce this delay that is wearing out the 
life of the nation. Weeks have passed since the 
battle of Antietam, and after repeated urgings on the 
part of the President, and repeated promises on the 
part of our commander, we have this beggarly apology 
for a movement. Yes, sir, apology for a movement. 
To-morrow's Dailies will tell in flaming capitals, 
how the Rebels were posted in large force in a strong 
position, and in line of battle upon the Oppequan, 
intimating thereby that further delay will be unavoid- 
able to make our army equal to a movement. Now 
this humbugging an earnest people is unfair, un- 
worthy of a great commander, and if he be hum- 
bugged himself again as with the Quaker guns at 
Manassas, the sooner the country knows it the better 
for its credit and safety. How can any living man 
tell that the batteries we saw to-day upon the ridge, 
are not the batteries we drove before us yesterday ? 
The probability is that they are." 

The speaker, as intimated by the Sergeant, was a 
man of reserve, quiet, and to the last degree inoffen- 
sive in his manner. A professing Christian, consist- 
ent in, and not ashamed of his profession, he had the 
respect of his command, and a friend in every ac- 
quaintance in the regiment. Educated for the min- 
istry, he threw aside his theological text books on the 
outbreak of the Rebellion, and bringing into requisi- 
tion some earlier lessons learned at a Military Acade- 
my, he opened a recruiting list with the zeal of a 
Puritan. It was not circulated, as is customary, in 
bar-rooms, but taking it to a rural district, he called 
a meeting in the Township Church, and in the faith 
of a Christian and the. earnestness of a patriot, he 
eloquently proclaimed his purpose and the righteous- 
ness of the war. Success on a smaller scale, but like 



104 EED-TAPE AND 

that of Peter the Hermit, followed his endeavor, and 
his quota of the Company was soon made up by the 
enlistment of nearly every able-bodied young man in 
the Township. His recruits fairly idolized him, and 
in their rougher and more unlettered way, were 
equally earnest advocates of the suppression of the 
Rebellion by any and every means. 

"Your Abolitionism will crop out from time to 
time, like the ledges of rock in the country we 
have just been passing through," said a Junior 
Lieutenant. 

" Call it Abolitionism, or what you will," replied 
his Senior. " I am for the suppression of the Rebel- 
lion by the speediest means possible. I am for the 
abolition of everything in the way of its suppression." 

"You would abolish the Constitution, I suppose, 
if you thought it in the way." 

" I would certainly amend the Constitution, had I 
the power, to suit the exigencies of the times. What 
is the Constitution worth without a country for it to 
control ?" 

" There it comes. Anything to ease the nigger." 

" Yes, sir, I thank God that this Rebellion strikes a 
death-blow at slavery. That wherever a Federal 
bayonet gleams in a slave State, we can see a gleam 
of eternal truth lighting up the gloom of slavery. 
The recent Proclamation of the President was all that 
was needed to place our cause wholly upon the rock 
of God's justice, and on that base the gates of the 
hell of slavery and treason combined, shall not pre- 
vail against it." 

" Preaching again, Lieutenant," said our Western 
Virginia Captain, who was the Lieutenant's Senior 
officer, as he strolled leisurely toward the crowd. " I 
tell you, Lieutenant, if Old Abe don't make better 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 105 

preparations to carry out his Proclamation, lie had 
better turn Chinese General at once." 

" Give him time, Captain. January 1 may bring 
preparations that we little dream of. At any rate, it 
places us in a proper position before the world. 
What ground had we to expect sympathy from the 
anti-slavery people of Europe, when we made no 
effort to release the millions enslaved in the South 
from bondage?" 

" As far as using the negroes as soldiers is con- 
cerned, it seems a day behind the fair. It should 
have been issued earlier. Why, we could have had 
them by thousands in Western Virginny, and officers 
in our regiment, who were with him, tell me that 
Patterson could have mustered an army of them. 
Instead of that they were driven from his lines, and 
when they brought him correct information as to the 
Rebels at Winchester, it was 'don't believe the d — d 
nigger,' and all this while he dined and wined with 
the Rebel nabobs about Charlestown. Boys, we com- 
menced this war wrong. I'm a Democrat, and al- 
ways have been one ; but I'm not afraid to say that 
we've all along been trying our best to make enemies 
of the only real friends we have inside of Rebel lines. 
Now, I don't like the nigger better than some of my 
neighbors ; but in my opinion, a black Union man 
is better than a white Rebel any day. To say nothing 
of their fighting, why don't our Generals use them as 
servants, and why are they not our teamsters and 
laborers ? Look at our able-bodied men detailed for 
servants about Pigeon-hole's Headquarters." 

"Well, Captain," interrupted the Sergeant, "Pigey 
has a big establishment, and see if the papers don't 
make him out a big General for this daring reconnois- 
sance." 

5* 



106 KED-TAPK AND 

" This daring tomfoolery ! If he'd come back to 
old Rosecrans with his story about a few pieces of ar- 
tillery posted on a ridge, Rosy would want to know 
why "the d — 1 he didn't find out what was behind 
them." 

" He showed great experience a few weeks ago," con- 
tinued the Sergeant, " when the Western fellows let 
off one of their ground blasts. ' Where did that shell 
explode?' inquired Pigey, galloping up with his staff 
and orderlies to our Regimental Headquarters. ' I 
heard no shell,' says the Colonel. 'Nor I,' sa}'s the 
Lieut.-Colonel. ' I did hear a ground blast,' said the 
Lieut.-Colonel, 'such as the boys in the Regiment be- 
low occasionally make from the rebel cartridges they 
find.' ' Ground blast ! h — 1 P says the General, exci- 
tedly, his eyes flashing from under his crooked cocked 
hat. ' Don't you think that an officer of my experi- 
ence and observation would be able to distinguish the 
explosion of a shell from that of a ground blast?' 
'No shell exploded, General,' said the Colonel, 'with- 
in the limits of my regiment.' ' The d — 1 it didn't — 
would }^ou have me disbelieve my own ears? Now, 
I have issued orders enough about permitting these 
unexploded shells to lie about, and I purpose holding 
the Colonels responsible for all damage. Suppose 
that explosion was heard at corps headquarters, as it 
doubtless was, and the inquiry is made from what 
quarter the rebels threw the shell, what reply am I, 
as the commanding General of this division, to make?' 

" ' Tell them that it was a ground blast,' said a Sec- 
ond Lieutenant, politely saluting. 'I have just been 
down and saw the hole it made.' 

'"You saw the hole! and just below here! The 
d — 1 you did! D — n the ground blasts!' and the 
General turned his horse's head and started towards 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 107 

division headquarters at a full gallop, followed by his 
grinning staff." 

" He's not to blame so much, boys," remarked the 
Captain. " He was a quiet clerk in the Topographi- 
cal Department when the war broke out, I've been 
told, and I've no doubt he dusted the pigeon-holes in 
his charge carefully, and folded the papers neatly. 
When McClellan looked about for material to fill up 
his big staff with, who was so well calculated to at- 
tend to the topography of his battle-fields, considering 
that he fought so few, and most of those he had to 
fight on the Peninsula, the rebels got next day, as 
our Division General. Now, as Little Mac is not 
particularly noted for close acquaintance with rebel 
shells, the General has had small chance of knowing 
what kind of noise they do make when they burst. 
His great blunder, or rather, the Government's, is his 
taking command of a division, if it has but two bri- 
gades,. I heard a Major say he had greatness thrust 
upon him. He's a small man in a big place. West 
Point has turned out som,e big men, like Eosecrans, 
Grant, Hooker, and many others that are a credit to 
the country — meu of genuine talent, who have none 
of those foolish prejudices, that the regulars are the 
only soldiers, and that volunteers are a mere make- 
shift, that can't be depended upon. And West Point, 
like all other institutions, has had its share of small 
men, that come from it with just brains enough to 
carry a load of prejudice against volunteers and the 
volunteer service, and a very little knowledge of the 
ordinary run of military matters, An officer of real 
ability will never be a slave to prejudice. These 
small men are the Ked-Tapists of the army — the 
Pigeon-Hole-Paper Generals, and being often elevated 
and privileged unduly, because they are from West 



108 EED-TAPE ANT> 

Point, they play the very devil in their commands. 
Our corps commander, who was a teacher there, has 
brought a full share of the last kind into the corps. 

" I wander about a good deal among other camps of 
this corps, pick up information and make myself ac- 
quainted without standing on ceremony. I never 
wait for that. I always had a habit of doing it, and 
I honestly believe, from what I see and hear, there 
has been a studied effort, from some high commander, 
to teach these young regular officers treason, — yes, 
boys, treason, — because when a man tells me that we 
can't conquer the Kebels, and that after a while we'll 
have to make peace, etc., I set him down for a trai- 
tor ; he is aiding and abetting the enemies of his coun- 
try. If that ain't treason I'd like to know what is." 

" The Captain headed off a lot of young regu- 
lars the other evening a little the prettiest," said the 
Sergeant. 

" Let's have it !" said a dozen in the crowd ; now 
considerably increased, 

" The Captain," continued the Sergeant, " had asked 
me to take a walk with him after dress-parade, and 
we strolled along the Sharpsburg road towards Corps 
Headquarters. As we got just beyond the house and 
barn where the Rebel wounded are a we came upon a 
crowd of officers^ commissioned and non-commis- 
sioned, and some privates. A quite young officer, 
with a milk-and-water face and a moustache like mil- 
dew on a damp Hardee, was talking very excitedly 
about the 4-dministration not appreciating (xeneral 
McClellan ^ that there wasn't intellect enough there to 
appreciate a really great military genius ; that I3uro-- 
pean officers praised him as our greatest ,Qeneral ; and 
that even the Eebel officers sakj. that they feareql him 
more than any of our Commanders ; and yet all the 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 109 

a 

"while the Abolition Administration tied his hands and 
fettered his movements, and all because Little Mac 
wasn't crazy enough to say that the Kebels could be 
subjugated and their armies exterminated, as some 
fanatical Eegulars and nearly all the Volunteer offi- 
cers pretend to say. ' Now, I believe,' said the offi- 
cer, thrusting his thumbs between his armpits and his 
vest, and puffing out his breast pompously, 'I believe, 5 
as Little Mac says, " we can drive them to the wall ;" 
we can lessen the limits of their country ; but, gentle- 
men, after all, there will have to be a peace.' 

"I thought," said the Sergeant, "the Captain was 
going to break in upon him here. He threw back his 
cap till the rim was on top of his head, rammed his 
hands into his pockets, and edged his way a little fur- 
ther into the crowd, towards the speaker; but he 
didn't, and the speaker went on to say : 

" ' There are the people, too, crazy about a forward 
movement. Why don't they come down and shoul- 
der muskets themselves?' 

" The Captain could hold in no longer. He drew 
his hands out of his pockets, straightened them along 
his side, like a game rooster stretching his wings just 
before a fight, and sidling up to the officer, looking at 
him out of the corner of his eye, he burst out — 

" 'Why don't they shoulder muskets themselves? 
I'll tell you why, — because we are here to do it for 
them. They have sent us, they pay us, and they've 
a right to talk, and I hope they will talk. Anything 
like a decent forward movement of this Corps would 
have saved the disgrace of the second Bull Run battle. 
We all know how the Corps lagged along the road- 
side, and the Rebel cannon all the while thundering 
in the ears of its Commander.' 

" 'A Volunteer officer, I suppose,' said the young 



110 EED-TAPE AND 

officer, somewhat sneeringly. " Where have you ever 
seen service ?" 

" ' Yes, sir, a Yolunteer officer,' said the Captain 
straightening up, facing full the officer, and eyeing 
him until his face grew paler. ' Where have I seen 
service ? In Mexico, as private in the 4th Regular 
Artillery, while you were eating pap with a spoon, 
you puppy ! You had better have stayed at that busi- 
ness ; it was an honest one, at any rate, and Uncle 
Sam would have been saved some pay that you draw, 
while, like a dishonest sneak, you preach treason." 

'"How dare you insult a Regular officer?' said a 
gold-striped, dandified fellow, as he twisted the ends 
of his moustache into rat- tails. 

11 'Who the d — 1 are you?' said the Captain, turning 
on him so suddenly that the officer commenced to 
back ; ' with your gold lace on your shoulders that 
may mean anything or nothing. What are you any- 
how ? Captain ? Lieutenant ? Clerk ? or Orderly ? 
Those straps are a good come off, boys.' The crowd 
laughed. ' I suppose he thinks he's a staff officer." 

" 'I am, and a Lieutenant in the Regular army,' 
said the officer angrily, and giving the word ' Regular ' 
the full benefit of his voice. 

11 ' Regular and be d — d,' retorted the Captain. ( I 
want you both to understand that I am a Captain in 
the Yolunteer service of the United States ; that that 
service is by Act of Congress on a footing with the 
Regular service, and that I'll always talk in this style 
when I hear treason. I am the superior officer of you 
both, and have a right to talk to you. I've been in 
service since the Rebellion broke out, and by the 
mother of Moses, I never heard treason preached by 
officers in Uncle Sam's uniform till I got into this 
Corps. It makes my blood boil, and I won't stand it. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. Ill 

Pretty doctrine you are trying to teach these soldiers ; 
but I know by their faces they understand the matter 
better than you, and you can't do them any damage.' 
4 That's so,' sang out several of the crowd. ' You fel- 
lows all talk alike. I have heard dozens of you talk 
in the same way, and I believe your ideas are stocked 
from a higher source. There is something wrong in 
the head of this Grand Army of the Potomac. The 
way it's managed, grand only in reviews.' 

" ' We shall report you, sir,' said the Rat-tailed 
Moustache, ' for speaking disrespectfully of your su- 
perior officers.' 

" ' Report as quick as you please. About that time 
you'll find another report at the War Department, 
against two Regular Lieutenants, for speaking dis- 
couraging and disloyal sentiments.' 

'"A Volunteer officer, would stand a big chance at 
the Department making a complaint against Regulars,' 
said the officer, as they both backed out of the crowd, 
followed by a couple of non-commissioned officers 
and privates. 

" ' You d — d butterflies," roared the Captain after 
them. Til bet ten dollars to one that you only 
stayed in service when the war broke out, because 
you thought you could trust greenbacks better than 
Confederate scrip.' 

" ' You shall hear from us,' replied Rat-tail, as they 
"walked on. 

" ' Am ready to hear from both at once now, you 
cowardly sneaks,' sang out the Captain. ■ Don't 
believe you ever smelt powder, or ever will, if you can 
help it.' 

" ' Boys,' said the Captain, who had the sympathies 
of the crowd that remained strongly with him. ' These 
shallow-brained fellows and some older ones that 



112 EED-TAPB AND 

i 

wear stars, that havn't head enough to cut loose from 
the Red-tape prejudice against us Volunteers, are a 
curse to the Army of the Potomac. Is it any wonder 
that this Grand Army, burdened with squirts of that 
stripe, is a burlesque and a disgrace to the country for 
its inefficiency. In the West, where Eegular officers, 
unprejudiced, go hand in hand with Volunteers, we 
make progress. But what's the use of talking, the 
body won't move right if the heart's rotten.' 

" ' True as preachin',' said one of the men, and the 
sentiment seemed approved by the crowd, as we gra- 
dually took up the homeward step." 

" Has the Sergeant told ' the whole truth,' and 
nothing but the truth ?" inquired a Lieutenant, a 
lawyer at home, of the Captain. 

"Yes, sir," replied the Captain firmly, "and I'll 
stick by the whole of it, and a good deal more." 

a Well, I've been slow about believing many state- 
ments that I have heard," continued the Lieutenant ; 
" but to-day I heard some facts from a Colonel in the 
Second Brigade that fairty staggered me. His Regi- 
ment, through some Red-tape informality, has been 
without tents. In consequence, considerable sickness, 
principally fever, has prevailed. Some time ago he 
made a request to Division Head-quarters, for permis- 
sion to clean out and use the white house that stands 
near his Regiment, and that, until lately, was full of 
wounded rebels, as a hospital. Corps Head-quarters 
must be heard from. After considerable delay, the 
men in the meanwhile sickening and dying, the request 
was denied. The sickness, through the rains, increased,, 
and the application was renewed with like success. 
The owner, who was a Rebel sympathizer, was op- 
posed, and other like excuses, that in the urgency of 
the case should not have been considered at all, were 



# PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 113 

given. The sickness became alarming in extent. 
The Regiment was entirely without shelter, save that 
made from the few pine boughs to be had in the 
neighborhood. The Colonel took some boards that 
the rebels had spared from the fence surrounding the 
house, and with them endeavored to increase the com- 
fort of the men. In the course of a day or two, a bill 
was sent to him from Head-quarters, with every board 
charged at its highest value, with the request to pay, 
and with notice that in failure of immediate payment 
the amount would be charged upon his pay-roll. This 
treatment disgusted the Colonel, who is a gentleman 
of high tone and the kindliest feelings, and angered by 
the heartlessness that denied him proper shelter for 
his sick, now increased to a number frightfully large, 
with a heavy share of mortality, he cut red-tape, sent 
over a detail to the house, had it cleansed of Rebel 
filth, and filled it with the sick. The poor fellows 
were hardly comfortable in their new quarters, before 
an order came from Division Head-quarters for their 
immediate removal. 

11 ' I have no place to take them to ; they are sick, 
and must be under shelter,' was the Colonel's reply. 

" ' The Commanding General of the Division orders 
their instant removal,' was the order that followed. 

" ' The Commanding General of Division must take 
the responsibility of their removal on his own head,' 
was the spirited reply of the Colonel. 

" That evening towards sunset, the second edition 
of Old Pigeon, 'Squab,' as the boys called him, 
rode up with the air of ' one having authority,' and 
in a conceited manner informed the Colonel that the 
General commanding the Division had directed him 
to place him under arrest. Now these things I know 
to be facts. I took pains to inform myself." 



114 BED-TAPE AND 

The Lieutenant's story elicited many ejaculations 
of contempt for the heartlessness of some in high- 
places ; but they were cut short by the Captain's stat- 
ing that he knew the circumstances to be true, and 
that Old Pigeon stated the Colonel should wait for 
his hospital tents, the requisition for which had been 
sent up months before. It was shelved in some 
pigeon-hole, and the Colonel was to stand by and see 
his men sicken and die, while a rebel farmer's house 
near by would have saved many of them. 

" But we're in for it, boys. No use of talking. 
Obedience is lesson No. 1 of the soldier, and you 
know that we must not 'mutter or murmur' against 
our Commanding General, which position Old Pigey 
so often reminds us he holds. The old fellow half 
suspects that if he didn't, we'd forget it from day to 
day ; for Lord knows there is nothing about the man 
but his position to make any one remember it. Now 
I am determined to have some sleep," 

u Sleep ! such a night as this ?" said one of the 
crowd. 

" Of course ; we'll need it to-morrow, and an old sol- 
dier ought to be able to sleep anywhere, in any kind 
of weather." 

The Captain left. There was a partial dispersing 
of the crowd, but many a poor fellow shivered in that 
pelting rain the night long. 

The morning found the enemy at a respectful dis- 
tance, and the homeward route was quietly resumed. 
Late in the afternoon the advance entered Shepherds- 
town. At this time the rear was shelled vigorously, 
and as the troops continued their passage through the 
town cavalry charges were made upon both sides. 
That only ford was again crossed, and the evening was 
well advanced ere the troops regained their camps. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 115 

A day later, and the Dailies, through their respect- 
ive reporters, told an astonished public how the bril- 
liant and daring reconnoissance had discovered qual- 
ities of great generalship in a man who but a short 
time before had figured as a quiet literary man in the 
seclusion of an office. 

"And, be jabers," said our little Irish Corpora^, on 
hearing it read, " Uncle Sam would have gained by 
paying him to stay in that office." 




116 BED-TAPE AKD 



CHAPTER X. 

Departure from Sharpsburg Camp — The Old Woman of Sandy 
Hook — Harper's Ferry — South sewing Dragons Teeth by 
shedding Old John's Blood—The Dutch Doctor and the Boar 
— Beauties of Tobacco — Camp Life on the Character — Patrick, 
Brother to the Little Corporal — General Patterson no Irishman 
— Guarding a Potatoe Patch in Dixie — Tlie Preacher Lieute- 
nant on Emancipation — Inspection and the Exhorting Colonel — 
The Scotch Tailor on Military Matters. 

OCTOBER was drawing to a close rapidly, when, 
at last, after repeated false alarms, the actual 
movement of the army commenced. No one, unless 
himself an old campaigner, can appreciate the feelings 
of the soldier at the breaking up of camp. Anxious 
for a change of scenery as he may be, the eye will 
linger upon each familiar spot, the quarters, the 
parade ground, and rocky bluff and wooded knoll, 
until memory's impress bears the lasting distinctness 
of a lifetime. Those leaving could "not banish from 
their minds, even if disposed, the thought that, al- 
though but a temporary sojourn for them, it had 
proved to be the last resting-place of many of their 
comrades. The hospital, more dreaded than the field, 
had contributed its share to the mounds that dotted 
the hills from the strife of Antietam. 

11 There is not an atom of this earth 
But once was living man — " 



PIGEOX-nOLE GENERALS. 117 

was a day dream, doubtless, of the poetic boy of 
eighteen ; but how suggestive it becomes, when 
we consider how many thousands and hundreds 
of thousands of mounds rising upon every hill in the 
border States, attest devotion to the cause of the Union, 
or treason, in this foulest of Rebellions. 

The route lay, after passing the village of Sharps- 
burg, through a narrow valley, lying cosily between 
the spurs of two ridges that appeared to terminate at 
the Ferry. On either hand the evidences of the occupa- 
tion of the country by a large army were abundant. 
Fences torn down, ground trampled, and fields desti- 
tute of herbage. The road bordering the canal, along 
which is built the straggling village of Sandy Hook, 
was crowded with the long wagon trains of the dif- 
ferent Corps. A soldier could as readily distinguish the 
Staff from the Regimental wagons, as the Staff them- 
selves from Regimental officers. The slick, well fed 
appearance of the horses or mules of Staff teams, 
usually six in number, owing to abundance of forage 
and half loaded wagons, were in striking contrast with 
the four half fed, hide-bound beasts usually attached 
to the overloaded Regimental wagons. Order after 
order for the reduction of baggage, that would reduce 
field officers to a small valise apiece, while many 
line officers would be compelled to march without a 
change of clothing, did not appear to lessen the length 
of Staff trains. That the transportation was unneces- 
sarily extensive, cannot be doubted. That the heav- 
iest reduction could have been made with Head- 
quarter trains, is equally true. 

" Grey coats one day and blue coats the next," said 
an old woman clad in homespun grey, who came out 
of a low frame house as the troops slowly made their 
way past the teams through the village of Sandy Hook. 



118 EED-TAPE AND 

"Right on this rock is where General Jackson 
rested hisself," continued the old woman. 

" Were there many Rebs about?" inquired one of 
the men. 

" Right smart of them, I reckon ;" replied the old 
woman; "but Lord! what a lookin' set of critters. 
Elbows and knees out ; many of them hadn't shoes, 
and half of them that had had their toes out. You 
boys are dandies to them. And tired too, and hungry. 
Gracious ! the poor fellows, when their officers weren't 
about, would beg for anything almost to eat. Why, 
my daughter Sal saw them at the soap-fat barrel I 
They said they were nearly marched and starved to 
death. And their officers didn't look much belter. 
Lord ! it looks like a pic-nic party to see you blue 
coats, with your long strings of wagons, and all }<our 
other fixins. You take good care of your bellies, the 
way you haul the crackers and bacon. Old Jackson 
never waits for wagons. That's the way he gets 
around you so often." 

"Look here, old woman," roared out one of the men, 
"you had better dry up." 

" Yes, and he'll get around you again," continued 
the old woman in a louder key* " You think you're 
going to bag him, do you. You're some on baggin' ; 
but he'll give you three days' start and beat you down 
the valley. They acted like gentlemen, too, didn't 
touch a thing without leave, and you fellows have 
robbed me of all I have." 

" They were in * My Maryland,' and wanted to get 
the people all straight," suggested one of the boys. 

The old lady did not take the hint, but kept on 
berating the fresh men as they passed— taunting them 
by disparaging comparison with the Rebel troops. 
A neighbor, by informing them of the fact of her 



PIGEONHOLE GENEKALS. 119 

having two sons in the Bebel service, imparted the 
secret of her interest. * * * '• * * 

And there is the Ferry, so often pictured, or 
attempted to be, by pen and pencil. Either art has 
failed, and will fail, to do justice to that sublimely 
grand mountain scenery. Not quite three years ago, 
an iron old man, who perished with the heroism of a 
Spartan, or rather, to be just, the faith of a Christian ; 
but little more than a year in advance of the dawn 
of the day of his hope, centred upon this spot the 
eyes of a continent* A crazy fanatic, was the cry, 
but— 

" Thy scales, Mortality, are just 
To all that pass away." 

Time will reveal that it was not the freak of a mad- 
man, but rather a step in the grand progress of uni- 
versal emancipation, and that Old John had founda- 
tions for his purposed campaign, quite as substantial 
as those upon which better starred enterprises have 
succeeded. 

"Lor, Massa, if Old John had only had these men," 
said a wench to one of Patterson's Captains, as he 
paused for a few moments while drilling his command 
at Charlestown, during that fruitless campaign, so for- 
midable in preparation, and so much more disgraceful 
than that of Old John in its termination, for the latter, 
in his dying heroism, won the admiration of a world. 

" Why, what could Old John have done with 
them ?" replied the Captain. 

" Golly, Massa," said the wench, with a knowing 
grin ; " he would have walked right through Yirginny, 
and he'd have had plenty of help too. I knows, 
many a nigger about here that didn't say nuthin', 
would have jined him." 



120 RED-TAPE AND 

" Why didn't they join him ?" 

" Lor, Massa, they didn't know it in time. Hadn't 
any chance. Massa wanted us to go see him hung ; 
but only the youngsters went. We colored pussons 
neber forget Old John* No sah!" 

The men wound their way as best they could be- 
neath the precipitous and towering rocks of the Mary- 
land Heights, through the teams that blocked up the 
road, and a short distance above the Railroad Bridge, 
filed to the left, and crossed upon the pontoons. As 
they passed the Engine House) the utmost endeavors 
of the officers could not prevent a bulge to the right, 
so great was the anxiety to see the scene of Old John's 
heroic but hopeless contest. Denounced by pro»slav- 
ery zealots as a murderer, by the community at large 
as afanatiq who fifty years hence will deny him hon- 
orable place in the list of martyrs for the cause bf 
eternal truth ! 

The town itself was almost a mass of ruins ; both 
sides, at various stages of the war, having endeavored 
to effect its destruction. Another pontoon bridge was 
crossed, bridging the Shenandoah— sparkling on its 
rocky bed — the Dancing Water \ as termed by the Abo- 
rigines, with their customary graceful appropriateness. 
To one fond of mountain scenery, and who is not ? 
the winding road that follows the Shenandoah to its 
junction, then charmingly bends to the course of the 
Potomac, is intensely interesting. But why should 
an humble writer weary the reader's patience by ex- 
patiating upon scener}^ the sight of which Jefferson 
declared well worth a visit across the Atlantic, at a 
day when such visits were tedious three month affairs, 
and uncertain at that? War now adds a bristling 
horror to the shaggy mountain tops, and from, the 
hoarse throats of heavy cannon often "leap from rock 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 121 

to rock the beetling crags among" well executed 
counterfeits of " live thunder." 

The Potomac is followed but a short distance, the 
road winding by an easy ascent up the mountain 
ridge, and descending as easily into a narrow and 
fruitful valley. In this valley, four miles from the 
Ferry, a halt was ordered, and the Division rested for 
the night and succeeding day, in a large and well 
sodded field. 

" Gentlemen," said our Brigadier, in a sly, good- 
humored way, as he rode up to the field officers of the 
Regiment, "the field upon which you are encamped, 
and all the land, almost as far as you can see, on the 
left of yon fence, belong to a Rebel now holding the 
rank of Major in the Rebel service. All I need say, 
I suppose, gentlemen," and the General left to com- 
municate the important information to the other Regi- 
ments of the Brigade. As a fine nocl£ of sheep, 
some young cattle, a drove of porkers that from a 
rear view gave promise of prime Virginia hams, and 
sundry flocks of chickens, had been espied as the men 
marched into the field, the General's remarks were 
eminently practical and suggestive. 

"Charlie, what's the state of the larder?" said the 
Major, with his usual thoughtfulness, addressing the 
cheerful mess cook. 

" Some boiled pork and crackers. Poor show, sir!" 
Such fare, after a hard day's march, in sight of a liv- 
ing paradise of beef, mutton, pork, and poultry, would 
have been perfectly inexcusable; and forthwith, the 
Major, "the little Dutch Doctor," and a short, stoutly- 
built Lieutenant, all armed to the teeth, started off to 
reconnoitre, and ascertain in what position the Rebel 
property was posted. As they went they canvassed 
the respective merits of beef, mutton, pork and poul- 

6 



122 BED-TAPE AND 

try, until a short grunt from a porker, as he crossed 
the Doctor's path, ended the discussion. The Major 
and Lieutenant cocked their pistols, but withheld fir- 
ing, as they saw the Doctor prostrate, holding by both 
hands the hind leg of a patriarch of the flock. 

"Oh, Heavens ! we don't want that old boar !" cried 
out at once both the Major and Lieutenant. 

" Goot meat, make strong, goot for health, very," 
said the Doctor, holding on with the grasp of a vice, 
while the boar fairly dragged him, face to the ground, 
"after the manner of all creeping things." The 
Doctor was in a fix. Help his companions would not 
give. He could not hold the boar by one hand alone. 
After being considerably bruised, he was compelled to 
release his hold, to his intense disgust, which he 
evinced as he raised himself up, puffing like a por- 
poise, by gesticulating furiously, and muttering a jar- 
gon in which the only thing intelligible was the oft- 
repeated word, " tarn." A well-directed shot from the 
Major, shortly afterwards, brought down a royal 
" Virginia mutton," as the camp phrase is. Another 
from the Lieutenant grazed the rear of a fine young 
porker's ham ; but considerable firing, a long chase, 
and many ludicrous falls occurred, before that pig was 
tightly gripped between the legs of the Lieutenant. 

The expedition was so successful that the aid of 
some privates was called in to help carry to quarters 
the rich spoils of the chase. As for the Doctor, — after 
the refusal of assistance in his struggle, he walked 
homeward in stately but offended dignity, and shocked 
the Chaplain, as he was occasionally in the habit of 
doing, by still muttering " tarn." 

A person enjoying the comforts of home, testy as 
to the broiling of a mutton-chop perhaps, for real, un- 
alloyed enjoyment of appetite should form one of a 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 123 

camp circle, toasting, at a blazing fire, as the shades 
of evening gather round, steaks freshly cut with a 
camp-knife from flesh that quivered with remaining 
life but a moment before, assisting its digestion by 
fried Kardees, and washing both down by coffee inno- 
cent of cream. That is a feast, as every old cam- 
paigner will testify ; but to be properly appreciated a 
good appetite is all essential. To attain that, should 
other resources fail, the writer can confidently recom- 
mend a march, say of about fifteen miles, over rough 
or dusty roads. 

And then, as the appetites of the men are sated by 
the hardy provender of Uncle Sam, varied, as in this 
instance, by Virginia venison, and they respectively 
fail back and take to 

" Sublime Tobacco ! glorious in a pipe ;" 

what more pleasant than the discussion of the 
doings of the day, or of the times, the recital of oft- 
repeated and ever-gaining yarns, or the heart-stirring 
strains of national ballads, while elich countenance is 
lit with the ever-varying glow of the fire. 

Upon this evening not only Headquarters but the 
Regiment was exultant in the feast upon the fat of a 
rebellious land. To add to their comfort several large 
stacks of hay and straw had been deprived of their 
fair proportions, and preparations had been made for 
the enjoyment of rest upon beds that kings would 
envy, could they but have the sleepers' sound repose. 

The morrow had been set apart as a day of rest — a 
fact known to the Regiment, and their fireside enjoy- 
ment was accordingly prolonged. 

The camp, more than any other position in life, de- 
velops the greatest inconsistencies in poor human na- 
ture. The grumbler of the day's march is very fre- 



124 BED-TAPE AND 

quently the joker of the bivouac. The worse, at the 
expense of man's better qualities, are rapidly strength- 
ened, and the least particle of selfishness, however 
concealed by a generous nature at the period of enlist- 
ment, fearfully increases its power with every day of 
service. The writer remembers well a small, slightly- 
built, bow-legged fellow, who would murmur without 
ceasing upon the route, continually torment his offi- 
cers for privilege to fall out of ranks to adjust his 
knapsack, • fasten a belt, or some such like purpose, 
who, on the halt, would amuse his comrades for 
hours in performing gymnastic feats upon out-spread 
blankets. Another, who at home flourished deserv- 
edly under the sobriquet of " Clever Billy," became, 
in a few brief months of service, the most surly, snap- 
pish, and selfish of his mess. 

Pipe in mouth, their troubles are puffed away in the 
gracefully ascending smoke. Many a non-user of the 
weed envies in moody silence the perfect satisfaction 
resting upon the features of his comrade thus engaged. 
Non- users are becoming rare birds in the army. So 
universal is the habit, that the pipe appears to belong 
to the equipment, and the tobacco-pouch, suspended 
from a button-hole of the blouse, is so generally worn 
that one would suppose it to have been prescribed by 
the President as part of the uniform. 

The crowd gathered about the Headquarters had 
largely increased, and while luxuriating upon the 
straw, time passed merrily. The Colonel, who never 
let an opportunity to improve the discipline of his 
command pass unimproved, seized the occasion of the 
presence of a large number of officers to impress upon 
them the necessity of greater control of the men upon 
the march. The easy, open, but orderly route-step of 
the Kegulars was alluded to — their occupying the 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 125 

road alone, and not spread out and straggling like a 
drove of cattle. A stranger seeing our Volunteers 
upon the march would not give them credit for the 
soldierly qualities they really possess. Curiosity, so 
rampant in the Yankee, tempts him continually to 
wander from the ranks to one or other side of the 
road. 

"Well, Colonel," said a tall Lieutenant, "the Regu- 
lars look prim and march well, but they have done 
little fighting, as yet, in this Army of the Potomac." 

" You forget the Peninsula," replied the Colonel. 

11 Oh, there they were caught unexpectedly, and 
forced into it. In this Corps they are always in re- 
serve ; and that's what their officers like, — everything 
in reserve but pay and promotion. It is rather doubt- 
ful whether th*y will fight." 

" Ov coorse they'll fight," said the little Irish Cor- 
poral, half rising from his straw on the outskirts of 
the crowd ; " Ov coorse they will. They're nearly 
all my own countrymen. I know slathers of them ; 
and did you iver in your born days know an Irish- 
man that wouldn't fight, anywhere, any time, and for 
anything, if he had anybody to fight?" 

" And a quart of whiskey in him," interrupts the 
Adjutant. " As Burns says of the Scotch — 

ft i^y-j' Tippeny they fear nae evil, 

Wi' Usquebagh they'll face the Devil.' " 

"Now, don't be comparing an Irishman, if you 
plaze, Adjutant, to a scratch-back Scotchman. The 
raal Irishman has fire enough in his bluid ; but there's 
no denying a glass of potheen is the stuff to regulate 
it. Talk about Rigulars or Volunteers fighting; — it's 
the officers must do their duty, and there's no fear 
thin of the men." 



126 KED-TAPE AND 

"What did you enlist for, anyway, Terence?" 
broke in a Second Lieutenant. 

u It's aisy seeing that it wasn't for a Lieutenant's 
pay," retorted Terence, to the amusement of the 
crowd, and then, as earnestness gathered upon his 
countenance, he continued : " I enlisted for revinge, 
and there's little prospect of my seeing a chance 
for it." 

u For revenge?" said several. 

u Yis, for revinge. I had worked early and late 
at a liv'ry stable, like a nagur, to pay the passage 
money of my only brother to this country. Faith, he 
was a broth of a boy, the pride of all the McCarthy's," 
— tears welled in his eyes as he continued, — u just 
three years younger than mysilf, a light, ruddy, nately 
put togither lad as iver left the bogs; find talk about 
fightin' ! — the divil was niver in him but in a fight, 
and thin you'd think he was all divil. That was Pat- 
rick's sport, and fight he would, ivery chance, from 
the time whin he was a bit of a lad, ten years ould, 
and bunged the ould schoolteacher's eyes in the 
parish school-house. Will, he got. a good berth in a 
saloon in the Bowery, where they used Patrick in 
claning out the customers whin they got noisy, and 
he'd do it nately too, to the satisfaction of his em- 
ployer, lie did well till a recruiting Sergeant — bad 
luck to him — that knew the McCarthys in the ould 
country, found him out, and they drank and talked 
about ould times, and the Sergeant tould him that the 
army was the place for Irishmen, — that there would 
be lots of fightin'. The chance of a fight took Patrick, 
and nixt day he left the city in a blouse, as Fourth 
Corporal in an Irish Rigiment, and a prouder looking 
chappie, as his own Captain tould me, niver marched 
down Broadway. And thin to think he was mur- 
thered by my own Gineral." 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 127 

" Who ? How was that?'' interrupted half a dozen 
at once. 

" Grineral Patterson, you see, to be shure." 

"Why, Terence," broke in the Lieutenant, "you 
shouldn't be so hard upon General Patterson ; he's of 
an Irish family." 

"The Grineral an Irishman! Niver! Of an Irish 
family ! must have been hundreds of years back, and 
the bluid spoiled long before it got into his veins, by 
bad whiskey or something worse. It takes the raal 
potheen, that smacks of the smoke of the still, to keep 
up the bluid of an Irishman. Rot-gut would ruin St. 
Patrick himself if he were alive and could be got to 
taste it. Gineral Patterson an Irishman ! no, sir ; or 
there would have been bluidy noses at Bunker's Hill 
or Winchester, and that would have saved some at 
Bull Run." 

11 On with your story, Terence," said the crowd. 

"Beggin' your pardon, there's no story about it, — 
the blissid truth, ivery word of it. 

" Will, you see, while our ould Colonel, under the 
Gineral's orders, had me guarding a pratie patch — " 

" Set an Irishman to guard a potato patch !" laughed 
the Second Lieutenant. 

"It wasn't much use," said Terence, smiling, "for 
they disappeared the first night, and the slim college 
student that was Sergeant of that relief was put under 
guard for telling the officer of the • guard, next morn- 
ing, that there had been a heavy dew that night, and 
it evaporated so fast that it took the praties along. 
We lived on praties next day, but the poor Sergeant 
had to foot the bill. 

" Well, as I was going on to say, while I was help- 
ing guard a pratie patch, an ice-house, corn-crib, 
smoke-house, and other such things that were near 



128 RED-TAPE AND 

our camp ground, and that belonged to a Eebel Col- 
onel under Johnston ; — Johnston himself was staling 
away with all his army to help fight the battle of Bull 
Eun. Patrick — pace to his sowl — was in that battle 
and fought like a tiger, barrin' that he would have 
done better, as his Captain tould me, if he hadn't for- 
got the balls in his cartridge-box, and took to his 
musket like a shelaleh all day long. Patrick's regi- 
ment belonged to a Brigade that was ordered to keep 
Johnston in check, and there stood Patrick in line, 
like a true lad as he was, clubbing back the Butter- 
nuts, striking them right and left — maybe the fellows 
belonged to this same Eebel Colonel's regiment — 
until a round shot struck him full in the breast, 
knocking the heart out of as true an Irishman as iver 
lived, and killing dead the flower of the McCar- 
thys. 

" I didn't know it till we got to Baltimore, and 
thin whin I riflicted how the poor boy- marched up to 
fight the bluidy Eebels, and how they killed him, my 
own brother, while I — I, who would have given my 
right hand to save him, — yis," said Terence, rising, 
and tears streaming from his eyes, "would have waded 
through fire and bluid to help the darlin', the pride 
of his mother, — I was guarding a Eebel Colonel's 
property, whin the whole of us, if we had fought 
Johnston, as we ought to have done, might have kept 
him back and saved our army, and that would have 
saved me my brother. And thin whin I remimbered 
how thick the Gineral was with the Eebel gentry, and 
how fine ladies with the divil in their eyes bowed to 
him in Charlestown, and spit at and cocked up their 
noses at us soldiers, while their husbands were off, 
maybe, murthering my brother; and how the Gineral, 
proud as a paycock on his prancing chestnut sorrel, 



j. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 129 

tould us in the meadow that Johnston was too strong 
for us to attack, but that if he would come out from 
behind his big guns the Gineral would lay his body 
on the sod before he'd lave it, whin he intended his 
body to lie on a soft bed the rest of his life, and how 
he said and did all this while our men, and my 
brother among them, were being murthered by this 
same Johnston that he was sent to hould back, — I 
couldn't keep down my Irish bluid. I cursed him 
and all his tribe by all the Saints from St. Peter to 
St. Patrick, until good ould Father Mahan tould me, 
whin I confessed, that he was afraid I would swear 
my own sowl away, and keep Patrick in Purgatory ; 
and the Father tould me that I should lave off cursin' 
Patterson, for the Americans thimselves would attend 
to that, and take to fighting the Rebels for revinge ; 
and he said by way of incouragement that at the same 
time I'd be sarving God and my adopted country. 
And here I am, under another safe Commander. 
Four months and no fight, — nearly up to the ould 
First, that sarved three months without sight of a 
Rebel, barrin' he was a prisoner, or in citizen dress, 
like some we have left behind us." 

"Boys, Terence tells the truth about Patterson's 
movements," said the tall Lieutenant. " The day be- 
fore we left we were ordered to be ready to move in 
the morning, with three days' cooked rations. We 
were told that our Regiment was assigned a place in 
the advance, and it was semi-officially rumored that a 
flank attack would be made upon Winchester. At 
this day the whole affair appears ridiculous, as John- 
ston had at that very time left Winchester, leaving 
only a trifling show of force, and he never, at his best, 
had a force equal to Patterson's. Half of his troops 
were the raw country militia. But we under-omcers 

6* 



130 RED-TAPE AND 

were none the wiser. It was rumored that Bill Mc- 
Mullen's Rangers had found charts that informed the 
General of the extent and strength of the Rebel works 
and muster-rolls, that showed his force to be over 
50,000. That those works had no existence to the 
extent alleged, and that the muster-rolls were false, are 
now well known. But that night it was all dead 
earnest with us. Rations were cooked and the most 
thorough preparations made for the expected work 
of the morrow. Sunrise saw the old First in line, 
ready for the move. Eight o'clock came ; no move, 
Nine — Ten, and yet no move. Arms had been stacked, 
and the men lounged lazily about the stacks. Eagle 
eyes scanned the surrounding country to ascertain 
what other Brigades were doing. At length troops 
were seen in motion, but the head of the column was 
turned towards the Ferry. ' What does this mean ?' 
was the inquiry that hastily ran from man to man ; 
and still they marched towards the Ferry. B}^ and 
by an aide-de-camp directed our Brigade to fall into 
the column, and we then discovered that the whole 
army was in line of march for the Ferry, with a for- 
midable rear-guard to protect it from an enemy then 
triumphing at Bull Run. 

" Well, Patterson's inertness, to speak of it tenderly, 
cost the country much blood, millions of money, and 
a record of disgrace ; but it gave a Regiment of Mas- 
sachusetts Yankees opportunity to whittle up for 
their home cabinets of curiosities a large pile of wal- 
nut timber which had formed John Brown's scaffold, 
and to make extensive inroads in prying with their 
bayonets from the walls of the jail in which he had 
been confined pieces of stone and mortar. Guards 
were put upon the Court House in which old John 
heard his doom with the dignity of a Cato, at an early 



/ 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 131 

date, or it would have been hewn to pieces. A fine 
crop of corn in full leaf was growing upon the field 
of execution, and for a space of ten feet from the road- 
side the leaves had been culled for careful preserva- 
tion in knapsacks. The boys had the spirit. Their 
Commander lacked capacity or will to give it effect. 
A beggarly excuse was set up after the campaign was 
over, — that the tirne of service of many of the Eegi- 
ments was about expiring, and that the men would 
not reenlist,— not only beggarly, but false. The great 
mass volunteered to remain as it was, with no pros- 
pect of service ahead. All would have stayed had 
the General shown any disposition for active work, 
or made them promise of a fight." 

" Golly," said a tall, raw-boned Darkie, showing his 
ivories to a crowd of like color about him, as the fine 
band of the Fencibles played in front of the General's 
Head-quarters. " Dese Union boys beat de Mississippi 
fellurs all hollur playing Dixie." 

Hardty a face was to be seen upon the streets, but 
those of these friendly blacks. They thronged about 
the camps, to be repulsed by stringent orders at all 
quarters. Property they were, reasoned the com- 
mander, and property must be respected. And it 
was ; even pump handles were tied down and placed 
under guard. Oh ! that a Ben Butler had then been 
in command, to have pronounced this living property 
contraband of war, and by that sharp dodge of a pro- 
slavery Democrat, to have given Uncle Sam the ser- 
vices of this property. Depend upon it, that would 
have ended campaigning in the valley of the Shenan- 
doah, that store-house of Eebel supplies, as it has 
turned out to be ; supplies too, gathered and kept up 
by the negroes that Patterson so carefully excluded 
from his lines. 



132 RED-TAPE AND 

"And would have saved us this march," says the 
Colonel, " a goose chase at any rate." 

" Yes, and had the policy of using the negro been 
general at the commencement of this Rebellion, troops 
would not be in the field at this day," responded the 
Lieutenant. 

" Why do they not now, come boldly out and ac- 
knowledge that slavery is a curse to any nation ?" said 
the Preacher Lieutenant. " It caused the Rebellion, 
and its downfall would be the Rebellion's certain and 
speedy death. Thousands of years ago, the Almighty 
cursed with plagues a proud people for refusing to 
break the bonds of the slave. The day of miracles is 
past. But war,' desolating war, is the scourge with 
which He punishes our country. The curse of blood 
is upon the land ; by blood must it be expiated. We 
in the North have been guilty, in common with the 
whole country, in tolerating, aiding, and abetting the 
evil. We must have our proportion of punishment. 
Why cannot the whole country meet the issue boldly 
as one man, and atone for past offence by unanimity 
in the abolition of the evil ?" 

" On the nigger again," said his Junior Lieutenant, 
assuming, as he spoke, an oratorical attitude. "Why 
do you not go on and talk about them working out 
their own salvation, with muskets on their shoulders 
and bayonets by their sides, and with fear and trembling 
too, I have no doubt it would be. Garry out your 
Scripture parallels. Tell how the walls of Jericho 
fell by horns taken from the woolly heads of rams ; 
but now that miracles are no more, how the walls of 
this Jericho of Rebeldom are destined to fall before 
the well-directed butting of the woolly heads them- 
selves. You don't ride your hobby with a stiff rein 
to-night, Lieutenant." 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 133 

The taunting air and strained comparison of the 
Lieutenant enlivened the crowd, but did not in the 
least affect the Senior, who calmly replied : 

" If our Government does not arm the negro on 
the basis of freedom, the Kebels in their desperation 
will, and although we have the negro sympathy, we 
may lose it through delay and inattention, and in that 
event, prepare for years of conflict. The negroes, at 
the outset of this Rebellion, were ripe for the contest. 
Armies of thousands of them might have been in the 
field to-day. Now the President's Proclamation finds 
them removed within interior Rebel lines, and to 
furnish them arms, will first cost severe contests with 
the Rebels themselves." 

The toil of the day and the drowsiness caused 
by huge meals, gradually dispersed the crowd ; 
but the discussion was continued in quarters by 
the various messes, until their actual time of re- 



tiring. 



* * •* * * #• 



"Inspection! inspection!" said the Adjutant, on 
the succeeding afternoon, to the Lieutenant-Colonel 
for the time being in command of the Regiment, hand- 
ing him, at the same time, an order for immediate in- 
spection. "Six inspections in two weeks before 
marching," continued the Adjutant, "and another 
after a day's march. I wonder whether this Grand 
Army of the Potomac wouldn't halt when about 
going into battle, to see whether the men had their 
shoe-strings tied ?" 

The Adjutant had barely ceased, when the Inspect- 
ing officer, the ranking Colonel of the Brigade, de- 
tailed specially for the duty, made his appearance. 
He was a stout, full-faced man of fifty or upwards, 
with an odd mixture in his manner of piety and pre- 
tension. Report had it that his previous life had been 



134 RED-TAPE AND 

one of change, — stock-jobber, note-shaver, temperance 
lecturer, and exhorter — 

" All things by turns, and nothing long." 

The latter quality remained with him, and it was a 
rare chance that he could pass a crowd of his men 
without bringing it into play. His " talks," as the 
boys called them, were more admired than his tactics, 
and from their tone of friendly familiarity, he was 
called by the fatherly title of " Pap " by his Regiment, 
and known by that designation throughout the 
Brigade. 

The Regiment was rapidly formed for inspection, 
and after passing through the ranks of the first Com- 
pany, the Colonel pompously presented himself before 
its centre, and with sober tones and solemn look, de- 
livered himself as follows : 

"Boys, have your hearts right," the Colonel clap- 
ping, at the same time, his right hand over his 
diaphragm. " If your hearts are right your muskets 
will be bright." The men stared, the movement not 
being laid down in the Regulations, and not exactly 
understanding the connexion between the heart and a 
clean musket ; but the Colonel continued, " the heart 
is like the mainspring of a watch, if it beats right, 
the whole man and all about him will be right. 
There is no danger of our failing in this war, boys. 
We have a good cause to put our hearts in. The Rebels 
have a bad cause, and their hearts cannot be right in 
it. Good hearts make brave men, brave men win the 
battles. That's the reason, boys, why we'll succeed." 

" Can't see it !" sang out some irreverent fellow m 
the rear rank. 

The Colonel didn't take the hint ; but catching at 
the remark continued, " You do not need to see; it, 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 135 

boys, you can feel whether your heart is right;" This 
provoked a smile on the faces of the more intelligent 
of the officers and men, which the Colonel noticed. 
"No laughing matter, boys," he said emphatically, at 
the same time earnestly gesticulating, "your lives, 
your country, and your honor depend upon right 
.hearts." And thus the old Colonel exhorted each 
Company previous to its dismissal, amusing some 
and mystifying others. The heart was his theme, and 
time or place, a court-martial or a review, did not pre- 
vent the introduction of his platitudes. 

Said the Major, after inspection, "The Colonel, in the 
prominence he gives the heart in its control of mili- 
tary affairs, rather reverses a sentiment I once heard 
advanced by a little Scotch tailor, who had just been 
elected a militia colonel." 

"Let's have it, Major," said the Adjutant. 

" The little Scotchman," continued the Major, " had 
been a notorious drunkard and profane swearer. 
Through the efforts of a travelling Evangelist, he be- 
came converted and joined a prominent denomination. 
His conversion was a remarkable instance, and gave 
him rapid promotion and a prominent position in the 
church. While at his height, through some scheme 
of the devil, I suppose, he was elected colonel of 
militia. The elevation overcame him. Treat he must 
and treat he did, and to satisfy the admiring crowd in 
front of the bar drank himself, until reason left, pre- 
ceded by piety, and his old vice of profanity returned, 
with seven-fold virulence. He was discovered by a 
brother of the church, steadying himself by the rail- 
ing of the bar, and rehearsing, amid volleys of oaths, 
the fragments that remained in his memory of an old 
Fourth of July speech. ' Brother,' said his fellow 
church-member, as he gently nudged his arm. 



136 



EED-TAPE AND 



' Brother !' in a louder key, and with a more vigorous 
nudge, 'have you forgotten your sacred obligations to 
the church, your position as a — ' * 

" ' The church !' echoed the tailor, all the blood of 
the MacGregor rising in his boots, with an oath that 
shocked the brother out of all hope — ' What's the 
church to military matters ?' n 







PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 137 



CHAPTER XI. 

Snicker's Gap — Private Harry on the "Anaconda" — Not in- 
clined to turn Boot-Black — " Oh ! why did you go for a Sol- 
dier ?" The ex-News-Boy — Pigeon-Hole Generalship on the 
March — The Valley of the Shenandoah — A Flesh Carnival — 
The Dutch Doctor on a Horse-dicker — An Old Bebel, and how 
he parted with his Apple-Brandy — Toasting the u Union" 
— Spruce Retreats. 

THE movement down the Valley was one of those 
at that time popular " bagging " movements, pe- 
culiar to the Grand Army of the Potomac, and in 
their style of execution, or to speak correctly, intended 
execution — for the absence of that quality has ren- 
dered them ridiculous — original with its Commander. 
Semi-official reports, industriously circulated from the 
gold-striped Staff to the blue-striped Field Officer, and 
by the latter whispered in confidence in the anxious 
ears of officers of the line, and again transferred in 
increasing volume to the subs, and by them in Know- 
ing confidence to curious privates, had it that the 
principal rebel force would be hemmed in, in the 
Valley of the Shenandoah, by our obtaining com- 
mand of the Gaps, and then we would be nearest 
their Capital in a direct line — we would compel them 
to fight us, where, when, and how we pleased, or else 
beat them in a race to Richmond, and then . The 



138 KED-TAPE AND 

reader must imagine nappy results that could not 
consistently be expected, while to gain the same 
destination over equidistant and equally good roads, 
Strategy moved by comparatively slow marches and 
easy halts, while Desperation strained every nerve, 
with rattling batteries and almost running ranks. 

" But, Lieutenant, if that's so," alluding to the pur- 
pose of their march, " why are we halting here ?" 

" Our troops block up the roads, I suppose." 

" We could march in the fields," rejoined the anx- 
ious private, "by the roadside; they are open and 
firm." 

u We'll see, Harry, in a day or two, what it all 
amounts to. May be the ' Anaconda \ that is to 
smash out the rebellion, is making another turn, or 
1 taking in a reef,' as the Colonel says." 

" Well," rejoined the Private, " I .have endeavored 
to book myself up, as far as my advantages would 
allow, in our army movements ; and the nearest 
approach to anything like an anaconda, that I can 
see or hear of, is that infernal Eed-tape worm that is 
strangling the soul out of the army. What inex- 
cusable nonsense to attempt to apply to an immense 
army in time of war, such as we have now in the 
field, the needless, petty pigeon-hole details that regu- 
lated ten thousand men on a peace establishment. 
And to carry them out, look how many valuable offi- 
cers, or officers who ought to be valuable, from the 
expense Uncle Sam has been at to give them educa- 
tional advantages, are doing clerkly duty — that civi- 
lians, our business men, our accountants, could as 
well, if not better, attend to — in the offices of the 
Departments at Washington, in the Commissary and 
Quarter-Master's Departments, — handling quills and 
cheese-knives instead of swords, and never giving 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 139 

1 the villainous smell of saltpetre ' the slightest chance 
1 to come betwixt the wind and their nobility.' " 

Harry, at the time of his volunteering was an asso- 
ciate editor of a well established and ably conducted 
country newspaper. He bad thrown himself with suc- 
cessful energy into the formation of the regiment to 
which he belonged. A prominent position was prof- 
fered him, but he sturdily refused any place but the 
ranks, alleging that he had never drilled a day in his 
life, and particularly insisting that those who had 
seen service and were somewhat skilled in the tac- 
tics, although many of them were far his inferiors 
in intelligence, should occupy the offices. From 
his gentlemanly deportment and ability he was on 
familiar terms with the officers, and popular among 
the men. Withal, he was a finely formed, soldierly- 
looking man. In the early part of his service he 
was reserved in his comments upon the conduct 
of the war, and considered, as he was in fact, con- 
servative, — setting the best possible example of 
taciturnity, subordinate to the wisdom of his supe- 
riors. 

" Harry, you have been detailed as a clerk about 
Brigade Head Quarters," said the Orderly Sergeant 
of his company, one morning, after he had been in 
service about tw T o months. 

Harry did not like the separation from his Com- 
pany in the least, but notwithstanding, quietly re- 
ported for duty. Several days of desk drudgery, 
most laborious to one fresh from out-door exercise, 
had passed, when one morning about eight o'clock, a 
conceited coxcomb of an aid, in slippers, entered the 
office-tent, and holding a pair of muddy boots up, 
with an air of matter-of-course authority — ordered 
Harry to blacken them, telling him at the same time, 



140 RED-TAPE AND 

in a milder and lower tone, that black Jim the cook 
had the brush and blackening. 

" What, sir ? " said Harry, rising like a rocket, his 
Saxon blood mounting to the very roots of his red hair. 

" I order you to black those boots, sir," was the 
repeated and more insolent command. 

" And I'll see you d d first," retorted Harry, 

doubling his fist. 

The aid not liking the furious flush upon Harry's 
face, with wise discretion backed out, muttering after 
he was fairly outside of the tent, something about a 
report to the Brigadier. Keport he did, and very 
shortly after there was a vacancy in his position upon 
the Staff of that Officer. Harry, at his own request, 
was in the course of a week relieved from duty, and 
restored to his Company. Ever after he had a tongue. 

The reply of the Lieutenant to Harry's remarks 
has all this time been in abeyance, however. 

" Harry," said that officer, " we must follow the 
stars without murmuring or muttering against the 
judgment of superiors, — but one can't help surmis- 
ing, and," the Lieutenant had half mechanically 
added when the Sergeant-Major saluted him. 

"Where is the Captain, Lieutenant?" 

" Not about, at present." 

" Well," continued the Sergeant, " reveille at four, 
and in line at five in the morning." 

Those beds of thickly littered straw were hard to 
leave in the chill mist of the morning. The warning 
notes of the reveille trilling in sweetest melody from 
the fife of the accomplished fife-major, accompanied 
by the slumber-ending rattle of the drum, admitted 
of no alternative. Many a brave boy as he stood in 
line that morning, ready for the march, the first 
sparkle of sunrise glistening upon his bayonet, won- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 141 

dered whether father or mother, sister or brother, 
yet in their slumbers, doubtless, in the dear old home- 
stead, knew that the army was on the move, and that 
the setting sun might gild his breast-plate as in his 
last sleep he faced the sky. 

M Oh ! why did you go for a soldier ? " sang our 
little newsboy, tauntingly, as he capered behind a big 
burly Dutchman in the rear rank, who had encoun- 
tered all manner of misfortune that morning, — miss- 
ing his coffee — and what is a man worth on a day's 
march without coffee — because it was too hot to drink, 
when the bugle sounded the call to fall in, his meat 
raw, not even the smell of fire about it, and his 
crackers half roasted ; his clothes, too, half on, belts 
twisted, knapsack badly made up. As he grumbled 
over his mishaps, in his peculiar vernacular, laughter 1 
commenced with the men, and ended in a roar at the 
song of the newsboy. 

A crowd gathers food for mirth from the most tri- 
vial matters. Incidents that would not provoke a 
smile individually, convulse them collectively. Men 
under restraint in ranks are particularly infectious 
from the influence of the passions. With lightning- 
like rapidity, to misapply a familiar line — 

" They pass from grave to gay, from lively to severe." 

Snicker's Gap, which drew its euphoneous name 
from a First Virginia family that flourished in the 
neighborhood, was one of the coveted points. In the 
afternoon our advance occupied it, and the neighbor- 
ing village of Snickersville ; fortunately first perhaps, 
in force, or what is most probable, considering re- 
sults, amused by a show- of resistance to cover the 
main Kebel movement then rapidly progressing 
further down the valley. From whatever cause, 



142 KED-TAPE AND 

firing — musketry and artillery — was heard at inter- 
vals, all the latter part of the afternoon ; and as the 
troops neared the Gap, they were told that the Rebels 
had been driven from it across the river, and that it 
was now in our possession. Night was rapidly setting 
in as the division formed line of battle on the borders 
of the village. A halt but for a few moments. Their 
position was shortly changed to the mountain slope 
below the village. Down the valley sudden flashes 
of light and puffs of smoke that gracefully volumed 
upwards, followed by the sullen roar of artillery, 
revealed a contest between the advancing and retreat- 
ing forces. That fire-lit scene must be a life picture 
to the fortunate beholders. Directly in front and on 
the left, thousands of camp fires burning in the 
,rear of stacks made from line-of-battle, blazed in 
parallel rows, regular as the gas-lights of the avenues 
of a great city, and illumining by strange contrasts of 
light and shade the animated forms that encircled 
them. Far down to the right, the vertical flashes 
from the cannon vents vivid as lightning itself, 
instantly followed by horizontal lurid. flames, belched 
forth from their dread mouths, lighting for the instant 
wood and field, formed the grandest of pyrotechnic 
displays. Rare spectacle — in one magnificent pano- 
rama, gleaming through the dark mantle of night, 
were the steady lights of peaceful camps, and the 
fitful flashing of the hostile cannon. 

" Fall in, fall in ! " cried the officers, at the bugle 
call, and in a few moments the Brigade was in motion. 
Some in the ranks, with difficult}^ at the same time 
managing their muskets and pails of coffee that had not 
had time to cool ; others munching, as they marched, 
their half- fried crackers, and cooling with hasty breath 
smoking pieces of meat, while friendly comrades did 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 143 

double duty in carrying their pieces. The soldier 
never calculates upon time ; the present is his own 
when off duty, and he is not slow to use it ; the next 
moment may see him started upon a long march, or 
detailed for fatigue duty, and with a philosophy apt 
in his position, he lives while he can. 

The road through Snickersville, and up the roman- 
tic gorge or gap between the mountains, was a good 
pike, and in the best marching condition. At the crest 
the Brigade undoubled its files, and entered in double 
ranks a narrow, tortuous, rocky road, ascending the 
mountain to the left, leading through woods and over 
fields so covered with fragments of rock, that a 
country boy in the ranks, following up a habit, how- 
ever, not by any means confined to the country, of 
giving the embodiment of evil the credit of all un- 
pleasant surroundings, remarked that M the Devil's 
apron-strings must have broke loose here." That 
night march was a weary addition to the toil of the 
day. A short cut to the summit, which existed, but 
a mile in length, and which the Commander of the 
Force to which the Brigade formed part, could readily 
have ascertained upon inquiry, would have saved a 
great amount of grumbling, many hard oaths, for 
Uncle Toby's army that " swore so terribly in Flan- 
ders," could not outdo in that respect our Grand Army 
of the Potomac, — and no trifling amount of shoe- 
leather for Uncle Sam. The night was terribly cold, 
and the wind in gusts swept over the mountain-top 
with violence sufficient to put the toil-worn man, un- 
steady under his knapsack, through the facings in 
short order. Amid stunted pines and sturdy under- 
growth, the Regiments in line formed stacks, and the 
men, debarred fire from the exposed situation, pro- 
vided what shelter they could, and endeavored to 



144 RED-TAPE AND 

compose themselves for the night. Tain endeavor. 
So closely was that summit shaved by the pitiless 
blasts, that a blanket could only be kept over the 
body by rolling in it, and lying face downwards, hold- 
ing the ends by the hands, with the forehead resting 
on the knapsack for a pillow. Some in that way, by 
occasionally drumming their toes against the rocks 
managed to pass the night; many others sought 
warmth or amusement in groups, and others gazed 
silently on the camp-fires of the enemy, an irregular 
reflex of those seen on the side they had left — here 
glimmering faintly at a picket station, and there at a 
larger encampment, glowing first in a circle of blaze, 
then of illumined smoke, that in its upward course 
gradually darkened into the blackness of night. To 
men of contemplative habits, and many such there 
were, though clad in blouses, the scene was strongly 
suggestive. Our states emblemed in the lights of the 
valleys and the mountain ridge as the much talked of 
"impassable barrier," But faith in the success of a 
cause Heaven founded, saw gaps that we could con- 
trol in that mountain ridge which would ultimately 
prove avenues of success. 

" Captain, where did you make the raise ?" inquired 
a young Lieutenant, on the following day, — one of a 
group enjoying a blazing fire, for the ban had been 
removed at early dawn — -of a ruddy-faced, sturdy -look- 
ing officer, who bore on his shoulder a tempting hind 
quarter of beef. 

" There is a little history connected with this beef," 
as he lowered his load, "Lieutenant," replied the Cap- 
tain, interlarding his further statement with oaths, 
to which justice cannot and ought not to be clone 
in print, and which were excelled in finish only by 
some choice ones of the Division General. " I •went 



PIGE0X-H0LE GENERALS. 145 

out at sunrise, thinking that by strolling among the 
rocks X might stir up a rabbit. I saw several, but got 
a fair shot at one only, and killed it. While going into 
a fence corner, in which were some thorn bushes, that 
I thought I could stir another cotton tail from, I saw 
a young bullock making for me, with lowered horns 
and short jumps. I couldn't get through the thorn 
bushes, and the fact is, being an old butcher I didn't 
care much about it, so I faced about, looked the bul- 
lock full in the eyes, and the bullock e} T ed me, giving 
at the same time an occasional toss of his short horns. 
Now I was awful hungry, never was more hollow 
in my life — the hardees that I swallowed dry in the 
morning fairly rattled inside of me. By-and-by I 
smelt the steaks, and a minute more I felt sure that 
he was a Rebel beast. Our young cattle up North 
don't corner people in that way. What's the use, 
thought I, and out came my Colt, and I planted a 
ball square between his eyes. As I returned the pis- 
tol he was on his side kicking and quivering. While 
looking at him, and rather coming to the conclusion 
that I had bought an elephant after all, as I had not 
even a penknife to skin it with, I spied that sucker- 
mouthed Aid of Old Pigeon-Hole coming from ano- 
ther corner of the field, cantering at full jump. I left, 
walking towards Camp." 

" Captain, where was that picket-firing?" 

" I pointed towards the wood, and told him that I 
thought it was along the picket-line." 

" It must have been, I suppose," said the Aid, in a 
drawling manner. " The General was sure it was a 
rifle. The rest of us thought it a pistol shot," he 
said, as he rode off. 

" When he got into the wood I returned to the bul- 
lock, cursing Old Pigey's ears for want of experience 

7 



146 EED-TAPE AND 

in shots. They made me come mighty close to being 
arrested for marauding." 

"Oh! whar did you git the jump-high?" said a 
darkie, who came up suddenly, pointing to the rabbit 
which I had put on the fence, with mouth open and 
a big show of the whites of his eyes. When he saw 
the carcass he fairly jumped." 

" ' Massa has had me shinning it round de rocks all 
morning. When I'm on de one side de jump-high 
is on de oder ; and if I go back widout one he'll cuss 

me for a d d stumbling woolly-head. Dat's his 

name for me any way.' " 

" I struck a bargain with the boy ; he loaned me 
his jack-knife, and held the legs, and I had the skin 
off as soon as a two-inch blade (hacked at that) would 
allow, and I gave him the jump-high, and told him 
if he'd watch the beef till I carried this quarter home, 
I'd give him a fore quarter. I knew his Master was 
as bad off as myself, and would ask no questions, and 
then I sneaked up in rear of the General's quarters." 

"That's what I'd call Profane History," said the 
Lieutenant, as the Captain resumed his load. 

"Well, boys! Go into the Third Cavalry four 
months, as I did ; and if any of you swear less than 
I do, I'll treat." 

" One fault with the story, Captain," said another 
Lieutenant, detaining him ; " you make no applica- 
tion." 

11 1 didn't intend it as a sermon ; what application 
would you make ? " 

" A very practical one, Captain. I would apply 
half a quarter to one man, half a quarter to another. 
Make a distribution among your friends." 

The Captain, somewhat 'sold, told them to send 
down a detail, and he would distribute. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 147 

The detail returned, well loaded, Laving performed 
their duty faithfully, with the exception of trimming 
Sambo's fore-quarter " mighty close," as he phrased it. 

That bullock turned out to be merely the first 
course of a grand flesh carnival, which lasted the 
remaining two days of the stay on Snicker's sum- 
mit. The wood and fields almost swarmed with rab- 
bits and quails ; but although furnishing amusement 
to all, they were but titbits for the delicate. By 
some remissness of vigilance under the stringent 
orders, cattle, sheep, and hogs were slaughtered on 
all sides. There was an abundance of them; the 
farmers in the valley having driven them up, as was 
their custom, for the pasture and mast to be found in 
the fields and woods. Half wild, the flavor of their 
flesh was a close approach to that of game. As may 
be supposed, where licence was untrammelled, there 
was much needless slaughter. Fine carcasses were 
left as they fell, with the loss only of a few choice 
cuts. As the beasts, especially the pigs, which looked 
like our ordinary porkers well stretched, could run 
with great speed, the chase was amusing as well as 
exciting. Bed breeches and blue fraternized and vied 
with each other in the sport, to quarrel, perhaps, 
over the spoils. 

Few will fail to carry to their homes recollections 
of that pleasing episode in the history of the Regi- 
ment : the feasts of fat things, the space-built inclo- 
sures around the camp-fires that sheltered them from 
the blast, and were amphitheatres of amusement — 
recollections that will interest many a future fireside, 
destined, with the lapse of time, to become sacred as 
family traditions of the Revolution. And have they 
not equal claims? The Revolution founded the 
country ; this struggle must save it from the infamous 



148 RED-TAPE AND 

and despotic demands of a most foul and unnatural 
Eebellion. 

"Halloo! Doctor ! where did that 'animile* come 
from, " inquired the Major, who formed one of a 
crowd, on the afternoon of the last day of their stay 
in the Head Quarters Spruce Eetreat, as the little 
Dutch Doctor strutted alongside of a Corporal of an 
adjoining regiment, who led by a halter, extemporized 
from a musket-strap and a cross-belt, a small light 
dun horse. 

"Mine, Major! Pay forty-five tollar — have pay 
five, only forty yet to get. How you like him ? 
What you tink?'" 

The "only forty yet to get" amused the crowd, 
but the Major, with the gravity of a connoisseur, 
walked around the beast, nipped his legs, and opened 
his mouth. 

" Doctor, it's a pity to use this beast — only two 
years old, and never shod. Is he broke ? " 

" No. No broke anywhere. Have look at whole 
of him." 

The crow r d laughed, and the Major with them. 

" You don't understand me. Can you ride him ? " 

" Me no ride him, no saddle. Corporal, him ride 
all round. " 

r The Corporal stated that he was broken in so far 
as to allow riding, and was very gentle, as indeed was 
apparent from the looks of the animal. 

" When did }'ou get him, Corporal ? " was the query 
of one of the crowd. 

" I bought four yesterday for four hundred and 
seventy-five dollars Confederate scrip." 

" Why, where did you get that?" 

"Bought it in Washington, when we first went 
through, of a boy on the Avenue for fifteen cents. I 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 149 

thought there might be a show for it some day or 
other." 

The Corporal was a slender, lantern-jawed, weasel- 
faced Monongahela raftsman, sharp as a steel-trap. 

" The old fellow," continued he, " hung on to five 
hundred dollars for about an hour. He took me into 
his house, gave me a nip of old apple brandy, and 
•then he'd talk about his horses and then another nip, 
till we felt it a little, but no go. I. had to jew, for it 
was all I had. I'd just as leave have given him 
another hundred, but I didn't tell him so. I told him 
I got it at Antietam." 

" You d — d rascal," said he, " I had a son killed 
and robbed there, maybe it's his money. It looks as 
if it had been carried a good while." 

" I had played smart with it, rubbed it, wet it, and 
in my breast pocket on those long marches it was 
well sweated." ♦ 

" Suppose it was jouv son's," said I, " all is fair in 
war." 

"That's so," said the old Rebel.. "I have two 
other sons there; I would go myself, it I wasn't 
seventy-eight and upwards." 

" Well, looky here," said I, " this isn't talking 
horse ; we'll manage your sons, and you, too, if you 
don't dry up on your treason slang. Now, old covey, 
four hundred and seventy-five or I'm back to camp 
without them." 

" I turned and got about ten steps, when he called me 
back and told me to take them. I got a bully pair 
of matches, fine blacks, that a Colonel in the Regi- 
ment paid me one hundred and twenty-five for at first 
sight, and a fine pacing bay that our Major gave me 
seventy-five for, and this one's left." 

" Doctor, I'm about tired of trotting around after 



150 BED-TAPE AND 

them other forty. They're givin' out cracker rations, 
and I don't want to be cheated out of mine, and I must 
go," said the Corporal, turning quickly to the Doctor. 

The latter personage snapped his eyes, and kept 
his cap bobbing up and down, by wrinkling his fore- 
head, as he somewhat plaintively asked the crowd for 
the funds. 

" Good Lord ! Doctor, you might as well try to 
milk a he-goat with a bramble bush as to get money 
in camp now," said the Major. 

" Corporal," said the Adjutant, a fast friend of the 
Doctor's, and being of a musical turn, his partner in 
many a Dutch duet, as a bright idea struck him, 
" you don't want the money now — there are no sut- 
lers about, suppose the Doctor gives you an order on 
the Pay-Master." 

" Well," said the Corporal, after some little study, 
and keeping a sharp look-out on the Adjutant, whose 
features were fixed, u that's a fact, I have no use for 
the money now. If one of you Head-Quarter officers 
endorses it, I \*ill. 'Spose it's all straight." 

The Adjutant drew the order, and one of the Field- 
Officers endorsed it, after the manner of documents 
forwarded through regular military channels : 

" Approved and respectfully forwarded." 

It was handed to the Corporal, and he turned to go, 
leaving the horse with the Doctor, and giving the 
crowd an opportunity for their laugh, so far suppressed 
with difficulty. He had gone but a few paces when 
an exclamation from the quondam Third caval- 
ryman called him back, and ended for the moment the 
laughter. 

" Where does the old fellow live, Corporal ? " 

" Keep out that lane to the left, then across lots by 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 151 

a narrow path. Can't miss it. He has no more 
horses." 

" Don't want horses." 

11 That apple brandy it's no use trying for." 

" Boys," said the Captain, " I'm good for half a 
dozen canteens of the staff, I'll bet my boots on it. 
Who'll go along ? " 

"I," replied a sturdy brother Captain. 

" Recollect now. All here at nine to-night to 
receive our report. No use to tell you that, though, 
when whiskey is about," said the first Captain, as the 
crowd dispersed. 

And that report was given by his comrade to the 
punctual crowd as follows : 

" When I came out to the charred pine stumps on 
the lane, where I was to meet the Captain, it was a 
little before dusk. I was just about clear of the 
wood, when the Colonel's big black mare, ridden by 
the Captain, came bouncing over a scrub pine and 

lit right in front of me. The d 1 himself couldn't 

have made me feel a colder shudder. 

" ' What's the matter? Where's your horse?' 

" 'I thought we had better walk,' said I, recovered 
from the fright ; ' it's only a short distance.' 

11 ' That ain't the thing. There must be some style 
about this matter.' 

" I had noticed that the Captain had on the Colonel's 
fancy Regulation overcoat, a gilt edged fatigue cap, 
his over-long jingling Mexican spurs, and the Major's 
sabre dangling from his side. I came back, got the 
.Adjutant's horse, and rejoined him. 

" ' Now, I want you to understand,' said the Cap- 
tain, putting on his prettiest, as we jogged along the 
lane, ' that I'm General Burnside. How does that 
strike y ou ? ' 



152 RED-TAPE AND 

" ' That you don't look a d n bit like Burney. 

He is no fancy man. Your style is nearer the Prince's, 
— Fitz John. All you want are the yellow kids,' re- 
joined I. 

" ' Too near home, that. How will Gen. Franklin 
do?' 

" As I knew nothing about Franklin's appearance, I 
said I supposed that would do. Before respectable 
people I'd have hated to see any of our Generals 
wronged by the Captain's looks, but as it was only a 
Rebel, it didn't make any difference. And then the 
object overcame all scruples. 

111 Well,' continued the Captain, ' you are to be 
one of my aids. When we get near the house, just 
fall back a pace or two.' 

'• And off he rode, the big mare trotting like an ele- 
phant, and keeping my nag up to a gallop. Keeping 
back a pace or two was a matter of necessity. The 
Captain was full a hundred yards ahead when he halted 
near the house to give me time to get in position, 
his black mare prancing and snorting under the 
Mexican ticklers in a manner that would have done 
credit to Bucephalus. lie pranced on up towards the 
bouse, which was a long weatherboard ed structure, a 
story and a half high, with a porch running its entire 
length. The building was put up, I should judge, 
before the war of 1812, and not repaired since. A 
crabbed old man in a grey coat, with horn buttons, 
and tan-colored pantaloons, looking as if he didn't 
know what to make exactly of the character of his 
visitors, was on the porch. Near him, and somewhat 
in his rear, was a darkie about as old as himself. 

" 'Won't you get off your critters?' at length said 

the old man, his servant advancing to hold the horses. 

" The Captain dismounted, and as his long spurs 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 158 

__ 

jingled, and the Major's sabre clattered on the rotten 
porch floor, the old fellow changed countenance con- 
siderably, impressed with the presence of greatness. 

" ' I am Major-General Franklin, sir, commander of 
a Grand Division of the Grand Army of the Poto- 
mac,' pompously said the Captain, at the same time 
introducing me as his Aid, Major Kennedy. 

" ' Well, gentlemen officers,' stammers the old man, 
confusedly, -and bowing repeatedly, ' I always liked 
the old Union. I fit for it in the milish in the last 
war with the Britishers. Walk in, walk in,' con- 
tinued he, pointing to the door which the darkie had 
opened. 

H We went into a long room with a low ceiling, 
dirty floor with no carpet on, a few old chairs, with 
and without backs, and a walnut table that looked as 
if it once had leaves. In one corner was a clock, 
that stopped sometime before the war commenced, as 
the old man afterwards told u«, and in the opposite 
corner stood a dirty pine cupboard. While taking 
seats, I couldn't help thinking how badly the room 
would compare with a dining room of one of the neat 
little farm houses that you can see in any of our 
mountain gaps, where- the land produces nothing but 
grasshoppers and rocks, and the farmers have to get 
along by raising chickens to keep down the swarms 
of grasshoppers, and by peddling huckleberries, and 
they say, but I never saw them at it, by holding, the 
hind legs of the sheep up to let them get their noses 
between the rocks for pasture. 

"This latter assertion was indignantly denied by an 
officer who had his home in one of the gaps. 

11 ' Well,' continued the Captain, ' I only give it as 
I heard it." The old man talked Union awhile, said 
he tried to be all right, but that his sons had run off 



i* 



154 RED-TAPE AND 

"with the Rebels; and he hemmed and hawed about 
his being all right until the Captain, who had been 
spitting fips a long time, got tired, especially 'after 
what the Corporal had said. 

" ' Well, my old brother patriot,' said the Captain, 
bending forward in his chair, and putting on a stern 
look, : it don't look exactly right.' 

" ' How ! What ! gentlemen officers,' said the old 
Kebel, pretending, as he raised his hand to his ear, not 
to bear the Captain. 

" The Captain repeated it louder in his gruff voice, 
and with a few more airs. 

" ' Why, gentlemen officers ? ' said the old man, 
rising, half bowing, and looking about, ready to do 
anything. 

" ' You know as well as we do,' said the Captain, 
1 that you wouldn't let two of your neighbors be this 
long in the house without offering them something to 
drink. Now, my old friend, as you say you're all 
right, we're neighbors in a good cause, and one neigh- 
borly act deserves another ; you might be wanting to 
have your property protected, or to go to the Ferry, 
or to send something, and you could hardly get a pass 
without a Major-General having something to do 
with it.' 

"At this last the old fellow's face brightened up 
somewhat. 

" ' I'll lose a right smart lot of crops,' said the old 
man, drawing his chair close to the Captain in a half 
begging, confidential sort of a way, ' if I don't get to 
the Ferry this fall. They're stored up there, and I 
want to go up and show them I am a Union man all 
right. George,' turning to the darkie, who, cap in 
hand, stood at the door, 'strike a light and get the 
waiter, and three glasses, and bring up some of the 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 155 

old apple in a pitcher. Be careful not to spill any. 
Liquor is mighty scarce,' continued he, turning to us, 
1 in these parts since the war. This 'ere I've saved 
over by hard squeezin'. It was stilled seven years 
ago this fall — the fall apples were so plenty.' 

'* George had the tallow-dip, a rusty waiter, three 
small old-fashioned blue glass tumblers, and a pitcher 
with the handle knocked off, on the table in good 
time. We closed around it with our chairs, and the 
Captain filled the glasses, and rising, gave for the 
first round ' The old Union. ' Our glasses were 
emptied ; the old man had but sipped of his. 

" ' My old friend, you fought in 1812, you say, and 
hardly touch your tumbler to the old Union. Come, 
it must have a full glass. ' The authority in the 
tone of the Captain made the old man swallow it, but 
as he did so he muttered something about its being 
very scarce. 

"'Now,' said the Captain, refilling the glasses, 
■ Here is The Union as it is.' 

" The old Eebel feeling his first glass a little, and 
they say anyway when wine goes in the truth comes 
out, said in rather a low, trembling tone, 

" 'Now, the fact is, gentlemen officers, some Yan- 
kees — not you ! not you ! but some Yankees way up 
North, acted kind of bad.' 

" ' That's not the question,' said the Captain, 'there 
are bad men all over, and lots of them in Virginia. 
The toast is before the house,' — the Captain had 
already swallowed his — ' and it must be drunk ;' 
and the Major's sabre struck the floor till the table 
shook. 

" With a shudder at the sound the old man gulped it 
down. The glasses were refilled and the pitcher 
emptied. 



156 RED-TAPE AND 

" ' Here's to The blessed Union as it will be, after ail 
the d d Rebels are either under the sod or swing- 
ing in hemp neck- ties about ten feet above it," the 
Captain shouted, waving at the same time his up- 
lifted glass in a way that brought a grin on George's 
face, and made the old man look pale. 

"'Now! now! now! gentlemen officers,' gasped 
the old traitor, as if his breath was coming back by 
jerks, 'that is pretty hard, considerin' — considerin' 
my two sons ran off 'gainst my will — 'gainst my will, 
gentlemen officers, understand, and jined-the Rebels;' 
and then, as the liquor worked up his pluck and pride, 
he went on, ' and old Stonewall when he was here 
last, told me himself at this very table that such sol- 
diers the South could be proud of; and Turner 
Ashby told me the same thing, and it would be agin 
all natur for an old man not to feel proud of such 
boys, after hearing all that from such men, and now 
you want me to drink such a toast. That ' 

" ' Yes, sir,' broke in the Captain, who had emptied 
his glass, ' and it must be done.' 

" ' The fact is, gentlemen officers,' the liquor still 
working up his pluck, ' we Southerners had to fit you. 
You sent old Brown down to run off our niggers, 
and then when we hung him, you come yourselves. 
Every cussed nigger— and I had forty-three in ail — 
has left me and run away but old Greorge and two 
old wenches that can't run, and are good for nothin' 
but to chaw corndodgers.' The whiskey now 
worked fast on the old man, and making half a fist, 
he said, 'I reckon when hangin' day comes some 
Blue Bellies will have an airinV 

" ' You d d grey-headed old traitor ! ' roared out 

the Captain, ' the liquor has let the treason out. 
Now, by all that's holy, drink that toast standing, 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 157 

Lead up, as if there was patriotic blood in your veins 
— as if you lived in the State Washington was born 
in — or you'll find out what it is to talk treason before 
a Major-General of the army of the United States. ' 
Another stroke of the sabre on the floor that rattled 
the broken glass in the windows followed. The old 
man gave another shudder, straightened up, steadied 
himself at the table with his left hand, and with a 
swallow that nearly strangled him, drank off his 
glass. 

• " ' Ha ! old fellow,' said the Captain, grinning, 
' you came near cheating hemp that clip.' 

" ' George, show us where the apple brandy is,' he 
continued, addressing the darkie. 

" The darkie bow r ed, grinned, and pointed to the 
door leading to the cellar way. 

" ' Oh, Lord ! my spirits ! Don't take it, gentlemen 
officers, I must have a morning dram, and it's all I've 
got. Let me keep the spirits.' 

" 'You old d 1 ! ' exclaimed the Captain, as he 

eyed him savagely, ' spirits have made all the trouble 
in the country. Yes, sir. Bad whiskey and worse 
preaching of false spiritual doctrines, such as slavery 
being a Divine institution, and what not, started the 
Rebellion, and keep it up. Spirits are contraband of 
war, just as Ben Butler sa} r s niggers are, and we'll 
confiscate it' — here the Captain gave me a sly look 
— ■ in the name and by the authority of the President 
of the United States. Major, where's your canteens ? ' 

" I produced three that had been slung under my 
cape, and the Captain as many more. 

" As the old Rebel saw the preparations he groaned 
out, ' My God ! and only four inches in the barrel 
George ! mind, the barrel in the corner.' 

" Knowing the darkie would be all right, we followed 



158 EE D-TAPE AXD 

under pretty stiff loads, the old man bringing up the 
rear, staggering to the door and getting down the 
steps on his hands and knees. 

" The Captain tasted both barrels. One in a corner 
was commissary that the darkie said ' Massa had 
dickered for j ust the day afore.' The other was well 
nigh empty. George, old as he was, had the steadiest 
hands, and he filled the canteens one by one, closing 
their mouths on the cedar spigot. As he did it, he 
whispered, 'Dis'll make de ole nigger feel good. 
Massa gets flustered on dis and 'buses de ole wimin. 
De commissary fotches him — can't hurt nuffin wid 
dat.' 

11 l There's devilish little to fluster him now,' said 
the Captain, as he tipped the barrel to fill the last 
canteen. 

" The old man had stuck at the bottom of the steps. 
George fairly carried him up, and he lay almost help- 
less on the floor. 

" ' That last toast,' said the Captain, as we left the 
room, ' will knock any Rebel.' 

" George held the horses, and I rather guess steadied 
our legs as we got on, well loaded with apple juice 
inside and out. The Captain's spurs sent the black 
mare off at a gallop, over rocks and bushes, and he left 
me far behind in a jiffy. But I did in earnest act as 
an aid before we got to camp. I found him near the 
place where we turn in, fast between two scrub oaks, 
swearing like a trooper at the pickets, as he called the 
bushes, for arresting him, and unable to get backward 
or forward. His swearing saved him that clip, as it 
was dark, and I would have gone past if I hadn't 
heard it." 

" I move the adoption of the report, with the thanks 
of the meeting to Major-General Franklin and his 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 159 

genuine Aid," said the Adjutant, after a stiff drink 
all around. 

" I move that it be referred back for report on the 
Commissary, " said a Lieutenant, after another equally 
stiff round. 

The Adjutant would not withdraw his motion, — no 
chairman to preserve order, — brandy good, — drinks 
frequent, and in the confusion that ensued we close the 
chapter, remarking only that the Commissary was 
spared to the old Rebel, through an order to march 
at four next morning, that came to hand near mid- 
night. 




160 BED-TAPE AND 



CHAPTER XII. 

The March to Warrenton — Secesh Sympathy and Quarter- 
Master's Receipts — Middle- Borough — The Venerable Uncle 
Ned and his Story of the Captain of the Tigers — The Adjutant 
on Strategy — Red-Tapism and Mac-Napoleonism — Movement 
Stopped — Division Head- Quarters out of Whiskey — Stragglers 
and Marauders — A Summary Proceeding — Persimmons and 
Picket-Duty — A Rebellious Pig — Mc Clellanism. 

THE order to march at four meant moving at six, 
as was not unfrequently the case, the men being 
too often under arms by the hour shivering for the 
step, while the Staff Officers who issued the orders 
were snoozing in comfortable blankets. Be the cause 
what it might that morning, the soldiers probably did 
not regret it, as it gave them opportunity to see the 
]ovely valley of the Shenandoah exposed to their 
view for the last time, as the fog gradually lifted be- 
fore the rays of the rising sun. The Shenandoah, 
like a silver thread broken by intervening foliage, lay 
at their feet. Far to the right, miles distant, was 
Charlestown, where old John's soul, appreciative of 
the beauties of nature at the dread hour of execution, 
seeing in them doubtless the handiwork of nature's 
God, exclaimed " This is indeed a beautiful country." 
In the front, dim in the distance, was Winchester, 
readily discovered by the bold mountain spur in its 
rear. Smaller villages dotted the valley, variegated 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 161 

by fields and woods — all rebellious cities of the plain, 
nests of treason and granaries of food for traitors. A 
blind mercy that, on the part of the Administration, 
that procured its almost total exemption from the 
despoiling hand of war. 

Some in the ranks on Snicker's Summit that fine 
morning could remember the impudent Billingsgate of 
look and tongue with which Mrs. Faulkner would 
fling in their faces a general pass, from a wagon loaded 
with garden truck for traitors in arms at Bunker 
Hill — but an instance of long continued good-nature, 
to use a mild phrase, of the many that have charac- 
terized our movements in the field. Well does the 
great discerner of the desires of men as well as de- 
lineator of the movements of their passions, make 
Crook Richard on his foully usurped and tottering 
throne exclaim, 

•' War must be brief when traitors brave the field." 

At a later day, in a holier cause, the line remains an 
axiom. Nor. at the time of which we write was the 
policy much changed. While all admit the necessity, 
for the preservation of proper discipline, of having 
Rebel property for the use of the army taken formally 
under authorities duly constituted for the purpose, 
and not by indiscriminate license to the troops, none 
can be so blind as to fail to see the bent of the sym- 
pathies controlling the General in command. During 
the march to Middle-Borough, horses were taken 
along the route to supply deficiencies in the teams, 
and forage for their use, but in all cases the women 
who claimed to represent absent male owners — absent 
doubtless in arms — and who made no secret of their 
own Rebel inclinations, received Quarter-Master's 
receipts for their full value — generally, in fact, their 



162 BED-TAPE AND 

own valuation. These receipts were understood to 
be presently payable. The interests of justice and 
our finances would have been much better subserved 
had their payment been conditioned upon the loyalty 
of the owner. A different policy would not have 
comported, however, with that which at an earlier 
day placed Lee's mansion on the Peninsula under 
double guard, and when you give it the in that case 
sorry merit of consistency, its best excuse is given. 

Beyond some lives lost by a force of Regulars who 
ventured too near the river without proper precautions 
the day after we occupied the Gap, and the loss of a 
Regimental head-quarters wagon, loaded with the 
officers' baggage, broken down upon a road on 
which the exhorting Colonel, after deliberate survey, 
had set his heart as the safest of roads from the Sum- 
mit, nothing of note occurred during the stay. Our 
evacuation of the Gap was almost immediately fol- 
lowed by Rebel occupation. 

The statement that nothing of note occurred may, 
perhaps, be doing injustice to our little Dutch Doctor, 
who had the best of reasons for remembering the 
morning of our departure from Snicker's Summit. 
To the Doctor the mountain, with its rocks, seemed 
familiar ground. A Tyrolese by birth, he loved to 
talk of his mountain home and sing its lively airs. 
But that sweet home had one disadvantage. Their 
beasts of draught and burden were oxen, and the 
only horse in the village was a cart-horse owned by 
the Doctor's father. Of necessity, therefore, his horse- 
manship was defective, an annoying affair in the 
army. Many officers and men were desirous of seeing 
the Doctor mount and ride his newly purchased horse, 
and the Doctor was quite as anxious to evade obser- 
vation. His saddle was on and blankets strapped as 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 163 

he surveyed the beast, now passing to this side and 
now to that, giving wide berth to heels that never 
kicked, and with his servant at hand, waiting until the 
last files of the Regiment had disappeared in the 
woods below. Not unobserved, however, for two 
of the Field and Staff had selected a clump of 
scrub pines close at hand for the purpose of witness- 
ing the movement. A rock near by served him as a 
stand from which to mount. The horse was brought 
up, and the Doctor, after patting his head and rubbing 
his neck to assure himself of the good intentions of 
the animal, cautiously took his place in the saddle 
and adjusted his feet in the stirrups. 

The animal moved off quietly enough, until the 
Doctor, to increase his speed, touched him in the flank 
with his spur, when the novel sensation to the beast 
had the effect of producing a sudden flank movement, 
which resulted in the instant precipitation of the 
Doctor upon his back among the rocks and rough un- 
dergrowth. The horse stood quietly ; there was no 
movement of the bushes among which the Doctor 
fell, and the mirth of the observers changed to fear 
lest an accident of a serious nature had occurred. 
The officers and servant rushed to the spot. Fortu- 
nately the fall had been broken somewhat by the 
bushes, but nevertheless plainly audible groans in 
Dutch escaped him, and when aware of the presence 
of the observers, exclamations in half broken English 
as to what the result might have been. The actual 
result was that the horse was forthwith condemned 
as " no goot" by the Doctor ; an ambulance sent 
for, and necessity for the first time made him take a 
s^at during the march in that vehicle, a practice dis- 
gracefully common among army surgeons. The horse 
in charge of the servant followed, but was ever 



164 EED-TAPE AND 

* 

after used as a pack. No amount of persuasion, even 
when way-worn and foot-sore from the march, could 
induce the Doctor to remount his charger. 

Middle-Borough, a pretty place near the Bull Run 
Range of mountains, was reached about ten o'clock 
in the forenoon of the day after leaving the Gap. 
After the first Bull Run battle the place was made 
use of, as indeed were all the towns as far up the coun- 
try as Martinsburg, as a Rebel hospital. Some of 
the inmates in butternut and grey, with surgeons and 
officers on parole in like color, but gorgeous in gild- 
ing, were still to be seen about the streets. Grey- 
headed darkies and picaninnies peered with grinning 
faces over every fence. The wenches were busily 
employing the time allowed for the halt in baking 
hoe-cakes for the men. 

In front of the principal mansion of the place, 
owned by a Major in the Rebel service under Jack- 
son, a small group of officers and men were interest- 
ing themselves in the examination of an antique naval 
sword that had just been purchased by a Sergeant 
from a venerable Uncle Ned, who stood hat in hand, 
his bald head exposed to the sun, bowing as each new 
comer joined the crowd. 

" Dat sword, gemmen," said the negro, politely and 
repeatedly bowing, "belonged to a Captain ob de 
Louisiana Tigers dat Hannar Amander and me 
nussed, case he came late and couldn't get into de 
hospitals or houses, dey was so full right after de 
fust big Bull Run fight. His thigh was all shot to 
pieces. He hadn't any money, and didn't seem to 
hab any friends but Hannar Amander." 

"Who is Hannah Amanda?" said one of the 
crowd. 

" My wife, sah, " said the old man, crossing his 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 165 

breast slowly with, his right hand and profoundly 
bowing. 

"Hannar Amander said de } r oung man must be 
cared for, dat de good Lor would hold us 'countable 
if we let him suffer, so we gab him our bed, shared 
our little hoe-cake and rye coffee wid him, and Susan 
Matildar, my darter, and my wife dressed de wound 
as how de surgeon would tell us. But after about 
five days de surgeon shook his head and told de Cap- 
tain he couldn't lib. De poor young man failed fast 
arter dat ; he would moan and mutter all time ober 
ladies' names. 

" ' Beckon you hab a moder and sisters ? ' said my 
wife to him one morning. 

11 'Oh, God! yes,' said de fine looking young man, 
for, as Hannar Amander said, he was purty as a pic- 
tur, and she'd often say how much would his moder 
and sisters gib if dey could only nuss him instead of 
us poor culled pussons. He said, too, he was no 
Rebel at heart — dat he was from de Norf, and a clerk 
in a store at New Orleans, and dey pressed him to go, 
and den he thought he'd better go as Captain if he 
had to go, and dey made him Captain. • And now 
I must die a traitor ! My God ! when will my moder 
and sisters hear of dis, and what will dey say ? ' and 
he went on so and moaned ; and when we found out 
he was from up Norf, and sorry at dat for being a 
Rebel, we felt all de warmer toward him. He called 
us bery kind, but moaned and went on so dreadfully 
dat my wife and darter didn't know what to do to 
comfort him. Dey bathed his head and made him 
cool drinks, but no use. 'It's not de pain ob de 
body,' said Hannar Amander to me, ' it's ob de heart 
— dat's what's de matter.' 

" ■ Hab you made your peace wid God, and are 



166 RED-TAPE AXD 

you ready for eberlasting rest?' said my wife to 
him. 

" ' My God ! ' groaned he, ! dere's no peace or rest 
for me. I'm a sinner and a Kebel too. Oh, I can't 
die in such a cause*! ' and he half raised up, but soon 
sunk down again. 

" ' We'm all rebels to de bressed God. His Grace 
alone can sab us,' said my wife, and she sung from 
dat good hymn 

" Tis God alone can gib 

De bliss for which we sigh." 



u c 



Susan Matildar, bring your Bible and read 
some.' While she said dis, de poor young man's eyes 
got full ob tears. 

" ' Oh, my poor moder I how she used to read 
to me from dat book, and how I've neglected it,' 
said he. 

" Den Susan Matildar — she'd learned to read from 
her missus' little girls — read about all de weary laden 
coining unto de blessed Sabiour. Wheneber she 
could she'd read to him, and I went and got good 
old Brudder Jones to pray for him. By un by de 
young man begin to pray hisself, and den he smiled, 
and den, oh, I neber can forget how Hannar Aman- 
der clapped her hands and shouted ' Now I know 
he's numbered wid de army ob de Lor' ! kase he 
smiles.' Dat was his first smile ; but I can tell you, 
gemmen, it grew brighter and brighter, and by un by 
his face was all smiles, and he died saying he'd meet 
his moder and all ob us in Hebben, and praising de 
bressed Lor' 1 " 

The old man wiped his eyes, and there was a brief 
pause, none caring even in that rough, hastily col- 



FIGE0X-H0LE GENERALS. 167 

lected crowd to break the silence that followed his 
plain and pathetic statement. 

"But how did you get the sword?" at last in- 
quired one. 

" Before he died he said he was sorry he could not 
pay us for our kindness," resumed the old man. 
" Hannar Amander said dat shouldn't trouble him, 
our pay would be entered up in our 'ternal count. 

" And den he gab me dis sword and said I should 
keep it and sell it, and' dat would bring me suffin'. 
And he gab Susan Matildar his penknife. De Secesh 
am 'quiring about de sword. I'd like to keep it, to 
mind de young man by, but we've all got him here," 
said the old man, pointing to his heart. " I'd sooner 
gib it to you boys dan sell it to de Rebels, but de 
Sargeant yer was good enough to pay me suffin for 
it, and den I cant forget dat good young man, I see 
his grave every day. We buried him at de foot ob 
our little lot, and Susan Matildar keeps flowers on 
his grave all day long. Her missus found out he was 
from de Norf and was sorry 'fore he died he had 
been a Rebel, and she told Susan Matildar she 
wouldn't hab buried him dere. But Hannar Aman- 
der said dat if all de Rebels got into glory so nice 
dey'd do well ; and de sooner dey are dere de better 
for us all, dis ole man say." 

This last brought a smile to the crowd, and a col- 
lection was taken up for the old man. 

" Bress you> gemmen ! bress you ! Served my 
Master forty -five years and hab nuffin to show for it. 
Our little patch Hannar Amander got, but I tries to 
sarve de Lor at de same time, and dere is a better 
'count kept ob dat in a place where old Master dead 
and gone now pas' twenty years, will nebber hab a 
chance ob getting at de books." 



168 EED-TAPE AND 

The old man had greatly won upon his hearers, 
when the bugle called them to their posts. 

Our corps from this place took the road to White 
Plains, near which little village they encamped in a 
wood for two nights and a day, while a snow-storm 
whitened the fields. * * * * * 

"Let the hawk stoop, the bird has flown," 

said a boyish-faced officer who was known in the 
Regiment as the Poetical Lieutenant, to the Adjutant; 
as he pushed aside the canvas door of the Office 
Tent on one of those wintry evenings. The caller 
had left the studies of the Sophomoric year, — or rather 
his Scott, Byron, Burns, and the popular novelists of 
the day, — for the recruiting service in his native coun- 
ty. The day-dreams of the boy as to the gilded 
glory of the soldier had been roughly broken in upon 
by severe practical lessons, in tedious out-post duty 
and wearisome marches. He could remember, as 
could many others, how he had admired the noble 
and commanding air with which Washington stands 
in the bow of the well loaded boat as represented on 
the historic canvas, and the stern determination de- 
picted upon the countenances of the rest of his Ro- 
man-nosed comrades — (why is it that our historic 
artists make all our Revolutionary Fathers Roman- 
nosed? If their pictures are faithful, where in the 
world do our swarms of pugs and aquilines come 
from worn by those claiming Revolutionary descent? 
Is it beyond their skill to make a pug or an aquiline 
an index to nobility of soul or heroic resolve?) — as 
they keep the frozen masses borne by that angry tide 
at safe distance from the frail bark — but he then felt 
nothing of the ice grating the sides of the vessel in 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 169 

which he hoped to make the voyage of life, nor shud- 
dered at the wintry midnight blast that swept down 
the valley of the Delaware. His dreams had de- 
parted, but poetical quotations remained for use at 
every opportunity. 

" What's the matter now?" says the Adju- 
tant. 

" One of the Aids just told me," rejoined the Lieu- 
tenant, "that the Rebels were in force in our front, 
and would contest the Rappahannock, while the pos- 
session of the Grap we have just left lets them in upon 
our rear*" 

"The old game played out again," says the Adju- 
tant. "Another string loose in the bag. Strategy in 
one respect resembles mesmerism — the object operated 
upon must remain perfectly quiet. Are we never to 
suppose that the Rebels have plans, and that their 
vigilance increases, and will increase, in proportion to 
the extremity of their case ? Our theorists and rou- 
tine men move armies as a student practises at chess, 
as if the whole field was under their control, and both 
armies at their disposal. "With our immense resour- 
ces, vigorous fighting and practical common sense 
would speedily suppress the Rebellion. Where are 
our old fighting stock of Generals? our Hookers, 
Heintzelmans, Hancocks, and men of like kidney ? 
Why must their fiery energies succumb to a cold- 
blooded strategy, that wastes the materiel of war, and 
what is worse, fills our hospitals to no purpose? 
Those men have learned how to command from ac- 
tual contact with men. The art of being practical, 
adapting one's self to emergencies, is not taught in 
schools. With some it is doubtless innate ; with the 
great mass, it is a matter of education, such as is 
acquired from moving among men." 

8 



170 RED-TAPE AND 

"We have the Pyrrhic dance as yet; 
Where is our Pyrrhic phalanx gone f 
Of two such lessons why forget 
The nobler and the manlier one?" 

broke in our Poetical Lieutenant. 

" D n your Pyrrhics," retorted the Adjutant, 

snappishly. " For the Pyrrhics of past days we have 
Empirics now. Our phalanxes of old have been led 
to victory by militia Colonels, who sprang from the 
thinking head of the people, glowing with the sacred 
fire of their cause. Do you not believe," continued 
he enthusiastically, '• that the loyal masses who sprang 
into ranks at the insult upon Sumter would have 
found a leader long ere this worthy of their cause, 
whose rapid and decisive blows would have saved us 
disgraceful campaigns, had the nation been unencum- 
bered by this ruin of a Regular Army, that has given 
us little else than a tremendous array of officers, many 
of them of the Pigeon-hole and Paper order, — beggarly 
lists of Privates, — Routine that must be carried out at 
any cost of success, — and Red Tape that everywhere 
represses patriotism ? And then to think, too, of the 
half-heartedness and disaffection. How long must 
these sneaking Catilines in high places abuse our pa- 
tience? But what can be expected from officers who 
are not in the service from patriotic motives, but 
rather from prospects of pay and position ? End the 
war, and you will have men who are now unworthy 
Major and Brigadier Generals, subsiding into Cap- 
tains and Lieutenants. Their movements indicate 
that they realize their position fully ; but when 
will the country realize that ' strategy ' is played 
out? " 

" The whiskey at Division HeacUquarters is played 
out, any way," said a Sergeant on duty in the Com- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 171 

missary Department, who had entered the tent while 
the Adjutant was speaking. 

" 'And not a drop to drink,' n 

rejoined the Lieutenant. 

" Then, by Heaven, we are lost," continued the 
Adjutant. " Strategy played out and our General of 
Division out of whiskey. Yes, sir! those mishaps 
end all further movement of this Grand Army of the 
Potomac. But when did you hear that ? " 

" I was in the marquee of the Brigade Commissary 
when a Sergeant and a couple of privates on duty 
about Pigey's Head-quarters came in with a demi- 
john and a note to the Commissary, presenting the 
compliments of the General commanding Division, 
and at the same time the cash for four gallons of 
whiskey. The Captain read it carefully and told the 
Sergeant to tell the General that he didn't keep a dram- 
shop. I expected that this reply would make sport, 
and I concluded to wait awhile and see the thing out. 
In a few minutes the Sergeant returned, stating that 
he had not given that reply to the General, through 
fear, I suppose, but had stated that the Captain had 
made some excuse. He said further that Pigey said he 
was entirely out, and must have some." 

" 4 Tell him what I told you,' said the Captain, de- 
terminedly. Off the Sergeant started. I waited for 
his return outside, and asked him how Pigey took the 
answer. 'Took it? ' said he, 'I didn't tell him about 
the dram-shop, but when he found I had none, he 
raved like mad — swore he was entirely out — had 
been since morning, and must and would have some. 

He d d the Captain for being a temperance fanatic, 

and for bringing his fanatical notions into the army ; 
and all the while he paced up and down his marquee 



172 RED-TAPE AND 

like a tiger at a menagerie. At last lie told me that I 
must return again and tell the Captain that it was a 
case of absolute necessity, and that he knew that there 
was a barrel of it among the Commissary stores, and 
that he must have his four gallons.' 

" I followed the Sergeant in, but he could not make 
it. The Captain had just turned it over to the Hos- 
pital. 

" So the Sergeant went back again with the empty 
demijohn. He told me afterwards that the General 
was so taken aback by his not getting any, that he 
sat quietly down on his camp stool, ran his fingers 
through his hair, pulled at his moustache, and then I 
knew,' said the Sergeant, ' that a storm was brewing, 
and that the General was studying how to do justice 
to the subject. At length he rose slowly, kicked his 
hat that had fallen at his feet to one corner of the 

marquee, d git at the same time ; d d me for 

not getting it any how, and clenching his fists and 

walking rapidly up and down, d d the Captain, 

his Brigadier, and everything belonging to the Bri- 
gade, until I thought it a little too hard for a man 
who had had a Sunday School education in his young 
days to listen to, and I left him still cursing.' 

" He will court-martial the Captain," said the Colo- 
nel, who had entered the tent, " for signal contempt of 
the Regular Service. I recollect a charge of that kind 
preferred by a Regular Lieutenant against an Adju- 
tant of the Maine, down in the Peninsula. In one 

of our marches the Adjutant had occasion to ride 
rapidly by the Regiment to which the Lieutenant be- 
longed. The Lieutenant hailed him — told him to 
stop. The Adjutant knowing his duty, and that he 
had no authority to halt him, continued his pace, but 
found himself for nearly a month afterward in arrest 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 173 

under a charge of ' Signal contempt for the Regular 
Service.' " 

Sigel's hardy Teutons lined the road in the vicinity 
of New Baltimore, through which village the route 
lay on the following day. Part of his corps had some 
days previously occupied the mountain gaps in the 
Bull Run range on the left. Other troops, led by a 
Commander whose strategy was singularly efficacious 
to keep him out of rights, were passing to the front, 
leaving a fighting General of undoubted prowess in 
European and American history, in the rear. Ineffi- 
cient himself, and perhaps designedly so, his policy 
could not, with safety to his own reputation, allow 
of efficiency elsewhere. 

That night our . Regiment encamped in one of the 
old pine fields common in Virginia. The softness of 
the decaying foliage of the pine which covered the 
ground as a cushion was admirably adapted to repose, 
and upon it the men rested, while the gentle evening 
breeze sighed among the boughs above them, as if in 
sympathy with disappointed hopes and sacrifices made 
in vain. 

" Stragglers and marauders, sir," said a Sergeant of 
the Provost Guard, saluting the Colonel, who was one 
of the circle lying cozily about the fire, pointing as 
he spoke to a squad of way-worn, wo-begone men 
under guard in his rear. " Here is a list of their 
offences. I was ordered to report them for punish- 
ment." 

"A new wrinkle, that," said the Colonel, as the 
Sergeant left. "Our Brigadier must be acting upon 
his own responsibility. Our General of Division 
would certainly never have permitted such an oppor- 
tunity slip for employing the time of officers in Courts- 
martial. That list would have kept one of our 



174 RED-TAPE AND 

Division Courts in session at least three weeks, and 
have given the General himself an infinite amount of 
satisfaction in examining his French authorities, and 
in strictures upon the Records. What have we here, 
any how? " 

No. 1. "Straggling to a persimmon tree on the 
road-side." 

" That man," said a Lieutenant, " when he saw our 
Brigadier coming up, presented him with a couple of 
persimmons very politely. But it was no go ; the 
General ordered him under guard and eat the persim- 
mons as part of the punishment." 

"Well," rejoined the Colonel, "we'll let you off 
with guard duty for the night." 

No. 2. " Killing a shoat while the Regiment halted 
at noon." 

The man charged was a fine looking young fellow 
whose only preparation for the musket, when he en- 
listed, was previous practice with the }^ard stick in a 
dry goods establishment. Intelligent and good-na- 
tured, he was popular in the command, and was never 
known to let his larder suffer. 

" Was it a Rebel pig?" inquired a bystander. 

" A most rebellious pig," replied he, bowing to the 
Colonel. " He gave us a great amount of trouble, 
and rebelled to the last." A laugh followed, inter- 
rupted by the Colonel, who desired to hear the cir- 
cumstances of the case. 

" Right after we had halted on the other side of 
New Baltimore," continued the man, " I saw the 
pig rooting about a corn shock, and as my haversack 
was empty, and myself hungry, I thought I could 
dispose of part of him to advantage, and before I had 
time to reflect about the order, I commenced running 
after him. Several others followed, and some officers 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 175 

near by stood looking at us. After skinning my 
hands and knees in trying to catch him by throwing 
myself upon him, I finally caught him. When I 
had him skinned, I gave a piece to all the officers who 
saw me, saving only a ham for myself, and I was 
dressing it when up came a Lieutenant of the Provost 
Guard and demanded it. I debated the matter as well 
as a keen appetite would allow, and finally coming to 
the conclusion that I could not serve my country as 
I should, if half starved, I resolved to keep it, and re- 
fused him, and he reported me, and here I am with it 
at your service," clapping his hand on a well filled 
haversack. 

One-half of the meat was confiscated, but the no- 
velty of the sergeant's patriotic plea saved him fur- 
ther penalty. 

No. 3. Caught in a negro shanty, in company with 
an old wench. 

The crowd laughed ; while the subject, a tall cada- 
verous-looking fellow, protested earnestly that he was 
only waiting while the wench baked him a hoe-cake. 

il Guard duty for the night," said the Colonel. 

" Poor devil ! He will have to keep awake, and 
can't sing — L Sleeping I dream, love, dream, love, of 
thee ' " — said the poetical Lieutenant, who chanced to 
be one of the group. 

No. 4. Caught by the General Commanding Divi- 
sion, twenty feet high on a persimmon tree, and Nos. 
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 on the ground below ; also 
" Lying " 

" Another persimmon crowd. Every night we are 
troubled with the persimmon business," said the Colo- 
nel ; " but what does the ' also Lying ' mean ?" 

" Why," said a frank fellow of the crowd, " }^ou 
see when the old General came up, I said it was a 



176 EED-TAPK AND 

picket station, and that the man up the tree was look- 
ing out for the enemy. It was a big thing, I thought, 
but the General didn't see it, and he swore he would 
persimmon us." 

" Which meant," said the Colonel, "that you would 
lose your persimmons, and go on extra police duty for 
forty-eight hours each." 

The crowd were lectured upon straggling, that too 
frequent offence of Volunteers, and after a severe 
reprimand dismissed. 

The country abounded in persimmon trees, and 
their golden fruit was a sore temptation to teeth 
sharpened on army crackers. As the season advanced, 
and persimmons became more palatable, crowds would 
thus be brought up nightly for punishment. This 
summary procedure was an innovation by the Briga- 
dier upon the Red-Tape formulary of Courts-martial, 
so rigidly adhered to, and fondly indulged in, by the 
General of Division. The Brigadier would frequently 
himself dispose of delinquencies of the kind, telling 
the boys in a manner that made them feel that he 
cared for their welfare, that they had been entrusted 
to him by the country for its service, and that he con- 
sidered himself under obligations to their relatives 
and friends to see that while under his command their 
characters received no detriment, and while becoming 
good soldiers they would not grow to be bad citizens. 
He made them realize, that although soldiers they 
were still citizens ; and many a man has left him all 
the better for a reprimand which reminded him of 
duties to relatives and society at large. How much 
nobility of soul might be spared to the country with 
care of this kind, on the part of commanders. Punish- 
ment is necessary — but how many to whom it is in- 
trusted forget that in giving it a moral effect upon 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 177 

society, care should be taken that it may operate bene- 
ficially upon the individual. The General who 
crushes the soul out of his command by exacting 
infamous punishments for trivial offences, is but a 
short remove from the commander who would basely 
surrender it to the enemy on the barest pretext. 
Punishment has too often been connected with preju- 
dice against Volunteers in the Army of the Potomac, 
controlled as it has been too much by martinets. 
That a nation of freemen could have endured so long 
the contumely of a proud military leader when his 
incapacity was so apparent, will be a matter of won- 
der for the historian. The inconsistency that would 
follow the great Napoleon in modelling an army and 
neglect his example in giving it mobility, with emi- 
nent propriety leaves the record of its exploits to 
depend upon the pen of a scion of the unmilitary 
House of Orleans. 

But the decree " thus far shalt thou come," forced 
upon an honest but blindly indulgent President by 
the People, who will not forget that power is derived 
from them, had already gone forth, although not yet 
officially announced to the Army; and it was during 
the week at Warrenton, our halting-place on the 
morrow, that the army, with the citizens at home, 
rejoiced that the work of staying the proud waves of 
imbecility, as well as insult, to our Administration, 
had commenced. The history of reforms is one of 
the sacrifice of blood, money, and time. Frightful bills 
of mortality, shattered finances, nineteen months of 
valuable time, do not in this case admit of an excep- 
tion. 

8* 



178 KED-TAPE AND 



CHAPTER XIII. 

Camp near Warrenton — Stability of the Republic — Measures, 
not Men, regarded by the Public — Removal of McClellan — Di- 
vision Head- Quarters a House of Mourning — A Pigeon-Hole 
General and his West Point Patent- Leather Cartridge-Box — 
Head- Quarter Murmurings and Mutterings — Departure of 
Little Mac and the Prince — Cheering by Word of Command — 
The Southern Saratoga — Rebel Regret at McClellan s Depar- 
ture. 

WRITERS prone to treat of the instability of Re- 
publics, will find serious matter to combat in 
the array of events that culminated at Warrenton. 
Without the blood that has usually characterized 
similar events in the history of Monarchies, in fact 
with scarcely a ripple upon the surface of our national 
affairs, a great military chieftain, or to speak truly, a 
commander who had endeavored, and who had the 
grandest of opportunities to become such, passed from 
his proud position as the leader of the chief army of 
the Republic, to the obscurity of private life. Prof- 
fered to a public, pliant, because anxious that its 
representatives in the field should have a worthy Com- 
mander, by an Administration eager to repair the dis- 
aster of Bull Run, — puffed into favor by almost the 
entire press of the country, the day had been when 
the loyalty of the citizen was measured by his admi- 
ration of General McClellan. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 179 

Never did a military leader assume command so 
auspiciously. The resources of a mighty nation were 
lavishly contributed to the materiel of his army. Its 
best blood stood in his ranks. Indulged to an almost 
criminal extent by an Administration that in accor- 
dance with the wishes of the masses it represented, 
bowed at his beck and was overly solicitous to do his 
bidding, no wonder that this ordinary mind became 
unduly inflated. He could model his army upon the 
precedents set by the great Napoleon ; he could sur- 
round himself by an immense Staff — the talent of 
which, however, but poorly represented the vigor of 
his army, — for nepotism and favoritism interfered to 
prevent that, as they will with common men ; drill 
and discipline could make his army efficient, — for his 
subordinates were thorough and competent, and his 
men were apt pupils ; but he himself could not add 
to all these the crowning glories of the field. Eve^ 
thing was there but genius, that God-given gift; and 
that he did not prove to be a Napoleon resulted alone 
from a lack of brains. 

Now that the glare of the rocket has passed from 
our sky, and its stick has fallen quietly enough among 
the pines of New Jersey, citizens have opportunity 
for calm reflection. We are not justified, perhaps, in 
attributing to McClellan all the evils and errors that 
disfigure his tenure of office. Intellect equal to the po- 
sition he could not create for himself, and ninety-nine 
out of one hundred men of average ability would not 
have descended from his balloon-like elevation with 
any better grace. It is in the last degree unjust to 
brand with disloyalty, conduct that seems to be a re- 
sult natural enough to incompetency. That upon 
certain occasions he may have been used for disloyal 
purposes by designing men, may be the consequenee 



160 RED-TAPE AND 

of lack of discrimination rather than of patriot- 
ism. 

Whatever might have induced his conduct of the 
war, the nation has learned a lesson for all time. 
Generals who had grown grey in honorable service 
were rudely set aside for a Commander whose principal 
merit consisted in his having published moderately 
well compiled military books. Their acquiescence 
redounds to their credit ; but their continued and com- 
paratively calm submission in after times, when that 
General, regardless of soldierly merit, placed in high 
and honorable positions relatives and intimate friends, 
who could be but mere place-men, dependent entirely 
"upon him for their honors, and committed to his inter- 
ests, is strong proof of devoted patriotism. Slight 
hold had these neophytes upon the stern matter-of- 
fact fighting Generals, or the equally devoted and 
patriotic masses in ranks. In their vain glory they 
murmured and muttered during and subsequent to 
this week at Warrenton, as they had threatened pre- 
viously, in regard to the removal of McClellan. They 
knew not the Power that backed the Bayonet. In 
the eye of the unreserved and determined loyalty of 
the masses, success was the test of popularity with 
any Commander. Not the shadow of an excuse 
existed for any other issue. Our resources of the 
materiel of war were well nigh infinite. Men could 
be had almost without number, at least equal to the 
Rebels in courage. There was, then, no excuse for 
inaction, and none knew it better than our reflecting 
rank and file. 

The effort to inspire popularity for McClellan had 
been untiring by his devotees in position in the army. 
In the outset it was successful. Like their friends at 
home, the men in ranks, during the dark days that 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 181 

succeeded Bull Run, eagerly caught at a name that 
received such honorable mention. That this flush of 
popularity did not increase until it became a steady 
flame like that which burned within the breasts of 
the veterans of the old French Empire, is because its 
subject lacked the commanding ability, decision of 
character, and fiery energy, that made statesmen do 
reverence, turned the tide of battle to advantage, and 
swept with resistless force over the plains of Italy 
and the mountains of Tyrol. 

It was with mingled feelings of pleasure and un- 
certainty, caused by the change, that the Regiment 
broke to the front in column of company, and en- 
camped on a beautifully wooded ridge about two 
miles north of Warrenton. Pleasure upon account of 
the change — as any change must be for the better, — 
uncertainty, as to its character and extent. In their 
doubtful future, Generals shifted position, and suc- 
ceeded each other, very much, as dark specks appear 
and pass before unsteady vision. Who would be the 
successor ? Would the change be radical ? were ques- 
tions that were discussed in all possible bearings 
around cheerful camp-fires. 

Whatever the satisfaction among subordinate offi- 
cers and the ranks, Division Head-quarters was a 
house of mourning. To the General removed solely 
it owed its existence. Connected with his choice 
Corps, it had basked in the sunshine of his favor. 
With the removal already ordered, "the dread of 
something worse " — a removal nearer home was ap- 
prehended. As a Field Commander, the officer upon 
whose shoulders rested the responsibilities of the Di- 
vision, was entirely unknown previously to his as- 
suming command. His life hitherto had been of 
such a nature as not to add to his capacity as a Com- 



182 RED-TAPE AND 

mander. Years of quiet clerkly duty in the Topo- 
graphical Department may, and doubtless did in his 
case, make an excellent engineer or draughtsman, but 
they afford few men opportunities for improvement 
in generalship. During the McClellan regime this 
source furnished a heavy proportion of our superior 
officers. Why, would be difficult to say on any other 
hypothesis than that of favoritism. Their educational 
influences tend to a defensive policy, which history 
proves Generals of ability to have indulged in only 
upon the severest necessity. To inability to rise 
above these strictures of the school, may be traced the 
policy which has portrayed upon the historic page, to 
our lasting disgrace as a nation, the humiliating spec- 
tacle of a mighty and brave people, with resources 
almost unlimited, compelled for nearly two years to 
defend their Capital against armies greatly inferior to 
their own in men and means. 

Independently of these educational defects, as they 
must be called, there was nothing in either the cha- 
racter or person of the Division Commander to com- 
mand respect or inspire fear. Eccentric to a most 
whimsical degree, his oddities were the jest of the Di- 
vision, while they were not in the least relieved by 
his extreme nervousness and fidgety habits of body. 
That there was. nothing to inspire fear is, however, 
subject to exception, as his whims kept subordinates 
in a continual fever. The art of being practical — 
adapting himself to circumstances — he had never 
learned. It belongs to the department of Common 
Sense, in which, unfortunately, there has never been 
a professor at West Point. His after life does not 
seem to have been favorable to its acquirement. 
Withal, the hauteur characteristic to Cadets clung to 
him, and on many occasions rendered him unfortunate 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 183 

in his intercourse with volunteer officers. Politeness 
with him, assumed the airs and grimaces of a French 
dancing-master, which personage he was not unfre- 
quently and not inaptly said to resemble. Displeasure 
he would manifest by the oddest of gestures and vol* 
leys of the latest oaths, uttered in a nervous, half stut- 
tering manner. Socially, his extensive educational 
acquirements made him a pleasant companion, and 
with a friend it was said he would drink as deep and 
long as any man in the Army of the Potomac. Once 
crossed, however, his malignity would be manifested 
by the most intolerable and petty persecution. 

u He has no judgment," said a Field-Officer of a 
Regiment of his command ; a remark which, by the 
way, was a good summary of his character. 

" Why ?" replied the officer to whom he was speaking. 

11 1 was out on picket duty," rejoined the other, 
" yesterday. We had an unnecessarily heavy Ee- 
serve, and one half of the men in it were allowed to 
rest without their belts and boxes. The General in 
the afternoon paid us a visit, and seeing this found 
fault, that the men were not kept equipped ; observ- 
ing at the same time that they could rest equally well 
with their cartridge boxes on ; that when he was a 
Cadet at West Point he had ascertained by actual 
practice that it could be done." 

" Do you recollect, General," I remarked, " whether 
you had forty rounds of ball cartridge in your box 
then?" 

" He said he did not know that that made any dif- 
ference." 

" Now considering that the fact of the boxes being 
filled makes all the difference, I say," continued the 
officer, "that the man who makes a remark such as 
the General made, is devoid of judgment." 



184 RED-TAPE AND 

But he was connected both by ties of friendship 
and consanguinity with the hitherto Commander of 
the Army of the Potomac. His Adjutant-General 
was related to the same personage. The position of 
the latter, for which he was totally unfitted by his 
habits, was perhaps a condition precedent to the ap- 
pointment of the General of Division. 

The fifth of November, a day destined to become 
celebrated hereafter in American as in English history, 
dawned not less inauspiciously upon the Head-quar- 
ters of the Corps. They too could not appreciate the 
dry humor of the order that commanded Little Mac 
to report at Trenton. They thought alone of the un- 
welcome reality — that it was but an American way of 
sending him to Coventry. The Commander of the 
Corps had been a great favorite at the Head -quarters 
of the army — perhaps because in this old West Point 
instructor the haughty dignity and prejudice against 
volunteers which characterized too many Regular 
officers, had its fullest personification. His Corps 
embraced the largest number of Regular officers. In 
some Regiments they were ridiculously, and for Uncle 
Sam expensively, plentiful, — some Companies having 
two or three Captains, two or three First or Second 
Lieutenants, — while perhaps the enlisted men in the 
Regiment did not number two hundred. But these 
supernumeraries were Fitz John's favorites, and 
whether they performed any other labor than sporting 
shoulder straps, regularly visiting the Paymasters, 
adjusting paper collars and cultivating moustaches, 
was a matter of seemingly small consequence, though 
during depressed national finances. 

The little patriotism that animated many of the 
officers attached to both of these Head quarters, did 
not restrain curses deep if not loud. Pa} 7 and posi- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 185 

tion kept them in the army at the outbreak of the 
Rebellion ; and pay and position alone prevented their 
taking the same train from Warrenton that carried 
away their favorite Commander. A telegram of the 
Associated Press stated a few days later that a list of 
eighty had been prepared for dismissal. What evil 
genius averted this benefit to the country, the War 
Department best knows. It required no vision of the 
night, nor gift of soothsaying, to foretell the trouble 
that would result from allowing officers in important 
positions to remain in the army, who were under the 
strongest obligations to the General removed, devo- 
tedly attached to him, and completely identified with, 
and subservient to, his interests. It might at least be 
supposed that his policy would be persevered in, and 
that his interests would not suffer. So far the reform 
was not radical. 

" Colonel," said one of these martinets who occu- 
pied a prominent position upon the Staff of Prince 
Fitz John, as with a look of mingled contempt and 
astonishment he pointed to a Lieutenant who stood a 
few rods distant engaged in conversation with two 
privates of his command, " do you allow commissioned 
officers to converse with privates? " 

11 Why not, sir ? Those three men were intimate 
acquaintances at home. In fact, the Lieutenant was a 
clerk in a dry-goods establishment in which one of 
the privates was a junior partner." 

" All wrong, sir," replied the martinet. " They 
should approach a commissioned officer through a 
Sergeant. The Inspecting Officer will report you for 
laxity of discipline in case it continues, and place you 
under arrest." 

The Brigadier, when he heard of this conversation, 
intimated that should the Inspecting Officer attempt 



186 RED-TAPE AND 

it, he would leave the Brigade limits under guard ; 
and it was not attempted. 

Nonsense such as this is not only contemptible but 
criminal, when contrasted with the kind fellowship of 
Washington for his men, — his solicitude for their 
sufferings at Valley Forge, — Putnam sharing his 
scanty meals with privates of his command, — Napoleon 
learning the wants of his veterans from their own 
lips, and tapping a Grenadier familiarly upon the 
shoulder to ask the favor of a pinch from his snuff- 
box. Those worthies may rest assured that marquees 
pitched at Regulation distance, and access through 
non-commissioned officers, will not, if natural dignity 
be wanting, create respect. How greatly would the 
efficiency of the army have been increased, had the 
true gentility that characterized the noble soul of Colo- 
nel Simmons, who fell at Gaines' Mills, and that will 
always command reverence, been more general among 
his brother officers of the Regular Army. 

These evil results should not, however, lead to a 
wholesome condemnation of West Point. The ad- 
vantages of the Institution have been abused, or 
rather neglected, by the great masses of the Loyal 
States. In our moral matter-of-fact business commu- 
nities it has been too generally the case, that cadets 
have been the appointees of political favoritism, 
regardless of merit ; and that the wild and often worth- 
less son of influential and wealthy parents, who had 
grown beyond home restraint, and who gave little 
indication of a life of honor or usefulness, would 
be turned into the public inclosure at West-Point to 
square his morals and his toes at the same time at 
public expense, and the act rejoiced at as a good 
family riddance. Thus in the Loyal States,' the pro- 
fession of arms had fallen greatly into disrepute pre- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 187 

viously to the outbreak of the Rebellion, and instead 
of being known as a respectable vocation, was consi- 
dered as none at all. Had military training to some 
extent been connected with the common school edu- 
cation of the land, we would have gained in health, 
and would have been provided with an able array of 
officers for our noble army of Volunteers. Among 
other preparations for their infamous revolt, the 
Rebels did not fail to give this especial prominence. 
The Northern States have been great in peace; the 
material is being rapidly educated that will make 
them correspondingly great in war. 

" November's surly blasts" were baring the forests 
of foliage, when the order for the last Review by 
McClellan was read to the Troops. Mutinies and 
rumors of mutinies " from the most reliable sources " 
had been suspended above the Administration, like 
the threatening sword of Damocles ; but Abraham's 
foot was down at last, and beyond murmurings and 
mutterings at disaffected Head-Quarters no unsol- 
dierly conduct marked the reception of the order. So 
far from the " heavens being hung with black," as a 
few man -worshippers in their mad devotion would 
have wished, nature smiled beautifully fair. Such a 
sight could only be realized in Republican America. 
A military Commander of the greatest army upon 
the Continent, elevated in the vain-glor}' of dependent 
subordinates into a quasi-Dictatorship, was suddenly 
lowered from his high position, and his late Troop? 
march to this last Review with the quiet formality of 
a dress parade. What cared those stern, self-sacrific- 
ing men in ranks, from whose bayonets that brilliant 
sun glistened in diamond splendor, for the magic of a 
name — the majesty of a Staff, gorgeous, although not 
clothed in the uniform desired by its late Chief. The 



188 BED-TAPE AND 

measure of payment for toil and sacrifice with them, 
was progress in the prosecution of their holy cause. 
The thunders of the artillery that welcomed him with 
the honor due to his rank, reminded them to how 
little purpose, through short-comings upon his part, 
those same pieces had thundered upon the Peninsula 
and at Antietam. 

Massed in close columns by division along the 
main road leading to Warrenton, the troops awaited 
the last of the grand pageants that had made the 
Army of tke Potomac famous for reviews. Its late 
Commander, as he gracefully sat his bay, had not the 
nonchalance of manner that he manifested while 
reading a note and accompanying our earnest Presi- 
dent in a former review at Sharpsburg ; nor was the 
quiet dignity that he usually exhibited when at the 
head of his Staff, apparent. His manner seemed 
nervous, his look doubly anxious ; troubled in the 
present, and solicitous as to the future. Conscious, 
too, doubtless, as he faced a nation's Representatives 
in arms, how he had " kept the word of promise to 
the ear," and how " he had broken it to the hope ;" 
how while his reviews had revealed a mighty army 
of undoubted ability and eagerness for the fight, his 
indecision or proneness to delay had made its cam- 
paigns the laughing-stock of the world. His brilliant 
Staff clattered at his heels ; but glittering surroundings 
were powerless to avert the memories of a winter's 
inactivity at Manassas, the delay at Yorktown, the 
blunders on the Chickahominy, or the disgrace of the 
day after Antietam. How closely such memories 
thronged upon this thinking soldiery, and how little 
men who leave families and business for the field, 
from the necessity of the case, care for men if their 
measures are unsuccessful, may be imagined, when 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 189 

the fact is known that this same Little Mac, once so 
great a favorite through efforts of the Press and offi- 
cers with whom he had peopled the places in his gift, 
received his last cheers from some Divisions of that 
same Army by word of command. 

" A long farewell to all his greatness." 

Imbecile in politics as in war, he cannot retrieve it by 
cringing to party purposes. The desire that actuates 
our masses and demands able and earnest leaders has 
long since dissolved party lines. 

This leave-taking was followed a few daj^s later by 
that of the Corps Commander. Troubled looks, sha- 
dows that preceded his dark future, were plainly visi- 
ble as the Prince passed up and down the lines of his 
late command. 

Another day passed, and with light hearts the men 
brightened their muskets for a Review by their new 
Commander, Major-General Burnside, or "Burney," as 
they popularly called the Hero of Carolina celebrity. 

But the day did not seem to be at hand that should 
have completed the reform by sweeping and garnish- 
ing disaffected, not to say disloyal Head-Quarters — 
removing from command men who were merely mar- 
tinets, and who were in addition committed body and 
soul to the interests of their late Commander, and who, 
had they been in receipt of compensation from Rich- 
mond, could not have more completely labored by 
their halfhearted, inefficient, and tyrannizing course, 
to crush the spirit of our soldiery. 

" What's the matter with Old Pigey ?" inquired a 
Sergeant, detailed on guard duty at Division Head- 
Quarters, as he saluted his Captain, on one of these 
evenings at Warrenton. 

"Why?" rejoined the Captain. 



190 RED-TAPE AND 

" The General," continued the Sergeant, " was walk- 
ing up and down in front of his marquee almost all 
of last night, talking to himself, muttering, and at 
almost every other step stamping and swearing. He 
had a bully old mad on, I tell you, Captain. He went 
it in something of this style." 

And the sergeant himself strode up and down, mut- 
tering and stamping and swearing, to the great amuse- 
ment of the Captain and some bystanders. 

The unwillingness to bow to the dictation of the 
President as Commander-in-Chief in his most right- 
eous removal of their favorite, caused much heart- 
burning, and gave rise to much disloyal conduct. 
That it was tolerated at all was owing to the unappre- 
ciated indulgence or hesitation of the Administration, 
lest it should undertake too much. The operation, to 
have been skilful and complete, required nerve. That 
article so necessary for this crisis is in the ranks, and 
let us trust that for the future it will be found in 
greater abundance at Washington. 

The Southern Saratoga, as "Warren ton has been 
styled among the fashionables of the South, has much 
to commend it in situation and scenery, as a place of 
residence. The town itself is an odd jumble of old 
and new buildings, and is badly laid out, or rather 
not laid out at all, as the streets make all possible 
angles with each other* Yankee enterprise appears 
to have had something to do with the erection of the 
later buildings. Like other towns of that neighbor- 
hood its cemetery is heavily peopled with Rebel dead. 
At the time of our occupancy many of its larger build- 
ings were still occupied as hospitals* 

On the day of McClellan's departure the streets 
were crowded with officers and men, and the sympa- 
thies of the Rebel residents seemed strangely in unison 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 191 

with those of the chieftain's favorites. The representa- 
tives of the clannish attachments which made McClel- 
lanism a species of Masonry in the army, were there 
in force. In these banded interests brotherly love 
took the place of patriotism. Little wonder ! look- 
ing at the record of the McClellan campaigns, that 
the Rebels present fraternized with these devotees in 
their grief* 

" You have thrown away your ablest commander," 
said an elderly man, of intelligent and gentlemanly 
appearance, clad in the uniform of a surgeon of the 
Rebel army, who stood conversing with one of our 
own surgeons, on the sidewalk of the main street of 
the place, while the crowd gathered to witness the 
departure of the General. 

"Do you really think so?" rejoined the Union 
Surgeon, as he earnestly eyed the speaker. 

s< Yes, sir," said the Rebel, emphatically. "It is 
not only my opinion but the opinion of our Gene- 
rals of ability, that in parting with McClellan you 
lose the only General you have who has shown any 
strategic ability." " 

" If that be your opinion, sir," was the decided 
reply, " the sooner we are rid of him the better." 

And to this reply the country says, Amen ! 

" But what a shame it is that military genius is so 
little appreciated by the Administration, and that he 
is removed just at this time ! Why, I heard our 
Colonel say that he had heard the General say, that 
in a few days more, he would have won a decisive 
victory," remarked a young officer, in a jaunty blue 
jacket, to a companion, gesticulating as he spoke, 
with a cigar between the first and second fingers of 
his right hand. 

An older officer, who overheard the remark, ob- 



192 RED-TAPE AND 

served, drily : — " He was not removed for what he 
would do, but for what he had done." 

" And for what he had not done," truthfully added 
another. 

Never had General, burdened with so many sins of 
omission and commission, as the conversation indi- 
cated, been so leniently dealt with, now that the 
Kebels in their favorite, and with him successful game 
of hide and seek, had again given him the slip, and 
were only in his front to annoy. As they had it com- 
pletely in their power to prevent a general engage- 
ment at that point, his remark as to what would have 
been done was a very rotten twig, caught at in the 
vain hope of breaking his fall. 




5^ck. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 193 



CHAPTER XIV. 

J. Skulker and the Dutch Doctor — A Review of the Corps by Old 
Joe — A Change of Base; what it means to the Soldier, and 
what to the Public — Our Quarter- Master and General Hooker 
— Tlie Movement by the Left Flank — A Division General and 
Dog-driving — The Desolation of Virginia — A Rebel Land- 
Owner and the Quarter- Master — " No LToss, Sir/" — The 
Poetical Lieutenant unappreciated — Mutton or Dog? — Desk 
Drudgery and Senseless Routine. 

4 4 TT'S about time, Bill, for you to have another 
JL sick on," said a lively lad, somewhat jocosely, 
as he rubbed away at his musket-barrel, on one of our 
last mornings at the Camp, near Warrenton. " Fight- 
ing old Joe has the Corps now, and he will review us 
to-day, the Captain says, and after that look out for a 
move." 

" Don't say," drawled out the man addressed ; a 
big, lubberly fellow, famous in the Eegiment for 
shirking duty — who, when picket details were ex- 
pected, or a march in prospect, would set a good 
example of punctuality in promptly reporting at Sur- 
geon's call, or as the Camp phrase had it, " stepping 
up for his quinine." " Well," continued he, " Lord 
knows what I'll do. I've had the rheumatics awful 
bad," clapping at the same time one hand on his hip, 
and the other on his right shoulder, " the last day or 
two, and then the chronical diarrhcear." 



194 EED-TAPE AND 

" You had better go in on rheumatism, Bill," broke 
in the first speaker. " The Doctor will let you off 
best on that." 

" That's played out, isn't it, Bill," chimed in 
another ; and to Bill's disgust, as he continued, 
" It don't go with the little Dutch Doctor since 
Sharpsburg. Every time his Company's turn would 
come for picket, while we were at that Camp, Bill • 
would be a front-rank man at the Hospital, with a 
face as long as a rail, and twisted as if he had just 
had all his back teeth pulled. The little Dutch-" 
man would yell out whenever he would see him — 
'What for you come? Eh? You tarn shneak. 
[Rheumatism, eh ? In hip ?' And the Doctor would 
punch his shoulder and hip, and pinch his arms and 
legs until Bill would squirm like an eel under a gig. 
1 Here, Shteward,' said the Doctor the last time, as 
he scribbled a few words on a small piece of paper, . 
' Take this ; make application under left ear, and see 
if dis tarn rheumatism come not out.' Bill followed 
the Steward, and in a few minutes came back to 
quarters ornamented with a fly-blister as big as a 
dollar under his left ear. Next morning Bill didn't 
report, but he's been going it since on diarrhoea." 

" He wasn't smart, there," observed another. u He 
ought to have done as little Burky of our mess did. 
He'd hurry to quarters, take the blister off, clap it on 
again next morning when he'd report, and he'd have 
the little Dutchman swearing at the blister for not 
being ' wors a tarn.' " 

Bill took the sallies of the crowd with the quiet 
remark that their turn for the sick list would come 
some day. 

The Review on that day was a grand affair. The 
fine-looking- manly form of Old Joe, as, in spite of a 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 195 

bandaged left ancle not yet recovered from the wound 
at Antietam, and that kept the foot out of the stirrup, 
he rode down the line at a gait that tested the horse- 
manship of his followers, was the admiration of the 
men. In his honest and independent looking counte- 
nance thej read, or thought they could, character too 
purely republican to allow of invidious distinctions 
between men, who, in their country's hour of need, 
had left civil pursuits at heavy sacrifices, and those 
who served simply because the service was to them 
the business of life. With hearts that kept lively 
beat with the regimental music as thej marched past 
their new Commander, they rejoiced at- this mark of 
attention to the necessities of the country, which re- 
moved an Officer, notorious as a leader of reserves, 
and placed them under the care of a man high on the 
list of fighting Generals. " Waterloo," says the his- 
toric or rather philosophic novelist of France, " was a 
change of front of the universe." The results of that 
contest are matter of record, and justify the remark. 
At Warrenton a great Republic changed front, and 
henceforth the milk and water policy of conciliating 
" our Southern Brethren " ranked as they are behind 
bristling bayoftets, or of intimidating them by T a mere 
show of force, must give way to active campaigning 
and heavy blows. 

A rainy, misty morning a day or two after the 
review, saw the Corps pass through* Warrenton, en 
route for the Railroad Junction, commencing the 
change of direction by the left flank, ordered by the 
new Commander of the Army. The halt for the 
night was made in a low piece of woodland lying 
south of the railroad. In column of Regiments the 
Division encamped, and in a space of time incredible, 
to those not familiar with such scenes, knapsacks were 



196 RED-TAPE AND 

unslung and the smoke of a thousand camp-fires 
slowly struggled upwards through the falling rain. 
Its pelting was not needed to lull the soldiers, weary 
from the wet march and slippery roads, to slumber. 

At earlvdawn they left the Junction and its busy 
scenes — its lengthy freight-trains, and almost acres of 
baggage-wagons, to the rear, and struck the route 
assigned the Grand Division, of which they were part, 
for Fredericksburg. " A change of base" our friends 
will read in the leaded headings of the dailies, and 
pass it by as if it were a transfer of an article of fur- 
niture from one side of the room to the other. Little 
know they how much individual suffering from heavy 
knapsacks and blistered feet, confusion of wagon- 
trains, wrangling and swearing of teamsters, and vexa- 
tion in almost infinite variety, are comprised in these 
few words. It is the army that moves, however, and 
the host of perplexities move with it, all unknown to 
the great public, and transient with the actors them- 
selves as bubbles made by falling rain upon the lake. 
The delays incident to a wagon-train are legion. Oc- 
curring among the foremost wagons, they increase so 
rapidly that notwithstanding proper precaution and 
slowness in front, a rear-guard will ofteri*be kept run- 
ning. The profanity produced by a single chuck 
hole in a narrow road appears to increase in arithmeti- 
cal proportion as the wagons successively approach, 
and teamsters in the rear find their ingenuity taxed to 
preserve their reputation for the vice with their fellows. 

Why negroes are not more generally employed as 
teamsters is a mystery. They are proverbially patient 
and enduring. Both the interests of humanity and 
horseflesh would be best subserved by such employ- 
ment, and the ranks would not be reduced by the con- 
stant and heavy details of able-bodied men for that 



PIGEON-HOLE GEXEJLAXS. 197 

duty. Capital and careful horsemen are to be found 
among the contrabands of Virginia, and many a poor 
beast, bad in harness because badly treated, would re- 
joice at the change. 

Quarter-masters, Wagon-masters, Commissaries, et 
id genus omne, have their peculiar troubles. Our 
Regiment was particularly favored in a Quarter-mas- 
ter of accomplished business tact, whose personal su- 
pervision over the teams during a march was untiring, 
and whose tongue was equally tireless in rehearsing to 
camp crowds, after the march was over, the troubles 
of the day, and how gloriously he surmounted them. 
In his department he held no divided command. 

" Get out of my train with that ambulance. You 
can't cut me off in thatst3 r le," he roared in an authori- 
tative manner to. an ambulance driver, who had slipped 
in between two of his wagons on the second day of 
our march. 

"My ambulance was ordered here, sir! I have 
General " The driver's reply was here inter- 
rupted by the abrupt exclamation of the Quarter-mas- 
ter — 

" I don't care a, d n if you have Old Joe him- 
self inside. I command this train and you must get 
out." And get out the driver did, at the intimation 
of his passenger, who, to the surprise of the Quarter- 
master, notwithstanding his assertion, turned out to 
be no less a personage than General Hooker himself. 

"It is the law of the road," said the General, good- 
humoredly — candid to his own inconvenience — "and 
we must obey it." 

This ready obedience upon the part of the General 
was better in effect than any order couched in the 
strongest terms for the enforcement of discipline. 
The incident was long a frequent subject of conver- 



198 EED-TAPE AND 

sation, and added greatly to his popularity as a com- 
mander. The men were fond of contrasting it with 
the conduct of the General of Division, who but a 
few days later cursed a poor teamster with all manner 
of profanely qualifying adjectives because he could 
not give to the General and his Staff the best part of 
a difficult road. 

But perhaps the men held their General of Division 
to too strict an accountability. He was still laboring 
under the spell of Warrenton. His nervous system 
had doubtless been deranged by the removal of his 
favorite Chief, or rather Dictator, as he had hoped he 
might be. "No one could command the army but 
McClellan," the General had said in his disgust — a 
disgust that would have driven him from the service, 
but that, fortunately for himself and unfortunately for 
his country, it was balanced by the pay and emolu- 
ments of a Brigadiership. Reluctant to allow Burn- 
side quietly, a Caesar's opportunity to "cover his bald- 
ness with laurels," his whimsical movements, now 
galloping furiously and purposeless from front to 
rear, and from rear to front of his command, cursing 
the officers, — and that for fancied neglect of duty, — 
poorly concealed the workings of his mind. 

In one of these rapid rides, his eye caught sight 
of a brace of young hounds following one of the 
Sergeants. 

" Where did those dogs come from? " 

" They have followed me from the last wood, sir." 

"Let them go, sir, this instant. Send them back, 

sir. D n you, sir, I'll teach }*ou to respect private 

property," replied the General, deploying his staff at 
the same time to assist in driving the dogs back, as 
notwithstanding the efforts of the Sergeant to send 
them to the rear, they crouched at a respectful distance 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 199 

and eyed him wistfully. " D n you, sir, I am the 

General commanding the Division, sir, and by G — d, 
sir, I command you, as such, to send those dogs back, 
sir!" nervously stammered the General as he rode 
excitedly from one side of the road to the other in 
front of the Sergeant. 

The affair speedily became ridiculous. Driving 
dogs was evidently with the General a more congenial 
employment than manoeuvring men. But his efforts 
in the one proved as unsuccessful as in the other, as 
notwithstanding the aid afforded by his followers, the 
dogs would turn tail but for a short distance. After 
swearing most dogmatically, as an officer remarked, he 
turned to resume his ride to the head of the column, 
but had not gone ten yards before there was a whistle 
for the dogs. Squab was sent back to ferret out the 
offender. The whistling increased, and shortly the 
whole Staff and the Regimental officers were engaged 
in an attempt at its suppression. But in vain. Whis- 
tling in Company A, found echoes in Company B ; 
and after, some minutes of fruitless riding hither and 
thither the General was forced to retire under a storm 
of all kinds of dog-calls, swelled in volume by the 
adjacent Regiments. 

That authority should be thus abused by the Gene- 
ral in endeavoring to enforce his ridiculous order, 
and set at naught by the men in thus mocking at 
obedience, is to be deprecated. The men took that 
method of rebuking the inconsistency, which would 
permit Regular and many Volunteer Regiments to be 
followed by all manner of dogs, 

" Both mongrel, puppy, whelp and hound, 
And' cur of low degree," 

and yet refuse them the accidental company of but a 
brace of canines. A simple report of the offender, 



200 EED-TAPE AND 

supposing the Sergeant to have been one, would have 
been the proper course, and would have saved a Gene- 
ral of Division the disgrace of being made a laughing- 
stock for his command. 

"Talent is something: but tact is everything," 
said an eminent man, and nowhere has the remark a 
more truthful application than in the army. 

A favorite employment after the evening halt, 
during this three days' march, was the gathering of 
mushrooms. The old fields frequent along the route 
abounded with them, and many a royal meal they 
furnished. To farmers' sons accustomed to the sight 
of close cultivation, these old fields, half covered with 
stunted pines, sassafras, varieties of spice wood, and 
the never- failing persimmon tree, were objects of cu- 
riosity. It was hard to realize that we were marching 
through a country once considered the Garden of 
America, whose bountiful supplies and large planta- 
tions had become classic through the pen of an Irving 
and other famous writers. Fields princely in size, 
but barren as Sahara ; buildings, once comfortable 
residences, but now tottering into ruin, are still there, 
but? "all else how changed." The country is desola- 
tion itself. Game abounds, but whatever required 
the industry of man for its continuance has disap- 
peared. 

Civilization, which in younger States has felled for- 
ests, erected school-houses, given the fertility of a gar- 
den to the barren coast of the northern Atlantic and 
the wild-wood of the West, could not coalesce with 
the curse of slavery, and Virginia has been passed by 
in her onward march. This field of pines that you 
see on our right, whose tops are so dense and even as 
to resemble at a distance growing grain, may have 
been an open spot over which Washington followed 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 201 

his hounds in ante-revolutionary days. The land 
abounds in memories. The very names of the degene- 
rate families who eke out a scanty subsistence on 
some corner of what was once an extensive family 
seat, remind one of the old Colonial aristocracy. 
Reclamation of the soil, as well as deliverance of 
the enslaved, must result from this civil war. Both 
worth fighting for. So "Forward, men, ""Guide 
right," as in very truth we are in Divine Providence 
guided. 

The long-haired, furtive-looking fathers and sons, 
representatives of all this ancient nobility, after having 
given over their old homesteads to their female or 
helpless male slaves, and massed their daughters and 
wives apparently in every tenth house, were keeping 
parallel pace with us on the lower bank of the Rap- 
pahannock. It was the inevitable logic of the law of 
human progress, declaring America to be. in reality 
the land of the free, that compelled these misguided, 
miserable remnants of an aristocracy, to shiver in 
rags around November camp-fires. "They are joined 
to their idols" — but now that after years of legislative 
encroachment upon the rights of suffering humanity, 
they engage in a rebellious outbreak against a God- 
given Government, we will not let them alone in an 
idolatry that desolates the fair face of nature and 
causes such shameful degeneracy of the human race. 
Justice! slow, but still sure and retributive justice! 
How sublimely grand in her manifestations ! After 
years of patient endurance of the proud contumely 
of South Carolina, New England granite blocks up 
the harbor of Charleston — Massachusetts volunteers 
cook their coffee in the fireplaces of the aristocratic 
homesteads of Beaufort, and negroes rally to a roll- 
call at Bunker Hill, but as volunteers in a war which 



202 KED-TAPE AND 

insures them liberty, and not as slaves, as was once 
vainly prophesied. * * * 

" Who commands you ? " inquired a long, lean, 
slightly stooped, sallow-faced man of about fifty, with 
eyes that rolled in all directions but towards the offi- 
cer he addressed, and long hair thrown back of his 
ears in such a way as to make up an appearance that 
would readily attract the attention of a police officer. 

" I command this Regiment, sir," replied the Colo- 
nel, who, at the end of the day's march, was busied in 
directing a detail where to pitch the Head-quarter tents. 

" Groin 1 to stay yer — right in this meadow? " con- 
tinued the man, in the half negro dialect common with 
the whites of the South. 

" That is what we purpose doing, sir. Are you the 
owner? " 

" Y-a-a-s," drawled out the man, palling his slouch 
felt still further over his eyes. " This meadow is the 
best part of my hull farm." 

" Great country, this," broke in the Quarter-master. 
" Why a kill-deer couldn't fly over it without car- 
rying a knapsack. You don't think that camping 
upon this meadow will injure it any, do you? " 

" Eight smart it will, I reckon," rejoined the man, 
his eyes kindling somewhat, "right smart, it will. 
$1500 at least." 

" What ! What did the land cost you ? " 

"Wall, I paid at the rate of $15 the acre for 118 
acres, and the buildings and 12 acres on it are in this 
meadow, and the best bit of it, too." 

" Then you want to make us pay nearly what the 
whole farm cost you for using the meadow a single 
night?" 

" Wall, I reckon as how the rails will all be gone, 
and the sod all cut up, and " 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 203 

" Well, I reckon," interrupted the Quarter-master, 
" that you ought to prove your loyalty before you talk 
about claiming damages from Uncle Sam." 

"Oh! I'm on nary side, on nary side;" and he 
looked half suspiciously about the crowd, now some- 
what increased. " I'm too old ; besides, my left knee 
is crippled up bad," limping as he said so, to sustain 
his assertion. 

" Where are your children ?" 

" My two boys and son-in-law are off with the 
South, but I'm not 'countable for them." 

" Well, sir, you'll have to prove your lo}*alty before 
you get a receipt from me for any amount." 

" Prove my loyalty ? " he muttered, at the same 
time looking blank. " What sort of swearin' have 
you for that ? " 

" Don't swear him at all, at all," broke in the little 
Irish Corporal. "Swearing is no substitute for 
swinging. Faith I lie's up to that business. It's mate 
and drink to him. Make him whistle Yankee Doodle 
or sing Hail Columbia. Be jabers, it is not in his 
looks to do it without choking." 

Terence's suggestion met with a general laugh of 
approval. The old fellow, finding himself in a crowd 
slow to appreciate his claim for damages when his 
loyalty was at a discount, made off towards his house, 
a dingy, two-story frame near by, reminded by the 
Colonel as he left that he would be expected to keep 
closely within doors while the troops were in that 
vicinity. 

This sovereign of the soil was a fair specimen of the 
landed gentry of Virginia. " On nary side," as he 
expressed it, when the Federal troops wei'e in his neigh- 
borhood, and yet malignant and dastardly enough 
to maltreat any sick or wounded Union soldier that 



204 HED-TAPE AND 

chance might throw into his hands. The less reserved 
tongues of his daughters told plainly enough where 
the family stood on the great question of the day. 
But while they recounted to some of the junior offi- 
cers who were alwa} 7 s on the alert in making female 
acquaintances, their long lists of famous relatives, 
they had all the eagerness of the Yankee, so much 
despised in the Kichmond prints, in disposing of half- 
starved chickens and heavy hoe-cakes at extor- 
tionate prices. With their dickering propensities 
there was an amount of dirt on their persons and 
about the premises, and roughness in their man- 
ners, that did great discredit to the memory of Poca- 
hontas. 

" You have the old horse tied up close," casually 
remarked a spruce young Sergeant who, in obedience 
to orders from Division Head-quarters, had just sta- 
tioned a guard in the yard of the premises, alluding 
to an old, worn-out specimen of horseflesh tied up so 
closely to the house that his head and neck were almost 
a straight line. 

" Yon's no hoss, sir. It's a mare," quickly retorted 
one of those black-eyed beauties. 

The polite Sergeant, who. had dressed himself with 
more than usual care, in the expectation of meeting 
the ladies, colored somewhat, but the young lady, in 
a matter-of-course strain, went on to say, 

" She's the only one left us, too. Preston and Mon- 
cure took the rest with them, and they say they've 
nearly used 'em up chasing you Yanks." 

Her unlady-like demeanor and exulting allusion to 
the Kebel cavalry tested to the utmost the Sergeant's 
qualities as a gentleman. A dicker for a pair of 
chickens, accomplished by his substituting a little 
ground coffee for a great sum in green-backs, soon 



PIGE0X-H0LE GEXEKALS. 205 

brought about a better understanding, however, on 
the part of the damsel. 

A few hours later saw the Adjutant and our poeti- 
cal Lieutenant snugly seated on split-bottomed 
chairs in a dirty kitchen. Random conversation, in 
which the women let slip no opportunity of reminding 
their visitors of the soldierly qualities of the Rebels, 
interrupted by the occasional bleating of sheep and 
bawling of calves in the cellar, made the evening's 
entertainment novel and interesting. So much so 
that at a late hour the Lieutenant, who had invested 
closely the younger of the two, said, half sighing, as 
he gave her a fond look, 

" "With thee conversing, I forget all time, 
All " 

"Wall, I reckon I don't," broke in the matter-of- 
fact young lady. " Sal, just kick yon door around." 
As Sal did her bidding, and the full moon on the face 
of an old fashioned corner clock was disclosed, she 
continued, " It's just ten minutes after eleven, and 
you Yanks had better be off." 

Although the Adjutant was 

" Like steel amid the din of arms ; 
Like wax when with the fair," 

this lack of appreciation of poetic sentiment so ab- 
ruptly shown, brought him out in a roar, and com- 
pletely disconcerted the Lieutenant. They both 
retired speedily, and long after, the circumstance was 
one of the standing jokes of the camp. 

One of the most prominent and eagerly wished-for 
occurrences in camp, is the arrival of the mail. The 
well filled bag, looking much like one of the bags of 
documents forwarded by Congressmen for private pur- 
poses at Uncle Sam's expense, was emptied out on 
the sod that evening in front of the Colonel's marquee, 



206 RED-TAPE AND 

and bundles containing boots, tobacco, bread, clothing 
of all kinds, eatables, and what-not, — for at that time 
Uncle Sam's army mails did a heavy express busi- 
ness, — were eyed curiously, by the crowd impatient for 
distribution. Most singular of all in shape and feeling 
was a package, heavily postmarked, and addressed to 
the Colonel. It contained what was a God-send to 
the larder of the mess, — a quarter of fine tender meat. 
But what kind of animal, was the query. The Major, 
who was a Nimrod in his own locality, after the most 
thorough inspection, and the discovery of a short 
straight hair upon it, pronounced it venison, or young 
kid, and confirmed the Colonel in the belief that he 
had been remembered by one of his Western friends. 
But deer or dog was a matter of indifference to hun- 
gry campaigners. A hearty meal was made of it, 
and speculation continued until the Brigadier, who 
had perpetrated the joke upon the Colonel, saw fit, 
long after, to reveal that it was mutton that had 
been taken from some marauders during the day's 
march. 

During the first and second days of the march, can- 
nonading had been heard at intervals on the right 
flank. This day, however, the silence was ominous ; 
and now at its close, with our army in close proximity 
to Fredericksburg, it indicated peaceable, unopposed 
possession, or delay of our own forces. But of the 
delay and its cause, provoking as it was, and costly 
as it has proved, enough has probably been written. 
An Investigating Committee has given the public full 
records. If we do not learn that delinquents have 
been punished, let us hope that the warning has been 
sufficient to avoid like difficulties in the future. 

Our army quietly turned into camp among the 
wooded heights of Stafford, opposite the town of 



PIGEOX-HOLE GENERALS. 207 

Fredericksburg. The Rebels as quietly collected their 
forces and encamped on the heights upon the opposite 
side of the river. Day by day we could see them 
busily at work upon their fortifications. Each morn- 
ing fresh mounds of earth appeared at different 
points in the semi-circular range of hills bounding 
Fredericksburg upon the South and West. This 
valuable time was made use of by the pontoon train 
at the rate of four miles per day. 

The three Grand Divisions, now that their stately 
march by the flank was over, had settled comfortably 
down among the hills of Stafford. Wood and water, 
essentials for camp comfort, were to be found in abun- 
dance. While the little parleying between the Com- 
mander of the Right Grand Division and the civil 
authorities of Fredericksburg continued, matters were 
somewhat in suspense. But a gradual quiet crept 
over the army, and in a few short weeks that heavily 
timbered country was one vast field of stumps, with 
here and there clusters of pine trees left standing for 
the comfort of different Head -quarters. As the tim- 
ber disappeared, the tents and huts of the army before 
concealed in the forests were disclosed, and the whole 
country in the vicinity of the railroad was a contin- 
uous camp. The few open fields or barrens afforded 
fine review and drill grounds, and the toils of the 
march were scarcely over before in all directions could 
be heard the steady tramp of solid columns engaged 
in the evolutions of the field. 

Those who think that duties are light in camp, 
know nothing of the legions of reports, statements in 
duplicate and triplicate, required by the too often 
senseless formalities of red tape. These duties vary 
greatly in different divisions. With a place-man, 
mechanical in his movements, and withal not disposed 



208 RED-TAPE AND 

to lighten labor, they multiply to a surprising extent, 
and subs intrusted with their execution often find 
that the most laborious part of the service is drudgery 
at the desk. Night after night would repose at Regi- 
mental Head-quarters be interrupted by repetitious 
and in many cases inconsistent orders, the only pur- 
pose of which appeared to be, to remind drowsy 
Adjutants and swearing Sergeant-Majors that the 
Commanding General of Division still ruled at Divi- 
sion Head-quarters, and that he was most alive 
between the hours of nine and twelve at night. Inde- 
pendently of the fact that in most cases in ordinary 
camp-life there was no reason why these orders should 
not have issued in business hours, their multiplicity 
was a nuisance. The pen may be mightier than the 
sword, but in all conscience when the pen has been 
through necessity ignored, and the sword is uplifted 
for rapid and earnest blows, and the heart of a nation 
hangs in heavy suspense upon its movements, these 
travelling Bureaux had better be abolished. Su- 
peradded to all this, was the labor resulting from the 
mania for Court-Martialing that raged at Division 
Head-quarters. Mechanical in its movements, not un- 
frequently malignant in its designs, officer after 
officer, earnest in purpose, but in some instances per- 
haps deficient in detail, had been sacrificed to an ab- 
solutism that could order the charges, detail the Court, 
play the part of principal witness for the prosecution, 
and confirm the proceedings. 

" Our volunteer force will never amount to much, 
until we attain the exact discipline of the French ser- 
vice," was the frequent remark of a General of Divi- 
sion. Probably not. But how much would its 
efficiency be increased, had the policy of the great 
Napoleon, from whose genius the French arms derive 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. % 209 

their lustre, prevailed, in detailing for desk duty in 
quiet departments the mechanical minds of paper 
Generals. His master tact in assigning to comman- 
ders legitimate spheres of work, and with it the un- 
tiring zeal of a Cromwell that would run like a 
purifying fire through the army, imparting to it its 
own impetuosity, and ridding it of jealousy and disaf- 
fection, were greatly needed in this Grand Army of 
the Potomac. Nobler men never stood in ranks! 
Holier banners never flaunted in the sunlight of 
Heaven ! God grant its directing minds correspond- 
ing energy and wisdom. 




210 • RED-TAPE AND 



CHAPTER XV. 

Red Tape and the Soldier's Widow — Pigeon-holing at Head- 
Quarters and Weeping at the Family Fireside — A Pigeon-hole 
General Outwitted — Fishing for a Discharge — The Little Irish 
Corporal on Topographical Engineers — Guard Duty over a 
Whiskey Barrel. 

, Penna., Nov. — , 1862. 

My Dear George : — This is the first spare time 
that I have been able to get during the last week for 
a letter to my dear husband. And now that there is 
quiet in the house, and our- dear little boys are sound 
asleep, and the covers nicely tucked about them in 
their little trundle, I feel that I can scarcely write. 
There is such a heaviness upon my heart. When I 
saw the crowd at the telegraph office this morning 
while on my way to church, and heard that they 
were expecting news of a great battle on the Rappa- 
hannock, such a feeling of helplessness, sinking of 
the heart, and dizziness came over me, that I almost 
fell upon the pavement. The great battle that all 
expect so eagerly, may mean our dear little children 
fatherless and myself a widow. Oh, George, I feel 
so sad and lonely, and then every footstep I hear at 
the door I am afraid some one is coming with bad 
news. Your last letter, too, I do not like. I am 
afraid that more is the matter with you than you are 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 211 

willing to admit. You promised me, too, that you 

would apply for a furlough. Lieut. H has been 

twice at home since he went out. You know he is 
in Sickles' Division. 

Our precious little boys keep asking continually 
when papa will come home. Little Georgie says he 
is a "du-du," you know that is what he calls a soldier, 
and he gets the old sword you had in the three months' 
service, and struts up and clown at a great rate. 
They can both say the Lord's prayer now, and every 
night when they get through with it, they ask God to 
bless papa and mamma, and all the Union u du-dus." I 
do wish that you could see them in their little "Gadi- 

baldis," as Harry calls them. When I see Mr. B 

and others take their evening walks with their chil- 
dren, just as you used to do with Georgie, it takes all 
the grace and all the patriotism I can muster to keep 
from murmuring. 

Mr. G says that we need not trouble about the 

rent this quarter, that he will wait until you are paid. 
The neighbors, too, are very kind to me, and I have 
been kept so busy with work from the shops, that I 
have made enough to pay all our little expenses. But 
for all, George, I cannot help wishing every minute 
of the day that " this cruel war was over" and you 
safe back. At a little sewing party that we had the 

other day, Em D sang that old song " AVhen 

wild war's deadly blast was blown," that you used to 
read to me so often, and when I heard of "sweet 
babes being fatherless," and " widows mourning," I 
burst into tears. I do not know why it is, but I feel 
as if expecting bad news continually. Our little boys 
say " don't cry, mamma," in such a way when I put 
them to bed at night, and tell them that I kiss them 
for you too, that it makes me feel all the worse. I 



212 EED-TAPE AND 

know it is wrong. I know our Heavenly Father 
knows what is best for us. I hope by this time you 
have learned to put your trust in him. That is the 
best preparation for the battle-field. 

Do not fail to come home if you can. God bless 
you, George, and protect you, is the prayer of 

Your loving wife, 
Mary. 

On a low cot in the corner of a hospital tent, near 
Potomac Creek, propped up by some extra blankets 
kindly loaned him by his comrades, toward the close 
of a December afternoon, lay a slightly-built, rather 
handsome man of about thirty, holding with trem- 
bling hand the above letter, and hurriedly gathering 
its contents with an eager but unsteady eye. The 
Surgeon noticing the growing flush upon his already 
fevered cheek, suggested that he had better have the 
letter read to him. So intent was the reader, that the 
suggestion was twice repeated before heeded, and then 
only drew the remark " Mary and the boys." A 
sudden fit of c6ughing that appeared to tear the very 
life strings came upon him, and at its close he fell back 
exhausted upon his pillow. 

"What luck, Adjutant?" inquired the Surgeon 
in a low tone, as he went forward, cautiously treading 
among the sick, to admit that officer into the tent. 

The Adjutant with a shake of the head remarked 
that the application had gone up two weeks previ- 
ously from Brigade Head-quarters, and that nothing 
had been heard of it since. " As usual," he added, 
" pigeon-holed at Division Head-quarters." 

" Poor Wilson has been inquiring about it all day, 
and I very much fear that should it come now, it will 
be too late. He has failed rapidly to-day." 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 213 

■ 

" So bad as that ? I will send up to Division Head- 
quarters immediately." 

The Lieutenant, a week previously, had been brought 
into the hospital suffering from a heavy cold and fever 
in connexion with it. For some weeks he had been 
in delicate health ; so much so, in fact, that the Sur- 
geon had urged him to apply for a furlough, and had 
stated in his certificate to the same, that it was abso- 
lutely 'necessary for the preservation of his life. 
As the Surgeon stated, a furlough, that might then 
have been beneficial, promised now to be of little 
avail. The disease had assumed the form of conges- 
tion of the lungs, and the Lieutenant seemed rapidly 
sinking;. 

When the Adjutant left the hospital tent besought 
out a Captain, an intimate acquaintance of the Lieu- 
tenant's, and charged him with a special inquiry at 
Head-quarters, as to the success of the application for 
a furlough. Thither the Captain repaired, through 
the well trodden mud and slush of the camp ground. 
The party of young officers within the tent of the 
Adjutant-Greneral appeared to be in a high state of 
enjoj^ment, and that functionary himself retained just 
presence of mind sufficient to assure the Captain, after 
hearing his statement and urgent inquiry — "that there 

was no time now to look — that there were so d n 

many papers he could not keep the run of them. These 
things must take their regular course, Captain, — regu- 
lar course, you know. That's the difficulty with the 
volunteer officers,", continued he, turning half to the 
crowd, " to understand regular military channels, — 
channels." As he continued stammering and stutter- 
ing, the crowd inside suspended the pipe to ejaculate 
assent, while the Captain, understanding red-tape to 
his sorrow, and too much disgusted to make further 



214 RED-TAPE AND 

effort to understand the Captain, retraced his steps. 
Finding the Adjutant he told him of his lack of suc- 
cess, and together they repaired to the hospital tent to 
break the unwelcome news. 

At the time of his entry into the Hospital the 
Lieutenant was impressed with the belief that the 
illness would be his last, and he daily grew more soli- 
citous as to the success of his application for a furlough. 
Another coughing fit had, during their absence, inter- 
vened, and as the two cautiously untied the flaps and 
entered the stifling atmosphere of the crowded tent, the 
Surgeon and a friend or two were bending anxiously 
about the cot. Their entry attracted the attention of the 
dying Lieutenant ; for that condition his faint hurried 
breathing, interrupted by occasional gasps, and the 
rolling, fast glazing eye, too plainly denoted. A look 
of anxious inquiry, — a faint shake of the head from 
the Captain — for strong-voiced as he was, his tongue 
refused the duty of informing the dying man of what 
had become daily, unwelcome news. 

" Oh, my God ! must I, — must I die without again 
seeing Mary and the babies ! " with clasped hands he 
gasped, half rising, and casting at the same time an 
imploring look at the Surgeon. 

But the effort was too much. His head fell back 
upon the blankets. A gurgling sound was heard in 
his throat. With bowed heads to catch the latest 
whisper, his friends raised him up; and muttering 
indistinctly amid his efforts to hold the rapidly failing 

breath, " Mary and the babies. The babies, — Ma " 

the Lieutenant left the Grand Army of the Potomac 
on an everlasting furlough. 

Mary was busily engaged with the duties of her 
little household a week later, enjoying, as best she 
might, the lively prattle of the boys, when there was 



PIGEONHOLE GENERALS. 215 

the noise of a wagon at the door, and closely follow- 
ing it a knock. " Papa ! papa ! " exclaimed the chil- 
dren, as with eager haste they preceded the mother. 
With scarcely less eagerness, Mary opened the door. 
Merciful God ! " Temper the wind to the shorn 
lambs." Earthly consolation is of little avail at a 
time like this. It was " Papa ; " — but Mary was a 
widow, and the babies fatherless. 

By some unfortunate accident . the telegram had 
been delayed, and the sight of the black pine coffin 
was Mary's first intimation of her loss. Her worst 
anticipations thus roughly realized, she sank at the 
door, a worthy subject for the kind offices of her 
neighbors. 

A fortnight passed, and the Adjutant was disturbed 
in his slumbers, almost at the solemn hour of mid- 
night, to receive from an Orderly some papers from 
Division Head-Quarters. Among them, was the ap- 
plication of the Lieutenant, returned " approved." 

Measured by poor Mary's loss, how insignificant 
the sigh of the monied man over increased taxes 1 
how beggarly the boast of patriotic investments ! 
how contemptibly cruel, in her by no means unusual 
case, the workings of Ked Tape ! * * * * 

* * * Occurrences such as these, may sad- 
den for the moment the soldier, but they produce no 
lasting depression. ^ 

" Don't you think I had oughter 
Be a going down to Washington o 

To fight for Abraham's Daughter? " 

sang our ex-newsboy Birdy, on one of those cold 
damp evenings in early December, when the smoke 
of the fires hung like a pall over the camp ground, 
and the eyes suffered terribly if their owner made 
any attempt at standing erect. 



216 KED-TAPE AND 

" And who is Abraham's Daughter ? " queried one 
of a prostrate group around a camp fire. 

"Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean," continued 
Birdy, to another popular air, until he was joined by 
a manly swell of voices in the closing line — 

" Three cheers for the Red, "White, and Blue ! " 

"Hot much life here," continued Birdy, seating 
himself. "I have just left the % — th; There is a 
high old time over there. ■ They have got the dead 
wood on old Pigey nice." 

"In what way? " inquired the crowd. 

" You know that long, slim fellow of Co. E, in that 
Begiment, who is always lounging about the Hospi 
tal, and never on duty." 

" What 1 The fellow that has been going along 
nearly double, with both hands over the pit of his 
stomach, for a week past ? " 

" The same," resumed Birdy. " He has been 
going it on diarrhoea lately ; before that he was run- 
ning on rheumatism. Well, you know he has been 
figuring for a discharge ever since he heard the can- 
nonading at the second Bull Run, but couldn't make 
it before yesterday." 

" How did he make it ? " inquired several, ear- 
nestly. 

" Fished for it," quietly remarked Birdy. 

" Come, Birdy, this is too old a crowd for any 
jokes of yflurs. Whose canteen have you been suck- 
ing Commissary out of? " broke in one of his hearers, 

" Nary time ; I'm honest, fellows. He fished for 
it, and I'll tell you how," resumed Birdy, adjusting 
the rubber blanket upon which he had seated him- 
self. 

"You see old Pigey was riding along the path 



PIGEON-HOLE GEXERALS. *2l7 

that winds around the hill to Corps Head-Quarters, 
when he spied this fellow, Long Tom, as they call 
him, sitting on a stump, and alongside of the big 
sink, that some of our mess helped to dig when on 
police duty last. Tom held in both hands a long 
pole, over the sink, with a twine string hanging from 
it — for all the world as if he was fishing. On came old 
Pigey ; but Tom never budged. 

" ' What are you doing there, sir ? ' said the General. 

" ' Fishing,' said Tom, without turning his head. 

" ' Fishing ! h 1 and d n ! Must be crazy ; 

no fish there.' 

" ' I've caught them in smaller streams than this,' 
drawled out Tom, turning at the same time his eyes upon 
the General, with a vacant stare. * But then I had bet- 
ter bait. The ground about here is too mean for good 
red worms. Just look,' and Tom lifted up an old sar- 
dine box, half full of grubs, for the General to look at. 

" ' Crazy, by G — d, sir,' said the General, turning 
to his Aid, ' Demented ! Demented ! Might be a dan- 
gerous man in camp ; must be attended to,' continued 
the General ; striking, as he spoke, vigorous blows 
across his saddle-bow, with his gauntlet ; Tom all the 
while waiting for a bite, with the patience of an old 
fisherman. 

" It was after three in the afternoon, and the Gene- 
ral took the bait. 

" ' Must be attended to. Dangerous man ! danger- 
ous man ! ' said he, adjusting his spectacles. 

" 4 Your name and Regiment, sir ? ' 

" Tom drawled them out, and the General directed 
his Aid to take them down. 

" ' Go to your Quarters, sir,' said the General. 

" ' Havn't caught anj'thing yet, and hard tack is 
played out,' replied Tom. 



218 RED-TAPE AND 

" At this the General put spurs to bis horse, and 
left. Half an hour afterward, a Corporal's Guard came 
after Tom. They took him up to the marquee of the 
Surgeon of the Division. Tom played it just as well 
there, and yesterday his discharge came down, all 
O.K., and they've got the Commissary on the strength 
of it, and are having a high old time generally." 

" Bully boy with a glass e}^e ! How are you, dis- 
charge !" and like slang exclamations broke rapidly 
and rapturously from the -crowd. 

" But," said one of the more thoughtful of the crowd, 
as the condition of a brother then lying hopelessly 
ill, with no prospect of a discharge, — although it had 
been promised repeatedly for months past, — pressed it 
self upon his attention, " how shameful that this able- 
bodied coward and idler should get off in this way, 
when so* many better men are dying by inches in the 
hospitals. A General who understood his command 
and had more knowledge of human nature, could not 
be deceived in that way." 

" Tom had lounged about Division Head-Quarters 
so much, that he knew old Pigey thoroughly, and 
just when to take him," said a comrade. 

" All the greater shame that our Generals can be 
taken off their guard at any time," retorted the 
other. 

"Oh, well," continued he, "about what might be 
expected of one educated exclusively as a Topogra- 
phical Engineer, and having no acquaintance with 
active field service, and with no talent for com- 
mand ; for it is a talent that West Point may educate, 
but cannot create." 

" And what is a Tippo, Typo, or Toppographical 
Engineer, Sergeant? " broke in the little Irish Corpo- 
ral, who chanced to be one of the group, rather seri- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 219 

ously. " Isn't it something like a land surveyor ; and 
be Jabers, wasn't the great Washington himself a 
land surveyor? Eh? Maybe that's the ray son 
these Tippos, Typos, or Toppographical Engineers 
ride such his;h horses." 

" Not badly thought of, Corporal," replied the 
Sergeant, amid laughter at Terence's discovery, and 
his attempt at pronunciation ; " but Washington was 
a man of earnestness and ability, and not a guzzler 
of whiskey, and a mouther of indecent profanity. 
There are good officers in that Corps. There is ' 
Meade, the fighter of the noble Pennsylvania Re- 
serves; Warren, a gentleman as well as a soldier. 
Others might be named. Meritorious men, but kept 
in the background while the place-men, cumberers 
of the service, refused by Jeff. Davis when making 
his selections from among our regular officers, as too 
cheap an article, are kept in position at such enor- 
mous sacrifices of men, money, and time. I have 
heard it said, upon good authority, that there is a nest 
of these old place-men in Washington, who keep their 
heads above water in the service, through the studied 
intimacy of their families with families of Members 
of the Cabinet — a toadyism that often elevates them 
to the depression of more meritorious men, and always 
at the expense of the country, — but — 

" Dark shall be light." 

Keep up your spirits, boys." 

" Keep up your spirits," echoed Birdy ; " that is 
what they are doing all the time at Division Head- 
Quarters, — by pouring spirits down, Jim," continued 
he, turning suddenly to a comrade, who lounged lazily 
alongside of him, holding, at the same time, at the 
end of a stick, a tin cup with a wire handle, over 



220 BED-TAPE AND 

the fire, " tell the crowd about that whisky bar- 
rel." 

Some of the crowd had heard the story, from the 
manner in which they welcomed the suggestion, and 
insisted upon its reproduction. 

" Can't, till I cook my coffee," retorted Jim, point- 
ing to the black, greasy liquid in the cup, simmering 
slowly over the half-smothered fire. Jim's cup had 
evidently been upon duty but a short time previously 
as a soup-kettle. " But it is about done," said he, 
lifting it carefully off, " and I might as well tell it 
while it cools." 

w About one week ago I happened to be detailed 
as a Head-Quarter guard, and about four o'clock in 
the afternoon was pacing up and down the beat in 
front of the General's Head-Quarters. It was a plea- 
sant sun-shiny spring day, — when gadflies like to 
try their wings, and the ground seems to smoke in all 
directions, — and the General sat back composedly in 
the corner of his tent on a camp stool, with his elbow 
on his knee and his head hanging rather heavily 
upon his hand. The flaps were tied aside to the fly- 
ropes. I had a fair view of him as I walked up and 
down, and I came to the conclusion from his looks 
Kbat Pigey had either a good load on, or was in a 
"brown study. While I was thinking about it up 
comes a fellow of the 2 — th, that I used to meet often 
while we were upon picket. He is usually trim, tidy- 
looking, and is an intelligent fellow, but on that day 
everything about him appeared out of gear. His old 
grey slouch hat had only half a rim, and that hung 
over his eyes — hair uncombed, face unwashed, hands 
looking as if he had been scratching gravel with them, 
his blouse dirty and stuffed out above the belt, mak- 
ing him as full-breasted as a Hottentot woman pan- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 221 

taloons greasy, torn, and unevenly suspended ; and 
to foot up his appearance shoes innocent of blacking, 
and out at the toes. When I saw him, I laughed out- 
right. He winked, and asked in an undertone if the 
General was in, stating at the same time that he was 
there in obedience to an order detailing one man 
for special duty at the General's Head Quarters, 
'and you know,' said he, 'that the order always is 
for intelligent soldierly-looking men. Well, all 
our men that have been sent up of that stripe 
have been detained as orderlies, to keep his darkies 
in wood and water, and hold his horses, and we 
are getting tired of it. / don't intend running any 
risk.' 

"' Don't think you will,' said I, laughing at his 
make-up. 

" Just then I noticed a movement of the General's 
head, and resumed the step. A moment after, the 
General's eye caught sight of the Detail. He eyed 
him a moment in a doubtful way, and then rubbing 
his eyes, as if to confirm the sight, and straightening 
up, shouted — 

" - Sergeant of the guard ! Sergeant of the guard !' 

" The sergeant was forthcoming at something more 
than a double-quick ; and with a salute, and ' Here, 
sir,' stood before the General. 

" Old Pigey's right hand extended slowly, pointing 
towards the Detail, who stood with his piece at a 
rest, wondering what was to come next. 

" ' Take away that musket, sergeant ! and that G — 
d looking thing alongside of it. What is it, any- 
how ?' said the General, with a significant emphasis 
on the word ' thing.' 

" And off the sergeant went, followed by the man, 
who gave a sly look as he left." 



222 KED-TAPE AND 

" Pretty well played," said one of the crowd ; "but 
what has that to do with a whisky barrel ?" 

" Hold on, and you will see ; 1 am not through yet. 

" About half an hoar afterward another man from 
the same regiment presented himself, and asked per- 
mission to cross my beat, saying that he had been de- 
tailed on special duty, and was to report to the Gene- 
ral in person. This one looked trim enough to pass 
muster. He presented himself at the door of the 
tent and saluted ; but the General had taken two or 
three plugs in the interim, and was slightly oblivious. 
Anxious to see some sport, I suggested that he should 
call the General. 

" ' General,' said he, lowly, then louder, all the 
while saluting, until the General awoke with a start. 

" ' Who the h — 11 are you, sir?' 

'"I was ordered to report to you in person, sir, for 
special duty.' 

" ' Special duty, sir ! Has it come to this ? Must 
I assign the duty to be performed by each individual 
man, sir, in the Division, sir !' 

"The disheveled hair, flashing eyes, and fierce look 
of the General, startled this new Detail, and he com- 
menced explaining. The General broke in abruptly, 
however, as if suddenly recollecting ; and rubbing his 
hands, while his countenance assumed a bland smile : 

" { Oh, yes; you are right, sir, right; special duty, 
sir : yes, sir ; follow me, sir.' 

" And the General arose and with somewhat uncer- 
tain strides left his marquee, and, followed by the 
man, entered a Sibley partly in its rear. 

" ' There, sir,' said the General, pointing, with rather 
a pleased countenance; ' do you see that barrel, sir?' 

" ' Yes, sir,' replied the Detail, saluting. 

" ' That barrel holds whisky, sir — whisky ;' — rising 



PIGEON-HOLE GEXERALS. 223 

upon his toes and emphasizing the word ; c and I 

want you to guard it G — d d well. Don't let a 

d n man have a drop, sir. Do you understand, 

sir?' 

"'Yes, sir,' rejoined the Detail, saluting, and com- 
mencing his beat around the barrel. 

" The General was about leaving the Sibley, when 
he turned suddenly ; 

" ' Do you drink, sir ?' 

11 ' Once and a while, sir,' replied the Detail, salut- 
ing. 

" ' Have you had any lately ?' 

"'No, sir.' 

" ' By G — d, sir, I'll give you some, sir ;' and he 
strides into his marquee and returns with a tin cup 
full of liquor, which he placed upon the barrel, and 
told the man to help himself. After the General had 
gone, the Detail did help himself, until his musket lay 
on one side of the Sibley and himself on the other." 

" The General knows how to sympathize with a 
big dry," said one, as the crowd laughed over the 
story. 

Pen cannot do justice to the stories abounding in 
wit and humor wherewith soldiers relieve the tedium 
of the camp. To an old campaigner, their appear- 
ance in print must seem like a faded photograph, in 
the sight of one who has seen the living original. 
Characters sparkling with humor, such as was never 
attributed to any storied Joe Miller, abound in every 
camp. The brave Wolfe, previously to the victory 
which cost him his life, is reported to have sung, 
while floating down the St. Lawrence : 



"c 



" Why, soldiers, why, 
Should we be melancholy, 
"Whose business 'tis to die ?" 



224 



BED-TAPE AND 



"Whether induced in his case by an effort to bolster 
up the courage of his comrades or not, the sentiment 
has at all times been largely practised upon in the 
army of the Potomac. 




PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 225 



CHAPTER XVI. 

The Battle of Fredericksburg — Screiving Courage up to the Stick- 
ing Point — Consolations of a Flask — Pigeon-IIolc Nervousness 
— Abandonment of Knapsacks — Incidents before, during, and 
after the Fight. 

IN" this wintry weather, striking tents meant strip- 
ping the log huts of the bits of canvas that 
ordinarily served as the shelter-tents of the soldiers. 
The long rows of huts thus dismantled, — soldiers at 
rest in ranks, with full knapsacks and haversacks, — 
groups of horses saddled and bridled, ready for the 
ride, — on one of these clear, cold December mornings, 
indicated that the army was again upon the move. 
Civilians had been sent back freighted with letters 
from those soon to see the serious struggle of the 

DO 

field ; the sick had been gathered to hospitals nearer 
home; the musicians had reported to the surgeons, 
and the men were left, to the sharp notes of sixty 
rounds of ball cartridge carried in their boxes and 
knapsacks, — in the plight of the Massachusetts regi- 
ment that marched through the mobs of Baltimore, 
to the music of the cartridge-box, in the first April 
of the Rebellion. 

The time intervening between the removal of 
McClellan and the battle of Fredericksburg, was a 
period of uneasy suspense to the .nation at large and 

i(J* 



226 RED-TAPE AND 

its representatives in the field. Dear as the devoted 
patriotism, the earnest conduct of the Rhode Island 
Colonel — the hero of the Carolines and now the 
leader of the Grand Army of the Potomac — were to 
the patriotic masses of the nation, the fact of his being 
an untried man, gave room for gloom and foreboding. 
With the army at large, the suspense was accompanied 
by no lack of confidence. The devotion of the Ninth 
Army Corps for its old commander appeared to have 
spread throughout the army ; and his open, manly 
countenance, bald head, and unmistakable whiskers, 
were always greeted with rounds for "Burny." The 
jealousy of a few ambitious wearers of stars may 
have been ill concealed upon that morning, only to 
be disclosed shortly to his detriment ; but the earnest 
citizen-soldiery were eager, under his guidance, to do 
battle for their country. Time has shown, how much 
of the misfortune of the subsequent week was attri- 
butable to imperfect weeding of McCleilanism at 
Warrenton. 

Like a lion at bay, restless in easy view of the 
hosts of the Rebellious, the army had remained in its 
camp upon the heights of Stafford until the arrival 
of the pontoons. For miles along the Rappahannock, 
the picket of blue had his counterpart in the picket 
of grey upon the opposite shore. Unremitting -labor 
upon fortifications and earthworks, had greatly in- 
creased the natural strength of the amphitheatre of 
hills in the rear of Fredericksburg. Countless sur- 
mises spread in the ranks as to the character and 
direction of the attack ; though the whims of those 
who uttered them were variant as the reflections 
of a kaleidoscope. But the sun, that through the 
pines that morning, shone upon burnished barrels, 
polished breast- plates, and countenances of brave men, 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 227 

radiant, as if reflecting their holy purpose, has never, 
since the shining hosts of Heaven were marshalled for 
the suppression of the great prototype of this Rebel- 
lion, seen more earnest ranks, or a holier cause. 

The bugles call " Attention/ 7 then " Forward." 
Horses are rapidly mounted ; and speedily coming to 
the shoulder, and facing to the right, the army is in 
motion b} r the flank towards the river. Far as the 
eye could see, in all directions, there were moving 
masses of troops. Cowardly beneath contempt is the 
craven, who in such a cause, and at such a time, would 
not feel inspirited by the firm tread of the martial 
columns. 

11 Hear 'em ! Oh, Hear 'em ! "' exclaimed an earnest- 
looking country boy, hastily closing a daguerreotype 
case, into which he had been intently gazing, and 
replacing it in his pocket, as the booming of a heavy 
siege gun upon the Washington Farm, followed in- 
stantly by the reports of several batteries to the right, 
broke upon the ear like volleyed thunder. A clap of 
thunder from a clear sky could not have startled him 
more, had he been at work upon his father's farm. 
His earnest simplicity afforded great amusement to 
his comrades, and for a while made him the butt of a 
New York Regiment that then chanced to be march- 
ing abreast. Raw recruit as he was, cowardice was 
no part of his nature, and he indignantly repelled 
the taunts of his comrades. Gloom deep settled was 
visible upon his countenance, however, although firm 
his step and compressed his lip. 

" Terence," said he, to the little Irish Corporal 
who marched by his side, as another suggestive artil- 
lery fire that appeared to move along the entire 
front, made itself heard, " may I ask a favor of 

you r 



228 RED-TAPE AXD 

" Indade ye may, John, and a thousand ov them if 
ye plaze, to the last dhrop in my canteen." 

One of those jams so constant and annoying in the 
movements of large masses of men, here gave the op- 
portunity, for John to unbosom himself, which he did, 
while both leaned upon the muzzles of their pieces. 

u Terence, I do not believe that I will be alongside 
of you many days," said John, with an effort. 

" Why, what's the matter wid ye, boy ? if I didn't 
know ye iver since you thrashed that bully in the 
Zouaves, I wud think ye cowardly." 

" It is not fear, Corporal," continued John, more 
determinedly. " I'm looking the danger squarely in 
the face, and am ready to meet it, and I want to be 
prepared for it." 

" Be jabers, John," retorted Terence, " ye should 
have prepared for it before you left home. I saw 
Father Mahan just before I left, and he tould me to 
do my duty like a thrue Irishman ; and that if I was 
kilt in such a cause I wud go straight through, and 
be hardly asked to stay over night in Purgatory. 
There's my poor brother, peace to his soul ; — and did 
ye hear 

" But, Terence," interrupted John, " I am not afraid 
of death ; and for the judgment after death I have 
made all the preparation I could in my poor way, and 

I can trust that to my Maker ; but "— and here 

John clapped his hand over his left breast. 

" Oh, I see," said Terence. " It's a case of disease 
of the heart." 

" I want you, in case I fall, to take the daguerreo- 
type that you will find in the inside pocket on the 
left side of my blouse, and a sealed letter, and see 
that both are sent to the address upon the letter," 
continued John. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 229 

" Faith, will I, John. But who tould you that you 
wud be kilt, and meself that's alone and friendless 
escape ? Well, I'll take them, John, if I have to go 
meself; and it's Terence McCarty that will not see 
her suffer ; and maybe — but it's hard seeing how a 
girl could take a fancy to a short curly-headed Irish- 
man, like meself, after having loved a sthrapping, 
straight-haired man like you." 

How John relished the winding-up of the corpo- 
ral's offer could not well be seen, as an order to 
resume the step interrupted the conversation. 

Progress was slow, necessarily, from the caution 
required in the approach to the river. Over the 
rolling ground, to an artillery accompaniment un- 
equalled in grandeur, the troops trudged slowly 
along. Here and there was a countenance of serious 
determination, but the great mass were gay and reck- 
less, as soldiers proverbially are, of the risks the 
future might hold in reserve. 

After a succession of short marches and halts, the 
forward movement appeared to cease about four 
o'clock in the afternoon, and the men quietly rested 
on their arms, as well as the damp, and in many 
places muddy ground would allow. Towards evening 
countless fires, fed by the dry bushes found in abun- 
dance upon the old fields of Virginia, showed that 
amidst war's alarms the men were not unmindful of 
coffee. 

Throughout the day, with but brief cessation, artil- 
lery firing had continued. The booming of the siege 
guns, mingled with the sharp rattle of the light, and 
the louder roar of the heav}' batteries, all causing 
countless echoes among the neighboring hills, com- 
pleted the carnival of sound. 

Night crept gradually on, the fires were extin- 



230 RED-TAPE AND 

guished, the cannonading slackened gradually, then 
ceased, and the vast army, save those whom duty kept 
awake, silently slept under frosted blankets. 

Cannonading was resumed at early dawn of the 
next day, and the slow progress of the troops towards 
the river continued. Before night our advance had 
crossed upon the pontoon bridges, notwithstanding a 
galling fire of the Rebel sharpshooters under cover 
of the buildings along the river, and was firmly esta- 
blished in the town. Late in the day our Division 
turned into a grove of young pines, a short distance 
in the rear of the Phillips House. . Upon beds of 
the dead foliage, soft as carpets of velvet, after the 
fatigues of the day, slumber was sound. 

The reveille sounded at early morn of the next 
day, — Saturday, the memorable thirteenth of Decem- 
ber, — by over three hundred pieces of artillery, again 
aroused the sleeping camps to arms, and in the grey 
fog, the groves and valleys for some miles along the 
river appeared alive with moving masses. As soon 
as the fog lifted sufficiently, a large balloon between 
us and the river arose, upon a tour of observation. 
It was a fine mark for a rifled battery of the Rebels, 
and some shells passed close to it, and exploded in 
dangerous proximity to our camp. 

Under an incessant artillety fire the main movement 
of the troops across the river commenced. Leaving 
our camp and passing to the right of the Phillips 
mansion, we found our Division, one of a number of 
columns moving in almost parallel lines to the river. 
On the western slope of the hill or ridge upon which 
the house stood, we came to another halt, until our 
turn to cross should come. 

Whatever modern armies may have lost in dazzling 
appearance, when contrasted with the armies of old 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 231 

that moved in glittering armor and under " banner, 
shield, and spear," they certainly have lost nothing in 
the enginery of death, and in the sights and sounds 
of the fight itself. A twelve-pound battery under 
stern old Cato's control, would have sent Caesar and 
his legions howling from the gates of Rome, and 
have saved the dignity of her Senate. The shock 
of battle was then a medley of human voice?, 
confused with the rattle of the spear upon the shield ; 
now a hell of thunder vol umed from successive batter- 
ies, — and relieved by screaming and bursting shell and 
rattling musketry. The proper use of a single shell 
would have cleared the plains of Marathon. More 
appropriately can we come down to later times, when 

" The old Continentals, 
In their ragged regimentals, 
Faltered not," 

for the ground upon which our army stood had re- 
peatedly been used as a rallying point for troops, and 
a depot for military stores in Continental and Revo- 
lutionary times. How great the contrast between the 
armies now upon either side of the Rappahannock, 
and the numbers, arms, and equipage then raised with 
difficulty from the country at large. Our forefathers 
in some measure foresaw our greatness ; but they did 
not foresee the magnitude of the sin of slavery, tole- 
rated by them against their better judgment, and 
now crowding these banks with immense and hostile 
armies. Since that day the country has grown, and 
with it as part of its growth, the iniquity, but the 
purposes of the God of battles prevail nevertheless. 
The explosion that rends the rock and releases the 
toad confined and dormant for centuries, may not 
have been intended for that end by the unwitting 



232 EED-TAPE AND 

miner, nor the civil convulsion that shatters a mighty 
nation to relieve an oppressed people and bestow 
upon it the blessings of civilization, may not have 
been started with that view by foul conspirators. 

But while we are digressing, a cavalcade of mounted 
men have left the area in front of the Phillips 
mansion, and are approaching us upon the road at a 
full gallop. The boys recognize the foremost figure, 
clad in a black pilot frock, his head covered with 
a regulation felt, the brim of which is over his eyes 
and the top rounded to its utmost capacity, and cheer 
upon cheer for " Burney" run along the column. 
With a firm seat, as his horse clears the railroad 
track and dashes through the small stream near by, 
he directs his course to the Lacy House on the bank 
of the river. 

It was near noon when we passed over the same 
ground, and taking a road to the right of the once 
tasteful grounds of that mansion, debouched by a 
narrow pass cut through the bank to the water's 
edge. As we did so, some shells thrown at the 
mounted officers of the Regiment passed close to 
their heads and exploded with a dull sound in the 
soft ground of the bank. With a steady tramp the 
troops crossed, scarcely the slightest motion being 
perceptible upon the firm double pontoon bridge. 
Another column was moving across upon the bridge 
below. Gaining the opposite bank, the column filed 
to the left, in what appeared to be a principal street 
of the town. Here knapsacks were unslung and piled 
in the store rooms upon either side. 

The few citizens who remained had sought pro- 
tection from the shells in the cellars, and not an 
inhabitant of the place was to be seen Notwith- 
standing the heavy concentrated artillery fire, — 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 233 

beyond some few buildings burned down, — nothing 
like the destruction was visible that would be ima- 
gined. Deserted by its proper inhabitants, the place 
had, however, a heavy population in the troops that 
crowded the streets parallel with the river. The day 
previous the Rebels had opened fire upon the town. 
It was continued at intervals, but with little effect. 
Z-i-i-s-s ! a round shot sings above your head, and with 
a sharp thud strikes the second story of the brick 
house opposite, marking its passage by a tolerably 
neat hole through the wall. P-i-i-n-g ! screams a shell, 
exploding in a room with noise sufficient to justify 
the total destruction of a block of buildings. The 
smoke clears away, ceilings may be torn, floors and 
windows shattered, but the building, to an outside 
observer, little damaged. 

From an early hour in the morning the musketry 
had been incessant, — now in volleys, and now of the 
sharp rattling nature that denotes severe skirmishing. 
On the left, where more open ground permitted 
extended offensive movements, the firing was par- 
ticularly heavy. But above it all was the continuous 
roar of artillery, and the screaming and explosion of 
shells. To this music the troops in light order and 
ready for the fray, marched up a cross street, and in 
the shelter of the buildings of another street on the 
outer edge of the place and parallel with the river, 
stood at arms, — passing on their way out hundreds 
of wounded men of different regiments, on stretchers 
and on foot, some with ghastly wounds, and a few 
taking the advantage of the slightest scratch to pass 
from front to rear. Legs and arms carelessly heaped 
together alongside of one of the amputating tents 
in the rear of the Phillips House, and passed in the 
march of the day before, had prepared the nerves 



234 RED-TAPE AND 

of the men somewhat for this most terrible ordeal 
for fresh troops. Many of the wounded men cheered 
lustily as the men marched by, and were loudly 
cheered in return, while here and there an occa- 
sional skulker would tell how his regiment was cut 
to pieces, and like Job's servant he alone left. 

From this point a fine view could be had of the 
encircling hills, with their crowning earthworks, 
commanding the narrow plateau in our immediate 
front. On the right and centre the Rebel line was 
not to be assailed, but by advancing over ground 
that could be swept by hundreds of pieces of artil- 
lery, while to protect an advancing column our 
batteries from their position must be powerless for 
good. A stone wall following somewhat the shape 
of the ridge ran along its base. Properly banked in 
its rear, it afforded an admirable protection for their 
troops. As there was no chance for success in 
storming these works, the object in making the 
attempt was doubtless to divert the Rebel attention 
from their right. 

Column after column of the flower of the army, 
had during the day charged successively in mad 
desperation upon that wall; but not to reach it. 
Living men could not stand before that heavy and 
direct musketry, and the deadly enfilading can- 
nonade from batteries upon the right and left. The 
thickly strewn plain attested at once the heroic cou- 
rage of the men, and the hopelessness of the contest. 

" Boys, we're in for it," said a Lieutenant on his 
way from the right. u Old Pigey has just had three 
staving swigs from his flask, and they are all getting 
ready. There goes 'Tommy Totten,'" as the bugle 
call for " forward" is familiarly called in the army. 

Our course was continued to the left— two regi- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENEKAXS. 235 

ments marching abreast — until we neared a main 
road leading westward from the town. In the mean- 
time the movement had attracted the Rebel fire, and 
at the last cross street a poor fellow of the 2 — th 
Regiment was almost cut in two by a shell which 
passed through the ranks of our Regiment and ex- 
ploded upon the other side of the street, but without 
doing further damage. At the main road we filed 
to the right, and amid dashing Staff officers and 
orderlies, wounded men and fragments of regiments 
broken and disorganized, proceeded on our way to 
the front. There was a slight depression in the 
road, enough to save the troops, and shot and shell 
sans: harmlessly above our heads. When the head 
of the column — really its rear — as we were left in 
front, was abreast of a swampy strip of meadow 
land, at the further end of which was a tannery, our 
Brigade filed again to the right. The occupation of 
this meadow appeared to be criminally purposeless, 
as our line of attack was upon the left of the road ; 
while it was in full view and at the easy range of a 
few hundred yards from a three-gun Rebel battery. 
The men were ordered to lie down, which they did 
as best they could from the nature of the ground, 
while the mounted officers of the Division and Bri- 
gade gathered under the shelter of the brick tannery 
building. 

The movement was scarcely over, before one head 
and then another appeared peering through the em- 
brasures of the earthwork, then a mounted officer 
upon a lively sorrel cantered as if for observation a 
short distance to the left of the work. Some sharp- 
shooters in our front, protected slightly by the 
ground which rose gently towards the west, tried their 
breech-loaders upon him. At 450 yards there was 



236 EED-TAPE AND 

certainty enough in the aim to make the music of 
their bullets unpleasant, and he again sought the 
cover of the work. An upright puff of smoke, — then 
a large volumed puff horizontally, — shrill music 
in its short flight,-— a dull, heavy sound as the 
shell explodes in the soft earth under our ranks, — 
and one man thrown ten feet into the air, fell upon 
lnV back in the ranks behind him, while his two 
comrades on his left were killed outright, his Lieu- 
tenant near by mortally wounded, a leg of his com- 
rade on the right cut in two, and a dozen in the 
neighborhood bespattered with the soft ground and 
severely contused. Shells that exploded in the air 
above us, or screamed over our heads ; rifle balls 
that whizzed spitefully near, were now out of con- 
sideration. The motions of loading and firing, and 
as we' were in the line of direction, the shell itself, 
could be seen with terrible distinctness. There was 
the dread certainty of death at every discharge. 
All eyes were turned toward the battery, and at 
each puff, the " bravest held his breath" until the 
smothered explosion announced that the danger 
was over. From our front ranks, who had gra- 
dually crept up the side of the hill, an incessant fire 
was kept up ; but the pieces could be worked with 
but little exposure, and it was harmless. Fortunately 
the shells buried themselves deeply before exploding, 
and were mainly destructive in their direct passage. 
Again the horseman cantered gaily to his former 
place of observation on the left ; but our sharp- 
shooters had the range, and his fine sorrel was 
turned to the work limping very discreditably. This 
trifling injury was all that we could inflict in return 
for the large loss of life and limb. 

" Well, Lieutenant, poor John is gone ! " said the 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 237 

little Irish Corporal, coming to the side of that offi- 
cer. 
' « What, killed ? " 

"Ivery bit-of it. I have just turned him over, 
and ehure he is as dead as he was before he was 
born. That last shot murthered the boy. It is 
Terence McCarthy that will do his duty by him, 
and may be " 

" Corporal ! to your post," broke in the Lieutenant. 
" Old Pigey is taking another pull at the flask, and 
we will move in a minute." 

The surmise of the Lieutenant was correct.' 
"Tommy Totten" again called the men to ranks, 
and right in front, the head of the column took the 
pike on another advance. The .Rebels seeing the 
movement, handled their battery with great rapidity 
and dexterity, and shells in rapid succession were 
thrown into the closed ranks, but without creating 
confusion. Among others, a Major of the last 
Regiment upon the road, an old Mexican campaigner, 
and a most valuable officer, fell mortally wounded 
just as he was about leaving the field, and met the 
fate, that by one of those singular premonitions before 
noticed in this chapter, — so indicative by their fre- 
quency of a connexion in life between man's mortal 
and immortal part, — he had already anticipated. 

It was now about four o'clock in the afternoon. 
The day was somewhat misty, and at this time the 
field of battle was fast becoming shrouded by the 
commingled mist and smoke. 

On the left of the road the Brigade formed double 
line of battle along the base and side of a rather steep 
slope which led to the plateau above. The ground 
was muddy and well trodden, and littered with dead 
bodies in spots that marked the localities of exploded 



238 BED-TAPE AND 

shells. Hungry and fatigued with the toil of the 
day, yet expectant of a conflict which must prove 
the death scene of many, the men sank upon their 
arms. From this same spot, successive lines of battle 
had charged during the day. Brave souls ! With 
rushing memories of home and kindred and friends, 
they shrank not because the path of duty was one 
of clanger. 

We were there as a forlorn hope for the final effort 
of the field. With great exertion and consummate 
skill upon the part of its Commander, a battery had 
been placed in position on the summit of the slope. 
Officers and men worked nobly, handling the pieces 
with coolness and rapidity. What they accom- 
plished, could not be seen. What they suffered, was 
frightfully apparent. Man after man was shot 
away, until in some instances they were too weak- 
handed to keep the pieces from following their own 
recoil down the slope, confusing our ranks and 
bruising the men. Volunteers sprang forward to 
assist in working the guns. The gallant Commander, 
almost unaided, kept order in what would otherwise 
have been a mingled herd of confused men and 
frightened horses. No force could withstand the 
hurricane of hurtling shot and shell that swept the 
summit. 

" Lieutenant, take command of that gun," was 
the short, sharp, nervous utterance of a General of 
Division, as in one of his tours of random riding he 
suddenly stopped his horse in front of a boy of 
nineteen, a Lieutenant of infantry, who previously 
to bringing his squad of men into service, a few 
brief months before, had never seen a full battery. 

" Sir ! " he replied, in unfeigned astonishment. 

" By G cl ! sir, I command you as the Com 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 239 

manding General of this Division, sir, to take com- 
mand of that piece of artillery." 

" General, I am entirely unacquainted with " 

" Take command of that piece, sir. You should 
be ready to enter any arm of the service," replied 
the General, flourishing his sword in a threatening 
manner. 

" General, I will do my duty ; but I can't sight a 
cannon, sir. I will hand cartridge, turn the screw, 
steady the wheel, or I'll ram " 

" Ram — ram !" — echoed the General with an oath, 
and off he started on another of his mad rides. 

" Fall in," was passed rapidly along the line, and 
a moment after our Brigadier, cool as if exercising 
his command in the evolutions of a peaceful field, 
rode along the ranks. 

" Boys, you are ordered to take that stone wall, 
and must do it with the bayonet." 

Words full of deadly import to men who for long 
hours had been in full view of the impregnable 
works, and the field of blood in their front. Omi- 
nous as was the command, it was greeted with 
cheers ; and with bayonets at a charge, up that diffi- 
cult slope, — preserving their line as best they could 
while breaking to pass the guns, wounded and strug- 
gling horses, and bodies thickly strewn over that 
most perilous of positions for artillery, — the troops 
passed at a rapid step. The ground upon the summit 
had been laid out in small lots, as is customary in 
the suburbs of towns. Many of the partition fences 
were still remaining, with here and there gaps, or 
with upper rails lowered for the passage of troops. 
For a moment, while crossing these fallow fields, 
there was a lull in the direct musketry. The enfi- 
lading fire from batteries right and left still con- 



*• * 



240 RED-TAPE AND 

tinued ; the fierce fitful flashes of the bursting shells 
becoming more visible with the approach of night. 
Onward we went, picking our way among the fallen 
dead and wounded of Brigades who had preceded 
us in the fight, with feet fettered with mud, strug- 
gling to keep place in the line. Several regiments 
lying upon their arms were passed over in the 
charge. 

" Captain," said a mounted officer when we had 
jnst crossed a fence bounding what appeared to be 
an avenue of the town, " close up on the right." 
The Captain partly turned, to repeat the command 
to his men, when the bullets from a sudden flash of 
waving fire that for the instant lit up the summit of 
the stone wall for its entire length, prostrated him 
with a mortal wound, and dismounted his superior. 
Pity that his eye should close in what seemed to be 
the darkest hour of the cause dearest to his soul ! 

Yolley after volley of sheeted lead was poured 
into our ranks. We were in the proper position 
on the plain, and a day's full practice gave them ex- 
act range and terrible execution. In the increased 
darkness, the flashes of musketry alone were visible 
ahead, wlwle to the right and left the gloom was lit 
up by the lurid flashing of their batteries. This very 
darkness, in concealing the danger, and the loss, 
doubtless did its share in permitting the men to 
cross the lines of dead that marked the halting- 
place of previous troops. Still onward they ad- 
vanced, — the thunder of artillery above them, — the 
groans of the wounded rising from below ; — frightful 
gaps are made in their ranks by exploding shells, 
and many a brave boy staggers and falls to rise no 
more, in that storm of spitefully whizzing lead. 

Regularity in ranks was simply impossible. Many 



PIGEOX-HOLE GENERALS. 2-11 

officers and men gathered about a brick house on 
the right — a narrow lawn leading directly to the 
fatal wall was crowded ; indeed, caps bearing the 
regimental numbers were found, as has since been 
ascertained, close by the wall, and a Lieutenant who 
was stunned in the fight and fell almost at its b; 
was taken prisoner. Nearly every officer who had 
entered the fight mounted, was at this time upon 
foot. In the tempest of bullets that everywhere 
prevailed the destruction; of the force was but a 
question of brief time, and to prevent farther 
heroic but vain sacrifices the order to retire was 
given. With the Brigade, the Regiment fell back, 
leaving, one-third of its number in dead and 
wounded to hallow the remembrance of that fatal 
field. 

" This way, Pap ! This is the way to get out safe," 
shouted a Captain as he rose, from the rear of a pile of 
rubbish, amid the laughter of the men now on their 
backward move. The burly form of the exhorting 
Colonel was seen to follow the no less burly form of 
the Captain, and father and son were spared for 
other fields. 

An effort was made to reform after the firing had 
slackened, but the increased darkness prevented the 
marshalling of the thinned ranks. Out of range of 
the still not infrequent bullets and occasional shell, 
and drowsy from fatigue, the men again lay upon 
their arms at the foot of the slope ; and the battle of 
Fredericksburg was over. 

What happened upon the left, where the main 
battle should have been fought, and why Franklin 
was upon the left at all, are problems that perhaps 
the reader can pass upon to better advantage than 
the writer of these pages. His " corner of the 

11 



242 RED-TAPE AND 

fight" has been described, truthfully at least, what- 
ever the other failings may be. 

We had left the field ; but the Rebels had not as 
yet gained it. Pickets were thrown out to within 
eighty yards of their line, and details scattered over 
the field to bear off the wounded. No lights Were 
allowed, and the least. noise was sure to bring a shell 
or a shower of bullets. In consequence, their re- 
moval was attended with difficulty. The evil of 
the practice too prevalent among company com- 
manders, of sending skulkers and worthless men in 
obedience to a detail for the ambulance corps, was 
now horribly apparent. Large numbers of the dead, 
and even the dying, were found with their pockets 
turned inside out, rifled of their contents by these 
harpies in uniform. 

But little rest was to be had that night. At 
8 p. m. the troops were marched back into the town, 
only to be brought out .again at midnight and re- 
formed in line of battle about a hundred yards dis- 
tant from the wall. The moon had now risen i and 
in its misty light the upturned faces of the dead lost 
nothing of ghastliness. Horrible, too, beyond de- 
scription — ringing in the ears of listeners for a life- 
time — were the shrieks and groans of the wounded, 
— principally Rebel, — from a strip of neutral ground 
lying between the pickets of the two armies. What- 
ever the object of reforming line of battle may 
have been, it appears to have been abandoned, as 
after a short stay we were returned to the town and 
assigned quarters in the street in front of the Plan- 
ters' House. 

Fredericksburg was a town of hospitals. All the 
churches and public buildings, very many private re- 
sidences, and even the pavements in their respective 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 243 

fronts, were crowded with wounded. In one of the 
principal churches on a lower street, throned in a 
pulpit which served as a dispensary, and surrounded 
by surgical implements and appliances, flourished 
our little Dutch Doctor, never more completely in 
his element. Very nice operations, as he termed 
them, were abundant. 

" How long ca,n I live ? " inquired a fine-looking, 
florid-faced young man of two-and-twenty, with a 
shattered thigh, who had just been brought in and 
had learned from the Doctor that amputation could 
not save his life. 

" Shust fifteen minutes/' was the reply, as the 
Doctor opened and closed his watch in a cold, busi- 
ness way. 

" Can I see a Chaplain ? " 

" Shaplain ! Shaplain ! eh ? Shust one tried to 
cross, and he fell tead on bridge. Not any follow 
him, I shure you. Too goot a chance to die, for 
Shaplains. What for you want him? Bray, eh ? " 

The dying man, folding his hands upon his breast, 
nodded assent. 

" Ver well, I bray," and at the side of the stretcher 
the Doctor kneeled, and with fervid utterance, and 
in the solemn gutturals of the German, repeated the 
Lord's prayer. When he arose to resume his labor, 
the soldier was beyond the reach of earthly suppli- 
cation ; but a smile was upon his countenance. 

The Sabbath, with the main body of our troops, 
was a day of rest. 'Chance shots from Rebel sharp- 
shooters, who had crept to within long range of the 
cross streets, were from time to time heard, and 
shell occasionally screamed over the town. To ears 
accustomed to the uproar of the preceding days, 
however, they were not in the least annoying. Over 



244 RED-TAPE AjSTD 

t 

one-half of the army were comfortably housed, 
bringing into requisition for their convenience the 
belongings and surroundings of the abandoned 
dwellings. Notwithstanding our slow approach, 
the evidences of hasty exit on the part of the in- 
habitants were abundant on. all sides. Warehouses 
filled with flour and tobacco were duly appreciated 
by the men, while parlors floored in Brussels, and 
elegantly ornamented, were in many instances wan- 
tonly destroyed. 

" Tom," said a non-commissioned officer, address- 
ing a private whom we have before met in these 
pages, " where did you get that box ? " 

" Get it ? Why I confiscated it. Just look at 
the beauties," and opening a fine mahogany case, 
Tom disclosed a pair of highly finished duelling 
pistols. 

" What right have you to confiscate it ? " retorted 
the Sergeant. 

" It is contraband of war, and Rebel property. 
Record evidence of that. Just look at this letter 
found with it," and Tom pulled out of an inside 
pocket of his blouse a letter written in a most misera- 
ble scrawl, assuring some " Dear Capting" of 

"Here's my heart and here's my hand, 
For the man who fit for Dixy land." 

Monday passed in much the same manner. About 
9 p. m. of that day the Regiment, with others, was 
employed in throwing up breastworks, and digging 
rifle-pits on the west of the town. Expecting to 
hold it on the morrow against what they knew 
would be a terrible artillery fire, the men worked 
faithfully, and by midnight, works strong as the 
ground would admit of, were prepared. It was a 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 245 

perilous work; performed in the very face of the 
enemy's pickets; — but was only an extensive ruse, as 
at 1 a. m. we were quietly withdrawn and assigned 
a position in the left of the town. The sidewalks 
were muddy, and disengaging shutters from the 
windows, loose boards from fences, — anything to 
keep them above the mud, — the men composed 
themselves for slumber. Before 2 o'clock an excited 
Staff officer had the Brigade again in line, and after 
moving and halting until 4 a. m., we crossed the 
lower bridge in much lighter order than when we 
entered the place ; for notwithstanding urgent solici- 
tations of officers, from Brigadier down, permission 
was refused the men to obtain their knapsacks. 
Besides the loss of several thousand dollars to the 
Government in blankets and overcoats, hundreds of 
valuable knapsacks, and even money in considerable 
sums, were lost to the men. The matter is all the 
more disgraceful wdien we consider the abundance 
of time, and the fact, that details had been sent by 
the Colonels to arrange the knapsacks upon the side- 
walk, in order that they could be taken up while 
the command would pass. It was marched by 
another route, however, and in the cold, pelting 
rain, the men, while marching up the opposite slopes 
of the Rappahannock, had ample reason to reflect 
upon the cold forethought that could crowd a Head- 
quarters' train, -and deprive them of their proper 
allowance of clothing. Six hours later, our Di visi< m 
had the credit of furnishing about the only booty 
left by the army that the Rebels found upon their 
reoccupation of the town. 

Sadly and quietly, the troops retrod the familiar 
mud of their old camp grounds. The movement 
had been a failure — a costly one in private and na- 



243 RED-TAPE AilD 

tional sacrifices, — and no one felt it more keenly than 
the broad-shouldered, independent, and much in- 
jured Burnside. Strange that this costly sacrifice 
should have been offered up on ground hallowed in 
our early struggle for freedom — that the bodies of 
our brave volunteers, stripped by traitor hands, 
should lie naked on the plain that bears a monument 
to* that woman of many virtues, u Mary, the 
mother of Washington" — that ground familiar to 
the early boyhood of the Great Patriot, should have 
been the scene of one of the noblest, although un- 
successful, contests of the war. Fit altar for such a 
sacrifice ! A shrine for all time of devout patriots, 
wno will here renew their vows, — of fidelity to this 
God-given Government, — of eternal enmity to trai- 
tors, — and thus consecrate to posterity the heavy 
population we have left in the Valley.. 




PIGEON-HOLE CENEEALS. 247 



CHAPTER XVII. 

The Sorrows of the Sutler — The Sutler's Tent — Generals manu- 
factured by the Daili"s — Fighting and Writing — A Glandered 
Horse — Courts-martial — Mania of a Pigeon-hole General 
on the Subject — Colonel and Lieutenant- Colonel in Strait- 
Janets. 

IF the reader can imagine the contents of his 
nearest corner grocery thrown confusedly to- 
gether under a canvas covering, he will have a 
tolerably correct idea of the interior of a Sutler's 
tent. Probably, to make the likeness more truth- 
ful, sardines, red herring, and cheese, should be 
more largely represented than is customary in a 
corner grocery. 

Our Sutler, although upon his first campaign, 
was no novice in the craft. He could be hail-fellow- 
well-met with the roughest of crowds thronging the 
outside of his rude counter, and at the same time 
keep an eye upon the cash drawer. And he was 
behind no one in " casting his bread upon the wa- 
ters," in the shape of trifling presents and hospitable 
welcomes, in order that it might return at the next 
pay-day. Notwithstanding all his tact, however, 
Tom Green was in many respects an awkward, hap- 
hazard fellow, continually in difficulty, although 
as continually fortunate . in overcoming it. His 



248 RED-TAPE AND 

troubles were known to the Regiment, as the Sut- 
ler's interests were individualized to a great extent, 
and while all might be amused, he was never be- 
yond the pale of sympathy. During the long winter 
evenings, the barrels and boxes in his tent seated a 
jovial crowd of officers, who in games and with 
thrice-told stories, would while away what would 
otherwise be tedious hours. Not unfrequently was 
the Chaplain, who quartered close by, disturbed 
with a "sound of revelry by night,"' to have his 
good-humor restored in the morning by a can of 
pickled lobster or brand ied cherries. 

On one of the merriest of the merry nights of 
the holidays, our Western Virginia Captain was the 
centre of a group of officers engaged in gazing in- 
tently upon a double page wood-cut, in one of the 
prominent illustrated weeklies, that at oue time might 
have represented the storming of Fort Donelson, but 
then did duty by way of illustrating a "Gallant 
Charge at Fredericksburg." 

" There it is again," said the Captain. " !Not one 
half of our Generals are made by honest efforts. 
Their fighting is nothing like the writing that is 
done for them. They don't rely so much upon their 
own genius as upon that of the reporter who rides 
with their Staffs. By George, if old Rosey in 
Western Virginia " 

" Dry up oh that, Captain," interrupted a brother 
officer. " Old Pigey is the hero of the day. He 
understands himself. Didn't you notiee how conceit- 
edly all the dailies after the tight talked about the 
cool, courageous man of science ; and just look at 
this how it backs it all up. Old Rosey, as you call 
him., never had half as many horses shot under him 
at one time. Just see them kicking and floundering 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 219 

about him, and the General away ahead on foot, be- 
tween our lire and the labels, as cool as when he 
took the long pull at his flask in the hollow." 

"And half the men will testify that that was the 
only cool moment he saw during the whole fight." 

" Xo matter," continued the other, "he has the 
inside track of the reporters, and he is all right with 
all who ' smell the battle from afar.' " 

" Well, there's no denying old Pigey was brave, 
but he was as crazy as a boy with a bee in his 
breeches," said the Captain, holding up the carica- 
ture to the admiration of the crowded tent. " Our 
Division gets the credit of it at any rate. Bully for 
our Division ! " 

" Not one word," breaks in the Poetical Lieu- 
tenant, " of Butterfield, with his cool, Napoleonic 
look, as he rode along our line preparatory to the 
charge; or of Fighting Old Joe, unwilling to give 
up the field ; or of our difficulty in clambering up 
the slope, getting by the artillery, which made 
ranks confused, and so forth, but 

4 On we move, though to self- slaughter, 
Regular as rolling water.' 

Never mind criticizing, boys. It will sound well 
at home. We did our duty, at any rate, if we did 
not do it exactly as representee! in the picture. The 
reporter was not there to see for himself, and he 
must take somebody's word, and it is a feather in 
our cap that he has taken Pigey's." 

The conversation was at this stage interrupted by 
the sudden entry of the Adjutant, with a loud call 
for the Sutler. That individual, notwithstanding 
the unusual excitement of the night, had been sin- 
gularly quiet. Rising from his buffalo in the cor- 



250 RED-TAPE AND 

ner, he approached the Adjutant with a countenance 
so full of apprehension aiftl alarm as to elicit the 
inquiry from the crowd of " What's the matter with 
the Sutler?" 

" He hasn't felt well since I told him a few hours 
ago," said a Lieutenant, a lawyer by profession, 
" that Sutlers were liable to be court-martialed." 

" And he'll feel worse," adds the Adjutant, " when 
he hears this letter read." 

Amid urgent calls for the letter, the Adjutant 
mounted a box, and by the light of a dip held by 
the Captain, proceeded to read a letter signed by 
the Commanding General of the Division, and con- 
siderably blurred, which ran somewhat in this wise : 

u Colonel : — 

" Is your Sutler sagacious? 

" Has he ordinary honesty? 

" Has he the foresight common among business 
men? Is he likely to be imposed upon? 

The letter was greeted with roars of laughter that 
were not diminished by the dismay of the Sutler. 
The Adjutant was forthwith requested by one of the 
crowd to suggest to the Colonel to reply — 

" That our Sutler was a sagacious animal. That he 
had the honesty ordinary among Sutlers. That if the 
General was disposed to deal with him, he would find 
out that he had the foresight common among busi- 
ness men, especially in the way of calculating his 
profits ; and that as far as making change was con- 
cerned, he was not at all likely to be imposed upon." 

Loud calls were now made upon the Sutler for an 
explanation, and with look and tones that indicated 
that with him at least it was no laughing matter, he 
commenced — 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 251 

" On the forenoon of the day that we crossed into 
Fredericksburg " 

" We crossed !" roared the Captain. " "Well, that's 
cool for a man who suddenly recollected when that 
Quarter-Master was killed by a shell near the Lacy 
House, just before our brigade crossed, that lie had 
business in Washington." 

"Well, then, that you crossed," continued the 
Sutler, correcting himself hastily, to allow the crowd 
to make as little capital as possible out of his blun- 
der, u the General sent for me, and said that he had 
been informed that I thought of going to "Washing- 
ton, and wanted to know whether I would take a 
horse with me ; — pointing to one that was blanketed, 
and that one of his orderlies was leading. I looked 
upon it as an order to take the horse, and thought 
that I might as well put a good face on the matter. 
So I told him that I would take it with pleasure. 
Well, I mounted the horse, thinking that I might as 
well ride, and took the road for Aquia. But I found 
out after half an hour's travel, that the horse was 
very weak, — in fact hardly able to bear me, and so 
I took the halter strap in hand and trudged along 
by his side. Presently I noticed a very bad smell. 
Carrion is so common here along the road that I 
didn't pay much attention to it at first, but the 
smell continued, and got worse, and I thought it 
strange that the carrion should keep with me. By 
and by I noticed his nostrils, and then found out to 
my rage that I, a Regimental Sutler, accustomed to 
drive good nags, was leading a glandered horse in a 
country where horse flesh was cheap as dirt. Well, 
at Aquia we had a great time getting the horse on 
the boat, — indeed, he fell off the gangway, and we 
had to fish him out of the water. The passengers 



252 BED-TAPE AND 

crowded me, with the horse, into a little corner in. 
the stern of the boat, and looked at me as it' I de- 
served lynching for bringing him on board. But 
that was nothing to the trouble I had with him in 
Washington. After the boat landed, I led that 
horse around from one stable to another in Wash- 
ington for four mortal hours, but couldn't get him 
in anywhere; and besides they threatened to prose- 
cute me if I did not have him shot. Finding that I 
could do nothing else, I gave a man three dollars to 
have him taken away and shot. The thing bothered 
me mightily. I did not want to write to old Pigey, 
for fear that he might take some course to prevent 
me from collecting the greenbacks due me in the 
Regiment, and I did not like to tell him in person. 
Well, I have been putting it off and off for nearly 
a week past since my return- — my mind made up to 
tell him all about it, but delaying as long as possi- 
ble, until this afternoon he happened to see me, and 
in about half an hour afterward sent for me. It was 
after three o'clock, an unsafe time with the Gene- 
ral, and I expected there would be the d 1 to pay. 

From the way in which he asked me to be seated, 
shook hands with me, and went on inquiring about 
my stock and business, and so forth, I saw at once 
that he knew nothing of it. All the while I was 
fairly trembling in my boots. At last says he : 

" 4 Well, how did you leave the horse V and with- 
out waiting for an answer, went on to say that he 
was a favorite animal, highly recommended by the 
Ohio Captain he had purchased him from, and wound 
up by repeating the inquiry. 

" There was no chance to back out now, and gather- 
ing my breath for the effort, said I — 

" ' General, I regret to say, that your horse is dead.' 



PIGEONS-HOLE &EW15KALS. 253 

"'Dead ! did you say V echoed the General, rising. 

" ' Yes, sir ; I was compelled to have him sh 

"'Shot! did you say, sir?' advancing; 'shot! 
compelled to have him shot, sir! By G — d, sir, I 
would like to know, sir, who would compel you to 
have a horse of mine shot, sir."* 

" ' He was glandered,' said I timidly. 

" ' Sir ! sir! ! sir! ! ! D — d lie, sir, — mouth as sweet 
as sugar. D — d lie, sir, 7 retorted the General. 

" The General was furiously mad, his eyes flashing, 
and all the while he took quick and long steps up 
and down his marquee. 

"I atttempted an explanation, but he would listen 
to none; and kept on repeating 'glandered!' 
'shot!' and scowling at times at me ; — saying, too, 
' By G — d, sir, this matter must be investigated.' 

" ' General,' said I, at length, ' injustice to myself, 
I would like' 

" ' Justice to yourself!' shouted the General, look- 
ing at me as if he believed me mean enough to murder 
my grandmother. ' Who the h — 1 ever heard of a 

sutler being entitled to any justice ? you. 

sir, I'll teach you justice. Get out of my tent, sir.' 

" I thought it best not to wait for another oppor- 
tunity to get away, and as I sloped I heard the 
General swearing at me until I had passed the Sur- 
geon's tent. You see what makes the matter worse 
with the General is, that he has been told several 
times that the horse was unsound, but would not 
admit that as much of a horseman as he professed to 
be, had been taken in by the ' Buckeye Officer.' ' 

The recital of the story appeared! to have lighten 
the load upon the breast of the sutler, and he wound 
up somewhat humorously, by telling the crowd that 
there was another on the list to be court-martialed, 



254 RED-TAPE AND 

and that they must give him all possible aid and 
comfort. 

" Be easy, sutler ! there are too many ahead of you 
on that list," observed an officer. " Your case can't 
be reached for some time yet. It is admitted on all 
sides that our material, officers and men, are as good 
as any in the army ; and, for all that, although one of 
the smallest divisions, we have more courts-martial 
than any other division. Why, just look at it, A 
day or two before the battle of Fredericksburg, 
twenty-three officers were released from arrest. 
Thirteen of them, Lieutenants undercharges for lying, 
as oldPigey termed it, when, in fact, it was nothing 
more than a simple misunderstanding of one of his 
night orders, such as any men might make. Poor 
fellows ! over one-half of them are out of his power 
now ; but I wouldn't wonder if the General would 
be presumptuous and malignant enough to respect- 
fully refer their cases to the Chancery of Heaven, 
with endorsements to suit himself!" 

" Well, that brave Lieutenant," said the Captain, 
" who asked permission of the Colonel to charge 
with our regiment when himself and squad had 
become separated from his own, has been reinstated. 
You know that at the time old Pigey gave permis- 
sion to the Colonels to send Volunteer Officers before 
the board for examination, the Lieutenant-Colonel of 
his regiment, instead of sending him a written order, 
as was customary, sought him out when engaged in 
conversation with some non-commissioned officers 
of his command, and in an insulting manner gave 
him a verbal order" to report. They had some hot 
talk about it, and in the course of it the Lieutenant 
said that ' he'd be d — d if he came into the array to 
study tactics ; he came to fight," and on the strength 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 255 

of that, the General had him tried and dismissed. 
Our Colonel and Lientenant-Colonel sent np a state- 
ment to 'Barney,' giving a glowing account of his 
gallant conduct in the light; and the General seeing 
how dead in earnest he was when he said he came 
to light, restored him to his position." 

" I am very much afraid," said the Lieutenant, 
slowly, interrupted by frequent whiffs at a well- 
colored meerschaum, " that the Colonel and Lieute- 
nant-Colonel w T ill have difficulty to save themselves." 

" Save themselves !" echoed several, from different 
parts of the tent, their faces hardly visible through 
the increasing smoke. " Why, 'what's in the wind 
now ? " 

i% A good deal more than a great many of you 
think," continued the Adjutant. " I think I see the 
dav/ning of considerable difficulty. The Colonel, 
you recollect, was compelled to correct our Division- 
General in some of his commands, to prevent con- 
fusion ; and the General, although clearly in the 
wrong, submitted with a bad grace ; and then at the 
last review you all remember how r a whiffet chanced 
to yelp at the heels of the Staff horses, and how the 

General — it was after three, you recollect, — d d 

the puppy and its ancestry, particularly its mother, 
until his Staff tittered bejiind him, and the Regiments 
of his command, officers and men, particularly ours, 
fairly roared. And then, too, when General Bum- 
side saluted the colors, and requested Pigey to ride 
along, how he started off with his Staff', leaving us 
all at a ' Present Arms ;' and how the quick eye of 
Old Joe saw the blunder ; and how he called the 
General's attention to it/without effect, until ' Bur- 
ney' sharply yelled out, ' General, you had better 
bring your men to a shoulder, sir;' and then, how 



256 UED-TAPE AND 

the General, amid increased tittering and laughter, 
rode back, and with a face like scarlet squeaked out 
— 'Division ! Shoulder arms !' Now I have heard that 
the General blames the Field Officers of our Regi- 
ment with a good deal of that laughter ; and that and 
this Sutler matter will make him provide a pretext 
for another Court-martial at an early day." 

"Double, double, toil aud trouble," 

said the poetical Lieutenant. " Why, the Adjutant 
talks as if he could -see the witches over the pot; 
certainly — . 

' No lateuess of life gives him mystical lore." 

" JSTo, but— 

' Coming events cast their shadows before " 

continued the Adjutant, finishing the couplet. " I 
do not know that any gift of prophecy is given unto 
me, but I will venture to predict that the pretext 
will be that very order, — outrageous and unreason- 
able as it is, — that our Brigadier not only flatly and 
positively refused to obey before he left, but told his 
command that it was unlawful and unreasonable, 
and should not be obeyed. " 

" What ! that dress-coat order," cried the Western 
Virginia Captain, springing to his feet ; " compel a 
man who has two new blouses, and who belongs to 
a regiment that came out with blouses and never 
had dress-coats, to put a dress-coat in his knapsack 
besides, when his clothing account is almost ex- 
hausted, and the campaign only half through. Is 
that the order you mean ? By George, you must 
think that old Pigey is only going to live and do 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 257 

business after three o'clock in the afternoon, if yoti 
think that he will insist upon that order. Our Bri- 
gadier did right to disobey it. Old Ilosey would 
have put any officer in irons, who -" 

"But, Captain," resumed the Adjutant, " unfortu- 
nately we are not in Western Virginia, and not 
under old Ilosey, as you call him, but in the Army 
of the Potomac, where Red Tape clogs progress 
more than Virginia mud ever did, and where posi- 
tion is attained, not so much by the merit of the 
officer, as by the hold lie may be able to get upon 
the favoritism of the War Department." 

"Is it possible," continued the Captain, thrusting 
his hands into the lowest depths of his breeches 
pockets, and casting upon the Adjutant a half inquir- 
ing, half reflecting look, " that this Regiment, which 
the General himself admits is one of the best disci- 
plined in his Division, and which has been one of 
the most harmonious and orderly, is to be imposed 
upon in this way by a whimsical superior officer, 
who, whatever his reputation for science may be, 
has shown himself over and over a«;am to have no 
sense ! I tell you, our men can't stand it. Just look 
at my own Company, for instance, nearly all mar- 
ried men, families dependent upon them for support, 
and now wdien they have each two lined blouse>, as 
good as new, and their clothing account about 
square, they are to take seven dollars and a half of 
their hard earned pay — more than half a month's 
wages — and buy a coat that can be of no service, 
and that must be thrown away the first march. I 
do not believe that the Government designs that our 
Volunteer Regiments should be compelled to take 
both blouses and dress coats. The General had bet- 
ter enter into partnership with some shoddy con- 



258 RED-TAPE AND 

tractor, if he intends giving orders of this kind. I 
tell you, the men will not take them." 

" Come, Captain, no ' murmuring or muttering ' 
against the powers that be," said the Adjutant. 
'* The men wiU'either take them, in case the order is 
made, or go to the Rip-raps. I am inclined to think 
that the Field Officers will not see the men imposed 
upon. And at the same time they will not bear the 
brunt of disobeying the order themselves, and not 
let 'the men run any risk. It is hard to tell," conti- 
nued the Adjutant, in a measured tone, refilling his 
pipe as he spoke, " what it will result in ; but Pigey 
is in power, and like all in authority, has his toadies 
about him, and you may make up your minds that 
he will not be sparing in his charges, or in the testi- 
mony to support them. Our Colonel and Lieut.-Col- 
onel, I know, feel outraged at the bare idea of being 
subjected to such an order. They are both earnest 
men, have both made heavy sacrifices to enter the 
service, and have never failed in duty, although, like 
most volunteer officers of spirit, they are somewhat 
res tiff under authority. The Colonel, being an old 
soldier, and thoroughly acquainted with his work, is 
especially restiff under the authority of an officer so 
poorly fitted for his position as our Division Gener- 
al. But our turn must come. Every Regiment in 
the Division has suffered from his Court-martial ling 
and studied interference, and so far we have been 
fortunate enough to escape. And with the insight 
I now have, I believe the glandered horse and the 
little whiffet that yelped and disturbed the Gene- 
ral's ideas of a proper Review, will prove to be at 
the bottom of the whole matter. 

" Tom," interrupted the Captain, " you will have 
to put your record in better shape." 



PIGEOX-HOLE GENERALS. 259 

" How can I do it? " said the Sutler. 

" By sending Pigey a bill for the three dollars 
yon paid to have the horse shot." 

The crowd boisterously applauded the proposition, 
and insisted upon its execution. Desultory conver- 
sation followed until " Taps" dispersed them to their 
quarters. 

Grumbling is claimed as a soldier's privilege, and 
the Sutler's tent being a lounging place when off 
duty, becomes a place of grumbling, much like the 
place of wailing that the Jews have on the outskirts 
of Jerusalem. 

A fortnight later saw the crowd in their old posi- 
tion, but with countenances in which it was difficult 
to say whether anxiety or anger predominated. 

"Fellows, it is terminating just as the Adjutant 
prophesied a short time ago in this very place," said 
a Captain slightly past the prime of life, but of 
vigorous build. "In trying to keep the men out of 
dress coats, the Colonel and Lieutenant Colonel 
have got themselves into all manner of trouble, and 
there is no let-up with old Pigey. I saw them this 
morning both as cheerful as crickets, and determined 
to have the matter thoroughly investigated." 

" Did they intimate any opinion as to what we 
ought to do?" inquired the Adjutant. 

u Not a word. In that respect they say just as 
they did before they were placed in close confine- 
ment, that it is a case in which each man must act 
for himself. They are willing to shoulder the re- 
sponsibility of their own acts, and were very indig- 
nant when they heard that Pigey had ordered the 
otherBrigade underarms, and two pieces of artillery 
to be trained upon our camp, as if the whole Regi- 
ment was guilty of mutiny, when there was not at 



260 EED-TAPE AND 

the same time a more quiet or orderly Regiment in 
camp." 

"They understand," remarked the Adjutant, 
"however, why that was done. The General must 
have something to justify this unusually harsh treat- 
ment. A charge of simple disobedience of orders 
would not do it, so he charges them with mutiny, 
and trumps up this apprehension and parade to ap- 
pear consistent. The Lieutenant-Colonel anticipated 
it, I know. I heard him say, while under simple 
arrest, that he believed that after three o'clock they 
would be placed in close confinement, and on the 
strength of it some letters were sent by a civilian 
giving full details. Well, I am glad that they are 
in good spirits." 

" In the very best," replied the Captain, "although 
the General starts as if he intended giving them a 
tough through. The Sibley that they were turned 
into late last night, was put up over ground so w T et 
that you couldn't make a track upon it without it 
would fill with water, and the Lieutenant-Colonel 
had to sleep upon this ground with a single blanket, 
as it w r as late when his servant Charlie came to the 
guard with his roil of blankets, and the General 
would not permit him to pass. In consequence he 
awoke this morning chilled, wet through, .and with a 
fair start for a high fever. And then they are denied 
writing material, books, even a copy of the Regu- 
lations. The General relented sufficiently, to tell 
an aid to inform them, that they might correspond 
with their families if they would submit the corres- 
pondence first to inspection at Division Head-quar- 
ters ; to which they replied — that 'the General 
might insult them, but could not compel them to 
humiliate their families.' No one is permitted to 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 261 

see them unless by special permission of the Gene- 
ral." \ 

" And when I saw those three guards to-day pa- 
cing about that Sibley," excitedly spoke the Vir- 
ginia Captain, " I felt like mounting a cracker-box 
in camp and asking the men to follow me, and find 
out on what grounds, this puss-in-boots outraged in 
this way men more well-meaning and determined 
than himself in the suppression of this rebellion. 
But it will all come right. They are not to be 
crowded clear out of sight in a single day. One of 
my men told me that he was present on duty when 
that wharf-rat of an Adjutant, that the exhorting 
Colonel is trying to make an Adjutant-General of, 
came into the General's tent with the Lieutenant- 
Colonel, and he said that the General asked the 
Colonel whether he was still determined to disobey 
the lawful order of his superior officer, the Com- 
manding General of the Division? 

"'The legality of the order is what I question,' 
said the Colonel. ' An order to be lawful should at 
least be reasonable. That order is unreasonable, 
unjust to the men, and I cannot conscientiously 
obey it.' 

" ' This money for the coats does not come out of 
your pocket,' said the General, blandly. 'Why 
need you concern yourself about it ? ' 

" ' It comes out of the pockets of my men, Gene- 
ral,' said the Colonel, ' and I consider it my duty to 
concern myself sufficiently to prevent imposition 
upon them.' 

" ' Tut,' said the General. ' You wouldn't hear a 
Regular officer say that.' 

" ' The greater shame for them,' said the Colonel. 
' My men "are my neighbors and friends. They look' 



262 RED-TAPE AND 

to me to^otect their interests. As a general thing 
the Regulars are recruited from the purlieus of 
great cities, and are men of no character.' 

"'Colonel,' said the General, sternly, 'listen to 
this detinition of ' Mutiny,' and then, as you are a 
lawyer, think of your present position.' 

"The Colonel heard it read and replied that ' it 
had nothing whatever to do with the case, as there 
was no mutiny, nor even an approach to it.' Con- 
sidering the time of day, the General, so far, had 
been unusually cool, but he could keep in no longer. 

" ' Colonel,' said he, in a loud, angry tone, as he 
advanced towards him, ' by G d, sir, you are mu- 
tinous, sir ! ' 

" ' General,' replied the Colonel, coolly, and look- 
ing him full in the eye, ' with all due deference to 
your superior rank, permit me to say, that if you 
say I am guilty of mutiny you overstep the bounds 
of truth.' 

" The Colonel's confident manner rather staggered 
the General, and he turned to the Adjutant, who 
has been his runner throughout this matter, and 
called upon him to substantiate his assertion ; which 
he did. 

" With the remark that he would not dare to make 
such false assertions away from the General's head- 
quarters, the Colonel turned upon him indignantly, 
and the General called for the Provost Guard to 
conduct him to the Sibley. Now I tell you, fel- 
lows," continued the Captain, " the General will 
make nothing out of this matter." 

" He has his malice gratified by the present 
punishment he is subjecting them to, as if fearful 
that they might come unharmed from a Court-mar- 
tial. But I don't believe that he will be able to 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 263 

get the Regiment into dress coats," remarked the 
Adjutant. 

The Adjutant was right. The Regiment did not 
get into dress coats ; although its Colonel and Lieu- 
tenant-Colonel slipped into strait -jackets. 



264 BED-TAPE AND 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

Dress Coats versus Blouses — Military Law — Bill the Cooh — 
Courts Martial — Important Decision inMi'itary Law — ' A Man 
with Two Blouses on 1 can be compelled to put a Dress Coat on top — 
A Colored French Cook and a Beefy-browed Judge- Advocate — 
The Mud March — No Pigeon-holing 'on a Whiskey Scent — Old 
Joe in Gommand — Dissolution of Partnership between the 
Dutch Doctor and Chaplain. 

NECESSITY knows no law. Military law springs 
from the necessity of the case, and may be said, 
therefore, to be equivalent to no law. However 
plausible the principles embodied in the compact 
periods of Benet and De Hart may -appear, in actual 
practice they dwindle to little else than the will of 
the officer who details the court. General Officers, 
tried at easy intervals, before pains-taking courts, in 
large cities, may have opportunity for equal and 
exact justice ; but Heaven help their inferiors who 
have their cases put through at lightning speed, before 
a court under marching orders, and expecting mo- 
mentarily to move. 

The Act of Congress, with a wise prescience of the 
jealousies and bickerings always arising between 
Regulars and Volunteers, provides that .Regulars 
shall be tried by Regular, and Volunteers by Volun- 
teer Officers. In practice, the spirit of the law is 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 265 

evaded by the su bterfuge, that a Regular Officer, tem- 
porarily in command of "Volunteers, hpro tempore a 
Volunteer Officer. In the Mexican War, where the 
number of Volunteer Officers was comparatively 
small, there may have been a necessity for this. 
With our present immense Volunteer force there can 
be none whatever ; and the practice is the more 
inexcusable, when we consider the great amount of 
legal as well as military ability among the officers 
of this force. The gross injustice of this violation of 
the act, must be apparent to any one upon a moment's 
reflection. Officers, whose only offence may be their 
belonging to the Volunteer Service, are too frequently 
subjected to the tender mercy of a Board of Mar- 
tinets ; — men of long service and tried ability, 
degraded by the fiat of a court composed of officers 
as tender in intellect as in years, and whose only 
recommendation to be members of the court, is their 
recent transfer from lessons in gunnery and drills, — 
with patent leather knapsacks, to field or higher 
positions in the Volunteer Service. Thus, the officer 
whose earnestness in the cause and heavjr sacritice 
of family ties and business affairs, first raised the com- 
mand, — who grew with its growth during months, 
perhaps years, of hard service, — saw through his un- 
tiring efforts the awkwardness of his men change 
gradually for the precision of the veteran, — not unfre- 
quently by the snap judgment of men whose only 
service has been in Pay, Quartermaster, Com- 
missary Departments, — anywhere but in a Fighting 
Department, — finds himself dishonored, his service 
thrown aside for naught, and his worst enemy 
the misuse of the laws he had taken arms to vindicate. 
Not an officer or soldier but must recollect a case 
in point. Now, this mainly arises from the undue 

12 



266 BED-TAPE AND 

and unjust deference paid by the "War Department 
to Regular Officers, and the cnrse that attends them 
and upholds them — Red Tape. Undue and unjust 
deference. Does not the history of the Army of the 
Potomac prove it? Its heroic fighting, but ill-starred 
generalship ! * * * * 

"Halloa, Bill! what news from the Sibley?" 
shouted one of a group of officers who sat and lay 
upon the ground, cheerfully discussing hard tack 
and coffee in the camp of a grand picket reserve, 
near the Rappahannock. The man addressed would, 
in build, have made a good recruit for the armies of 
New Amsterdam in their warfare against the 
Swedes, so graphically described by Irving. Short 
and thickly set, with a face radiant as a brass kettle 
in a preserving season, trousers thrust in a pair of 
cast-away top boots, the legs of which fell in ungainly 
folds about his ancles, a greasy blouse, tucked in at 
the waist-band, and a cap ripped behind in the vain 
effort to accommodate it to a head of Websterian 
dimensions. With all his shortcomings, and they 
were legion, Bill's education, unfailing humor and 
kindness of heart made him a favorite at regimental 
Head-quarters, where he had long been employed as 
an attendant. When the sickness of the Lieutenant- 
Colonel grew serious in the Sibley, Bill took his post 
by the side of his blankets, and in well-meaning atten- 
tion made up what he lacked in tenderness as a nurse. 

"Nothing new since the trial," drawled out Bill, 
seating himself meanwhile, and mopping with his 
coat sleeve the perspiration that stood in beads upon 
his forehead. 

" Since the trial !" echoed the officer. " Why, 
they have not had notice yet, and the General said 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 2G7 

he would give them ample opportunity for prepara- 
tion for trial." 

" So he did," continued Bill. "They were put 
into the Sibley on Monday night, and on Tliursdav 
night following, about half-past ten, when it was 
raining in torrents, and storming so that the guards 
and myself could scarcely keep the old tent up, that 
sucker-mouthed Aid of old Pigey's popped his head 
inside the flaps and handed the Colonel and Lieut. - 
Colonel each a letter. Both letters went on to say, 
that their trial would take place the next day, at 
ten o'clock, at Pigey's Head-quarters, and that each 
letter contained a copy of the charges and specifica- 
tions, and that, in the meanwhile, they could prepare 
for trial, provide counsel, and so forth. The best part 
of two sheets of large-sized letter paper was filled with 
the charges against each, all in Pigey's hand-writing. 
1 Disrespectful language towards the General 
Commanding Division ;' 'Conduct tending to Muti- 
ny ;' ' Disobedience of Orders,' and ' Yiolation of at 
least half a dozen different articles of war.' 

The ink was green yet, as if it had all been 
done after three o'clock. The Lieutenant-Colonel, 
you know, told that wharf rat of an Adjutant 
before the General, that he would not dare to 
make such mis-statements away from Division Head- 
quarters. Well, on the strength of that, he had him 
charged with sending a challenge to fight a duel, 
and telling his superior officer that he lied. Lord ! 
when I heard them read, I thought they ought to be. 
thankful that one of the darkies about Division Head- 
quarters hadn't died in the meanwhile, or there would 
have been a charge of murder. It might just as 
well, at any rate, have been murder as mutiny, that 
we all know. Time for trial ! — lots of time ! Just 



268 RED-TAPS AXD 

the time to hunt a lawyer, consult law books, and 
drum up testimony." 

" Timed purposely, of course," broke in the offi- 
cer, indignantly, " and the Court, no doubt, packed 
to suit. But," his face brightening, " there is an 
appeal to Father Abraham." 

" It is all very well to talk about Father Abra- 
ham," continued Bill, in the same drawling tone ; 
" but if you have to hunt up Honest Old Abe 
through the regular military channels, as they say 
you have to, he'll seem about as far off as the first 
old Father Abraham did to that rich old Cockey 
that had a big dry on in a hot place." 

" Bill," said the officer, as he saw the crowd in- 
clined to laugh at the remark, " this is by far too 
serious a matter to jest about. Here are two men 
of character and position, devoted to the cause 
body and soul, completely at the mercy of an officer 
whose conduct is a reproach to his command, and 
who is malicious alike in deeds and words." 

" Especially the latter," interrupted Bill, more 
hurriedly than before. " The Colonel says he was 
chief witness, and swore the charges right straight 
through, without wincing. The judge Advocate, 
they said, was a right clever gentlemanly fellow, but 
ignorant of law, and completely at the disposal of the 
General. I saw him several times when I was pass- 
ing backwards and forwards, and he looked to me as 
if the beef was a little too thick on the outside of his 
forehead, for the brains to be active inside. Still, the 
Colonels have no fault to find with him, except that 
between times he would talk about drinking to Little 
Mac, and brag about the prospect, as the papers 
seem to say, of Fitz John Porter's being cleared. 
But then most of the Court did as much at that as 



PIGEON-HOLE GEXEEALS. 209 

he did. He did liis duty in the trial, I guess, as 
well as his knowledge and old Pigey's will would 
allow." 

" Well, Bill, give us some particulars of the trial.-, 
if you know them," suggested an officer of a neigh- 
boring regiment — the party during the conversation 
being increased by additions of officers and privates. 

" 1 only know what I saw passing back and forth, 
and what I heard from the Colonels themselves. 
They wouldn't allow any one to go within three 
yards of the tent in which they held Court ; but I'll 
give you what I have, although to do it I must go 
back a little : — Before it was light on the day of 
trial the Major posted off to our Corps Commander 
with an application for a continuance, on the ground 
of want of time for preparation. About daylight 
the General came out, rubbing his eyes, wanting to 
know who that early bird was ? 

" i Playing Orderly, sir,' said he, as his eye lit 
upon the letter in the Major's hand. ' Fine occupa- 
tion for a man of six feet two, with a Major's straps 
npon his shoulders.' 

" The Major wilted till he felt about two feet six, 
but mustered presence of mind sufficient to tell the 
General his errand, and how his personal solicitude 
had prompted him to perform it himself. The Gen- 
eral heard him kindly ; stated that he had no doubt 
but that the Court'would act favorably upon the 
application, and that it should be referred to them. 
The Court, when it met, acted favorably, so far as to 
give the Colonel, who was tried first, fifteen minutes 
to hunt a lawyer. But they wouldn't let the Lieut. - 
Colonel act, as he was a party, and several others 
were excluded on the ground of being witness . 
although they took good care not to call them. Both 



270 EED-TAPE AND 

pleaded guilty to the ' simple disobedience of orders,' 
and the Court was ashamed to try them upon anything 
besides but the ' disrespectful conduct ; ' in regard 
to which old Pigey's assertions were taken, instead 
of the circumstances being proved. The Colonel 
was too indignant at the treatment to set up any de- 
fence, but the Lieutenant-Colonel cross-examined 
old Pigey until his testimony looked like a box of 
fish-bait. The General swore that he had given him 
1 the lie,' but upon being questioned by the Colonel, 
stated that ' he did not believe the Colonel intended 
to call his personal veracity into question.' In the 
same manner he had to explain away that duelling 
charge. At last he got so confused that he would 
ram wood into the stove to gain time, bite the ends 
of his moustache, play with the rim of his hat, and 
when cornered as to the Lieutenant-Colonel's cha- 
racter as an officer, to relieve himself, stated ; — that 
he must say that the Colonel had hitherto obeyed 
every order with cheerfulness, promptitude, great 
zeal and intelligence, and that his intercourse with 
the Commanding General had been marked by great 
courtesy at all times." 

The Colonel also stated further, that he had tes- 
timony to contradict that Adjutant, or Wharf-Pat, 
as you know him best by. He had told me. 
before the trial to tell that young law student, Tom, 
a private of Co. C, who heard the conversation 
that the Adjutant had testified to, to be within call- 
ing distance during the trial, with his belt on, hair 
combed, and looking as neat as possible. Well, in 
Tom came, his face and eyes swelled up from a bad 
cold, a stocking that had been a stranger to soap and 
water for one long march at least, tied about his 
neck to cure a sore throat, his belt on properly, but 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 271 

his blouse pockets stuffed out beyond it with six 
months' correspondence, and his matted and bleached 
head of hair, through the vain effort to comb it, re- 
sembling the heads of Feejee Islanders, in Sunday- 
school books. A smile played around the lips of the 
gentlemanly old Massachusetts Colonel, who pre- 
sided over the Court, as he surveyed him upon 
entering, and a titter ran around the Board, especi- 
ally among some of the young West-Pointers. The 
Colonel's face colored, and the Judge Advocate's 
eyes glowed as if he had a soft block. But Tom 
w T as a singed cat ; he always was a slovenly fellow, 
you know, and he turned out to be a file for the viper. 

" ' Colonel,' said the Judge Advocate haughtily, 
S have you any officers who are prepared to vouch 
for the character and credibility of this witness, as I 
see he is but a private ? ' 

" ' Yes, sir, if the Court please,' retorted the Colo- 
nel indignantly, — then remembering how this same 
Judge Advocate had upon former occasions affected 
to despise privates, he added : ' His character and 
credibility are quite as good as those of half the 
shoulder-strapped gentry of the Corps.' 

" ' Colonel,' said the President, blandly, i there is 
an old rule requiring privates to be vouched for, 
rarely insisted upon, at this day, however,' casting, as 
he said this, a half reproachful look upon the Judge 
Advocate ; ' but we desire you to understand that 
your word is as good as that of any officer before 
this Court.' 

" The Colonel vouched for him, and Tom was 
examined, and contradicted still further than his 
own cross-examination had done, the statement of 
the Adjutant, besides snubbing the Judge Advocate 
handsomely. A string of witnesses, from our Briga- 



272 HED-TAPE AND 

dier down to all the line officers of the command, 
was then offered to prove character, but the Court 
very formally told the Colonel that a superior offi- 
cer, the Commanding General of the Division, had 
already testified to this, and that this rendered the 
testimony of officers inferior in rank quite superflu- 
ous. So you see from this and Tom's case, Justice 
don't go it blind in Courts-Martial, but keeps one 
eye open to see whether the witness has shoulder- 
straps on or not." 

" But, Bill," inquired a lawyer in the crowd, 
" did not the Colonel offer to prove that the Regi- 
ment was amply supplied with clothing, and that 
the order was unreasonable, and that it was not 
therefore a lawful order, as the law is supposed to 
be founded upon reason ? " 

" Oh, yes, both did ; but the Lieutenant-Colonel 
was told by the President, that if General Burnside 
were to order the President to make a requisition in 
dog-days for old Spartan metal helmets for his Regi- 
ment, he would make the requisition.' 

" Said the Colonel, ' the President of the United 
States is by the Regulations empowered to prescribe 
the uniform.' 

" ' That,' said the President, i General Burnside 
must judge of. I must' execute the order, however 
unreasonable it may seem, first, and question it 
afterwards.' 

" ' Suppose the General would order yon to black 
his boots ; or,' said the Colonel, thinking that a little 
too strongly put ; ' suppose that you were second in 
command of a battery lying near a peaceful and 
loyal town, and your superior, drunk or otherwise, 
would order you to shell it, would you obey the 
order, and question it after having murdered half 



riGEON-HOLK GENERALS. 273 

the women and children of the place?' To which 
questions, however, the Court gave the go-by, 
remarking simply, that they did not suppose that the 
Colonel had any criminal intentions in disobeying 
the order. So, really, it is narrowed down to the dis- 
obedience of, to say the least, a most uncalled for 
order." 

" And faithful, well intentioned officers are, for 
what is at most but an honest blunder, treated like 
felons," said one. 

" From their lively and confident manner," said 
Bill, "I believe that they have assurances from 
Washington that all will be right. There is no tell in g 
how long the Lieutenant-Colonel will last under this 
confinement, however. He has failed greatly, and 
although so weak as to be unable to walk alone, the 
General insists upon the guards being upon either 
side whenever -he has occasion to leave the tent. 
Even the sinks were dug at over one hundred yards 
distance from the Sibley. And the tent itself is 
located in such a maimer that old Pigey can at all 
times have his vengeance gratified by a full view of 
it, the three guards about it, and my assisting the 
Lieutenant-Colonel from time to time. But the 
guards esteem, and we all esteem the officers inside 
the Sibley more than the General, who abuses his 
power in his marquee. Letters and newspapers 
come crawling under the canvas. Boast partridges, 
squirrels, apples, and delicacies that officers and 
men deny themselves of, find their way inside, and 
while my name is Bill Gladdon they shan't suffer 
through any lack upon my part, and I know that this 
is the opinion of all of us." 

" You all recollect the Sibley," said a Lieutenant, 
" that stands in the rear of old Pigey's marquee, in 

12* 



274 RED-TAPE AND 

which he gave the collation after the last corps re- 
view, and welcomed onr officers as he steadied him- 
self at the table, with ' Here comes my gallant 
210th.' The Court met in that." 

" Yes," resumed Bill, " the same. It stands near 
his cook tent, and while his darkies were serving up 
French cookery, the Judge Advocate did the work 
allotted him in endeavoring to justify by the trial, in 
some slight manner, the General's outrageous con- 
duct. I heard that Tom said, that after the Judge 
Advocate had asked that he be vouched for, and the 
Colonel became indignant, the Judge Advocate 
said somewhat blandly, 

u ' You must remember, Colonel, that this is not 
one of your ordinary Courts of Justice.' 

" ' That it is not a Court of Justice,' retorted the 
Colonel, ' is very apparent.' 

" Both were put through in a hurry, at any rate. 
The different members of the Court said that they 
all had marching orders, and they had no sooner 
left the Sibley, than they were upon horseback and 
on the gallop towards their different commands. 
Our Doctor had detailed an ambulance to take the 
Colonels in the rear of the Division. Old Pigey, in 
his usual morning survey of the premises, saw it in 
front of the Sibley, and sent an Orderly to take the 
rather lively, good-looking bays that were in it and 
exchange them for jthe old rips that haul the ambu- 
lance his cooks ride in. But we did not move then, 
although they say we will certainly to-morrow." 

That inevitable " they say," the common prefix to 
rumors in camp as well as civil life, had given Bill 
correct information. For next morning, in spite of 
the lowering sky, the camps were all astir with busy 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 275 

life, and during the course of the forenoon column 
after column trudged along over the already Boft 
roads in a south- westerly direction. The movement 
was the mad desperation of a Commander of un- 
daunted energy. A vain effort to appease that most 
capricious of masters, popular clamor. The rains 
descended, and that grand army of the Potomac 
literally floundered in the mud. 

In an old field, thickly grown with young pines, 
very near the farthest point reached in the inarch, 
our Itegiment rested towards the close of the last 
day of the advance, or to speak more truly, attempted 
advance. Fatigued with the double duty of strug- 
gling with the mud and corduroying the roads, the 
repose w T as heartily welcome. 

"It does a fellow good to feol a little frisky," 

sang, or rather shouted, a little Corporal, whom we 
have met before in these pages, as he made ridicu- 
lous efforts to infuse life into heels clodded with mud. 

" Talk as you please about old Pigey, boys, he's a 
regular trump on the whiskey question. He'll cut 
red-tape any day on that. Don't you see the boys ?" 
continued the Corporal, addressing a crowd reposing 
at full length upon the freshly cut pine boughs, con- 
spicuous among whom was the Adjutant ; — pointing 
as he spoke to several men in uniform, but boys in 
years, who were being forced and dragged along by 
successive groups of their comrades. 

"Couldn't stand the Commissary — stomachs too 
tender. Ha ! ha ! Pigey and myself are in on that." 

" What is up now, Corporal ? " queried the Adj u- 
tant. 

" Nothing is up ; it's all down," retorted the Cor- 



276 RED-TAPE AND 

poral, in a half serious air, as he saluted the Colonel 
respectfully. "You see, Adjutant, they are bits of 
boys at any rate, just from school, and the Commis- 
sary was too much for their empty stomachs. I 
was sent back to hurry up the stragglers, and while 
we were catching up as rapidly as possible, old 
Pigey came ploughing up the mud alongside of us, 
followed by that sucker-mouthed Aid. I saw at 
once that Division Head-quarters had a good load 
on. With a patronizing grin, said the General stop- 
ping short alongside of a wagon belonging to another 
corps, and that was fast almost up to the wagon-bed, 
while the mules were fairly floating, ' What's in that 
wagon ? ' and without waiting for answer, ' whiskey, 
by G — d,' he broke out, snuffing at the same time 
towards the wagon. ' Boys, unload a couple of 
barrels,' he continued, good-humoredly, as if trying 
to make up for the outrage he has just committed 
upon the Regiment. The driver protested, and the 
wagon guards said that it could not be taken without 
an order ; but it was after three, and old Pigey 
ripped and swore that his order was as good as any- 
body's, and the guards were frightened enough to 
let our boys roll out two barrels. ~No pigeon-holing 
on a whiskey scent ! One barrel he ordered up to 
his head-quarters, and the head of the other was 
knocked in, and he told us to drink our fill, and at 
it the boys went. Tin cups, canteens, cap-covers, 
anything that would hold the article, were made use 
of, and they are a blue old crowd, from the General 
down. The boys had had nothing but a few hard- 
tack during the clay, and it was about the first driuk 
to some, and from the way it tastes it must have 
been made out of rotten corn and not two months old, 
and altogether straggling increased considerably." 



PIGEON-HOLS GENERALS. 27 7 

"Straggling ! why they are wallowing ]jk ( > ] K >rrs 
in the mud, Adjutant ! It is a shame, and if Borne 
one of my superiors will not prefer charges against 
the General and his Adjutant, I will. Mm of mine 
are drunk that I never knew to taste a drop before," 
indignantly exclaimed the Western Virginia ( laptain, 
as, with hat off, face aglow with perspiration, eyea 
flashing, and boots that indicated service in taking 
the soundings of the mud on the march, he came 
panting up with rapid strides. " Now, sir, fourteen 
of my best men are drunk — the first drunken man I 
have had during the campaign — and I'll be shut to 
death with musketry sooner than punish a. single 
man of them." 

" But discipline must be kept up," said the Adju- 
tant. 

" Discipline ! do you say, Adjutant ? " retorted the 
Captain. "If you want to see discipline- go to Divi- 
sion Head-quarters. Why old Pigey is prancing 
around like a steed at a muster, — crazy ! absolutely 
crazy! His cocked hat is more crooked than ever, 
and the knot of his muffler is at the back of his 
neck, and the ends flying like wings. Just a few 
minutes ago he stopped suddenly while on a can- 
ter, right by one of my men, lying along the road- 
side, that he had made drunk, and chuckled and 
laughed, and lolled from side to side in his saddle, 
and then at a canter again rode to another one and 
w T ent through the same performance. And his Ad- 
jutant-General — why one of my men not ten minutes 
ago led his horse to Head-quarters. He was so 
drunk, actually, that his eyes looked like those 
shad out of water a day, — his feet out of the stirrups, 
the reins loose about his horse's neck, his hands 
hanging listlessly down, and the liquor oozing out 



278 BED-TAPE AND 

of the corners of his sucker mouth. And there he 
was, his horse carrying him about at random among 
the stumps, and officers and men laughing at him, 
expecting to see him go over on the one side or the 
other every moment. Now, it is a burning shame. 
And I, for one, will expose them, if it takes the hide 
off. Here are our Colonels confined just for no 
offence at all, — for doing their duty, in fact, — and 
this man, after having Court-martialed all that he 
could of his command, trying to demoralize the rest 
by whiskey. Now, sir, the higher the rank the 
more severe the punishment should be. Just before 
we started Barney had an order read that we were 
about to meet the enemy, and that every man must 
do his duty. And here is a General of Division, in 
command of nine thousand men, as drunk as a fool." 

" Let Pigey alone on the whiskey question, Cap- 
tain," interrupted the Corporal, who had in the 
meantime been refreshing his inner man by a pull 
at his canteen. " He's a regular trump — yes," slap- 
ping his canteen as he spoke, " a full hand of trumps 
any time on that topic. Like other men, he drinks 
to drown his grief at our poor prospect of a fight." 

"A fine condition he is in to lead men into a 
fight ; — but not much worse than at Fredericksburg," 
slowly observed the Preacher Lieutenant, who, as 
one of the crowd, had been a listener to the story of 
the Captain. " Drunkenness has cursed our army 
too much. But we cannot consistently be silent 
in sight of conduct like this on the part of Com- 
manders. The interests of our men" 

" Have a care, Lieutenant," quietly observed the 
Adjutant, " how you talk. i The interests of the men' 
have placed our Colonels under guard in the Sibley." 

" Not bolts, nor bars a prison make," resumed 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 279 

the Preacher more spiritedly, "and I would sooner 
have a quiet conscience in confinement, than the 
reproach of disgraceful conduct and command a 
Division." 

Corduroying the entire route had not been pro- 
posed, when the army commenced its movement ; 
but it became apparent to all that progress was only 
tolerable with it, and without it, impossible. On the 
day after the above conversation, the army com- 
menced to retrace its steps. Some days, however, 
intervened before the smoke ascended from their old 
huts, and the men in lazy circles about the camp 
fires rehashed their recollections of the " mud march." 

Like our repulse at Fredericksburg, it was, as far 
as our Commander-in-Chief was concerned, a mis- 
fortune and not a fault. A change in command 
was evident, however, and the substitution of the 
whole-hearted, dashing Hooker for the equally 
earnest but more steady Burnside, that took place 
in the latter part of January, occasioned no surprise 
in the army. The new Commander went much 
farther, than old attachments had probably permit- 
ted his predecessor in going, in removing McClel- 
lanism. Grand Divisions were abolished ; rigid 
inquiries into the comforts and conveniences of the 
men were frequent, and senseless reviews less fre- 
quent. Bakeries were established in every Brigade, 
and fresh bread and hot rolls furnished in whole- 
eome abundance, to the great benefit of the Govern- 
ment, for hospital rolls were thereby depleted, and 
reports for duty increased. Rigid discipline and 
daily drills too were kept up, as " Old Joe" was a 
frequent visitor, when least expected. His constant. 
solicitude for the welfare of the men, manifested 



280 RED-TAPE AXD 

by close personal attention, which the men them- 
selves were witness to, rather than by concocted 
newspaper reports, by which the friends of the 
soldier in their loyal homes might be imposed upon, 
and the soldier himself not benefited, endeared him 
to his entire command. 

One clear, cold morning, during these palmy 
days of the army, the men of the regiment nearest 
the Surgeon's Quarters were greatly surprised by 
the sudden exit of a small-sized sheet iron stove from 
the tent occupied by the Surgeon and Chaplain, 
closely followed up by the' little Dutch Doctor in 
his shirt sleeves, sputtering hurriedly — 

"Tarn schmoke pox!" and at every ejaculation 
bestowing a vigorous kick. At a reasonably safe 
distance in his rear was the Chaplain, in half undress 
also, remonstrating as coolly as possible, — consider- 
ing that the stove was his property. The Doctor did 
not refrain, however, until its badly battered frag- 
ments lay at intervals upon the ground. 

" Efry morn, and efry morn, schmoke shust as the 
Tuyfel. I no need prepare for next world py that 
tarn shmoke pox. Eh V ' continued the Doctor, facing 
the Chaplain. 

" Come, Doctor," said the Chaplain, soothingly, 
" we ought to get along better than this in our de- 
partment." 

" Shaplain's department ! Eh ! * By G — t ! One 
Horse-Doctor and one Shaplain enough for a whole 
Division !" 

The sudden appearance of Bill, the attendant 
upon the Colonels in the Sibley, at the Adjutant's 
quarters, had the effect of transferring hither the 
crowd, who were enjoying what proved to be a 



PIGEOX-HOLE GENERALS. 281 

final dissolution of partnership between the Chap- 
lain and the Doctor. 

"I know your errand, Bill," remarked the Ad- 
jutant, looking him full in the face. "An orderly 
has just handed me the General Order. But what 
is to become of the Lieutenant-Colonel ?" 
, "You only have the order dismissing the Colonel, 
then. There was a message sent about ten o'clock 
last night, a little after the General Order was 
received at the Sibley, stating that at day-break this 
morning the Colonel should be escorted to Aquia 
under guard, and that before leaving he should have 
no intercourse whatever with any of his command. 
Old Pigey also tried further to add insult to injury, 
by stating that the Lieutenant-Colonel, who cannot, 
from weakness, walk twenty steps, even though it 
would save his life, would be released from close 
confinement, and might have the benefit of Brigade 
limits in our new camp ground for exercise. You 
know that is so full of stumps and undergrowth that 
a well man can hardly get along in it." 

" So an officer of the Colonel's merit and services," 
remarked the Adjutant, " was dragged off before 
daylight, and disgraced for what was in its very 
worst light but a simple blunder, made under the 
most extenuating of circumstances. Boys, if there 
be faith in Stanton's pledged word, matters will be 
set right as soon as the record of the case reaches 
the War Department. I am informed that he 
denounced the whole proceeding as an outrage, and 
telegraphed the General; and we all know that 
the General has been spending a good portion ofthfl 
time since the trial in Washington." 

" And he came back," observed Bill, " yesterday 
morning, in a mood unusual with him before three 



282 RED-TAPE AND 

o'clock in the afternoon. He had his whole staff, 
all his orderlies and the Provost Guard out to stop a 
Maine Regiment from walking by the side of the 
road, when the mud was over shoe top in the road 
itself, — and he flourished that thin sword of his, and 
raved and swore and danced about until one of the 
Maine boys wanted to know who ' that little old 
Cockey was with a ramrod in his hand, — 'and that set 
the laugh so much against him that his Aids returned 
their pistols and he his sword, and he sneaked back 
to his marquee, and issued an order requiring his 
whole command to stand at arms along the road 
side upon the approach of troops from either direc- 
tion." 

" Which," remarked the Adjutant, "if obeyed, 
would keep them under arms well nigh all the time, 
and would provoke a collision, as it would be an 
insult to the troops of other commands, to whom the 
road should be equally free. But it is a fair sample 
of the judgment of Pigey." 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 283 



CHAPTER XIX. 

TJte Presentation Mania — The Western Virginia Captain in the 
War Department — Politeness and Mr. Secretary Stanton — 
Capture of the Dutch Doctor — A Genuine Newspaper Sell. 

PRESENTATIONS by men to officers should be 
prevented by positive orders ; not that the 
recipients are not usually meritorious, but the prac- 
tice by its prevalency is an unjust tax upon a class 
little able to bear it. A costly sword must be 
presented to our Captain, — intimates a man perhaps 
warmly in the Captain's confidence. Forthwith the 
list is started, and with extra guard and fatigue duty 
before the eyes of the men, it makes a unanimous 
circuit of the command. Active newspaper reporters, 
from the sheer merit of the officer, may be, and may 
be from the additional inducement of a little com- 
pensation, give an account of the presentation in 
one of the dailies that tills the breasts of the officer's 
friends with pride, while the decreased remittance 
of the private may keep back some creature comfort 
from his wife and little ones. Statistics showing 
how far these presentations are spontaneous offer- 
ings, and to what extent results of wire-working 
at'Head-quarters, would prove more curious than 
creditable. 

Our Brigade did not escape the Presentation 



284 RED-TAPE AND 

Mania. Never did it develop itself in a command, 
however, more spontaneously. The plain, practical 
sense of our Brigadier was the more noticeable to 
the men, on account of its marked contrast to the 
quibbles and conceit of the General of Division. 
The officers and men of the Brigade had with great 
care and cost selected a noble horse of celebrated 
stock upon which to mount their Brigadier, and, on 
a pleasant evening in March, a crowd informally 
assembled was busied in arranging for the morrow 
the programme of presentation. The General of 
Division, so far in the cold in the matter, was just 
then making himself sensibly felt. 

" Colonel," said an officer, who from the direction 
of Brigade Head-quarters neared the crowd, address- 
ing a central iigure, " you might as well take the 
General's horse out to grass awhile." 

" Explain yourself," say several. 

" Pigey has his foot in the whole matter nicely. 
The General, you know, just returned this evening 
from sick leave. Well, he and his friends, who 
came with him to see the presentation ceremonies, 
had not been at Head-quarters an hour before that 
sucker-mouthed Aid made his appearance, and said 
that he was directed by the General Commanding 
the Division to place him under arrest. The fellow 
was drunk, and the General hardly deigned to notice 
him. As he staggered away, he muttered that there 
were fifteen charges against him, and that he would 
find the General's grip a tight one." 

u Amid exclamations, indicating tha't the per- 
plexity of the matter could not prevent a sly smile 
at the ludicrous position in which the Brigadier and 
his friends from abroad were placed, the officer 
continued — 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 286 

" But the General brings good news from Wash- 
ington. The Colonel and Lieutenant-Colonel of the 
210th return at an early day." 

_ " Yes, sir, that is so," broke in our Western Vir- 
ginia Captain, who had just returned from enjoying 
one of the furloughs at that time so freely dis- 
tributed. " At last the War Department, or rather 
Mr. Secretary Stanton, for all the balance of the 
department, as far as I could learn, thought the 
delay outrageous, fulfils its promise. After the 
Lieutenant-Colonel had been at home on a sick 
leave for some time, and we all thought the 
matter about dropped ; what should I see one day 
but his name, with thirty-two others, in a daily, 
under the head of ' Dismissals from the Army.' 
There it was, dismissed for doing his duty, and 
published right among the names of scoundrels who 
had skulked live times from the battle-field ; men 
charged with drunkenness, and every offence known 
to the Military Decalogue. My furlough had just 
come, and I started for Washington by the next 
boat, bound to see how the matter stood. The 
morning after I got there, I posted up bright and 
earl} r to the War Department, but a sergeant near 
the door, with more polish on his boots than in. his 
manners, told me that I had better keep shady until 
ten o'clock, as business hours commenced then. I 
sat down on a pile of old lumber near by, and pa— I 
very nearly three hours in wondering why so many 
broad-shouldered fellows, who could make a sa!>re 
fall as heavy as the blow of a broad-axe, wlm-c 
lounging about or going backward and forward upon 
• errands that sickly boys might do as well. A- it 
grew nearer ten, able-bodied, bright-looking offic 
Kegulars, as I was told, educated at Uncle Sam's 



286 . EED-TAPE AND 

expense to fight, elegantly shoulder-strapped, passed 
in to drive quills in a quiet department, ' remote 
from death's alarms,' and I wondered if some spirited 
clerks and schoolmasters thac I knew, who would 
have been willing to have gone bent double under 
knapsacks, if the Surgeon would have accepted 
them, would not have performed the duty better, 
and have permitted the country to have the benefit 
of the military education of these gentlemen." 

" I see, Captain, that you don't understand it," 
interrupted an officer. " Our Regular Officers are 
not all alike patriotic up to the lighting point ; and 
it is a charitable provision that permits one, say, — 
who is married to a plantation of niggers, or who 
has other Southern sympathies or affinities, or who 
may have conscientious scruples about fighting 
against our ' Southern brethren,' — to take a snug 
salary in some peaceful department, or to go on 
recruiting service in quiet towns, where grass- 
hoppers can be heard singing for squares, and where 
he is under the necessity of killing nothing but time, 
and wounding nothing but his country's honor and 
his own, if a man of that description can be said to 
possess any. In their offices, these half-hearted 
Lieutenants, Captains, and Colonels, are like satraps 
in their halls, unapproachable, except by passing 
bayonets that should be turned towards Richmond." 

" Well, if 1 don't understand it," resumed the 
Captain, " it is high time that Uncle Sam under- 
stood it. If these men are halfhearted, they will 
write no better than they fight, and I guess if the 
truth could be got at, they are responsible for most 
of the clogging in the Commissary and Quarter- 
master Departments. But you've got me off my 
story. At ten o'clock I staved in, just as I was, 



PIGEON-HOLE GENEHALS. 287 

my uniform shabby, and my boots with a tolerably 
fair representation of Aqnia mud upon them. Pass- 
ing from one orderly to another, I brought up at the 
Adjutant-General's office, and there I was referred 
to the head clerk's office, and there a pleasant-look- 
ing, gentlemanly Major told me that the matter 
would be certainly set straight as soon as the court- 
martial records were forwarded ; that they had 
telegraphed for them again and again ; arid that 
at one time they were reported lost, and at another 
carried off by one of General Burnside's Stan 
Officers. As I had heard of records of the kind 
being delayed before, I intimated rather plainly 
what I thought of the matter, and told him that "l 
wanted to see the Secretary himself. He smiled, 
and told me to take my place in the rear of an odd- 
looking mixed assemblage of persons in the hull, 
who were crowding towards an open door. It was 
after two o'clock and after I had stood until I felt 
devotional about the knees, when my turn brought 
me before the door, and showed me Mr. Secretary 
himself, standing behind a desk, tossing his head, 
now on this side and now on that, with quick jerks, 
like a short-horned bull in fly time, despatching 
business and the hopes of the parties who had it from 
their looks, about the same time. Right manfully 
did he stand up to his work.; better than to his 
w r ord perhaps, if reports that I have heard be 
true." 

" A pretty-faced, middle-aged lady approached his 
desk, and I thought that I could see a rather awk- 
ward effort at a smile hang around the upper corners 
of his huge, black beard, as his eye caught her fea- 
tures through his spectacles, and he received her 
papers. .But the gruff manner in which he told her 



288 RED-TAPE AND 

the next moment that he would not grant it, showed 
I was mistaken. 

" ' But I was told, Mr. Secretary,' said the woman, 
in tremulous tones, ' that my papers were all right, 
and that your assent was a mere formality. I have 
three other sons in the service, and this boy is 
not' 

" ' I don't care what you have been told,' retorted 
the Secretary, in a manner that made me so far for- 
get my reverence that my toes suddenly felt as if 
disposed to propel something that, strange to say, had 
the semblance of humanity, and was not distant at 
the time, ' You had better leave the room, madam !' 
continued the same voice, somewhat gruffer and 
sterner, as the poor woman burst into tears at the sud- 
den disappointment. ' You only interrupt and annoy. 
We are accustomed to this sort of thing here.' 

" I looked at him as he took the papers of another 
for examination, and wondered whether we were 
really American citizens — sovereigns as our politi- 
cians tell us when on the stump, and whether he 
was really a public servant. But 1 couldn't see it. 

" Now, civility is a cheap commodity,, and, in my 
humble opinion, the least that can be expected of 
men filling public positions is that they should pos- 
sess it in an ordinary degree. 

" Three o'clock came, but it was not my turn yet. 
In fact, the treatment of the lady had so disgusted 
me, that I was quite ready to leave when a servant 
announced that business hours were over. That 
evening, I found out to my great satisfaction that 
men considerably more influential than myself had 
held the Secretary to the promises he had made 
them, and that notwithstanding all his backing and 
filling the order for their return would be issued." 



PIGEOX-IIOLE GENERALS. 289 

The disappointment of the morrow was a standing 
topic in camp and on the picket line For the ensiling 
three weeks. The only doubt that existed with the 
Court convened for the trial of the Brigadier ap- 
peared to be whether the numerous charges excelled 
most in frivolity or malice, as a slight reprimand 
for writing an unofficial account of an engagement, — 
an oftence of which several members of the Court had, 
by their own confession, repeatedly been guilty, — 
was the sole result of its labor. His restoration to 
command, the presentation, and the return of the 
Colonels followed in rapid succession amid the re- 
joicings of officers and men. 

— Amid the waste of meadow and woodland that 
characterized the face of that country, the houses of 
the farmers, or rather, to use the grandiloquent 
language of the inhabitants, " the mansions of the 
planters," were objects of peculiar interest. In their 
quaint appearance and general air of dilapidation, 
they stood as relics of the civilization of another 
age. Centuries, seemingly, of important events in 
the law of progress are crowded into years of our 
campaigning. The social status of a large country 
semi-civilized — whether you regard the intelligence 
of its people or the condition of its society — is being 
suddenly altered. The war accomplishes what 
well-designing men lacked nerve and ability to 
execute — emancipation. The blessings of a purer 
civilization will follow as naturally as sunshine f< >1- 
lows storm. 

And yet here and there these old buildings would 
be varied by one evidently framed upon a Yankee 
model. Such was what was widely known in the 
army as " the Moncure House." On a commanding 
site at the ed^e of a meadow several miles in length, 

13 



290 EED-TArE AND 

and that seemed from the abrupt bluffs that bordered 
it to have been once the bottom of a lake, this two- 
story weather-board frame was readily discernible. 
Its location made it a prominent point, too, upon the 
picket line, and it was favored above its fellows by 
daily and nightly occupancy by officers of the com- 
mand. At this period the Regiment almost lived 
upon the picket line. An old wench, with several 
chalky complexioned children, whose paternal an- 
cestor was understood to be under a musket of Eng- 
lish manufacture perhaps, somewhere on the south 
side of the Rappahannock, occupied the kitchen of 
the premises. She was unceasing in reminding her 
military co-lodgers that the room used by them as 
head-quarters, — from the window of which you could 
take in at a glance the line expanse of valley, 
threaded by a sparkling tributary of the Potomac, — 
was massa's study, and that massa was a preacher 
and had written a "right smart" lot of sermons in 
that very place. In the eyes of Dinah the room was 
invested with a peculiar sanctity. Not so with its 
present occupants, who could not learn that the 
minister, who was a large slaveholder, had remem- 
bered "those in bonds as bound with them," and 
who were quite content that artillery proclaiming 
" liberty throughout the land" in tones of thunder 
had driven away this vender of the divinity of the 
institution of slavery. 

In this room, on seats rudely improvised, for its 
proper furniture had long since disappeared, some 
officers not on duty were passing a pleasant April 
afternoon, when their reveries of other days and 
rehashes of old camp yarns were interrupted by the 
sudden advent of an officer who a week previously had 
been detailed* in charge of a number of men to form 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 291 

part of an outer picket station some distance up the 
river. His face indicated news, and he was at once 
the centre of attraction. 

" Colonel!" exclaimed he, without waiting to be 
questioned, " two of our best men have been taken 
prisoners, and the little Dutch Doctor " 

"What has happened to him ?"from several at once. 

" Was taken prisoner and released, but had hie 
horse stolen." 

His hearers breathed freer when they heard of the 
personal safety of the Doctor, and the officer con- 
tinued — 

" And the loss of our men and his horse has all 
happened through the carelessness, — to treat it 
mildly, — of the exhorting Colonel. He is in com- 
mand of the station, and yesterday afternoon tho 
Doctor was on duty at his head-quarters. In came 
one of the black-eyed beauties that live in a house 
near the ford, about half a mile from the station, 
boo-hooing at a terrible rate — that the youngest rebel 
of her family was dying with the croup — and that no 
doctor was near — and all that old story. The Colo- 
nel was fool enough to order the Doctor to mount 
his horse and go with the woman. "Well, the Doctor 
had got near the house, when out sprang two Missis- 
sippi Riflemen from the pines on either side of the 
road and levelled their pieces at him. The Doctor 
had to> dismount, and they sent him back on foot. 
Luckily the Colonel, who, as black Charley says, 
has been praying for a star for some time past, had 
borrowed the Doctor's dress sword on the pretence 
that it was lighter to carry, but on the ground, 
really, that it looked more Brigadier-like, or lie 
would have lost that too. I was on duty down by 
the river hardly two hours after it happened, and as 



292 RED-TAPE AND 

there is no firing now along the picket line the sol- 
diers were free-and-easy on both sides. All at once 
I heard laughter on the other side, and looking over, 
I saw a short, thick-set Grey-back riding the stolen 
horse near the water's edge. Presently two other 
Grey-backs sprang on either side of the horse's head, 
and with pieces levelled, in tones loud enough for 
us to hear, demanded his surrender. 

« i Why, shentlemen Rebels, mem Gott, you no 
take non compatants, me surgeon,' said the Grey- 
back on the horse, in equally loud voice. 

" ' No, d — n you ! Dismount ! We don't want 
you. You can be of more service to the Confede- 
rate cause where you are. But we must have the 
nag.' 

u ' Mine private property,' he replied, as he dis- 
mounted. 

" ' In a horn,' said one of the Grey-backs, pointing 
to the U. S. on the shoulder of the beast. * That 
your private mark, eh ? ' 

" i You no shentlemen. By G — t, no honor,' re- 
torted the Grey-back who personated the Doctor, as 
he swelled himself and strutted about on the sand 
in such a high style of indignation as to draw roars 
of laughter from both sides of the river. 

"That rather paid us with interest for the way 
we sold them the day before. You know they have 
been crazy after our dailies ever since the strict 
general order preventing the exchange of the daily 
papers between pickets. Well, that dare-devil of a 
law student, Tom, determined to have some fun 
with them. So when they again, as they often had 
before, came to the river with hands full of Rich- 
mond papers, proposing exchange-, Tom flourished a 
paper also. That was the old signal, and forthwith 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 293 

a raw-boned Alabamian stripped and commenced 
wading toward a rock that jutted up in the middle 
of the rive*. Tom stripped also, and met him at 
the rock. Mum was the word between them, and 
each turned for his own shore, the Grey-back with 
Tom's paper, and Tom with several of the latest 
Richmond prints. A crowd of Rebel officers met 
their messenger at the water's edge and received the 
paper. The one who opened it, bent nearly double 
with laughter, and the rest rapidly followed as their 
eyes lit on the stars and stripes printed in glowing 
colors on the first page of the little religious paper 
that our Chaplains distribute so freely in camp, 
called ' The Christian Banner.' One old officer, 
apparently of higher rank than the rest, cursed it as 

he went up the bank as a 'd d Yankee sell, — ' 

which did not in the least lessen our enjoyment of 
Tom's success. 

" But with our two men and the Doctor's horse 
they have squared accounts with us since, and all 
through the fault of the Colonel." 

In response to inquiries as to how, when, and 
where, the officer continued — 

"There was a narrow strip of open land between 
a belt of woods and the river. The Colonel posted 
our two men on the inside of the woods, where they 
had no open view towards the enemy at all. That 
rainy night this week the Rebs came over in boats 
and gobbled them up. The Colonel attributed their 
loss to their own neglect, and next morning their 
placevwas supplied by four old soldiers, as he called 
them, from his own "Regiment. That same day at 
noon, in broad day-light, they were taken." 

" And if he were not a firm friend at Divi 
sion Head-quarters there would be a dismissal from 



294 RED-TAPE AND 

the service for cause," said an officer of the 
crowd. 

" Our Corps Commander is too much^f a soldier 
to let it go by," resumed the officer, " if our Briga- 
dier can force it through Division Head-quarters, 
and bring it to his notice." 

The order that introduced into the service the 
novelty of carrying eight days' rations on a march, 
had been discussed for some time in the Regiment. 
That night the Regiment was withdrawn from the 
picket line, and preparations were forthwith made 
for a practical illustration of the order on the mor- 
row. 




PIGEON-IIOLE GENERALS. 295 



CHAPTER XX. 

The Army again on the Move — Pack Males and Wagon Trains — 
A Negro Prophetess — The Wilderness — Hooped Skirts and 
Black Jack — The Five Days' Fight at Chancellor sville — Trrible 
Death of an A'jed Slave — A Pij eon-hole General's u Power in 
Reserve." 

IT was some weeks after a Rebel Picket, opposite 
Falmouth, had surprised one of our own, who 
had not as yet heard of the change in the usual three 
days' provender for a march, by asking him across 
the river " whether his eight days' rations were 
mouldy yet?" that the army actually commenced 
its movement. While awaiting the word to fall in, 
this mass of humanity literally loaded with army 
bread and ammunition resembled, save in unifor- 
mity, those unfortunate beings burdened with 
bundles of woe, so strikingly portrayed in the 
Vision of Mirza. To the credit of the men, it must 
be stated, however, that the greatest good-humor 
prevailed in this effort to render the army self-sus- 
taining in a country that could not sustain itself. 

Another novel feature in the movement was the 
long strings of pack mules, heavily freighted with 
ammunition, which were led in the rear of the differ- 
ent Brigades. Wagon trains were thereby dispensed 
with, and the mobility of the army greatly increased. 



296 RED-TAPE AND 

Stringent orders were issued also as to the reduction 
of baggage, and dispensing with camp equipage and 
cooking utensils. 

In lively ranks, although each man was freighted 
with the prescribed eight days' provender and sixty 
rounds of ball cartridge, our Division, of almost 
9,000 men, moved, followed by two ambulances to 
pick up those who might fall by the way, in the rear 
of which were five additional ambulances for the 
especial use of Division Head-quarters. For a 
General of whom reporters had said that " he was 
most at home in the field," the supply of ambulances, 
full of creature comforts, was unusually heavy. On 
we moved over the familiar ground of the Warren- 
ton Pike, in common with several other Army 
Corps in a grand march ; our Division, with its 
two ambulances ; our General with his five, — and 
our proportionate number of pack horses and mules. 
The obstinacy of the latter animal was sorely 
punished by the apparent effort during that march 
to teach it perpetual motion. Halt the Division 
did statedly, but there was no rest for the poor 
mule. Experience had taught its driver that the 
beast would take advantage of the halt to lie down, 
and when once down no amount of tugging and 
swearing and clubbing could induce it to rise. 
Hence, while the command would enjoy their stated 
halts by the wayside, these strings of mules would 
be led or driven in continuous circles of steady toil. 
Despite the vigilance of their drivers, a mule would 
occasionally drop, and his companions speedily follow, 
to "Stand a siege of kick's, cuffs, and bayonet pricks, 
and to be reduced, or what would be more appropriate 
in their case, raised at length by the application of 
a mud plaster to the nostrils, which would bring 



riGEOX-IIOLE GENERALS. «j V 

the beast up in an effort to breathe freely ; from 
whieh may arise the slang phrase of*' brinffiDfi it up 
a snorting. 

Onward they marched, those wearers of the cross, 
the square, the circle, the crescent, the star, the lo- 
zenge, and the tripod ; emblemed representatives of 
the interests of a common humanity in the triumphal 
march that the world is witness to, of the progress of 
Universal Emancipation. Landed aristocracies of the 
Old World may avow their affinity to the aristocracy 
of human flesh and blood that has so long cursed the 
New ; but now that the suicidal hand of the latter 
has caused the forfeit of its existence, we are the 
centre of the hopes, fear?, and prayers of the univer- 
sal brotherhood of man in the effort to blot out for 
ever the only foul spot upon our national escutcheon. 

" De Lor bress ye. I know yex all. Yez, Uncle 
Samuel's children. Long looked for come at las," 
said an old wench on the second day of our march, 
enthusiastically to the advanced ranks of our 
Division, as they wound around the hill in sight of 
Mt, Hollv Church, on the main road to Kelly's 
Ford, curtesy ing and gesturing all the while with 
her right hand, as if offering welcome, while with 
her left she steadied on her head the cast-away 
cover of a Dutch oven. A pair of half-worn army 
shoes covered her feet, and the folds of her tow 
gown were compressed about the waist, beneath a 
black leathern belt, the brass plate of which bearing 
the letters " U. S.," wore a conspicuous polish. 

" Massa over yonder," continued she, in response 
to a query from' the ranks, pointing as she spoke 
across the river. " Hope you cotch him. Golly 
he'um slyer than a possum in a hen-roost." 

13* 



298 KEP-TAPE AND 

The anxiety of the wench for the capture of her 
master, and her statement of a pre-knowledge of 
the visit of the troops, were by no means excep 
tional. Rarely indeed, in the history of the Rebel- 
lion, has devotion on the part of the slave to the 
interest of the master been discovered. The vaunted 
fealty that would make his cause their own, lacks 
practical illustration. An attempt to arm them will 
save recruits and arms to Uncle Sam. Nat Turner's 
insurrection developed their strong faith in a day of 
freedom. Their wildest dreams of fancy could not 
have pictured a more auspicious prelude to the 
realization of that faith than the outbreak of the 
Rebellion. Well might 

*• Massa tink it day ob doom, 

But we ob Jubilee." 



The face of the country at this point was adorned 
by the most beautiful variety of hill and dale. Com- 
pared with the region about Aquia, it had been but 
little touched by the ravages of war. When it shall 
have been wholly reclaimed under a banner, then to 
be emphatically " the Banner of the Free," an inviting 
door will open to enterprising business. 

A few miles further on we rested on our arms 
upon the summit of a ridge overlooking that por- 
tion of the Upper Rappahannock known as Kelly's 
Ford. The brilliant cavalry engagement of a few 
weeks previously, that occurred npon the level 
ground in full view above the Ford, invested it 
with peculiar interest. Who ever saw a dead 
cavalryman ? was a question that had been for a 
long time uttered as a standing joke. Hooker's 
advent to command was attended by a sharp and 



PIGEON-HOLE G EXE HALS. 209 

stirring order that speedily brought this arm of the 
service to a proper sense of duty. Among the 
first fruits of the order was this creditable light. 
While no excuse can be given for the slovenly 
and ungainly riding, rusty sabres, and dirty ac- 
coutrements, raw-boned and uncurried horses that 
had too often made many of our cavalry regi- 
ments appear like a body of Sancho Panzas thrown 
loosely together ; it would still be exceedingly unfair 
to have required as much of them as of the educated 
horsemen and superior horse-flesh that gave the 
Rebel cavalry their efficiency in the early stages of 
the war. Since then the scales have turned. Fre- 
quent successful raids and resistless charges have 
given the courage, skill, and dash of our Gregg, 
B u ford, Kilpatrick, Grierson, and others that might 
be named, honorable mention at every loyal fireside. 

"While on the top of this ridge, Bush's regiment 
of lancers, with lances in rest and pennons gaily 
fluttering beneath the spear heads, cantered past the 
regiment. Their strange equipment gave an orien- 
tal appearance to the columns moving toward the 
ford. With straining eyes we followed their move- 
ment up the river and junction with the cavalry 
then crossing at a ford above the pontoons. The 
Begiment had been almost continually broken np 
for detached service, at different head-quarters, or 
for the purpose of halting stragglers. With many 
.of the men, their service appeared like their equip- 
ment, ornamental rather than useful, and in con- 
nexion with their foraging reputation, won for them 
the expressive designation of "Pig Stickers." 

Darkness was just setting in when our turn came 
upon the pontoon bridge, and it was quite chirk 
when we prepared ourselves, in a pelting rain, for 



300 RED-TAPE AND 

rest for the night, as we thought, in a meadow half 
a mile distant from the road. At midnight, in mud 
and rain, we resumed the march, in convoy of a 
pontoon train, and over a by-road which from the 
manner its primitive rock was revealed, must have 
been unused for years. The streams forded during 
that night of sleepless toil, the enjoined silence, 
broken only by the sloppy shuffle of shoes half filled 
with water, and the creaking wagons, the provoking 
halts that w*ould tempt the eyes to a slumber that 
would be broken immediately by the resumption of 
the forward movement, have left ineffaceable memo- 
ries. A somewhat pedantic order of " Accelerate 
the speed of your command, Colonel," given by our 
General of Division, as the head of the Regiment 
neared his presence towards morning, reminded us 
of the " long and rapid march" that the Commander- 
in-Chief intended the army to make. 

On the last day of April we crossed the Rapidan, 
fording its breast-deep current, considered too strong 
for the pontoons, and wondering, especially as the 
cannonading of the evening previous indicated re- 
sistance ahead, that our advance was not at this 
point impeded. Artillery planted upon the circling 
hills of the opposite shore would have made the 
passage, if even practicable, perilous to the last de- 
gree. As it was, however, in jmris naturalibus, 
with cartridge-box on the musket barrel, and the 
musket on the shoulder, clothing in many instances 
bundled upon the head, the troops made the passage. 
The whys and the wherefores of no opposition — the 
confidence of Old Joe having stolen a march upon 
Johnny Reb — and the usual surmises of the morrow 
— increased in this instance by our having surprised 
and captured some Rebel pickets when just about 



PIGEON-HOLE GENKRA IS. 

halting, constituted ample capital for conversation 
during our night's rest in a pine grove two mile* 
sou tli of the ford. 

With the Army of the Potomac the merry month 
of May had a lively opening. After a march from 
early dawn, we found our Division, about the middle 
of the forenoon, massed in a thick wood in the rear 
of a large and imposing brick building, which, with 
one or two buildings of minor importance, consti- 
tuted what was designated upon our pocket maps 
as the town of Chancellorsville. The region of 
country was most appropriately styled u The Wil- 
derness." A wilderness indeed, of tall oaks, and a 
dense undergrowth known as " black-jack." There 
were but few open places or improved spots. In 
one of the largest of these, at a point where two 
prominent roads forked, stood the large building 
above mentioned. The day previous General Lee 
and his staff had been hospitably entertained within 
its walls. Now our tine-looking Commander and 
his gay and gallant staff were busily engaged in its 
lower rooms, while the ladies of the house of Secesh 
sympathies kept themselves closely in the upper 
story, — their curiosity tempting them however, to 
occasional peeps from half-opened shutters at the 
blue coats below. 

At twelve, precisely, just as we had taken a posi- 
tion in the open ground abreast of the house, the 
sharp report of a rifled piece, followed quickly by 
the fainter explosion of a shell, was beard upon oar 
left. Another and another succeeded, — indicating 
that the wood was being shelled preparatory to an 
advance in that direction. Slowly we tiled to the 
left, proceeding by a narrow winding wood-road until 
the head of our column had almost reached the 



302 RED-TAPE AND 

river. A sudden order at this stage for the right 
about created considerable surprise, which ceased 
shortly after, as the sharp rattle of musketry, now 
as if picket firing, and now swelling into a volleyed 
roar, told us of a Rebel movement upon our flank. 
That our advance upon them in that direction had 
been quite unexpected, was apparent from their 
hastily abandoned camp grounds ; rows of tents left 
standing, but slit from ridge-pole to pins ; abandoned 
caissons and ammunition ; and the tubs in which 
their rations of flour were kneaded, with undried 
dough in the corners. That they had rallied to re- 
gain their lost ground, was also apparent. 

" What's the matter, Dinah ? " shouted one of our 
boys to an active young* wench, who was wending 
her way from the direction of the firing as rapidly 
as the frequent contact of an extensive hooped skirt 
with the undergrowth would allow. 

" Dunno zackly, massa ! Don't like de racket at all 
down yonder," she replied, making at the same time 
vigorous efforts to release the hold some bushes ap- 
peared to have upon her, upon either side. A sudden 
roar of artilleiy, apparently nearer by, brought mat- 
ters to a crisis, and screaming "Oh, Lor," she loosened 
her clothing, and sprang out of the skirt with a 
celerity that showed the perfection of muscular deve- 
lopment, and won shouts of applause from the ranks. 

A sharp engagement was in progress upon a 
lower and almost parallel road. The roar of cannon, 
the explosion of shells, the rattle of musketry, — now 
ragged as if from detached squads, — and now volle # y- 
ed as from full ranks, mingled with the shrill cheers or 
rather demoniac yells of the Rebels, pealing their ban- 
ner cry of " Hell," in their successive charges, and 



riGEON-HOLE GENERALS, 303 

the gruff hoarse shouts of our troops, as they duly 
repulsed them, formed a most martial accompani- 
ment to our march. The unity of pound of well 
executed volleys, told us how Sykes's Regnlan at- 
tacked, whilst marching hy the flank, halted at the 
word, faced to the left with the precision of an 
ordinary drill, and delivered their fire with murder- 
ous exactness. 

A few stray bullets flying in the direction of a 
temporized corral of pack-horses in a corner of the 
wood in the rear of the brick house, frightened 
their cowardly drivers, who commenced a stampede 
to the rear; and as we emerged from the road to our 
old position, the beasts were rapidly divesting them- 
selves of their packs, in their progress through the 
undergrowth. In conjunction with this the frequent 
and fierce charges of the Rebel massed columns, 
favored by the smoke of the burning woods, made a 
panic imminent among the troops upon the lower 
road. The quick eye of old Joe saw the danger in 
a moment, and rushing from the house and spring 
ing upon his horse, he dashed down that road unat- 
tended, his manly form the mark of many a rebel 
rifle. Shouts of applause greeted him, and the con- 
tinuous rattle of our musketry told us of the regain l'<1 
confidence of the men, and the renewed steadiness 
of our line. 

It was now four in the afternoon — the usual time 
with the Rebels for the execution of their favorite 
movement — charging in massed columns. On they 
came in their successive charges, howling like fiende, 
and with a courage that would have adorned an 
honorable cause. The steady musketry, but above all 
the terrific showers of canister from cannon that 
thundered in doublets from right to left along the 



304 RED-TAPE AND 

line of our batteries, could not be withstood, and they 
fell back in confusion. The nature of the ground 
did not permit an advance of our forces, and we 
were compelled to rest content with their repulse. 
An hour later our Division moved by still another 
road to the left, to a ridge in the neighborhood of 
Banks's Ford. Upon its wooded summit, with no 
sound to break in upon us save the screaming of 
whip-poor-wills, which the boys with ready augury 
construed to mean " whip-'em-well," and picket 
firing, that would occasionally appear to run along 
the line, we passed a comfortable night. 

Breastworks were the order of the day following, 
and at noon we were enjoying our coffee in a cleared 
space, behind a ridge of logs and limbs that fronted 
our entire Division, and which we would have been 
content to hold against any attacking force. Can- 
nonading continued at intervals, with occasional 
musketry firing. As it was considerably to our 
right, we were not disturbed in our enjoyment of 
supplies of provisions obtained from vacated Rebel 
houses in the neighborhood. Our amusement was 
greatly contributed to, by the sight of some of the 
men dressed in odd clothing of a by-gone fashion- 
able a^e. But perhaps the most interesting object 
was a Text-book upon the Divinity of Slavery, writ- 
ten by a Reverend Doctor Smith, for the use of 
schools ; its marked lessons and dirty dog-ears shew- 
ing that it had troubled the brains and thumbs of 
youthful Rebels. Instilled into infant minds, and 
preached from their pulpits, we need not wonder 
that they, with the heartless metaphysics of northern 
sympathy, should consider slavery " an incalculable 
blessing," and should now be in arms to vindicate 
their treason, its legitimate offspring. 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. SOfi 

Cannonading had been frequent during the day ; its 
heavy booming at times varied by the light rati] 
the rifle. From four until eleven p.m. it was a conti- 
nuous roar, save about an hour's intermission b«-tween 
Ave and six. At first sounding sullenly away to the 
right, then gradually nearing, until at nightfall mus- 
ketry and artillery appeared to volley spitefully al- 
most upon our Division limits. It was apparent that 
our line had been broken, and apprehending the worst 
we anxiously stood at arms and awaited the onward. 
Nearer and nearer the howling devils came; loader 
and louder grew the sounds of conflict. The fiercest 
of fights was raging evidently in the very centre of 
the ground chosen as our stronghold. If ever the 
Army of the Potomac was to be demoralized by the 
shock of battle, that was the time. But the feeling 
was not one of fear with our citizen soldiery — the 
noblest type of manhood — rather of eagerness for 
the troops in reserve to be called into. the contest. 
Just before six we heard an honest shout, as the 
boys would call the cheers of their comrades. It 
grew fainter ; the firing became more distant — 
slackened and ceased at six, to be resumed again at 
seven, upon another and more remote line of attack. 

The terrible distinctness of this alternate howling 
and cheering —as perceptible to the ear during the 
thunders of the fight, as the silver lining that not 
unfrequently fringes the heavily-charged cloud is to 
the eye, — is a striking illustration of the power of the 
human voice. We were to have another, however, 
and that of but a single voice, which from the agony 
of soul thrown into it, and its almost supernatural 
surroundings, must eternally echo in memory. 

About three hundred yards distant from the left 
of our Brigade line, in an open field, on elevated 



306 RED-TAPE AND 

ground, stood a large and comfortable looking farm- 
house. In the morning it had been occupied ; but 
as its inmates saw our skirmishers prostrating them- 
selves on the one side in double lines that ran paral- 
lel to our breastworks, and the Rebel advance at 
the same time attain the edge of the wood upon the 
opposite side, — and the skirmishing that occasionally 
occurred along the lines giving promise of a fight 
that might centre upon their premises, — they packed 
up a few valuables and left for a place of safety. 
But not all. We read of noble Romans offering 
their lives in defence of faithful slaves. That species 
of self-sacrifice is a stranger to our Southern chi- 
valry. In the garret of the building, upon some 
rags, lay an old woman, who had been crippled from 
injuries received by being scalded some months 
before, and had thus closed a term of faithful service 
which ran over fifty years, of the life of her present 
master and of that of his father before him. Worn 
out, and useless for further toil, she had been placed 
in the garret with other household rubbish. Her 
poor body crippled, — but a casket, nevertheless, of an 
immortal soul, — was not one of the valuables taken 
by the family upon their departure. As the thun- 
ders of the thickening fight broke in upon her lone- 
liness, her cries upon the God of battles, alone 
powerful to save, could be heard with great distinct- 
ness. Isolated and under the fire of either line, 
there was no room for human relief. Her strength 
of voice appeared to grow with the increasing dark- 
ness, and above the continuous thunder of the cannon 
were the cries — " God Almighty, help me ! " " Lord, 
save me ! " " Have mercy on me ! " shrieked and 
groaned in all the varied tones of mortal agony. Long 
after the firing had ceased, in fact until we moved at 



PIGEOX-HOLE GENERALS. 307 

early dawn, our men behind the works and in the 
rifle pits in front could hear with greater or less 
distinctness, as if a death wail coming up from the 

carriage of the field, the pigeons plaints of that terror- 
stricken soul. Rumor has it, that before the build- 
ing was fired by a shell in the middle of "the follow- 
ing forenoon, her spirit had taken its flight ; but 
whether or not, it could not mitigate the retributive 
justice to be measured out by that God over us all 
to whom vengeance belongs, upon the heads of the 
ingrates who had left her to her late. 

We moved, as we have before mentioned, at early 
dawn on one of those fair, bright Sabbath days so hap- 
pily spoken of by " good old George Herbert ;" march- 
ing b} T the right flank along our works, with a hurried 
step. It was between five and six when we n eared the 
front, — passing on our way out, hostsof stragglers and 
disorganized regiments of the Eleventh Corps. They 
had suffered badly — some said, behaved badly — and 
some said, posted in such a way that they could not 
but behave badly. The merits of the case must remain 
for decisive history. Conceding equally good general- 
ship to both, it is not amiss to say, that what happened 
under Howard might not have happened under Sigel. 
The desultory firing along our changed front showed 
too plainly the ground we had lost the day before. 
In the wood, alongside of the road fronting the right 
centre of our line, our Regiment lay at arm-, — lis; cu- 
ing to awfully exaggerated stories from stragglers, — ■ 
watching the posting of artillery in our immediate 
front, the entry of Brigades into the wood upon our left, 
and their exit under skilful artillery practice, — and 
now and then dodging at ihe sound of the stray shells 
sent as return compliments from Rebel batteries. 

" Good-bye, Colonel ; these brass-bull pups will 



808 EED-TAPE AND 

roar bloody murder at Johnny Reb to-day," said a 
fine looking, whole-souled Lieutenant, in command 
of an Ohio battery, pointing to his pieces with 
pride, as he hurried by at a trot, to relieve a battery 
on our left centre. 

Poor fellow ! How blind we are to futurity ! 
His pieces were scarcely in position before a shell 
struck the caisson at which he was adjusting fuses, 
and his head, picked up at the distance of a hundred 
yards, was all that remained unshattered of his 
manly figure, after the explosion. 

Files of wounded upon foot, full ambulances, and 
stretchers laden with the more serious cases, passed 
us here. 

" I am done for, fellows," said a slightly built, 
pale-faced sergeant, resting upon his elbow, and 
pointing to his shattered side, as he was carried by 
on a stretcher ; " but stick to the old flag ; it is 
bound to win." 

His passage along the line was greeted with 
cheers, that must have sounded gratefully to ears 
fast closing to earthly sounds. 

But why individualize ? The heroism that may be 
told of such a day, is but a drop compared with 
the thousand untold currents of unselfish patriot- 
ism and high resolve that well up in the bosoms of 
our Union soldiers. Not that daring deeds are 
not performed by Rebel ranks, but — 

" True fortitude is seen in great exploits, 
That justice warrants, and that wisdom guides; 
All eise is towering frenzy and distraction." 

About nine in the forenoon, to the sound of lively 
musketry on our left, our Brigade left in front, 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 309 

crossed the open space in front of the wood, and in 
the rear of a white plastered farm-house. A narrow 
wood-road led us into the wood, and filing to the 
left we connected with troops already in line of 
battle. The position was hardly taken before the 
zip! zip!! zip!!! of Minie balls informed us that 
we were objects of especial interest to Rebel sharp- 
shooters. In another minute flashes of flame and puna 
of smoke, that appeared to rise from among the dead 
foliage of the wood — so closely did their Butternut 
clothing resemble leaves — revealed a strong, well- 
formed, but prostrate Rebel line. The tiring now 
became general upon both sides. Fortunately our 
position was such that they overshot us. Our men 
continued to aim low, and delivered an effective fire. 
Three times they tried to rise preparatory to the 
charge, and were as often thrown into confusion, 
and forced again upon the ground. For nearly two 
long hours the rattling of musketry was incessant. 
Finally, the Rebels made the discovery that the sup- 
ply of ammunition was exhausted upon the right, and 
the right itself unsupported. It, of course, was the 
point to mass upon, and on they came in solid columns 
to the charge, completely outflanking our right. 

To hold the ground with our formation was simply 
impossible. The order to retire was given ; and 
facing by the rear rank — the Regiments preserving 
their ranks as best they could in that thicket of 
black jack, and carrying their wounded, — among 
them our Major, shot .through the chest — made their 
way to the open space in rear of the wood. The 
colors of our regiment were seized, — but the first 
Rebel hand upon them relaxed from a death shot, 
— another was taken with the Regiment, — and the 
flag brought off in triumph. So completely had 



310 EED-TAPE AND 

they gained our flank that our ranks became mixed 
with theirs, and nothing but the opportune fire of 
our batteries prevented their taking away a Field 
Officer, who twice escaped from their hands. 

As our Brigade re-formed in the rear of the bat- 
teries, treble charges of canister swept the woods of 
the Rebel ranks. We had suffered heavily, but 
nothing in comparison to the destruction now visited 
upon the Rebels. To complete the horrors of the 
day, the wood was suddenly fired, evidently to 
cover their retreat, and the fire swept to the open 
space, enveloping in flame and smoke the dead and 
wounded of both sides ; and all this at the very 
time when throughout the length and breadth of 
this Christian land, thousands of churches were reso- 
nant with the words of the Gospel of Peace. But 
" Woe be unto those by w T hom offences come." 
" They have taken the sword, and must perish by 
the sword." 

So completely were the Rebels masters of the 
only available fighting ground that no further effort 
was made to advance our lines, and the army stood 
strictly upon the defensive. The open space, in 
which stood the Chancellorsville mansion, at this 
time a mass of smoking ruins, was in their posses- 
sion. At arms behind the breastworks we awaited 
the onset ; but although there was occasional firing, 
no general attack was made during the remainder 
of the day. With the thanks of our Copps Com- 
mander publicly given for services during the fight, 
our Brigade rested at night, speculating upon which 
side the heavy firing told then heard in the vicinity 
of Fredericksburg. 

During the next day we were stationed as a 
Reserve upon the right, and called to arms fre- 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 311 

quently during the day and night, when the Rebels 
with their unearthly yells would tempt our artillery 
by charging upon the works. On the day after we 
were moved to support the centre, and kept continu- 
ally at arms. In tiie afternoon a violent thunder- 
storm raged — the dread artillery of Heaven teaching 
us humility by its striking contrast to the counter- 
feit thunder of our cannon. Rain generally follows 
heavy cannonading. All that afternoon and the 
greater part of the night it fell in torrents. Cannona- 
ding in the direction of Fredericksburg had ceased 
during the day. Sedgwick's disastrous movement 
was not generally known, — but our wounded had all 
been sent off; — our few wagon trains and our pack- 
horses had crossed, — and notwithstanding the show 
of tight kept up in front, enough was seen to indi- 
cate that the army was about to recross the Rap- 
pahannock. 

Favored by the darkness, battery after battery 
was quietly withdrawn, their respective Army Corps 
accompanying in Regiments of two abreast. 

The movement was in painful contrast to the spi- 
rited order that gave such a merry May-day to our 
hope upon the first of the month. In blouses that 
smoked that wet night around camp fires kept up 
for the purpose of misleading the enemy, our men 
stood discussing the orders, and the counter-orders, 
and what had happened, and what might hap- 
pen, from the step. Hooker had credit for the suc- 
cessful execution of his part of the programme. 
What was w T rong below was conjecture then, and 
does not yet appear to be certainly understood. 

" Where is Old Pigey ? " said one of a group of 
officers, suddenly turning to a comrade, as they 



312 RED-TAPE AND 

stood about one of their camp fires. " He lias not 
been near our Brigade during the day." 

" No ! nor near the other, except to damn it in 
such a style as to draw down the rebuke of a supe- 
rior officer," replied the man addressed. " Follow 
me, if you desire to see how a l cool, courageous 
man of science,' one, whose face, as the Reporters 
say of him, ' indicates tremendous power in reserve,' 
meets this crisis." 

The two retired, and on a camp stool, with cloak 
wrapped closely about him, in front of a lire whose 
bright blaze gave him enormous proportions upon 
the dark background of pines, surrounded by his 
Staff, his hat more pinched up and askew than usual, 
and receiving frequent consolation from along, black 
bottle, evidently his power in reserve upon this occa- 
sion, the General was discovered in a pensive mood. 

" Do you know," continued the officer, " that he 
reports, as a reason for his absence to-day, that he 
did not consider it prudent to be near our Brigade 
during the loading and firing exercise." 

" The torturing of a guilty conscience," was the 
reply. " Our men, as true soldiers, know but one 
enemy in the field." ^ 

At length, at two in the morning of the 6th of 
May, we cautiously commenced our movement to 
the river. The dawn of a rainy day saw us formed 
in line of battle, supporting artillery planted to pro- 
tect the crossing. About eight our turn came upon 
the swollen stream. The rain pelted piteously as 
we ascended the steep slope of the opposite bank, 
and after a day's march over roads resembling rivers 
of mud, we slept away our sorrows under wet blan- 
kets, in the comfortable huts of our old camp ground. 



riGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 313 



CHAPTER XXI. . 

TJic Pigeon-Hole General and his Adjutant under Charges 
— The Exhorting Colonels Adieu to the Sunday Fight at 
Chancellor sville ; Reasons thereof — Speech of the Dutch 
Doctor in Reply to a Peace- Offering from the Chaplain — The 
Irish Corporal stumping for Freedom — Black Charlie's Com- 
pliments to his Master — Western Virginia at the Head of a 
Black Regiment, 

" Head- Quarters, Division. 

" Army Corps, 7th May, 1863. 

" General Orders, ~No. 22. 

6 ^ npHE term of service of six of the eight Regi- 
JL ments forming my Division is about to ex- 
pire. In the midst of the pressing duties of an active 
Campaign there is but little time for leave-taking, 
yet I cannot part from the brave officers and men 
of my command without expressing to them the 
satisfaction and pride I have felt at their conduct, 
from the time when I assumed command, as they 
marched through "Washington, in September last, to 
join the Army of the Potomac, then about to meet 
the Enemy, np to the present eventful period. 

" The cheerfulness with which they have borne 
the unaccustomed fatigues and hardships which it is 

14 



314 RED-TAPE AND 

the lot of the soldier to endure ; their zealous efforts 
to learn the multifarious duties of the soldier ; the 
high spirit they have exhibited when called on to 
make long and painful marches to .meet the enemy, 
and their bravery in the field of battle have won my 
regard and affection. I shall part from them with 
deep regret, and wish them, as the time of each 
regiment expires, a happy return to their families 
and friends. 

u 

1 m 

" Brig. Gen'l Com'g Division." 

However profound the regret of the General at 
parting, he must, from the phraseology of the above 
Order, have been conscious, that in his own conduct 
was to be found the reason that such regret was not 
in the least reciprocated by his command. So com- 
pletely had he aliened the affections of officers and 
men that the ordinary salute in recognition of his 
rank was given grudgingly, if at all. When there 
is no gold in the character, men are not backward in 
proclaiming that they consider 

" The rank is but the guinea's stamp." 

As their campaign approached its close, he added 
studied insult to long continued injury. His incon- 
sistency, and willingness to make use of a quibble 
for the accomplishment of tyrannical purposes were 
shown by his non-approval of the requisition for dress 
coats, when it was handed in by the officer in com- 
mand of the .Regiment, a short time after the re- 
moval of the Colonel and Lieutenant-Colonel for 
refusing to obey the order requiring it. Charges 
had been preferred against his Adjutant-General for 



PIGEOX-IIOLE GENEEALS. 315 

repeated instances of " Drunkenness upon Duty,'' 
"Disgraceful Conduct," and " Conduct unbecoming 
an Officer and a Gentleman." They were returned 
to the Brigadier, through whom they had been sub- 
mitted, with an insulting note, in which the General 
took occasion to state, by way of pre-judgment, that 
the charges were malicious and false, notwithstand- 
ing the scores of names appended as witnesses ; — 
and that no Volunteer Captain had a right to prefer 
charges against one of his Staff; and that, it was the 
duty of the Brigadier to discountenance any charges" 
of the kind. They were again forwarded, with the 
statement of the Brigadier, that the charges were 
eminently proper, and that he himself would pre- 
fer them, should objection be taken to the rank of the 
officer whose signature was attached. But pigeon- 
holing was a favorite smothering process at Division 
Head Quarters, and the drunken and disgraceful 
conduct of the Adjutant-General remains un- 
punished. 

Charges supported by a large array of reputable 
witnesses, ranking from Brigadier to Privates, were 
preferred against the General himself, for "Drunken- 
ness," " Un-officerlike conduct," u Conduct tending 
to mutiny," and the utterance of the following trea- 
sonable and disloyal sentiments : — 

"That he wished some one would ask the army to 
follow General McClellan to Washington, and hurl 

the whole d d pack into the Potomac, and place 

General McClellan at the head of the Government, 
— that the removal of the said General McClellan 
was a political move to kill the said General ; and 
that the army had better be taken to Washington, 
and turned over to Lincoln." 



316 BED-TAPE AND 

The charges and specifications, of one of the latter 
of which the above is an extract, alleged that the 
offence was committed at Camp near "Warren ton, 
about the time of McClellan's removal. Whether 
they too have been pigeon-holed at Division Head- 
Quarters is not known. Attention to their merit 
was promised by superior officers. The patriotic 
sacrifices of our citizen soldiery are snrely worthy 
of an unceasing and unsparing effort to procure 
loyal, temperate, and capable commanders. A 
timely trial, besides affording a salutary example, 
might have done much in preventing the disgrace- 
ful Rebel escape at Williamsport, which alone dims 
the glory of Gettysburg. ******* 

The last that was seen of the exhorting Colonel 
and his Adjutant, was their sudden exit from the 
wood at Chancellorsville, in an early stage of Sun- 
day's fight, — the one with a slight wound, and the 
other with a headache caused by the cannonading, 
as alleged. A performance which has not, thus 
far, brought the coveted star. ****** 
******* 

"I propose the health of the Assistant Surgeon," 
said the Chaplain, at a supper given by the Sutler 
on the day of our muster out, and the occasion of 
the presentation of a costly sword to our worthy 
Colonel, — proposing thereby to make an advance 
towards healing their differences. The Doctor could 
not escape ; and winking, as usual with him during 
excitement, he rose to his feet. 

" My ver goot kind friend, the English language 
he am a shtranger to me, No shpeak so goot as 
Shaplain, but py tarn," and the Doctor struck the 



PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 317 

table until the plates rattled — " was py the Shaplain 
over six month, and my opinion is, Shaplains, wo- 
men, and whiskey not goot for soldiers." 

The Doctor's look and tones w T ere irresistibly ludi- 
crous, and a roar of laughter at the expense of the 
Chaplain ran round the board. ****** 

The Regiment returned with ranks sadlv thinned. 
Many of the survivors ; among them, most of the 
Field and Staff, the poetical and the preacher Lieu- 
tenants, and privates Tom and Harry, — have re-en- 
tered service. The two latter now carry swords. 

Bill the cook is the presiding genius of a restaurant ; 
his face, in the way of reminding one of hot stews 
and pepper-pot, his best sign. Charlie, his assistant, 
was last noticed in a photographic establishment in 
Philadelphia, inclosing a full length card portrait 
of himself in uniform, as a Corporal in a Black 
Regiment, for the benefit of his master's family in 
Dixie ■£*•&##•*##*■#**■* 

The little Irish Corporal was heard to tell a brawl- 
ing peace man, — as he menaced with the stump of an 
arm, — lost at Chancellorsville — in a saloon a short 
time after his return, to " hould his tongue ; that the 
boys who had lost limbs in defence of the country 
were the chappies to stump for freedom, and that 
they would keep down all fires in the rear, while 
our brave boys are fighting in front." * * * * 

A late mail brings the news that our Western Vir- 
ginia Captain is soon to take the field at the head of 
a Black Eegiment, and that the happiest results are 



318 RED-TAPE AND PIGEON-HOLE GENERALS. 

anticipated from his enforcement of military law and 
tactics, as learned by him under " Old Rosy," in 
Western Virginia. ********* 

Thus we go on. Necessity hastens the progress 
of civilization and freedom. Desolating war — pro- 
tracted by mistaken leniency — has educated the 
nation to a proper sense of the treason, and nerved it 
to the determination to crush it by all possible means 
and at every hazard. The man who has hereto- 
fore objected to Negro enlistments, acquiesces when 
his own name appears upon the list of the Enrolling 
Officer. The day that saw the change in the miser- 
able, not to say treasonable, policy of alienating 
the only real friends we have had in the South, 
and their successful employment as soldiers, stands 
first in the decline of the Rebellion. Its suppression 
is fixed, and is to be measured by the vigor with 
which we press the war. 

" Vengeance is secure to him 
Who doth arm himself with right." 



THE END, 



3477-2 



